chelsey Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I'm looking for some advice on how to build this new relationship and any insights to similar situations. I got out of a long distance relationship about 3 months ago that didn't make it though me moving 6 hrs away to a dream job (his choice not mine). We dated after college and were very similar in age, education, career goals..etc... I just started seeing a sweet guy who is a Navy cheif. He's affectionate and caring and super cute. He's been divorced for 6 years and has a 6 yr old daughter (she came at the end unexpectedly) that he adores and visits twice a month. He's close with his family and overall a great person. He's called while visiting his family and I kept telling him "Shouldn't you get off the phone and spend time with them??" But I think he was showing off to them. I'm worried about his daughter thinking I'm taking time away or hating me for some reason. He was divorced due to his ex cheating on him while he was deployed and he's had a few girlfriends since that have never made it through a deployment. He's already asked me if I think I would be ok and I answered honestly that I can't guarantee I won't go crazy. I like my space and I think I probably could. He's a bit clingy, and I feel so cold for even saying that! On our first date he asked me to a Navy ball (where I would meet most of his friends and the people he works with!), we made it official after a week (my suggestion because it seemed to be going that way and I wanted to go-ahead to be able to call him boyfriend). We've spent time together just about every day since we've met, which is very different from my previous relationship and kind of out of character for me. We're a good fit and can talk for hours, it's like we've known each other for months and not weeks! Maybe I'm paranoid, but I'm also infatuated with his guy because he's pretty awesome and thinks I'm a genius since I'm a scientist. He makes me happy and I want to make him happy and have someone that will always be at he airport to pick him and give a kiss. I know for a fact that in an LDR it is soul crushing to have someone that it's even excited to see you. Basically... If any of you have insight into dating a divorced father or dating in the military please share. This is so different from what I've experienced before but I want to be supportive in the right ways.
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 If you could not make it in a LDR I doubt you will make it with a military man. I was married 15 years with an Army man. Our first year of marriage he was gone 7 months. He left regularly for periods of 3 to 6 months. Wives are often left on their own and end up raising the children pretty much on our own. When they leave it's hard then we get used to it but when they come back we have to get used to them being around again. Many military men have alcohol and aggressiveness issues. If I were you I would take my time to get to know him before getting in over my head. Its not an easy life. Concerning your guy how come he only sees his daughter twice a month?
angel.eyes Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Twice a month is every other week. That's a pretty common arrangement, especially if distance is involved.
Author chelsey Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 His daughter is 2 hours away. He said twice a month but he's actually gone to see her every week since I've known him. Concerning the long distance thing, I was actually the one who was ok with it in my previous relationship. My ex had basically decided it was over when I moved but took a few months to let me know, and it took me a few more to realize it. I've always been ok being on my own, but more than a month of no contact at all is more than I've ever dealt with. I'm worried things have progressed really quickly and there is a possibility of being apart longer than we've been together. I know I can't really know until his first deployment with me, but how do you handle it? what kinds of things make it easier for them or you? I've been doing sentimental things like leaving notes on his mirror and he wanted to start a journal to pass back and fourth. I think we have both been in relationships that have not been quite right and now we are both trying extra hard to be perfect!
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I've always been ok being on my own, but more than a month of no contact at all is more than I've ever dealt with. I'm worried things have progressed really quickly and there is a possibility of being apart longer than we've been together. I know I can't really know until his first deployment with me, but how do you handle it? what kinds of things make it easier for them or you? I've been doing sentimental things like leaving notes on his mirror and he wanted to start a journal to pass back and fourth. I think we have both been in relationships that have not been quite right and now we are both trying extra hard to be perfect! In my days there were no Internet so we had to go 3-6 months with no contact or the occasional phone call. Those phone calls had no privacy, the men were waiting in line by the phone and each had a maximum of minutes they were allowed. Nowadays there is the Internet, skype, texting, what's not out there too keep in touch. There is no recipe, you play it by ear. In his case he is in the navy, their deployments are very long usually, you would have to ask him how that works nowadays. Both of you willing to work extra hard is wonderful, when both parties are devoted to their relationship it works. As for being perfect that doesn't exist :-) We are only humans, we make mistakes, we are not perfect, relationships aren't perfect but can be very fulfilling. Good luck with everything.
PinkCarnations Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I just started dating a Navy guy. I met him shortly before he left for deployment. We're currently in Month 6 of a 8+ month deployment. At first, it was okay. We had a lot to talk about, sending messages at least once a day. Internet isn't great on the ship, so he often randomly disappears from the conversation. He goes to port every month or so. He uses wifi if he stays at a hotel. When he has wifi, we Skype, call, and text (over Facebook message) a lot. I look forward to his port trips the most for this reason. I also send him thoughtful care packages and cards. Nowadays, we still talk, but I get bored of the conversation. There's not much to talk about, and he can't really update me on his life on his end - because everything is basically classified information. Also, military guys tend to be more reserved in general, so don't expect them to be chatty, especially on deployment, since they're usually pretty busy and stressed (my guy, anyway - he's in the persian gulf right now). Anyways, we're basically just counting down the days until he gets back. Honestly, I don't know if I can survive another deployment. My guy has a 5 year commitment as a commissioned officer, so this won't be forever. But it sounds like your guy is career military, right? I'd say have fun and keep dating him, and see how deployment goes.
Gary S Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 He was divorced due to his ex cheating on him while he was deployed and he's had a few girlfriends since that have never made it through a deployment. : - The problem is, LDR's seldom work. The only other thing you should be aware of, people in power positions are higher risk for being narcissists. I do hope it works out for you.
Recommended Posts