TheGreatDivide Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Hey guys, I need advice on how to move forward with this amazing girl. We get along great, we constantly make each other laugh, do silly stupid stuff together, really flirty both verbally and physically and I'd say we're very good friends too. I'll give a little back story first: It needs mentioning that she is a foreigner. I met this girl back in Sep. '14 when she was hired at my work. We both were in relationships at the time we met and it was one of those things where we instantly clicked. Nothin like love at first sight, but we got along immediately. A month later, I developed such a huge crush on this girl that I knew I had to break up with my then girlfriend. Even though I knew that the girl I liked had a boyfriend, it just didn't feel right to stay with my girlfriend when I was smitten so strongly with another girl (the hardest thing I've ever had to do btw. My ex and I were together for five years and she was my best friend too). Low and behold, a couple of weeks after I ended my relationship I found out that she broke up with her boyfriend too! Maybe two to three weeks after that, I causally asked her if she'd want to get some food later, she blushed and told me, "I don't know. I text you." Remember that she is a foreigner so her English still isn't the best. So took that as a rejection. No big deal, sure it sucked but if you get rejected, it's better to back the f*** off after, which is what I planned to do. Later that night she texted me thanking me for something I did for her (it should be noted that she asked for my number, not me), we texted back and forth a bit when my curiosity got the better of me and I asked her why she rejected me when we're clearly interested in each other. She basically told me that she'd love to have dinner with me but that her ex wants her back and she was unsure what to do because she would give him a chance normally but because of how she felt about me she was conflicted. After that I gave her space. We still remained our friendly flirty relationship when we were with each other, but other than that we didn't really text and I didn't invite her to do things with me. In Jan, a couple of week into the new year, we hadn't seen each other for about three weeks due to work scheduling, we were talking and I asked her if she was back with her ex to which she said, "no, never" and a begun to offer her rides home after work which she accepted everytime and she even started giving me hugs! Which she hasn't done with any other co-worker, mind you. As the weeks progress, our relationship just keeps getting better and better. We actually went out one night together to hang out at another co-workers get together and we never left each other's side. A couple of weeks ago, she invited me to go with her to one of her friend's small birthday dinners. Sadly, I couldn't go because I had work. Now to get to the point. As you can tell, we're both clearly interested in each other but she dropped a bomb shell on me two weeks ago and now I'm unsure whether or not to keep pursuing her romantically or keep it platonic. She told me that her visa expires in July and she has to go back to her country and she wouldn't be able to return to the States for two years. I feel like if she was staying in the States longer, we would have definitely become bf/gf, but she's the type of girl who likes to take things slow. So now I'm confused as to what I should do. She's the most amazing girl I've ever met. She's beautiful, funny, smart, adventurous and it feels incredibly unfair that just as our relationship is progressing into something special, she'll have to leave. My head is saying that we should keep our relationship casual and friendly, while my heart is telling me to go after what I want.
d0nnivain Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 It's up to you. Just don't marry her to enable her to get a green card. Learn something about immigration before you undertake a relationship & fall in love with somebody when the US gov't is the force keeping you apart. Otherwise, 2 years may be doable as an LTR if this is true love. Personally I'd back off.
Strength in Healing Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 She's beautiful, funny, smart, adventurous So is a couple billion other girls all around you. She's not nearly as special as the height of the pedestal you've built for her would lead you to imagine. Anywhoo, zero chance of this working out when she's about to leave for two years. Stick a fork in this piece of meat, it's cooked. I apologize for being harsh, but hurting to heal is often times the most efficient method of helping. 1
SoftViolin Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Casual and friendly, see how it goes. Otherwise it has the potential of getting drama-ridden very fast.
GoodFlora Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 What I'll say it's an advice based on a similar situation. I met a guy last September as well and we started to go out a lot. The only problem: I was the one leaving the country in 4 months. Because I'm a very passionate person, and that's part of my culture, I opened my heart for this guy and I acted the best way I could only because he was very special. He have always been the one taking it slowly but I couldn't do the same. When started to get closer to my trip back we shared a lot of crying and thoughts of how it was going to be. And neither of us was prepared to assume the risk. Maybe I would take a little bit of a risk but only if he was up to do the same. Anyway, My leaving was very sad... a lot of crying from both sides. So, I think it's very risk to take the next step with this girl. Because it will hurt so much when she have to leave. I can't even explain how painful it's, because on my mind I'll always think that we were perfect for each other but the situation didn't help. I hope you can decide for the best. And if you think is really worthy, just don't let her go alone. Follow her, lol 1
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