amaysngrace Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Giving attention to random women is what makes them in demand. It's what makes the ones they give attention to think that have a chance. Take away that and find a guy who has everything going for him but a roaming eye and women probably won't be giving him so much attention because he doesn't really need external validation that way because he's that secure. Now that's powerful.
Kamille Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I'm chagrined to admit that, and OP can confirm, it's usually socially powerful guys who can have a wandering eye and still command dates and interest from women. I think LS calls these 'high demand' guys. Why do they do it? Because they can. As I often comment, men are pragmatists. They throw stuff at the wall until things stick. Socially powerful guy simply have a more attractive wall. I'd rephrase that based on my experience. It's usually men who want to appear socially powerful who engage in this kind of behaviour. That's why many people here identify the behaviour as tacky, tactless, juvenile, immature. Someone truly socially powerful would be secure enough not to feel the need to affirm their masculinity in such an overt and tactless manner. 5
amaysngrace Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Because I am secure and confident. And the reason I left was because it turned me off!! I also have good insight into people and I KNEW the reason he was pulling that crap was to throw me off balance ...and get a reaction. So why would *I* feel "not good" enough?? HE is the one who is not good enough for me! I never said not good enough. I said he wasn't into you. 1
angel.eyes Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Precisely right, Kamille! I'm chagrined to admit that, and OP can confirm, it's usually socially powerful guys who can have a wandering eye and still command dates and interest from women. I think LS calls these 'high demand' guys. Why do they do it? Because they can. As I often comment, men are pragmatists. They throw stuff at the wall until things stick. Socially powerful guy simply have a more attractive wall. Not in my experience. The most powerful men in the room tend to be the best publicly behaved. My guess is they understand that they're with someone who would have lots of choices should they screw up. Two types of guys have rotator heads around their date/SO: Those trying to convince others that they're studs (think of the dynamic at a construction site. What's the success rate from all the wolf whistles and cat calls, and who are they actually getting when they do secure a date that way? Certainly not Gisele!) Those who feel they settled...and they're confident the woman they're currently dating will tolerate it rather than walk away. 3
carhill Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I'd rephrase that based on my experience. It's usually men who want to appear socially powerful who engage in this kind of behaviour. That's why many people here identify the behaviour as tacky, tactless, juvenile, immature. Someone truly socially powerful would be secure enough not to feel the need to affirm their masculinity in such an overt and tactless manner. Socially powerful people do whatever they want to do. People like the OP, you or me are replaced at a whim and without any real thought or consideration. Why? Because they can and there are billions of us in the world. OP, suggestion. Bring this to the man's attention and post up his response. I'll be interested to read it. 2
amaysngrace Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I'd rephrase that based on my experience. It's usually men who want to appear socially powerful who engage in this kind of behaviour. That's why many people here identify the behaviour as tacky, tactless, juvenile, immature. Someone truly socially powerful would be secure enough not to feel the need to affirm their masculinity in such an overt and tactless manner. Jinx....but as usual you're a whole lot more eloquent than I. 1
Gary S Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I'd rephrase that based on my experience. It's usually men who want to appear socially powerful who engage in this kind of behaviour. That's why many people here identify the behaviour as tacky, tactless, juvenile, immature. Someone truly socially powerful would be secure enough not to feel the need to affirm their masculinity in such an overt and tactless manner. - They are simply guys who know nothing about women. 2
carhill Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 - They are simply guys who know nothing about women. Since the OP is very selective about whom she dates, and took a recent hiatus, I seriously doubt that. If the man was clueless about women, he'd never have gotten to the first date. His interview impressed her, and he's sufficiently attractive to garner a few dates even with apparently annoying behaviors. His response to her bringing up those annoying behaviors may lend insight into how dumb, or dumb like a fox, he is about women. We'll see.
Kamille Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 - They are simply guys who know nothing about women. Men who only wish they could be socially powerful always have to guess as to what will attract or insult a woman. That is why I generally find them amusing but fail to take them seriously. 1
SawtoothMars Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Men who only wish they could be socially powerful always have to guess as to what will attract or insult a woman. That is why I generally find them amusing but fail to take them seriously. I generally feel bad for guys like that, because in reality it isn't their fault. It's just nobody taught them. I see ladies like you generally mock them in a very mean spirited way with no attempt to see them as human.
amaysngrace Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Since the OP is very selective about whom she dates, and took a recent hiatus, I seriously doubt that. If the man was clueless about women, he'd never have gotten to the first date. His interview impressed her, and he's sufficiently attractive to garner a few dates even with apparently annoying behaviors. His response to her bringing up those annoying behaviors may lend insight into how dumb, or dumb like a fox, he is about women. We'll see. I thought she dated 100 guys through online dating where many ended up as casual sex. Not quite sure how that is being uber selective?
