GoGators Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 (edited) I may just have to get this out to not want to break NC. Quick background: 4 year relationship, "perfect" (I say that now, I guess) relationship, we never fought. Long distance for the last 8 months, she started a new job in a different city. Broke up 1 month ago. We're both 24. We broke up because she needed to find herself. I was her first relationship, I actually ended it for her because she told me she wanted it. Her last words to me were "I love you" while she was crying. We will be in the same city in a month. Reader's Digest Version of my Feelings: I felt kind of squeezed in the relationship too and have been doing really well since. I've always been independently successful and that has continued since the breakup. I haven't let my professional life take a dive at all and I actually became significantly more proactive since. It has only been 1 month but I think I'm okay. I haven't broken NC since the breakup and I told her that I understand everything that she is feeling. I told her that we're young and need to experience life and need to see what else is out there. She felt stuck in her new city and felt like her life was already decided for her. Now: Even if she wanted to get back together I probably wouldn't oblige. She'd have to break my door down to convince me to get back together, not just knock. I realize that it's tough to reconcile. Now, though, I feel like sending her a message. I don't care if she responds, but I just want her to know that I'm really proud of her and hope that she is killing it in her new city. The Question (and preface): Preface: I know breaking NC at the 1 month stage is probably a bad idea. The only holdup is that I don't really care if she responds and don't want to reconcile. Our breakup was ridiculously civil and we've been nothing but civil since. I've been reading LS from the beginning, I actually joined 3 days before we "officially" broke up, and this breakup could not have gone any better. But... Question: I just want her to know that I still care about her, that there's no hard feelings, and that she can do anything she wants in this world. The actual breakup phone call was fairly brief and I feel that I neither expressed my true feelings nor let her fully express hers. Should I break NC to send this? Edited April 3, 2015 by GoGators
Ruby65 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 You're not being honest with yourself. You say you don't care if she responds and you don't want to reconcile. Really -- ? If you TRULY only want to send her a message with no ulterior motives of getting back together, what's the rush? You can send her something in a year or two -- you can even be friends again one day, when you no longer have romantic feelings for her. You have the rest of your life to reach out to this girl. She's not being honest with you, either. She didn't break up to "find herself." That's one of the saddest breakup cliches there is. She's letting you down gently because most likely her feelings have been changing for a while and she's got someone local on the horizon that she wants to pursue. Don't send a letter, don't break No Contact. What you're feeling right now -- this desire to break No Contact -- is completely normal. Check out the No Contact guide on this site, and here's another really helpful guide: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Good luck! Keep posting. 2
OneBigIdgit Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 reading your story just seems too organized and structured. I haven't felt any deep emotions displayed by anything you wrote. Either you are a robot, don't have deep feelings for her or LoveShack has done a marvelous job of teaching you how to disable your emotions entirely. You are telling her that the break up is ok, we're young, lets try new things and live a little. Yet she is crying and saying I Love You. It makes me wonder if she is doing the break up for you instead of for her. Could it be that she knows that you are going to do the exploring, experimenting and living so she's opting out ahead of the process? If she had a guy in the new city, she should be jumping for joy that you are ok with the breakup and taking it so well.
Author GoGators Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 (edited) You're not being honest with yourself. You say you don't care if she responds and you don't want to reconcile. Really -- ? If you TRULY only want to send her a message with no ulterior motives of getting back together, what's the rush? You can send her something in a year or two -- you can even be friends again one day, when you no longer have romantic feelings for her. You have the rest of your life to reach out to this girl. She's not being honest with you, either. She didn't break up to "find herself." That's one of the saddest breakup cliches there is. She's letting you down gently because most likely her feelings have been changing for a while and she's got someone local on the horizon that she wants to pursue. Don't send a letter, don't break No Contact. What you're feeling right now -- this desire to break No Contact -- is completely normal. Check out the No Contact guide on this site, and here's another really helpful guide: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Good luck! Keep posting. reading your story just seems too organized and structured. I haven't felt any deep emotions displayed by anything you wrote. Either you are a robot, don't have deep feelings for her or LoveShack has done a marvelous job of teaching you how to disable your emotions entirely. It definitely was not because of another guy. There might be one in the picture now, I don't know, but I'm 99.999% sure that there was not another guy before. And we were talking marriage, kids, she wanted me to propose this year. I really think she did leave the relationship to find out who she is and what she wants in life without the pressure of a relationship and without me. And I'm not a robot lol. I found LS the day that she said she wanted to go on a "break", 5 days before the actual break up. I do feel emotionally detached from the breakup, I don't have strong feelings either way. At the same time, however, I'm not really interested in looking for other girls so I'm definitely not over it. Just focusing on me now. I didn't break NC and don't plan on it. I was actually very drunk when I wrote the OP and came to my senses in the morning. Edited April 4, 2015 by GoGators
BC1980 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Anytime you want to send a message, you have something invested in it. I find it hard to believe that you don't care if she replies. If she might not reply, why even send it? I think you are curious and want to see what she's doing and why she hasnt reached out so far.
Jimmyjackson Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 If you don't care whether she responds or not, why have you created this thread?
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