How do I woo her?

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

I just don't see them as sex objects first and foremost, my approach is very much try and be nice to them, take an interest, listen and try get to date two.

 

 

Over time I think what really just bugs and hurts me is the fact being nice just doesn't seem to be good enough, doing the above isn't effective at all. I actually got this last one to laugh which was new for me.

 

 

Clearly some people are just better at this than others!

 

 

Perhaps dating and marketing are not too dissimilar concepts.

 

Being nice isn't exactly hurting you, it sounds like a lack of self-esteem and confidence is the culprit. Work on this

[ZA Dater]

Being nice isn't exactly hurting you, it sounds like a lack of self-esteem and confidence is the culprit. Work on this

 

Both are extremely difficult to acquire....

 

 

Think I will just stick to the age old art of window shopping. Looking with no real purpose.

 

 

I think for the most part people pick up inexperience quickly and that's where I fall down the most.

 

 

Probably the other problem is I look for the different sort of person, there needs to be something different about them, with this one it was her incredible ability to articulate and the extremely wide vocabulary. Both things I find hugely appealing and not things one is going to find at a club, well not usually at any rate!

 

 

Honestly and truthfully I am at this point because in HS when everyone is learning how to date I preferred to rather expand my knowledge and focus less on the social aspect of things.

 

 

I always thought I could pick it up later down the line, in retrospect I was wrong.

 

 

At least I had the good experience with this recent so I know how awesome it can be when you meet someone you really like and who ticks most of the boxes.

 

 

Another example of my flawed thinking, friend wanted to take me to meet some fashion models, most guys would jump at the chance, I wasn't interested, some would say its a self esteem issue but realistically you start to work out what is gettable and what isn't and for me these weren't gettable.

 

 

Just unfortunate that the only gettable things for me appear to be shaped like a football.

[angel.eyes]

I actually did consider that but the honest truth is people for whatever reason simply don't like me, it sounds terribly sad to say but they simply don't.

If people simply don't like you, how is it that you have friends? Not just friends, but helpful friends sufficiently invested in your well-being and happiness that they repeatedly try to set you up on dates?

 

I don't know what I am doing wrong or why, perhaps I look like a frog, perhaps I speak funny, really I don't know.

This is why it's so important to get feedback from your friend and his wife. They observed you and your "date" at this event. Not only do you get first-hand feedback, but the woman probably discussed her perspective with your friend's wife since they're friends.

 

Without some insight into why things fall apart for you, you'll continue to flounder in frustration...and failure. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. If you really want to be successful at this, get relevant feedback.

 

I gym most days, am tall athletic

Then possibly, it's a lifestyle issue (career, education, etc.) or the way you relate to others.

 

By the way said friend has tried to set me up with other people before, none of which I found either interest or attractive, mostly found them to be neither.

Nearly 31, have only come across one woman that really interested you, not getting dates, but turning down practically every woman that your friend sets you up with?!? Are all these women really in the "I would rather die a celibate monk than date her" category? I'm sensing that you have unrealistic expectations, especially given your comment that since models are unattainable, you're stuck with footballs.

 

At a minimum, ask your friend why he thinks you might be a good match when he offers to set you up, go on a couple of days with each one, then decide.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Both are extremely difficult to acquire....

 

 

Think I will just stick to the age old art of window shopping. Looking with no real purpose.

 

 

I think for the most part people pick up inexperience quickly and that's where I fall down the most.

 

 

Probably the other problem is I look for the different sort of person, there needs to be something different about them, with this one it was her incredible ability to articulate and the extremely wide vocabulary. Both things I find hugely appealing and not things one is going to find at a club, well not usually at any rate!

 

 

Honestly and truthfully I am at this point because in HS when everyone is learning how to date I preferred to rather expand my knowledge and focus less on the social aspect of things.

 

 

I always thought I could pick it up later down the line, in retrospect I was wrong.

 

 

At least I had the good experience with this recent so I know how awesome it can be when you meet someone you really like and who ticks most of the boxes.