GorillaTheater Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 - They are simply guys who know nothing about women. I disagree, but I'm not sure if it's for precisely the same reason as Carhill. I'd say that making comments like this are an excellent way of finding women who are willing to put up with a lot of crap behavior. Assuming this guy is given to crap behavior, it's a pretty good way to cull his dating pool. 7
Anela Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Socially powerful men generally have a combination of factors and I'd put charisma above looks or money. Why? Because charisma and the ability to make people feel good about giving one what one wants is an art which both puts a 'sizzle' on one's looks and brings more money into one's coffers because, well, people just feel good about giving it. Had the OP posted up this thread about her first date and this guy acting this way and she leaving after excusing herself, I might have opined differently. The OP also has been involved with or interested in high demand men over the years so that reality also has some play, though I tend to focus on the particular interaction and the apparent 'few' dates in it. Lastly, IME men who are unremarkable get no threads posted about them here. It's the remarkable ones who are frustrating and annoying who get the threads, so that also fits into my response regarding socially powerful men. It's not so much that this man has such apparently annoying behaviors, rather that he's attractive enough to both keep the OP in the milieu with a relative stranger and after her substantial life experience with men, but also garner a discussion of the matter. He's 'worth' it. That's power. This isn't true for everyone, and he wouldn't be worth it to me. When I was a teenager, I turned down a date with someone I'd crushed on for a while, when he made it sound like he was doing me a favour. I later found out that he was feeling shy, and had asked our families what they thought - I felt bad then. But his wording, "I heard you had a crush on me, so..." turned me right off. I wanted to be asked if he liked me, not because I liked him. One man got to me, and he is wholly unremarkable. I thought differently when I first knew him, but I'm still angry that I let him close to me at all. He was just the type of person that I've always tried to avoid. I'm usually smarter than that.
katiegrl Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I never said not good enough. I said he wasn't into you. Lol, I actually disagree. You still don't get it. Guys don't behave this way because they're not into you. Maybe some do, but in most cases, the guy could be "very" into you...and does this to elicit a reaction from you! Precisely because he IS into you, but is insecure. Thus the reason he needs your reaction...it's a freaking game. If a guy wasn't into you, he wouldn't bother or care what your reaction was...because he is just not into you! The guy that did it to me was very into me...as evidenced by HIS reaction when I walked out!
Phoe Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I have no qualms with accepting the simple fact that, yes, a date or boyfriend will find other women attractive. I DO have qualms with them actually making comments to me about these other women. Very disrespectful.
Taramere Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 It didn't make me feel that way. Hardly. I think guys do this to get a reaction.... *they* are the insecure ones, hoping to get an *insecure* reaction from YOU. Agreed. I've always found that guys who ostentatiously go on about other women tend to have a very jealous streak. It's the old thing of trying to elicit their own negative feelings and tendencies in other people. 3
katiegrl Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Agreed. I've always found that guys who ostentatiously go on about other women tend to have a very jealous streak. It's the old thing of trying to elicit their own negative feelings and tendencies in other people. Absolutely! ..........
