soupy1987 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 So I'm having a dating issue and need some serious advice. I've been dating this guy for 3 weeks, we met online on e-harmony. We both agreed we were looking for long term relationships. He has his own place which I go over to so we can hang out. I've slept over twice, but we haven't had sex yet because I said I wanted to wait until we were exclusive. In the beginning of our relationship, he would text me all the time and was very attentive. But now, I'm always the one initiating texts, I've told him I want to be exclusive and when I asked if he wanted to be, he called be old fashion and said these kinds of conversations were awkward. He also asked me if I thought he was man-whoring himself around ( I don't think he is). however, I have noticed he's been active on e-harmony lately, which freaks me out. He's very attentive, caring and kind when we're together, but when we're not, it's like I don't exist. I told him I was upset and hurt by him ignoring me over the weekend (he wouldn't make time to see me) and he responded by saying that if he hadn't been so busy he would have loved to have seen me, but that women who need to be told they're wanted are insecure. I should have prefaced this by saying that all my previous relationships, guys have cheated on me and abused me. I don't know whether I should chill the **** out, or should be moving on. I get in my head sometimes and think about the worst case scenarios. He's very laid back and chill and I just am not sure he freaks me out when he acts like this.
preraph Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 You should chill out. If you don't want to have sex until he commits to being exclusive, that's your call, but just be aware he can always just lie and say he is. As far as staying over at his house when you haven't even had sex, all I can say is from being on this forum, guys think that is very strange and may blow you off as being a kook for doing it. And they find it hard to deal with. Now, if you're going to tell me you've already done everything but intercourse, then I confess, I'd be grasping to understand how that accomplishes anything.
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I don't see where the mixed signals are, to me the signal is very clear, he is NOT interested at all. He is simply killing time till something better comes along. You've wasted enough time on this dude. Some of the things he told you are very inconsiderate and rude. As for him saying he was looking for a long term relationship at the beginning when you met only means that, it does not mean he will be wanting a long term relationship with you. 2
Author soupy1987 Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 As far as staying over at his house when you haven't even had sex, all I can say is from being on this forum, guys think that is very strange and may blow you off as being a kook for doing it. And they find it hard to deal with. I sleep over because I don't live exactly close to him. He wants me to sleep over because one night while I was heading home from his place, I fell asleep at the wheel. He's the one wanting me to stay the night.
losangelena Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 If you're feeling ignored and insecure about where you stand with this guy at three weeks, then move on. This kind of mental anguish is not worth it this soon. There are guys out there who will happily make time for you let you know that you're wanted. This isn't one of them, apparently. 2
angel.eyes Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Your instincts are correct. There's no potential for a long-term relationship down this path. He went radiosilent over the weekend because his interests were squarely focused elsewhere. Fridays and Saturdays are prime dating time. Sorry, but you're being kept warm on the back burner. He's full of excuses and escape clauses for a reason. You would have more luck nailing jello to the wall! 1
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 But now, I'm always the one initiating texts, . Stop initiating and you will get your answer. It's a dead give away, when men lose interest they stop initiating. I've told him I want to be exclusive and when I asked if he wanted to be, he called be old fashion and said these kinds of conversations were awkward. That was very rude of him. He completely dismissed your feelings on the matter. That means he doesn't care how you feel about exclusivity and anyway he has no intention of discussing it. I would probably have told him to F-off at that point. He also asked me if I thought he was man-whoring himself around ( I don't think he is). Answering your question by a question is a sign of passive-aggressiveness, it's also a way to distract you from the main subject and bring the attention on your behavior instead of his. however, I have noticed he's been active on e-harmony lately, which freaks me out. He's very attentive, caring and kind when we're together, but when we're not, it's like I don't exist. You are not on his mind. A man that is interested in you won't let you forget about him. He will touch base with you on regular basis. I told him I was upset and hurt by him ignoring me over the weekend (he wouldn't make time to see me) and he responded by saying that if he hadn't been so busy he would have loved to have seen me, but that women who need to be told they're wanted are insecure. Holy &?%$?!! Lose the a-hole already. He ignored you all weekend then he calls you insecure! What a number he is! Hon, he's playing the field, he has no serious intention toward you. I should have prefaced this by saying that all my previous relationships, guys have cheated on me and abused me. Move on, he has already been inconsiderate and rude and it's only been 3 weeks. Do not let men talk to you like this! ignore your feelings or ignore your questions. 3
Strength in Healing Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Ehhh I for one commend you on knowing your worth and not being willing to just sleep with him. I think that's very respectable, and if he gets an attitude with you, it's DEFINITELY his loss. I have a lot of respect for women who know their self worth. Guys too. If he doesn't change his attitude, then change who you're dating lol. 1
angel.eyes Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I sleep over because I don't live exactly close to him. He wants me to sleep over because one night while I was heading home from his place, I fell asleep at the wheel. He's the one wanting me to stay the night. Why doesn't he travel to your town for dates??? That's your first mistake. Let your dates expend a little effort and come to your town initially. It tends to separate out the serious daters from the in-and-out club just looking to get lucky...and this guy will keep you around until he gets lucky...especially since you're the one driving alll over creation sleep-deprived while his butt sits in his comfy bed. That's just ridiculous. 3
Mrin Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I'm in the same camp as everyone else on this thread. Stop initiating and see what happens. As an aside - while I think you can find some quality women on eHarmony, I think most of the men there are divorced beta males slow f***ing their way to a life of Downton Abbey, porn subscriptions and infrequent visits to strip clubs. 1
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