 

 

Another example of my flawed thinking, friend wanted to take me to meet some fashion models, most guys would jump at the chance, I wasn't interested, some would say its a self esteem issue but realistically you start to work out what is gettable and what isn't and for me these weren't gettable.

 

 

Just unfortunate that the only gettable things for me appear to be shaped like a football.

 

Aw man. Don't settle for window shopping. You're going to reach a point where you'll be like "God I wish I did something when I was 31", you will ALWAYS regret the chances you don't take! You think you've hit rock bottom, but that's not true. You could be 40 and chronically single. Or 50.

 

Take some action and improve yourself. Get passionate about a hobby, go out with friends and have fun, join a Meetup group, try online dating! Keep going to the gym too, it helps keep your T levels up! You're tall so you already got that going for you (I'm tall also, it does help I think).

 

I used to be just like you when I was 20/21, felt like I was doomed to be perpetually alone, never dated girls in high school, had no idea where to start, still a virgin. It's been a long and hard road (I'm 26 now) but I am doing much better Not perfect yet though! I think any guy who thinks they are perfect is full of it. We all have our shortcomings that we need to improve on.

 

You can do so much better, just give yourself some credit

 

 

This is why it's so important to get feedback from your friend and his wife. They observed you and your "date" at this event. Not only do you get first-hand feedback, but the woman probably discussed her perspective with your friend's wife since they're friends.

 

Hmm, I wouldn't recommend this, it really comes off as an act of desperation. I've thought about doing this before but knew that my Ego couldn't handle it. Sometimes its better just not knowing, especially if the OP has issues with his self esteem right now.

Edited April 3, 2015 by barcode88

[angel.eyes]

This isn't about trying to get this particular woman. That's clearly over and done with. It's about understanding why he has a 100% failure rate on first dates...he's making some fundamental mistakes.

 

Most of us have witnessed guys on dates where it's brutally obvious that it would be a cold day in hell before his date would subject herself to another date...It's painful to even watch. But the guy is completely oblivious to why his behavior is problematic. He thinks he's wonderful. And people are too polite to volunteer how and why he has to change.

 

That disconnect is present here. OP states that he's a considerate, thoughtful person who listens to others, but people just don't like him and he doesn't know why.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

This isn't about trying to get this particular woman. That's clearly over and done with. It's about understanding why he has a 100% failure rate on first dates...he's making some fundamental mistakes.

 

Most of us have witnessed guys on dates where it's brutally obvious that it would be a cold day in hell before his date would subject herself to another date...It's painful to even watch. But the guy is completely oblivious to why his behavior is problematic. He thinks he's wonderful. And people are too polite to volunteer how and why he has to change.

 

That disconnect is present here. OP states that he's a considerate, thoughtful person who listens to others, but people just don't like him and he doesn't know why.

 

Well I agree it can be helpful, but more often than not its just something about their personality that the other person didn't like, or they weren't their type. You can't change personality. I guess i'll cede on this one, he can ask his friend if he wants I suppose.

[Strength in Healing]

She's playing hard to get. Don't even worry.

 

Start showing up to her house at all hours of the night, and keep ordering her stuffed animals and flowers. I hear girls like clowns.

 

It may even be a wise idea to look into engagement rings and a house for the two of you. Love is clearly in the air.

[ZA Dater]

If people simply don't like you, how is it that you have friends? Not just friends, but helpful friends sufficiently invested in your well-being and happiness that they repeatedly try to set you up on dates?

 

 

This is why it's so important to get feedback from your friend and his wife. They observed you and your "date" at this event. Not only do you get first-hand feedback, but the woman probably discussed her perspective with your friend's wife since they're friends.

 

Without some insight into why things fall apart for you, you'll continue to flounder in frustration...and failure. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. If you really want to be successful at this, get relevant feedback.

 

 

Then possibly, it's a lifestyle issue (career, education, etc.) or the way you relate to others.

