FaithInTheDark Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Hi I'm writing this as an attempt to get some advice in the dating world. I'll be 26 in a few months and am still single. I know I didn't play my cards right with some experiences with men but come to the realization that I've been rejected by 95% of the men I've been with. I've been single most of my life. I've learned a lot of the dos and donts but whatever I do never works. I thought because I grew up in such a small town my dating pool was really limited. I get I am over weight and it was prevented myself a lot from attracting men. I'm not super big and have lost 20 lbs since last winter, still have a long ways to go. But now I live in the city and find it hard to meet men since I work a lot and don't go out drinking with friends too much. I tried the online dating And went out with three guys in the past three and half months. My last one was last weekend, which I thought went well. We had good conversation, he was cute and we laughed at each other jokes. I keep telling myself not to get my hopes because it never works out. And sure enough I can tell he's not interested since the texts are less frequent , he hadn't mentioned hanging out or anything. It's just brought me down so much to the point I feel worthless and so lonely. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, and how I can meet guys in this city. I'm looking for advice on how to meet a good guy sinc online dating isn't working? I'm feeling lost on how to attract guys on dates other than simply being myself. Whatever I am doing isn't working and feel like I need help.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Hi I'm writing this as an attempt to get some advice in the dating world. I'll be 26 in a few months and am still single. I know I didn't play my cards right with some experiences with men but come to the realization that I've been rejected by 95% of the men I've been with. I've been single most of my life. I've learned a lot of the dos and donts but whatever I do never works. I thought because I grew up in such a small town my dating pool was really limited. I get I am over weight and it was prevented myself a lot from attracting men. I'm not super big and have lost 20 lbs since last winter, still have a long ways to go. But now I live in the city and find it hard to meet men since I work a lot and don't go out drinking with friends too much. I tried the online dating And went out with three guys in the past three and half months. My last one was last weekend, which I thought went well. We had good conversation, he was cute and we laughed at each other jokes. I keep telling myself not to get my hopes because it never works out. And sure enough I can tell he's not interested since the texts are less frequent , he hadn't mentioned hanging out or anything. It's just brought me down so much to the point I feel worthless and so lonely. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, and how I can meet guys in this city. I'm looking for advice on how to meet a good guy sinc online dating isn't working? I'm feeling lost on how to attract guys on dates other than simply being myself. Whatever I am doing isn't working and feel like I need help. Depending how overweight you are (the same goes for guys) it really limits your dating options to other overweight people (which can be a crapshoot also because sometimes they always hold out too). Keep going to the gym 3-4 days a week - you only need to get your heartrate into the fat burn zone which is like 60% of your max heartrate, so you don't need to go all out on the cardio. Maybe try some gym classes like yoga or zumba too? Could make it more fun. You're going to gain a lot of newfound confidence as you slim up, and I suggest that you keep at it even after you do. You sound like you're a well adjusted person, so don't get too down on yourself. Just focus on bettering yourself, and doing things for YOU! 1
Vintage79 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 A few things - note these are not in order, and are kind of in the order that you mentioned them in your post: 1. Lose weight, or make improve your perspective on your body image 2. Increase your self esteem - it comes across as being very low 3. Go out and do lots of things that force you to interact with people - go out 1-2 evenings a week to social mixers and happy hours, join a club or two, participate in IM sports 4. Keep trying online dating 5. Start interacting with more people such that you can get a bit more comfortable doing it 6. Flirt a lot more 7. Ask guys out as opposed to always waiting for them to ask you out 8. Get your friends to set you up 9. Go to speed dating/singles events 10. Stop making excuses for not meeting people - it sounds like you've been doing it for a while 11. Get comfortable being rejected by 95% of people - that's saying if you ran into 20 random guys on the street, you'd find a BF...odds are in reality much worse than that. I think you get the picture - there are plenty of things that you can do - you just choose not to really put yourself out there. As is, you basically told me that you have low self esteem, are depressed, you never go out, you give up on guys almost while on the date, you're not proactive about engaging guys after the date, or suggesting follow-up meeting, you come up with excuses for why things are going to work out before the date starts and then come up with more reasons while on the date, and you're ready to abandon outlets that have gotten you dates, just because 2-3 of the dates did result in you being not-single. To be blunt - that profile gets an auto-reject without much thought all day long. The positive, there are a lot things that can be worked on that are independent of each other - allowing you to focus on a few and hopefully see improvement along the way. I'm not going to try to pretend what it's like dating for an overweight woman - I've heard horror stories, but you're aware of the struggles - now you just have to take a more proactive and engaged approach to improve yourself... 1
Author FaithInTheDark Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 Thanks for the feedback. let me explain myself. i have currently joined a weight loss program to loose weight but yes am aware it is a big factor in dating. i do have confidence but the rejection from men has really taken a toll on me for years and years. i understand that i need to force myself to go out and socialize, im recognizing that alot. that is something i am willing to make more effort with. its not that i give up on men during dates, i am quite hopeful but learned not to expect anything to come of it so i don't get get disappointed.this is from past experience. i trying to learn the dating game and i have been told time and time again if a man is interested in you, he will be the one to make it happen. thats why i haven't attempted to make further plans with the guy i just went out with because chasing has never been a good way to go about things with guys. id love to see him again but has been advised if he wants to see me hell let me no. yes, i would like to learn how to interact with men better, as i guess i am clueless. im not making excuses just being honest.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 OP. the only way to truly be successful is to commit to making a genuine lifestyle change. This means getting regular exercise for the rest of your life. Developing good long standing eating habits. Drinking plenty of water. Getting enough sleep, etc.. When you rely on gimmicks like diet and weight loss programs, they only offer short term solutions. People get burned out, and binge eat putting all of it back on. That's why programs like Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, etc do so much repeat business. Now speaking as a personal trainer, I know that getting in shape isn't easy. I have to bust my ass 5-6x a week training like a college athlete. But that's why I don't like people that make excuses and blame fit people for taking their dating options. If a person is going to live a healthy life and work their ass off, they have a right to reap the benefits. So avoid weight loss programs, start exercising regularly, and commit to changing your lifestyle. Hard work and dedication are the answers. Not quick fixes.
d0nnivain Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Forget the weight for a second. I'm going to assume you are doing something to make your body more healthy & leave it at that. Try to remember you don't have to be a size 2 to be attractive. You do have to make an effort besides OLD. If you work a lot, who is around in your building? Are there attractive men on the elevator? What about delivery guys? I have yet to meet a UPS guy who wasn't sexy & they are all shameless flirts. Practice flirting with them. Where do you have lunch? If it's at your desk, stop. Go somewhere else to eat. It's also psychologically healthier to leave the work environment while you eat. Join something whether a group that focuses on a hobby or even a work thing . . . get out there to meet new people. Tell people you know that you are open to being introduced to new people. You don't know who has a son, a single father, a neighbor, a dear friend, a cousin or brother who may be perfect for you. What plans do you have for summer? Can you do a single's summer share at some sort of beach to meet new people?
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