PearTree Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Hi all, I have been dating this guy for three weeks now. We've seen each other once a week and he's been really nice. He kissed me on our third date and he said we'd meet up again. That was five days ago and he has not been in contact with me since. I texted him yesterday saying I had a good time on our last date - I don't want him to think I'm uninterested but I don't want to seem too keen. I really like him and I should probably stop liking him so much before I get hurt. I'm feeling pretty lovesick right now. I'm totally new to the whole dating thing. This is the first guy I have ever dated in my adult life, I have no idea what is normal. I suppose now I just stop thinking about it and see what happen?
fitnessfan365 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Hmm.. If a guy is actually good with women, it's automatic to suggest future plans when a woman reaches out to "see how you're doing". But when you combine his lack of contact with him not responding too, that's definitely a bad sign. Luckily you've only had three dates with the guy and can move on quickly to someone else.
Vintage79 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 If he was really interested, he'd text back, and truthfully, he shouldn't be waiting more than 2-3 days to try to get something on the calendar (antiquated, useless guy rules were 3 days - I'd run from someone actually using them, but I'd likely give him a pass if you're both young). The gist - he likely isn't all that interested, or if he is interested, he's chasing lots of other girls in addition to you and you're not likely the top choice...just gotta be realistic at some point. That said, yes, it sounds like you're over invested in this guy. At the same time, if your text was simply, "I had a good time" without any question, or anything else, it doesn't necessarily warrant a response - you should have at least proposed getting together again, or hint at when you're free, suggest something you'd like to do, or ask him out yourself, etc. If you're really smitten,don't worry about sending another text or with something that's a bit more like what I said above in a day or 2 (but just one more text - not several more, and don't keep sending them thereafter if he doesn't respond) - if he doesn't respond, you know where you stand, but at least you don't have to sit around thinking about it any more. 1
preraph Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 There can be many reasons for not responding, mostly being busy concentrating on something else. But yes, now all you can do is wait and see if he responds. If no word a week from now, he's gone.
Author PearTree Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 If he was really interested, he'd text back, and truthfully, he shouldn't be waiting more than 2-3 days to try to get something on the calendar (antiquated, useless guy rules were 3 days - I'd run from someone actually using them, but I'd likely give him a pass if you're both young). The gist - he likely isn't all that interested, or if he is interested, he's chasing lots of other girls in addition to you and you're not likely the top choice...just gotta be realistic at some point. That said, yes, it sounds like you're over invested in this guy. At the same time, if your text was simply, "I had a good time" without any question, or anything else, it doesn't necessarily warrant a response - you should have at least proposed getting together again, or hint at when you're free, suggest something you'd like to do, or ask him out yourself, etc. If you're really smitten,don't worry about sending another text or with something that's a bit more like what I said above in a day or 2 (but just one more text - not several more, and don't keep sending them thereafter if he doesn't respond) - if he doesn't respond, you know where you stand, but at least you don't have to sit around thinking about it any more.Yep, I did hint that I wanted to do something with him again. Looks like he's just not that into me. I won't be contacting him again. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 OP how was the first kiss? Did you try and ram your tongue in his throat or anything weird? haha. Try and back off a bit and not seem too eager. Just like Women, Men also don't like it when a girl is overly needy, and it can turn us off really quick. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 OP how was the first kiss? Did you try and ram your tongue in his throat or anything weird? haha. Try and back off a bit and not seem too eager. Just like Women, Men also don't like it when a girl is overly needy, and it can turn us off really quick. Hahahaha This post made me laugh based on experience. Had a decent first date and at the end she says "I had a lovely evening" aka "I want you to kiss me". So I lean in to kiss her and she proceeds to ram her tongue down my throat the instant my lips touch hers. I love to make out as much as the next guy. But a first kiss should have some build up to it. In all honesty, it felt like she was checking me to see if I still had my tonsils. One of the few times where I couldn't be honest about why I didn't want to see a woman again. I mean there is no tactful way to say that someone is a bad kisser. So I had to lie and say that I'd decided to focus on someone else.
smackie9 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 You have only seen him once a week, and you haven't heard from him in 5 days? What does that tell you? He's probably dating someone or others as well as you, and now he is focusing on someone he wants to be with....he's flaked out on you. If you hear from him again it's because his other choice didn't pan out. Or he is back with his ex. 3
Redhead14 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Hi all, I have been dating this guy for three weeks now. We've seen each other once a week and he's been really nice. He kissed me on our third date and he said we'd meet up again. That was five days ago and he has not been in contact with me since. I texted him yesterday saying I had a good time on our last date - I don't want him to think I'm uninterested but I don't want to seem too keen. I really like him and I should probably stop liking him so much before I get hurt. I'm feeling pretty lovesick right now. I'm totally new to the whole dating thing. This is the first guy I have ever dated in my adult life, I have no idea what is normal. I suppose now I just stop thinking about it and see what happen? It is usually best to let them do all the contacting in the very beginning. It's ok to say you'd had a nice time after each date, but don't reach out to them first for a while. And, yes, stop thinking about it and see if he contacts you again. Let him come to you. It's the only way you can have a better idea of what a man's intentions are. And, 5 days isn't such a long time between a 3rd date. People are busy and focused on other things sometimes. If he contacts you and asks you for a proper date again, you should go but let things unfold for a bit to see if he becomes consistent in dating you. And, don't be intimate with him until he is consistent and you two have a discussion about dating goals. Make sure you two are on the same page -- casual dating, dating for a relationship, etc.