 

 

Nearly 31, have only come across one woman that really interested you, not getting dates, but turning down practically every woman that your friend sets you up with?!? Are all these women really in the "I would rather die a celibate monk than date her" category? I'm sensing that you have unrealistic expectations, especially given your comment that since models are unattainable, you're stuck with footballs.

 

At a minimum, ask your friend why he thinks you might be a good match when he offers to set you up, go on a couple of days with each one, then decide.

 

This is quite an interesting posts.

 

 

As far as friends go, I have two good ones. As mentioned I put a premium on acquiring knowledge and just doing my own thing as apposed to having lots of friends.

 

 

I wouldn't say repeatedly try set me up but I am encouraged but the people he thinks I should date are mostly not single, clearly not what I want.

 

 

To be frank I am too scared to ask why she isn't into me and I suspect I would never get the total unfettered honest answer anyway but what you say does make sense. There could be a variety of reasons but I know the times I met her I was on top of my game, I really couldn't have done a lot differently.

 

 

Relating to people is a problem, as I say I don't do the whole get drunk party life preferring dinners, movies and those sort of things and what helped her appeal is she was very much on the same level as that.

 

 

I have been on about 20 dates from dating sites, liked perhaps 3 of them, go nowhere with any of them. Expectations are a funny thing because we all have different ones, for me I have met incredibly nice people and they become reference points, its pointless trying to like something you know doesn't appeal to you but I always give them a chance but the problem here for me morally is I don't like hurting people so when they want more from me I end up having to turn them down(not that this has happened more than 5 times) and I end up feeling bad about it.

 

 

Perhaps my approach can be summed up like this " walk with gentle feet, give more than you take"

[ZA Dater]

She's playing hard to get. Don't even worry.

 

Start showing up to her house at all hours of the night, and keep ordering her stuffed animals and flowers. I hear girls like clowns.

 

It may even be a wise idea to look into engagement rings and a house for the two of you. Love is clearly in the air.

 

Sarcasm dripping here did make me smile! Hahaha

[Strength in Healing]

In all seriousness brother, here is what I would do.

 

 

#1 above all else, get heavy into fitness. I can give you a really good workout routine and meal plan that focuses on protein. Getting in good shape/6 pack is the best way to avoid friend zones (I don't care what anyone says, that's true).

 

#2 Look into some tips on picking up women. I'm not saying go pickup artist or anything, some of that can be a bit over the top, but if you go to youtube and watch simple pickup, you will learn some stuff. I did a lot of that before, and got plenty of numbers (most of which were real hahahaha)

[ZA Dater]

This isn't about trying to get this particular woman. That's clearly over and done with. It's about understanding why he has a 100% failure rate on first dates...he's making some fundamental mistakes.

 

Most of us have witnessed guys on dates where it's brutally obvious that it would be a cold day in hell before his date would subject herself to another date...It's painful to even watch. But the guy is completely oblivious to why his behavior is problematic. He thinks he's wonderful. And people are too polite to volunteer how and why he has to change.

 

That disconnect is present here. OP states that he's a considerate, thoughtful person who listens to others, but people just don't like him and he doesn't know why.

 

I don't think I am wonderful at all, I do think I try my best. Most of the dates I have been on have left me pretty bored within 20 min, mainly because we chat about what she likes, I take an interest in that and the conversation flows well, yet they never ask me anything about myself, this last lady was the exception.

 

 

As I say I just think inexperience is just a total turnoff for them or its a case of chasing the "better, richer, hotter"

[ZA Dater]

In all seriousness brother, here is what I would do.

 

 

#1 above all else, get heavy into fitness. I can give you a really good workout routine and meal plan that focuses on protein. Getting in good shape/6 pack is the best way to avoid friend zones (I don't care what anyone says, that's true).

 

#2 Look into some tips on picking up women. I'm not saying go pickup artist or anything, some of that can be a bit over the top, but if you go to youtube and watch simple pickup, you will learn some stuff. I did a lot of that before, and got plenty of numbers (most of which were real hahahaha)

 

Build wise I am never going to be that six pack guy, my physique is more swimmer, runner, than muscle bound.

