katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I think it's important to be passionate when you're in love. No one wants to date a lifeless fish! Haha, there is nothing unhealthy about my mind, why do you say that? And he said it was really great to meet me but he's too busy for a relationship right now - so it's not that he wasn't feeling it. Wow you are defensive....
Author PearTree Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 And after being dumped after six YEARS you were fine? But after three DATES you are not?Yep, it's strange isn't it? But this most recent guy dumped me five hours ago and I am ok about it now. I wept a bit while I bought comforting snacks from the supermarket, talked to some friends and now I'm ok. Bring on the next ex-boyfriend!
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I think it's important to be passionate when you're in love. No one wants to date a lifeless fish! Haha, there is nothing unhealthy about my mind, why do you say that? And he said it was really great to meet me but he's too busy for a relationship right now - so it's not that he wasn't feeling it. So then why are you upset and in tears? You are not making sense..but never mind. This discussion is going nowhere...REAL fast.
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Yep, it's strange isn't it? But this most recent guy dumped me five hours ago and I am ok about it now. I wept a bit while I bought comforting snacks from the supermarket, talked to some friends and now I'm ok. Bring on the next ex-boyfriend! Whew! I was getting worried there for s sec! You're right...next!
fitnessfan365 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 OP, if you can get this shaken up over three dates, you should not be dating yet. You need time to develop thicker skin and be more selective. I mean if you fall to pieces this fast over every guy you have a few dates with, you're in for a tough road ahead.
Author PearTree Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 OP, if you can get this shaken up over three dates, you should not be dating yet. You need time to develop thicker skin and be more selective. I mean if you fall to pieces this fast over every guy you have a few dates with, you're in for a tough road ahead. Is this not what dating is meant to be like? I have literally no idea!
fitnessfan365 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Is this not what dating is meant to be like? I have literally no idea! Dating is meant to get to know someone over time. Depending on how long you have been dating, that should determine your interest level and emotional attachment. Three dates really isn't much of anything. I mean it's perfectly OK to be a little disappointed. He was a guy that you liked spending time with, and he changed his mind. It's a bummer but it was only three dates. Now if it had been a guy that was your boyfriend that you spent months/years with, then tears are absolutely fine and understandable. But not after three weeks. You need to learn how to be more selective with your emotions and develop thicker skin. 3
Author PearTree Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 Dating is meant to get to know someone over time. Depending on how long you have been dating, that should determine your interest level and emotional attachment. Three dates really isn't much of anything. I mean it's perfectly OK to be a little disappointed. He was a guy that you liked spending time with, and he changed his mind. It's a bummer but it was only three dates. Now if it had been a guy that was your boyfriend that you spent months/years with, then tears are absolutely fine and understandable. But not after three weeks. You need to learn how to be more selective with your emotions and develop thicker skin. I was very much infatuated with this guy, although he never knew. In my mind I had built up a future with him. I had imagined meeting his parents and living with him and everything. Now all that is gone. But I know it was all imaginary, so no harm done. It's just that in my mind I always thought I'd have a perfect relationship straight away. We'd meet at a young age, fall in love and live happily ever after. I wanted to get it right first time. It looks like I'm going to have to date like everyone else though. I suppose I'll wake up one morning and be 35 and divorced, having to take the kids to their dad's house for the weekend. What an existence!
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 He messaged me apologising for not talking to me for a week. He said he wasn't looking for a relationship right now but that it was great to meet me. I'm feeling really hopeful about it! First off, what made him presume YOU were looking for a relationship? Did you discuss this? Second, just so you know..for the future, when a man says he is not looking for a relationship, he means with you...not in general. If he weren't looking for a relationship (in general), he would not have bothered investing the time (and money?) taking you out on three dates. And third, did y'all have sex? If you mentioned this previously, apologies I missed it. Really wanting to help you out here...being that you're rather green about dating. 2
Author PearTree Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 First off, what made him presume YOU were looking for a relationship? Did you discuss this? Second, just so you know..for the future, when a man says he is not looking for a relationship, he means with you...not in general. If he weren't looking for a relationship (in general), he would not have bothered investing the time (and money?) taking you out on three dates. And third, did y'all have sex? If you mentioned this previously, apologies I missed it. Really wanting to help you out here...being that you're rather green about dating. We never discussed what we were looking for. I think he was looking for a relationship (his online dating profile said so), then during the time we were dating he realised that his life was too busy at the moment to date. No, we never ever had sex. I would never do that before being in a committed relationship with someone.
