Jess xx Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 I am SO confused right now! I'll try to give this to you guys as simply as possible...I have been going out with my boyfriend for over 2 years, all was great, he moved into my place a year ago and wanted us to buy a place together. About a month ago I felt he was getting stressed with me alot..I put this down to him being stressed at work as he hates his job..I knew something was wrong and it was, he was texting another girl. I found a text on his phone from her saying "missing you". I confront him and he says its somebody at work (they're not in the same office) who likes him and he doesn't like her and didn't tell me because it was nothing. YEAH OK. So I don't know her but decide to ring her to ask whats the deal as apparently he told her he had a girlfriend but she didn't care...nice girl! She denies the whole thing to me. So Im upset as I didn't really trust the situation as it didn't add up then to fuel my distrust my boyf announces he has been having doubts about us however wants to give it a try! So the past 3 weeks we've been making a real go of things and have been having the best time..then 2 days ago rightly or wrongly I went through his phone and sure enough theres a text from her saying once again "missing you baby...been thinking about you all day xXx txt me later so I have something to look forward to when I wake up". Im distraught at this point and tell him to leave, he says he wants to explain! We talk for 5 hours, he says they never went on any dates and never got physical only texting and speaking on the phone...Im not sure I believe him...how can she write stuff like that yet never been out with him. Anyway he says to show me it means nothing he rings her in front of me on loudspeaker and tells her its got to stop as he wants to make a go of it with me...she hangs up on him. He begs me to take him back and although I still love him, the trust has gone...for all I know he could have made up with her since?? Now over to you guys....what do you think?????????????????????
vickimonster Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 I have to say from what you have said it is possible that it was just the phone and txting between them. None the less this is still a form of being unfaithful. The fact that he didn't stop when you asked him to is not a good sign. I guess the quesstion is what do you want. Do you really want to try with this person that you don't trust??
Author Jess xx Posted April 14, 2005 Author Posted April 14, 2005 You're right, however my hearts telling me one thing and my heads telling me another...he's not staying with me anymore, as I asked him to leave he has had to go back home. It just drives me crazy not knowing whether anything ever happened...perhaps its not the best foundation to give it a second chance. To me this all came out of the blue so I still feel the same about him...its just I feel betrayed...if it was nothing why jeopardize what we had?!
snuggles Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 he was VERY wrong in wot he did... mayb he did it cos he likes her... maybe he jst likes the ego boost of knowing she likes him... If i were u i definitely would b pissed and i wouldnt trust him. He has broken ur trust (and i know it hurts bad to find out) and has continued entertaining himself and her by txting after u caught him out. In the end it is up to you. But keep him wrapped round ur lil finger... dont let ur guard down. He has a lot of makin up to do to u. And if he really loves u he will stop. But watch out that he doesnt do things bhind ur back.
GirlDown Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 he has either already cheated on you, or is/was planning on it. he's out of your house. let him stay out.
chicothechimp Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 it may help you to hear this... my last GF did the same thing to me... was text messaging another guy and calling him and $hit... thought she could hide it from me but that did not happen... it was her boss at work (he is married and has two small kids)... she was eaither the dumbest brick on the block or else simply a cold, heartless narcissist... she formally broke up with me but kept hanging out with me... either way, she sent him an email confessing her love/lust (*words she used) for him, that she felt safe andd naked around him, but also saying she realized that she was "second fiddle" but was content as such, and that she was looking forward to the "moments under the bleachers" she could have with him (*her wording again)... well, I saw all the email and you can guess how I reacted... people who sneak around you do NOT love you... love is what you do, not what you say... an instance of betrayal can be forgiven... deception that goes on and on is just plain evil... walk away... there is someone better out there who would never think of letting another woman say these things to him and let her keep on saying them... the fact that he let it keep on going just shows how selfish he can be... dump him and move on... embrace the hurt and rejection and betrayal... then healing can fill the void... things will get better... just don't avoid the pain. Chico
Author Jess xx Posted April 15, 2005 Author Posted April 15, 2005 I hear what you say...however do you really not think it meant anything when he rang her and told her he wanted it to stop and make a go of it with me? Even though he has betrayed me, I do not understand why he would ring her to tell her it was over in front of me if he still wanted to spk to her?........maybe Im deluding myself...I wish I could accept the situation.
Devildog Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 And do you know for certain he didn't call her the next day to apologize for that? Remember, you are not dealing with an honest person here.
Naturalle Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Well....sweety.I know ur goin thru a rough time.U are hurt,yet u love him. So subconsciously u'll go on tryin to defend him...tryin to find reasons to stay wid him. I've been thru this myself.I would keep my eyes shut and pretend not to see the signs until it was too late. I wouldn't believ wat yr bf tells me if I were u.He lied b4...he can lie again. Maybe he did break it off with her. Maybe he didn't get back with her the next day..But can u ever trust him again. Can u guarantee that won't do it again?
Author Jess xx Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 So much has happenend since my original post.....I did find out over the weeks how far my boyf went....pretty much all the way...but apart from the physical stuff he really was having a relationship for, wait for it, 10 months behind my back...I CANNOT believe I did not see it especially as he was living with me. I don't know what is wrong with me but I am just more hurt than angry with him...I have been in denial for the past month but gradually I found out more and more...and not through his honesty but through me finding phone bills etc. He says its over...whatever....and is being really over the top with grand gestures e.g marriage proposal!!!!!!! As I said before I cannot accept what has been done to me, I can't believe I was stupid enough not to see what was going on...how can he say he loves&respects me when he has done this?? Also cannot understand why he just didn't finish with me when he started up with this other girl?? I know I cannot go back now only forwards as I will never be able to trust him again, I really believe he has problems and is a compulsive liar, and even though he has hurt me beyond belief, knowing that he will not be in my life anymore is the most desperate feeling right now....I just don't know how to cope? What do you think?
faux Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by Jess xx I know I cannot go back now only forwards as I will never be able to trust him again, I really believe he has problems and is a compulsive liar, and even though he has hurt me beyond belief, knowing that he will not be in my life anymore is the most desperate feeling right now....I just don't know how to cope? What do you think? It is good that you know this guy is bad for you, and that you should not go back with him. Coping will most likely be difficult, but if you keep on your path time will eventually lessen the pain. When things go wrong in any respect, waiting for time to heal is always difficult; it is, however, necessary to give yourself as much time as you need. If this man insists on trying to make up with you, and asking you to marry him, just tell him "no" and remind him of what he did to you.
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