 

 

Youtube is helpful but I am simply too shy for the cold approach I think they call it because I cant relate to them at any level, chicks go to clubs to have fun, I don't drink or dance so as a place for me to meet people its a pointless exercise. That fact already takes my potential pool of interested people down to perhaps 2%.

 

 

Hence the reason when I do find someone nice like I did, I tend to invest and try everything to make it work, the other problem with me is I hate giving up!

[Strength in Healing]

Build wise I am never going to be that six pack guy, my physique is more swimmer, runner, than muscle bound.

 

 

Youtube is helpful but I am simply too shy for the cold approach I think they call it because I cant relate to them at any level, chicks go to clubs to have fun, I don't drink or dance so as a place for me to meet people its a pointless exercise. That fact already takes my potential pool of interested people down to perhaps 2%.

 

 

Hence the reason when I do find someone nice like I did, I tend to invest and try everything to make it work, the other problem with me is I hate giving up!

 

 

 

Ah, I see your problem. You have a defeatist attitude. Let me guess... you have anxiety?

 

First off, your claim that you'll always have a swimmer build instead of the stereotypical ectomorphic build is BS. I am 5'11, and when I graduated high school, weighed 120. I felt like I could eat buffets all day every day and never gain weight.

 

Look into 2 things. Megastrol, and Periactin. Both drastically increase appetite. You THINK you can eat as much as you want without gaining weight, but it's always only a matter still of how much you REALLY eat. I took Periactin for 2-3 weeks and gained 11 lbs that fast. You work out while you take it and eat things like chicken, oats, steak, etc. and you will be muscular in about 2 months. Now I am 172 lbs with 10% body fat.

 

 

 

 

As for not being able to relate with pickup... get out of here with that. You are a defeatist for sure.

Listen, simple pickup has NOTHING to do with clubbing, alcohol, or parties. These dudes do it in broad daylight out in public, the street, etc. and I have too. There's no excuse.

 

You don't have confidence? Pretend you do. Pretend you are playing the role of a confident guy in a movie, and fake it until you make it.

 

No excuses. You know why your life seems stuck?

 

It's because you clearly don't know where the gas peddle is.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Ah, I see your problem. You have a defeatist attitude. Let me guess... you have anxiety?

 

First off, your claim that you'll always have a swimmer build instead of the stereotypical ectomorphic build is BS. I am 5'11, and when I graduated high school, weighed 120. I felt like I could eat buffets all day every day and never gain weight.

 

Look into 2 things. Megastrol, and Periactin. Both drastically increase appetite. You THINK you can eat as much as you want without gaining weight, but it's always only a matter still of how much you REALLY eat. I took Periactin for 2-3 weeks and gained 11 lbs that fast. You work out while you take it and eat things like chicken, oats, steak, etc. and you will be muscular in about 2 months. Now I am 172 lbs with 10% body fat.

 

 

 

 

As for not being able to relate with pickup... get out of here with that. You are a defeatist for sure.

Listen, simple pickup has NOTHING to do with clubbing, alcohol, or parties. These dudes do it in broad daylight out in public, the street, etc. and I have too. There's no excuse.

 

You don't have confidence? Pretend you do. Pretend you are playing the role of a confident guy in a movie, and fake it until you make it.

 

No excuses. You know why your life seems stuck?

 

It's because you clearly don't know where the gas peddle is.

 

I think the defeatist attitude is the OP's biggest problem.

 

OP if you're going to keep that attitude you're going to live a long and lonely life and most likely die alone Lol.

 

We can't help you (and honestly we'll stop trying) if you're just going to wallow in self pity and do nothing to help yourself.

[angel.eyes]

To be frank I am too scared to ask why she isn't into me and I suspect I would never get the total unfettered honest answer anyway but what you say does make sense. There could be a variety of reasons but I know the times I met her I was on top of my game, I really couldn't have done a lot differently.