Author PearTree Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 OP how was the first kiss? Did you try and ram your tongue in his throat or anything weird? haha. Try and back off a bit and not seem too eager. Just like Women, Men also don't like it when a girl is overly needy, and it can turn us off really quick.Haha, no tongues were involved at all! Just some gentle kissing on the lips, then I looked into his eyes and smiled and all was good. Then at the end of the night he kissed me goodnight at my door. He seemed a bit nervous about kissing and putting his arm around me and stuff, and I was absolutely terrified. I really enjoyed it though and I'm glad it happened. I'm not sure how I can back off any more, seeing as I only sent him one text since our last date. But I'll certainly not text him again until (if) he texts me. It's just strange - we texted a bit after our first and second dates and now we've become slightly more intimate he has gone silent. I suppose that's the way it goes sometimes! He is starting a new job this week, and visiting his family over Easter so he might be preoccupied with that. But I suppose if you like someone you don't let something like that stop you from contacting them. I think I'm grasping at straws by thinking about these possibilities - much more likely he just doesn't like me anymore!
kayla73 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 How often did he text you before the 3rd date? Some guys just aren't big on texting. Don't read too much into this. For now, I would throw the ball in his court. Don't text him until he texts you. I would try and keep yourself busy in the meantime.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Hahahaha This post made me laugh based on experience. Had a decent first date and at the end she says "I had a lovely evening" aka "I want you to kiss me". So I lean in to kiss her and she proceeds to ram her tongue down my throat the instant my lips touch hers. I love to make out as much as the next guy. But a first kiss should have some build up to it. In all honesty, it felt like she was checking me to see if I still had my tonsils. One of the few times where I couldn't be honest about why I didn't want to see a woman again. I mean there is no tactful way to say that someone is a bad kisser. So I had to lie and say that I'd decided to focus on someone else. Dude, the last girl I was seeing for a bit over a month did that on our 2nd date... At the end of the 2nd I went in and was going to give her a 3-4 second closed mouth kiss and she kinda slopped it so I backed out quick lol. She did get a bit better after that date though and we kept going out. Haha, no tongues were involved at all! Just some gentle kissing on the lips, then I looked into his eyes and smiled and all was good. Then at the end of the night he kissed me goodnight at my door. He seemed a bit nervous about kissing and putting his arm around me and stuff, and I was absolutely terrified. I really enjoyed it though and I'm glad it happened. I'm not sure how I can back off any more, seeing as I only sent him one text since our last date. But I'll certainly not text him again until (if) he texts me. It's just strange - we texted a bit after our first and second dates and now we've become slightly more intimate he has gone silent. I suppose that's the way it goes sometimes! He is starting a new job this week, and visiting his family over Easter so he might be preoccupied with that. But I suppose if you like someone you don't let something like that stop you from contacting them. I think I'm grasping at straws by thinking about these possibilities - much more likely he just doesn't like me anymore! If a guy is interested in you during the 1st/2nd date he will get in touch with you sooner rather than later All you can do is wait.
Author PearTree Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 It is usually best to let them do all the contacting in the very beginning. It's ok to say you'd had a nice time after each date, but don't reach out to them first for a while. And, yes, stop thinking about it and see if he contacts you again. Let him come to you. It's the only way you can have a better idea of what a man's intentions are. And, 5 days isn't such a long time between a 3rd date. People are busy and focused on other things sometimes. If he contacts you and asks you for a proper date again, you should go but let things unfold for a bit to see if he becomes consistent in dating you. And, don't be intimate with him until he is consistent and you two have a discussion about dating goals. Make sure you two are on the same page -- casual dating, dating for a relationship, etc. When is the right time to have the discussion about dating goals? I was thinking of bringing it up next time I see him (if it ever happens), which would be date number four. I don't want to waste time with someone who is stringing me along.
Author PearTree Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 He has officially dumped me after three dates. I am in tears. Sigh.
Gary S Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Awe, I'm sorry. Keep your head up, you will find a better guy next time. You only need one. 5
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 He has officially dumped me after three dates. I am in tears. Sigh. I am so sorry, but you will look back on this be laughing (or chuckling)...not crying. I promise! You only had three dates, to be this upset that you are in tears indicates you were way WAY over invested. And too involved emotionally.. too soon. He probably sensed that also, which most people can. And it's a turn off. I know you said he is the first guy you have ever dated...sweetie you are in for quite a ride going forward... because dating can be brutal! This was nothing compared to all the future experiences you are going to have. Some great, some good, some not so good and disappointing (like this)...and some utterly horrible and hurtful. You need to get up, shake this off, hold your head up high and keep moving. And a thicker skin is most definitely in order as well..if you are to survive all this....until you find "the one" to go all the way with (commitment,). Good luck!!! 2
smackie9 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 He has officially dumped me after three dates. I am in tears. Sigh. Look at it this way....you got to go on 3 dates with him! Most don't make it past the first date. BTW what did he say to you? He is being decent about it if he messaged you to end it instead of totally ignoring you.