Quiet Storm Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 (edited) I'd rephrase that based on my experience. It's usually men who want to appear socially powerful who engage in this kind of behaviour. That's why many people here identify the behaviour as tacky, tactless, juvenile, immature. Someone truly socially powerful would be secure enough not to feel the need to affirm their masculinity in such an overt and tactless manner. I disagree. There are socially powerful people who are respectful and play by the rules, but there are also socially powerful people who just do not give a fck. Many socially powerful people behave in ways that negatively affect people. If someone gets offended by them, they don't sweat it. They just move on. I wouldn't label a guy insecure for pointing out hot women. It sometimes is the case, but there are also guys who are secure in themselves, who would not be making the comments to get a reaction out of the woman, but just have the mindset of "This is me, I appreciate hot women, I'm not changing for anyone, if she don't like it she can kick rocks". Sure a guy like this would be a dlck, but I wouldn't say insecure. I would never tolerate it and others on this thread wouldn't tolerate it, but there are many that do. It's great to to think that bad behavior would turn everyone off and all their peers would see them as insecure or immature, and that no one who is this inconsiderate could ever have social status, but that's not reality, IMO. Many women would be annoyed or feel disrespected and move on, but there are plenty more who may find him intriguing and be dumb enough to think they're special, that eventually he'll fall for her and her love will morph him into a respectful guy. Edited April 3, 2015 by Quiet Storm
Ruby Slippers Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I feel no romantic or sexual attraction to men who behave that way. It's rude and inconsiderate. I'd move on at the first instance. 1
katiegrl Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I disagree. There are socially powerful people who are respectful and play by the rules, but there are also socially powerful people who just do not give a fck. Many socially powerful people behave in ways that negatively affect people. If someone gets offended by them, they don't sweat it. They just move on. I wouldn't label a guy insecure for pointing out hot women. It sometimes is the case, but there are also guys who are secure in themselves, who would not be making the comments to get a reaction out of the woman, but just have the mindset of "This is me, I appreciate hot women, I'm not changing for anyone, if she don't like it she can kick rocks". Sure a guy like this would be a dlck, but I wouldn't say insecure. I would never tolerate it and others on this thread wouldn't tolerate it, but there are many that do. It's great to to think that bad behavior would turn everyone off and all their peers would see them as insecure or immature, and that no one who is this inconsiderate could ever have social status, but that's not reality, IMO. Many women would be annoyed or feel disrespected and move on, This is me, but there are plenty more who may find him intriguing and be dumb enough to think they're special, that eventually he'll fall for her and her love will morph him into a respectful guy. >>"This is me, I appreciate hot women, I'm not changing for anyone, if she don't like it, she can kick rocks."<< ------- Appreciating hot women is not the issue. I have no problem with that. It's bringing it to my attention that is the issue, and I would deem any man incredibly insecure for needing to do that. I would also deem a man who made such a comment ^^ (even to himself) as insecure. It indicates a complete disregard and lack of respect for women = misogynistic. And contrary to popular belief, misogynistic men are VERY weak men, and insecure! 2
Kamille Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 (edited) I disagree. There are socially powerful people who are respectful and play by the rules, but there are also socially powerful people who just do not give a fck. Many socially powerful people behave in ways that negatively affect people. If someone gets offended by them, they don't sweat it. They just move on. I wouldn't label a guy insecure for pointing out hot women. It sometimes is the case, but there are also guys who are secure in themselves, who would not be making the comments to get a reaction out of the woman, but just have the mindset of "This is me, I appreciate hot women, I'm not changing for anyone, if she don't like it she can kick rocks". Sure a guy like this would be a dlck, but I wouldn't say insecure. I would never tolerate it and others on this thread wouldn't tolerate it, but there are many that do. It's great to to think that bad behavior would turn everyone off and all their peers would see them as insecure or immature, and that no one who is this inconsiderate could ever have social status, but that's not reality, IMO. Many women would be annoyed or feel disrespected and move on, but there are plenty more who may find him intriguing and be dumb enough to think they're special, that eventually he'll fall for her and her love will morph him into a respectful guy. Let me put it this way: I have yet to meet a man who is successful, good-looking and "in-demand" with the ladies who spends much time making comments about other women in front of their girlfriends (self included). The men I have met who engaged in such behaviours were - and this could be pure coincidence - often in-between jobs, perhaps good looking but often insecure, not usually hot commodities with the ladies. It could be that I interpret the behaviour as insecurity all while it truly is an indicator of a devil-may-care confidence. Also, the "socially powerful" men in my networks are lawyers, doctors, professors. It could be different in the business world. All the business owners I know are women. Still, I find the behaviour juvenile and tend to think that, for most, it's about insecurity. Edited April 3, 2015 by Kamille 2
Vercetti Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 It's tacky. It's also sorta childish that a man doesn't have enough control of himself or life experience that anything female is enough to impress him and cause mouth vomit. Next time he does it, tell him " go get her tiger " and walk off. 2
xxoo Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 That would annoy me, and I would ask him what his issue is. He wouldn't want to date me anymore after I got through with analyzing him. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 I thought she dated 100 guys through online dating where many ended up as casual sex. Not quite sure how that is being uber selective? I met up with 100 men, and over 90% didn't make it past the 1 hour coffee meet up. I would hardly call that dating or casual sex. 1
Recommended Posts