Yet you describe yourself as someone who puts a premium on acquiring knowledge! I don't think this will be as painful as you think.

 

If you were asking her directly, I would tell you not to bother. Out of respect for your feelings, it's unlikely she would ever tell you the truth. But it's likely she's discussed her perspective with your friend's wife...and your friend's wife would get the relatively unvarnished truth. Your friends care about you. They'll give you feedback in a kind, but helpful manner. Besides, your friends were there themselves. Their own perspectives are relevant too.

 

Thank your friend for setting you up with a really wonderful date, then ask him what he thinks you might do differently when you go out on dates in general?

[ZA Dater]

Yet you describe yourself as someone who puts a premium on acquiring knowledge! I don't think this will be as painful as you think.

 

If you were asking her directly, I would tell you not to bother. Out of respect for your feelings, it's unlikely she would ever tell you the truth. But it's likely she's discussed her perspective with your friend's wife...and your friend's wife would get the relatively unvarnished truth. Your friends care about you. They'll give you feedback in a kind, but helpful manner. Besides, your friends were there themselves. Their own perspectives are relevant too.

 

Thank your friend for setting you up with a really wonderful date, then ask him what he thinks you might do differently when you go out on dates in general?

 

I will have a good think about this course of action, dates for me are exceedingly rare events!

 

 

The feedback I did get was "pity she isn't into you, she is really lovely", this being a double edged sword when I thought about this comment. In life I think you always try to improve, get better at things, often that means understanding where you go wrong, so from that perspective you are 100% right.

 

 

I think the go wrong part is probably related to me just not being like other guys. One thing I have learnt is being an individual has significant drawback as opposed to being part of a crowd.

 

 

As are the other posters who remark about confidence, I don't have too much, largely due to the experiences of the past, something I am trying to work on but I wont lie when the odds seemed stacked in your favour and this happens one does begin to wonder!

 

 

Thing is I guess to a large extent my coping mechanism has been to just be the best I can in general and help people where I can in general and support them if possible, I don't get anything out of it but often people appreciate someone who will listen, offer balance feedback.

 

 

My experience is people can be self absorbed and I really try not to go that route, would rather find out more about someone else than boast about my own virtues.

 

 

Bottom line here seems to be I must try to walk away from this amazing person rather than asking for a chance, which when I look at it now comes across as desperate. On line dating doesn't provide anyone of real interest, most there are looking for only one thing or just looking for someone with a suitable large wallet amongst other things.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

I will have a good think about this course of action, dates for me are exceedingly rare events!

 

 

The feedback I did get was "pity she isn't into you, she is really lovely", this being a double edged sword when I thought about this comment. In life I think you always try to improve, get better at things, often that means understanding where you go wrong, so from that perspective you are 100% right.

 

 

I think the go wrong part is probably related to me just not being like other guys. One thing I have learnt is being an individual has significant drawback as opposed to being part of a crowd.

 

 

As are the other posters who remark about confidence, I don't have too much, largely due to the experiences of the past, something I am trying to work on but I wont lie when the odds seemed stacked in your favour and this happens one does begin to wonder!

 

 

Thing is I guess to a large extent my coping mechanism has been to just be the best I can in general and help people where I can in general and support them if possible, I don't get anything out of it but often people appreciate someone who will listen, offer balance feedback.

 

 

My experience is people can be self absorbed and I really try not to go that route, would rather find out more about someone else than boast about my own virtues.

 

 

Bottom line here seems to be I must try to walk away from this amazing person rather than asking for a chance, which when I look at it now comes across as desperate. On line dating doesn't provide anyone of real interest, most there are looking for only one thing or just looking for someone with a suitable large wallet amongst other things.

 

Everyone has the capacity to be confident. Including you.

 

Don't make excuses on why you aren't confident. Those excuses can be overcome to BECOME confident. Do you think I would be confident if I just made an excuse for myself?

 

What YOU decide to do will shape your outcome. External factors have no bearing on you.

