ephemeralme Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 to all here; I am so sorry for the heartache you are each enduring. the human heart predicament is so complex isn't it? love and then lost. I don't have much emotional reservoir ... we were 53, both previously divorced, each had a R after the divorce and then we met 6+ years ago. He fell in love with me right out. We kept our R through the challenges of distance. His life, business, home and young adult kids there and mine here ( 2 hours by car apart) so we saw each other weekends. we had our ups, downs, issues of course esp in light of the distance (and for me, the damage of the previous R with an emotionally abusive narcissist) MY now ex- ugh how painful to write that restored my faith in men. He is a GOOD man with some of his stuff as well, but nothing I couldn't deal with. I made; he made commitments to each other for the long haul. But, I fear my insecurities got in the way...... I was always upfront about them. While I don't want to believe it was all me.. I am now in the place of feeling like a failure in love, lost, in despair. fearful of a sad future alone. I am 53, not 23... he left me to believe we would always work through things until we could finally be together; living together and walked away 5 days ago. my stomach is in a churning well of anxiety, I don't care about work, paying bills, the day, the night, the sweet thing I shared with him are now painful ; he isn't there to share with. sleep is not; it is torn in shreds of struggle, memories, I lost a parent this past year, then there was the devastation of illness with my other parent..... and other family challenges ... I am drained, dry, and now another loss -- to no end ... the pain of morning--how to find the strength to climb out of the bed that I lay in a fetal position... wishing it would all just go away. I love him. I still love him. I care about him. how do I make that go away... how???? I want to scream it out of me, I want to brake it out of me, I want to not feel the loss anymore. the tears almost can't flow.... they start and then I am suspended in pain .
d0nnivain Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I am so sorry for all of your losses. You have a lot going on, a lot of painful & emotional turmoil. I grieved for my parents & rendered myself barely functional for a long time. Sadly you have to let this play out. You are stuck experiencing all the negative emotions but in time it does get better. You will love again.
carhill Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 My sympathies, especially regarding your parents. Relationships at our age can be very complex, and LDR's, in general, are quite challenging in and of themselves. I don't have any marked words of comfort to offer but can share a tool which helped me during death and divorce, that being the tool of acceptance; that life is a continuum of moments and, yup, some can be excruciatingly painful. Then, the moment is passed and a new moment presents itself, with a new potential for anything, and on and on, hopefully for a long and healthy life. My takeaway from that period and the lessons of it was 'it'll work out' and I often use that when giving support to friends and, yup, things do work out. Sure sometimes they don't work out they way we plan or the way we want but, hey, that's life!
Ruby65 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 (((Hugs to you!))) Five days in is just brutal. Nothing to say, except you already know in time it will start to get a bit easier. Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com What exactly lead to the breakup? Please post more about it if it helps you.
Author ephemeralme Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 I am so sorry for all of your losses. You have a lot going on, a lot of painful & emotional turmoil. I grieved for my parents & rendered myself barely functional for a long time. Sadly you have to let this play out. You are stuck experiencing all the negative emotions but in time it does get better. You will love again. thank you so much dOnnivain; you are kind. it did and does feel, that somehow; while it is never a good time; he didn't really allow me to be in a better place emotionally to assess our relationship and where things were for me...
Author ephemeralme Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 My sympathies, especially regarding your parents. Relationships at our age can be very complex, and LDR's, in general, are quite challenging in and of themselves. I don't have any marked words of comfort to offer but can share a tool which helped me during death and divorce, that being the tool of acceptance; that life is a continuum of moments and, yup, some can be excruciatingly painful. Then, the moment is passed and a new moment presents itself, with a new potential for anything, and on and on, hopefully for a long and healthy life. My takeaway from that period and the lessons of it was 'it'll work out' and I often use that when giving support to friends and, yup, things do work out. Sure sometimes they don't work out they way we plan or the way we want but, hey, that's life! thank you Carhill; it does help to read the perspective of a person in the same age range. in my mind, I understand the process of life--it can be very hard .... my heart, my soul, my being on the other hand---- truly are struggling with the sense of failure of my self as a partner, woman, mate.
Author ephemeralme Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 (((Hugs to you!))) Five days in is just brutal. Nothing to say, except you already know in time it will start to get a bit easier. Here's a guide that will help you: www.breakuprecoveryguide.com What exactly lead to the breakup? Please post more about it if it helps you. Dear Ruby65 hugs back and thank you so much I have read the guide--what an amazing giving soul to do that.... I will write more later--- try to synopsis the history. sigh..... just can' right now
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