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Look at it this way....you got to go on 3 dates with him! Most don't make it past the first date. BTW what did he say to you? He is being decent about it if he messaged you to end it instead of totally ignoring you. My guess is since she said he "officially" dumped her, he actually told her instead of just fading out. Be thankful for small favors.... 2
losangelena Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I am so sorry, but you will look back on this be laughing (or chuckling)...not crying. I promise! You only had three dates, to be this upset that you are in tears indicates you were way WAY over invested. And too involved emotionally.. too soon. He probably sensed that also, which most people can. And it's a turn off. I know you said he is the first guy you have ever dated...sweetie you are in for quite a ride going forward... because dating can be brutal! This was nothing compared to all the future experiences you are going to have. Some great, some good, some not so good and disappointing (like this)...and some utterly horrible and hurtful. You need to get up, shake this off, hold your head up high and keep moving. And a thicker skin is most definitely in order as well..if you are to survive all this....until you find "the one" to go all the way with (commitment,). Good luck!!! Yep, yep, this exactly. When I first started dating a couple years ago, I was the same way. The first guy I dated, we only went out three times, too, but he did the fade, and I could just not understand it and I felt so devastated. It wasn't until I met a few other guys that I began to understand the full scope of human behavior, especially in the context of dating. After a few months, nothing any guy did or said surprised me, and while I don't mean that in a cynical way, it was quite eye-opening. I think getting to that point will really allow you to have a healthier mindset about dating, because you won't get invested in a bunch of pretty words or actions that have no meaning behind them. I'm sorry, though, it does suck, but better he actually tell you he's not feeling it than just disappearing. 2
Author PearTree Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 I am so sorry, but you will look back on this be laughing (or chuckling)...not crying. I promise! You only had three dates, to be this upset that you are in tears indicates you were way WAY over invested. And too involved emotionally.. too soon. He probably sensed that also, which most people can. And it's a turn off. I know you said he is the first guy you have ever dated...sweetie you are in for quite a ride going forward... because dating can be brutal! This was nothing compared to all the future experiences you are going to have. Some great, some good, some not so good and disappointing (like this)...and some utterly horrible and hurtful. You need to get up, shake this off, hold your head up high and keep moving. And a thicker skin is most definitely in order as well..if you are to survive all this....until you find "the one" to go all the way with (commitment,). Good luck!!! I'm pretty sure I won't be laughing at this. This is serious business. And there is no way he could tell that I was 'too involved emotionally' - I was not emotional at all and he did a lot more on dates than I did for him. My skin is really thick, I'm very emotionally resilient. I have had a guy dump me after six years and I was fine about it.
Author PearTree Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 Look at it this way....you got to go on 3 dates with him! Most don't make it past the first date. BTW what did he say to you? He is being decent about it if he messaged you to end it instead of totally ignoring you. He messaged me apologising for not talking to me for a week. He said he wasn't looking for a relationship right now but that it was great to meet me. I'm feeling really hopeful about it!
Author PearTree Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 Yep, yep, this exactly. When I first started dating a couple years ago, I was the same way. The first guy I dated, we only went out three times, too, but he did the fade, and I could just not understand it and I felt so devastated. It wasn't until I met a few other guys that I began to understand the full scope of human behavior, especially in the context of dating. After a few months, nothing any guy did or said surprised me, and while I don't mean that in a cynical way, it was quite eye-opening. I think getting to that point will really allow you to have a healthier mindset about dating, because you won't get invested in a bunch of pretty words or actions that have no meaning behind them. I'm sorry, though, it does suck, but better he actually tell you he's not feeling it than just disappearing. I think it's important to be passionate when you're in love. No one wants to date a lifeless fish! Haha, there is nothing unhealthy about my mind, why do you say that? And he said it was really great to meet me but he's too busy for a relationship right now - so it's not that he wasn't feeling it.
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I'm pretty sure I won't be laughing at this. This is serious business. And there is no way he could tell that I was 'too involved emotionally' - I was not emotional at all and he did a lot more on dates than I did for him. My skin is really thick, I'm very emotionally resilient. I have had a guy dump me after six years and I was fine about it. Being dumped after only three dates is *serious business"? How so? I am not understanding.... And after being dumped after six YEARS you were fine? But after three DATES you are not?
Author PearTree Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 Being dumped after only three dates is *serious business"? How so? I am not understanding.... Because this is my wellbeing we're taking about here! Plus I was a fool to kiss him before we were more committed, so that's another 'notch on my bedpost' that I can never take back.
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