[ZA Dater]

Everyone has the capacity to be confident. Including you.

 

Don't make excuses on why you aren't confident. Those excuses can be overcome to BECOME confident. Do you think I would be confident if I just made an excuse for myself?

 

What YOU decide to do will shape your outcome. External factors have no bearing on you.

 

Point taken but with respect I disagree.

 

Experiences most definitely impact ones confidence, both positive and negative. If I can use the analogy of a kid learning to ride a bike, if he falls 3 times his confidence will be knocked but he will get back on the bike even though he is unsure if he can cycle.

 

Yes, I realise that cuts both ways!

 

I guess its not too surprising I am attracted to confident females....

 

Things I have tried, dressing differently, attempting to be more normal like other guys, trying to find people attractive that I don't find attractive. Dumbing myself down intellectually to try and relate better to some.

 

Being analytical its probably true to say I am not the warmest person people will ever meet, once again no surprise I am attracted to those with warm personalities.

 

I weigh up most situations and then decide yes or no.

 

In many ways I think I would benefit more from a friend zone type arrangement with a chick like I mentioned in this thread than a relationship, seeing as I have no clue how to manage a relationship beyond the need to compromise and keep the person happy.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Point taken but with respect I disagree.

 

Why though? Everyone can be confident, it's all about their determination.

 

Everyone faces adversity, and if everyone was of the same mind as you, the whole world would be unconfident... Yet most people are determined to overcome their challenges and succeed.

 

I used to have issues with my confidence, but realized that wallowing in self-pity wasn't going to help me so decided to do something about it.

 

Usually people post here to get help and do better, but you seem to be in a state of self-pity. Please tell me what your objective is?

Edited April 3, 2015 by barcode88

[Strength in Healing]

Hell, I'm about to tell you the names of some anabolic steroids so you can just go order them and gain weight and get confidence. Barcode is right, you're making excuses.

 

Your bike analogy is all good and well, except for the fact that although that will indeed initially impair confidence of riding the bike if you fall 3 times, it will long be outweighed and replaced by confidence the more you practice and get comfortable being good at it.

 

You'll never get good at it when you don't keep trying. Practice makes perfect. Practice breeds confidence.

 

You are someone who fell off the bike 3 times, but then installed training wheels before he got back on the bike and then, additionally, rode very, very slowly.

Edited April 3, 2015 by Strength in Healing

[ZA Dater]

Why though? Everyone can be confident, it's all about their determination.

 

Everyone faces adversity, and if everyone was of the same mind as you, the whole world would be unconfident... Yet most people are determined to overcome their challenges and succeed.

 

I used to have issues with my confidence, but realized that wallowing in self-pity wasn't going to help me so decided to do something about it.

 

Usually people post here to get help and do better, but you seem to be in a state of self-pity. Please tell me what your objective is?

 

I am actually reading quite a bit here, interesting reading and gives some perspective. Everyone has a different view point, different circumstances and a different mind set.

 

Some guys just want to get laid as often as possible, hell I wouldn't mind that either but not if it means I have to don a paper bag aka Nip Tuck.

 

I have taken steps back, changed my approach many times, tried different sites, tried going to new places, even tried dancing once which I am sure was hilarious for anyone who happened to see this.

 

In my opinion confidence is not something you wake up with one morning its gained through experiences, positive experiences or experiences which are not always positive but one can learn from them and move forward, its this latter thing where I battle, for example I was once told "there is no chemistry" , see for me that's BS, why not just say "you are not hot enough I am not interested", its this double speak I find highly irritating, or the date I met and she went to the bathroom and never returned, or the date I took to lunch, only to be told by text later "I could see in 5 min it wouldn't work", or the date who didn't show, or the one who told me I am too skinny or the one who didn't like my face.

 

This isn't self pity at all, this is how it is, when you are confronted continuously with rejection, you never get to the good part you do become despondent its human nature.

