markleymassraff Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) Question for the guys. Would you say you are very jealous but tell the women in your life that you are not? Some context: Several times in my past, a guy has told me "I'm not the jealous type," yet clearly he was. Doesn't mean he was psycho-jealous, but he was jealous / acted a bit possessive. About four years ago I was nothing more than a f*ck buddy to this one guy, and even he was jealous. One night we were looking at Facebook and I was trying to show him a pic of somebody I used to date and have sex with, because we had talked about the guy (and I assume people are like me -- that is, curious about the faces of people who have been discussed). He could barely look at the picture; it was clear he didn't want to look at it. And he (the f*ck buddy guy) wasn't even interested in me for a relationship! The same thing more recently with a different guy who also doesn't want a relationship with me. Was trying to show him a picture of somebody that we had talked about -- someone I had been involved with. He, too, was like, glance very quickly at it but then look away quickly. Is it that men -- no matter how unseriously they take you (for a relationship) -- just don't like seeing pics of guys you have slept with before? I wasn't showing these pics "on purpose". I thought the guys would be curious. The first guy showed me some pics of people he used to be with and I loved seeing them...I"d been curious. I just think guys claim not to be jealous but they actually are jealous/possessive? Is this so? Edited April 2, 2015 by markleymassraff
carhill Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Men are pragmatic. Does telling a woman we're not jealous get us laid? Does telling a woman we're jealous get us laid? Go with what works. I was married for awhile and, while I did love my wife dearly, I wasn't jealous of her, whether that be her interactions with men, her business success, whatever. I was pretty content. However, content can act as Halon on a spark, in this case the spark of chemistry. Some people like the feeling of jealousy and possession to 'glue' things as it were. Perhaps that was my mistake. IDK. I didn't have much guidance in that regard. There was very little drama during my socialization so I didn't get those messages. 2
Mrin Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Are the dudes in the pics in questions great deal better or worse looking than the men yu speak of?
central Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I'm not very jealous. I became good friends with her prior housemate and boyfriend. We've been involved in polyamory, swinging, or an open relationship for 15 years. Jealousy to any significant extent is not compatible with those choices. 1
Author markleymassraff Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 Are the dudes in the pics in questions great deal better or worse looking than the men yu speak of? About equal. Different but equal, I'd say. But they wouldn't know that beforehand or during because they won't even look. And these guys don't even want me anyway! lol.
Vintage79 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I'm not jealous - but I would find it very odd that you want to show off pictures of your various flings...I kind of think this one's on you and your selection methods. I don't think most men or women want to see pictures of people their current fling has slept with in the past...very weird, awkward, and if that's all that you have to talk about, kind of sad... 2
Vercetti Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Maybe the nine inch nails song reptile came to his mind when saw the pictures and his strange reaction was the realization of how far down the spiral he has fallen.
Author markleymassraff Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 I'm not jealous - but I would find it very odd that you want to show off pictures of your various flings...I kind of think this one's on you and your selection methods. I don't think most men or women want to see pictures of people their current fling has slept with in the past...very weird, awkward, and if that's all that you have to talk about, kind of sad... lol, that wasn't all we talked about. It's what we talked about in relation to the question i am asking here; hence, why it is included and the 100s and 100s of other topics of conversation were not. Secondly, I don't see that about MOST "not wanting to see pics." Maybe 1/2 of people would not, but half wouldn't care. I don't know really, but I wouldn't for sure say "most," especially when it comes to people who aren't serious boyfriends or girlfriends. People you're flinging with are casual enough to not care if you see other people for dating in general; it's not unheard of that they wouldn't mind seeing a pic. That's my point here -- it's odd that a guy who doesn't care that much if you date other men in the present, has a beef with seeing the image of someone you dated before in the past.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Question for the guys. Would you say you are very jealous but tell the women in your life that you are not? Some context: Several times in my past, a guy has told me "I'm not the jealous type," yet clearly he was. Doesn't mean he was psycho-jealous, but he was jealous / acted a bit possessive. About four years ago I was nothing more than a f*ck buddy to this one guy, and even he was jealous. One night we were looking at Facebook and I was trying to show him a pic of somebody I used to date and have sex with, because we had talked about the guy (and I assume people are like me -- that is, curious about the faces of people who have been discussed). He could barely look at the picture; it was clear he didn't want to look at it. And he (the f*ck buddy guy) wasn't even interested in me for a relationship! The same thing more recently with a different guy who also doesn't want a relationship with me. Was trying to show him a picture of somebody that we had talked about -- someone I had been involved with. He, too, was like, glance very quickly at it but then look away quickly. Is it that men -- no matter how unseriously they take you (for a relationship) -- just don't like seeing pics of guys you have slept with before? I wasn't showing these pics "on purpose". I thought the guys would be curious. The first guy showed me some pics of people he used to be with and I loved seeing them...I"d been curious. I just think guys claim not to be jealous but they actually are jealous/possessive? Is this so? Ok lets flip it here.. How would you feel about a guy who's your ****buddy showing you the Facebook of a far hotter girl who he used to stick his dick in? I bet you probably wouldn't be the most thrilled. Even for casual sex relationships, no one wants to know about the other person's conquests in detail. Like with pictures and ****. 1
carhill Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Is it that men -- no matter how unseriously they take you (for a relationship) -- just don't like seeing pics of guys you have slept with before? Ha, kinda skimmed the first time and missed this part..... some examples from my M: 1. While dating exW, met her second husband on a few occasions and my takeaway was he was a pretty good guy, as was his dad whom I also met. ExW and he shared a pet beagle and he had 'custody'. 2. Proposed to exW at Xmas party of one of her high school boyfriends, he being long married at that point 3. When I was starting to get annoyed with our M, and this was the funny part, I found her wedding picture with her second husband and put it up on the nightstand in the guest bedroom. Normal guys are a bit more possessive and jealous, though they might sell you on other to close the deal. OTOH, I've been told I don't hate my exW enough and this may create difficulties with a new partner, in that I'm not 'over' her. Who's telling me this? Women! Anyway, just do what you do. If things work out, they do. IMO, there's no 'formula'. 1
SawtoothMars Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I just think guys claim not to be jealous but they actually are jealous/possessive? Is this so? This really depends on how much I care.