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 We never discussed what we were looking for. I think he was looking for a relationship (his online dating profile said so), then during the time we were dating he realised that his life was too busy at the moment to date. No, we never ever had sex. I would never do that before being in a committed relationship with someone. Re second paragraph.. calling BS on that...typical response from a guy who wants to spare your feelings. When a man is into you, trust me he has the time. But if it makes you feel better to believe that, feel free. I am glad you didn't have sex. At least the guy had the decency and integrity to end it before going there. Many guys would not have. Just so you know what to expect going forward... 2
Author PearTree Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 Re second paragraph.. calling BS on that...typical response from a guy who wants to spare your feelings. But if it makes you feel better to believe that, feel free. I am glad you didn't have sex. At least the guy had the decency and integrity to end it before going there. Many guys would not have. Just so you know what to expect going forward... All that is doing is upsetting me further for no reason. Why should I care whether a complete stranger wants to date other people or not? It's really not helping me to think about that. I never ever want to have sex until I am ready to be married. I think I would probably explode and die if someone left me after sex. I feel bad enough being left after kissing.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I never ever want to have sex until I am ready to be married. There's your answer. Any guy that hears that won't want to stick around. Not having sex until marriage is a naive way of thinking because sexual compatibility is important. Unless the guy is highly religious, a virgin himself, etc he'll want to know how she is in bed, before marrying her. 4
Author PearTree Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 There's your answer. Any guy that hears that won't want to stick around. Not having sex until marriage is a naive way of thinking because sexual compatibility is important. Unless the guy is highly religious, a virgin himself, etc he'll want to know how she is in bed, before marrying her. I never told him this. I would never have sex until I was ready to be married, not until I actually was married. And I am highly concerned about sexual compatibility as well. I was scared he might be too shy or not want to have sex too often - but I guess now I don't need to worry about that. It's a shame because I was really looking forward to it.
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 All that is doing is upsetting me further for no reason. Why should I care whether a complete stranger wants to date other people or not? It's really not helping me to think about that. I never ever want to have sex until I am ready to be married. I think I would probably explode and die if someone left me after sex. I feel bad enough being left after kissing. Didn't mean to upset you, I just think it's best to open your eyes to the realities of dating, and the bullshyt lines some guys use to get out of a situation they don't wish to pursue any longer. And I agree why *should* you care that a virtual stranger you had three dates with doesn't wish to pursue you any longer? Who cares? You shouldn't. So then why should what I just disclosed upset you further? Just move on..like you said, next! There are plenty more where he came from.
SunnySide0418 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I never told him this. I would never have sex until I was ready to be married, not until I actually was married. And I am highly concerned about sexual compatibility as well. I was scared he might be too shy or not want to have sex too often - but I guess now I don't need to worry about that. It's a shame because I was really looking forward to it. You said when you kissed there was no tongue. Maybe he wasn't feeling any chemistry. That's a pretty odd way to kiss someone on the third date you are into imo.
PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I think he was looking for a relationship (his online dating profile said so), then during the time we were dating he realised that his life was too busy at the moment to date. Really? First rule of Fight Club is, don't believe everything you read. Second rule of Fight club is, don't believe everything you read.
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 He said he didn't want a relationship at this time....translation: I want a relationship but not with you.....that kiss was the deal breaker, I put money on it. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 You said when you kissed there was no tongue. Maybe he wasn't feeling any chemistry. That's a pretty odd way to kiss someone on the third date you are into imo. I concur with SunnySide0418. I sense from your posts PearTree that you have some emotional detachment from your dates. Yes you were infatuated with the guy, but you said yourself that you didn't let him know. Which means during the dates you were very guarded. You kept everything to yourself. The guy probably picked this up after date three, and decided to cut his losses.
Leigh 87 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Yep, it's strange isn't it? But this most recent guy dumped me five hours ago and I am ok about it now. I wept a bit while I bought comforting snacks from the supermarket, talked to some friends and now I'm ok. Bring on the next ex-boyfriend! He wasn't your boyfriend. Not after three dates. 2
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