 

I don't give up and I am determined but neither of those things can hide the experiences above and the fact there have been no good ones, I haven't found anyone this year to go out with, the bar has been raised pretty high now and yes I am sure someone will tell me "I am being too picky", how do you define picky, is there some social order where a "like with like" syndrome applies?

 

Bottom line is there are challenges, we all have them, we face them but just every so often we make progress, we get a good experience and that keeps us going.

 

This has bothered me for years and probably more so as people I know are mostly all married, some have kids and where I am, hell I cant even get to date 2 never mind have a gf, never mind get any of the other stuff. again this isn't pity, its reality.

 

I thought with this latest one because we got on well intellectually I had a better chance than usual but this thread and the perspectives of others have just made me realise all she did was humour me, probably more for the sake of the mutual friend than for any other reason or because she thought I was a nice guy.

 

At the end of the day we like what we like and unfortunately in my case what I like is unattainable, again not pity but seemingly fact.

[Strength in Healing]

You expect rejection, and make no mistake, girls sense that. You are fulfilling a self fulfilling prophecy.

 

You DON'T wake up with confidence, that's right. You fight for it. You push yourself, see your real limits. You learn to stop fearing rejection by being able to brush it off and keep going, again and again with a smile. That's confidence.

 

Your entire perception is holding you back. I want to slap you, sir.

[ZA Dater]

You expect rejection, and make no mistake, girls sense that. You are fulfilling a self fulfilling prophecy.

 

You DON'T wake up with confidence, that's right. You fight for it. You push yourself, see your real limits. You learn to stop fearing rejection by being able to brush it off and keep going, again and again with a smile. That's confidence.

 

Your entire perception is holding you back. I want to slap you, sir.

 

Well based on past experiences I have hardly been wrong as this current one collapsed just like all the others even though I tried and went a bit further out of my comfort zone than usual, the stupid gift being an example of that.

 

Many things are tough to change and perceptions rank as some of the most difficult. Clearly my perception that being nice counts for something has been smashed to smithereens because clearly it counts for extremely little.

 

Yet, I read often "oh so and so is such a pig, so and so cheated, so and so stood me up", yet when nice guys come along this is what happens? Yes the world isn't fair, you ultimately make your own luck and create your own utopia, or at least you try.

 

I know I can do better, I know if I had a chance I could woo people, even this chick but for that I need that chance and if I cant get it then I really cant show what I can be and what I can do.

 

For me something has to look like worth investing in from the outset, again its analytics and perhaps the say what you want I do give the football shaped people a chance and perhaps for me one the very hardest things to do is to tell someone I am not interest because I only know too well what that is like....

 

I suspect my accent would greatly help should I ever find myself stateside though!

[Vercetti]

Forget being friends with someone unless you like emasculating yourself. Just cause you feel something doesn't mean anything is there. Lots of girls smile and talk, find one that likes smiling and talking to you. That win over the one stuff is for the birds.

[Strength in Healing]

Yet, I read often "oh so and so is such a pig, so and so cheated, so and so stood me up", yet when nice guys come along this is what happens? Yes the world isn't fair, you ultimately make your own luck and create your own utopia, or at least you try.

 

 

LOL you don't want to start this discussion. Lmao.

 

I'll give you a few quick pointers on nice guys.

 

 

• They're viewed as pathetic by women, even if women claim (which they do) that all they want is a nice guy.
  
• They're also viewed as pathetic by other men, because they are.
  
• Women are attracted to the dark triad (no matter how much they hate it. Even if one particular woman isn't, she is outnumbered vastly by the majority of her sex).
  
• A nice guy is usually being nice because he thinks being nice will get his needs met. He's wrong. He'll get friendzoned, or cheated on if he ever gets a chance. He'll get cheated on because women like men who act like men. Are you into women who act like a dudesy type dude?
  

You should probably try leaving good 'ole corrupt South Africa and go somewhere else, at which point you're right, your accent will probably help.

 

 

In the meantime, read No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Edited April 3, 2015 by Strength in Healing