okcool Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 So before I got together with my current girlfriend, I was fine with being single. I would have my usual routine and hang out with my friends, family, and I would keep my self busy and was extremely happy with the way things were. Skip forward to several months after my girlfriend and I got together. She lives about an hour and half away from me so we do not see each other as much as we would like to due to the drive (though it's at least once a week). We both are pretty committed to this but here is my issue. I know it's not healthy and I really try my best to fix it but I always feel alone when she isn't with me. I feel like I don't know what to do anymore. I don't like watching tv by my self, which I enjoyed doing before. I feel like there is always something missing when she isn't with me. How do I deal with all those emotions? I always constantly feel like I need another person in my life. It almost seems like I have some kinda dependency issue which I never had before. If she isn't here, I always feel like I need a friend or someone to talk to. What should I do to fix this? I know keeping busy is one but I don't understand why these feelings are here even when things are going really well with the girlfriend. Thanks for your input. 1
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 How old are you 2? After several months dating have you talked about the distance and who will be moving? I think you are depressed because you see no end to this. You have nothing to look forward to, or work toward to, could it be it? I was long distance for 3 years with my ex-husband before we married. We were 3 hours away. We had a plan though, as soon as my college was done we were getting married and I was moving there. That kept my mind very busy and happy, I was working toward something. 2
Strength in Healing Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 It's hard okcool, no doubt. I dated a girl an hour and a half away once. Texting and phone calls just weren't a good substitute when you only saw each other on the weekends. Took a toll eventually, and I broke up with her. I hear skype helps, so if you don't already do that, you should check into it. Otherwise, if the anxiety overwhelms you, it may be best to move along. Or just move. Lol 3
Author okcool Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 We're both in our mid/later 20s. We both are very happy with this and see it going further to the future. We talked about it and she is the one planning to move here within a year or so although there are times she would mention that she's sad to do so because she was born and raised at her current location. BTW cute Cocker spaniel! I have one my self. 1
Author okcool Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 Strength in healing, sorry to hear about the break up. She has been the one dealing with the commuting so I do see that she's trying and it's a very good sign but I'm just very lost when it comes to how and why I'm feeling the way I am. I never dealt with that kinda feeling before. I was always good at being alone and keeping my self occupied and busy without anyone. I'm keeping this up because I foresee us being together within a year, distancewise. I just don't want the way I feel to ruin such a good thing and that's why I feel like I need to fix my self. 1
Strength in Healing Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 It's a feeling that will pass. Don't worry. Clearly she cares about you and you care about her. That's more important. Sometimes what's best to remember is relationships are funny in that some days you'll feel stronger than others about her, and vice versa. The key is to appreciate what you have, and fight through it. Sounds like you are doing that quite well. You sound like a good dude. I'm sure everything will work out well between the two of you. 3
Satu Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 What you describe shows that you don't know yourself, and you're not with yourself. You need to get into a good relationship with yourself. You need get to know yourself. What are your dreams, hopes, fear, wishes, wants, needs, desires? Who do you want to be? What do you see when you look at yourself? How did you get to be where you are? Where do you want to be? What do you want to do? What do you want to have? Where do your thoughts come from? Who is it that thinks your thoughts? Who? Who? Who? 2
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 We're both in our mid/later 20s. We both are very happy with this and see it going further to the future. We talked about it and she is the one planning to move here within a year or so although there are times she would mention that she's sad to do so because she was born and raised at her current location. BTW cute Cocker spaniel! I have one my self. Of course it's always sad to leave our hometown for the first time but she will get over it and she can visit often. I was crying when I left my little hometown to go to college and now I would not go back to living there for all the gold in the world lol A year is a long time, what you need is to concentrate on short term project, like the next visit, the next vacation, exploring areas where you'd like to establish yourself together, etc. You must be a really patient, loving and understanding person to own a American Spaniel lol, They're something but so awesome!! 1
Author okcool Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 Strength in healing - Thank you for the kind words. Much appreciated. I hope the feelings will start fading soon. I feel like I'm not being my self when I'm alone. I do care about her and vice versa and I have no doubt our feelings are very strong which makes me question my self as to why I feel so lonely when I'm not with her. Satu - Thank you. What you said makes a lot of sense but I feel like I knew my self before. Unless what I know has changed ever since I met my current girlfriend and I have to re-find my self again. Gaeta - Thanks for the advice! We are flying to Chicago in June and we are excited about that. I hope these feelings will go away so I can feel like I am my self again when I am by my self and I don't feel so dependent on other people or even her. I know what you mean with all that. My dog is almost a pain in my butt. I would have to say hi to her every time I see her otherwise she would get upset and would ignore me for at least half a day. 1
Buddhist Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I'm still having trouble seeing 1.5hr away as long distance...WTF? Anyone who lives in the same city as I do is likely to be that far away by either car or public transport to me. I wouldn't consider that a distance relationship at all.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Even though it sounds cliche, you could put more energy into your fitness and exercising. Not only is it a distraction and something to do, but it releases endorphins that make you feel better mentally. You can never be in good enough shape, and getting a better looking body will definitely be appreciated by your GF. It's funny though, My GF said to me when I first met her, that all she cares about is personality. Yet now she can't shut up about my "hot body". Girls try to hide their physical standards better than men do, but women appreciate good eye candy just as much as we do. So you might as well turn your depression and anxiety into workout fuel. Maybe you could join a boxing gym to get access to a heavy bag you could hit.
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