Author markleymassraff Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 Oh, and in the case of the first guy, he had just shown me pics of two of his previous girlfriends, which I looked at with curiosity. Then I showed him someone of my past and he would barely look. It wasn't a matter of me pushing pics on him or being wildly inappropriate. We were on social media already and it came up.
Author markleymassraff Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 Ok lets flip it here.. How would you feel about a guy who's your ****buddy showing you the Facebook of a far hotter girl who he used to stick his dick in? I bet you probably wouldn't be the most thrilled. Even for casual sex relationships, no one wants to know about the other person's conquests in detail. Like with pictures and ****. I get that. I do. Especially with the second guy because he hadn't just shown me pics of past flings/conquests. But the first guy had, lol. And in both cases, we were on social media already; it wasn't as if I was sitting quietly with no computer or phone around me and just said "hey let me turn on my phone, I want to show you something." It was much more organic to the situation that that in both cases. But i totally get what you are saying. I'm just saying...it's surprising because I actually am curious about past people. I assume it's because 1) I'm pretty good-looking and most people one would show me (at least in my opinion) are going to be someone I think I'm better looking than or at least equal to. (Just being honest.) But even if they are better looking / hotter than I am, it doesn't kill me. It *wouldn't* kill me, ESPECIALLY if I'm not even in love with the guy who's showing me a pic.
Author markleymassraff Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 Ha, kinda skimmed the first time and missed this part..... some examples from my M: 1. While dating exW, met her second husband on a few occasions and my takeaway was he was a pretty good guy, as was his dad whom I also met. ExW and he shared a pet beagle and he had 'custody'. 2. Proposed to exW at Xmas party of one of her high school boyfriends, he being long married at that point 3. When I was starting to get annoyed with our M, and this was the funny part, I found her wedding picture with her second husband and put it up on the nightstand in the guest bedroom. Normal guys are a bit more possessive and jealous, though they might sell you on other to close the deal. OTOH, I've been told I don't hate my exW enough and this may create difficulties with a new partner, in that I'm not 'over' her. Who's telling me this? Women! Anyway, just do what you do. If things work out, they do. IMO, there's no 'formula'. Thanks...interesting experiences! Yeah, people have interesting reactions to exes. One of my exes was very wary and insecure about a previous ex. And that IS funny about you putting the pic up of the second husband. Were you purposely trying to send a message that you don't care?
fitnessfan365 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Having a woman in your life that's desired by other men is HOT. It's not her fault what she was blessed with. If you have confidence that you're taking care of her needs and she has integrity, there's no reason to be jealous. It's human nature for attractive people to be desired. Getting bothered by it only leads to frustration.
carhill Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Thanks...interesting experiences! Yeah, people have interesting reactions to exes. One of my exes was very wary and insecure about a previous ex. And that IS funny about you putting the pic up of the second husband. Were you purposely trying to send a message that you don't care? Upon reflection I was purposely being cruel as payback for her ragging on me while I was caregiving. The cruelty part was that he had already remarried and moved away. That marriage was her 'dream' marriage, the society thing and all. It was a symbol of me saying 'well, if you don't like things here, there's a guy for you'. Something I just thought of, relevant to jealousy, is attachment style: Attachment in adults - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Vercetti Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 My perspective is someone with integrity / self worth...isn't going to have a flipbook of previous pump and dumpers and flaunt it to push buttons of a current casual sex partner. Maybe I'm old fashioned, class / discretion / consideration. 1
Strength in Healing Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Eh. I am not the jealous type, but if a 3rd party acts inappropriately, I will intervene. Otherwise, I don't look at the girls phone, ask where she is all the time, etc. If she screws up, her loss.
Author markleymassraff Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 My perspective is someone with integrity / self worth...isn't going to have a flipbook of previous pump and dumpers and flaunt it to push buttons of a current casual sex partner. Maybe I'm old fashioned, class / discretion / consideration. I don't think it's that you're old fashioned / class / discretion / consideration. It's that you can't read and comprehend the English language.
Strength in Healing Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I don't think it's that you're old fashioned / class / discretion / consideration. It's that you can't read and comprehend the English language. LOL! Feisty reply.
Author markleymassraff Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) I mean, I might be "guilty" of something, but it's not of purposely trying to push another person's buttons. It's more of assuming they share my own curiosity (or at least 'not minding') that greatly outweighs feeling of possessiveness. I shouldn't assume that, because it's clearly not the case, no matter the nature of the relationship. Edited April 2, 2015 by markleymassraff
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