StandingO Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Over the years and more so recently when I hear the stories from people failed past relationships, marriages, common law etc its seems by far the biggest reason the relationship failure was cheating. My rough guess is 80% of the time is due to this. One or the other (more often the male but not by much) ends up having sex with either an old flame, friends wife or husband, someone at work, on business trip, on-line dating etc. Actually the last one "on-line dating is the most common source I hear it from these days. I often wonder about the future of long term relationships and families at the rates our culture seems to be turning. If a relationship last 5 year your doing great it seems. I got two friends of ours right now that I know both women are cheating on their husbands. In one case the husband maybe cheating on her at the same time.
BlackHat Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 WARNING: I am speaking about today, not 100 years ago. I don´t think relationships/marriage fail because of cheating. They fail because this is the price to pay for freedom. We all look back and romanticize our forefathers´ relationships because they didn´t show openly their internal problems. Beating was accepted, abuse was accepted...in both sides, mind you, but at the same time they had a higher tolerance to the other person and strive to make things work no matter what. We, on the other hand, have won something and lost something. Back when I was a kid we threw things only when they were broken beyond repair, and every family had someone who was in charge of fixing things around the house. Today a broken TV goes straight to the rubbish bin even when in many cases all that the TV needed was a new fuse or internal AC/DC adapter. Relationships are the same. Why do people cheat? Difficult question. I am a serial cheater and some days I do not know it myself. But what I do know is that, in the same way as a cell phone today costs a fraction of what it used to cost way back when, for better or worse escaping from a relationship is far more simple today than ever, finding a new person in tinder or badoo is easier than ever, so the market is flooded with singles, and we have created an economy of scale which has lowered the emotional costs to next to nothing. Why do I, Blackhat, cheat? Because I know that the day my wife leaves me I can have another one. We cheat because we don´t respect the other person. We cheat because we are selfish and mean and careless. But above all, make no mistake, we cheaters cheat because we can. I would love to write about the reasons for cheating, but unfortunately the first amendment does not work in private sites and sensitive audiences are...sensitive, but suffice to say that you may want to do a bit of homework and, instead of staying on the official story, dig a bit deeper, specially on the other side. What you find may surprise you. Anyway, today, the consequences of cheating are much less than what they used to be. And this might be a good think. We need to rethink the ways we interact with others. Maybe our monogamous approach is wrong. I for one prefer the freedom at the expense of knowing that I will possibly never be forever and ever with anyone. I can cook, I can take care of myself, and when I am old someone will wipe my...mouth, someone I pay because I want, not because of a court order. Just my personal opinion and my two cents, representing myself alone (we need to be politically correct, you see). 1
Arieswoman Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Some stats from UK. http://www.relate.org.uk/files/relate/separation-divorce-factsheet-jan2014.pdf 1
davidromero43 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 My wife put it very simple the other day. She said: "If I am unhappy, I will cheat. I have cheated on my past husbands, and I will do it again. So you better make sure that I stay happy." So which would cause the divorce? Being unhappy or cheating?
KBarletta Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 My wife put it very simple the other day. She said: "If I am unhappy, I will cheat. I have cheated on my past husbands, and I will do it again. So you better make sure that I stay happy." So which would cause the divorce? Being unhappy or cheating? Wow. That's kind of a shocking admission to make, don't you think? That she has to be happy all the time or she will cheat - not only that but she put the responsibility for her happiness in the hands of her partner, rather than where it belongs, in her own. That seems totally unfair. I don't know the back story, but if someone said that to me, I'd be tempted to say adios. 11
autumnnight Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 My wife put it very simple the other day. She said: "If I am unhappy, I will cheat. I have cheated on my past husbands, and I will do it again. So you better make sure that I stay happy." So which would cause the divorce? Being unhappy or cheating? There is no simple answer for this question for the truly honest. But I have to say, it wasn't very nice of your wife to say that. 3
carhill Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I tend to see infidelity as a symptom of the failure rather than the failure point itself but, then again, that's only my life experiences talking, presuming they're true. Another person could have completely different experiences. In any event, since there's no way to accurately read people's minds, there's really no way to know for sure what percentages of relationships fail for any particular reason. In the eternal hunt for the chicken or the egg, I think I'll stick to beef. 5
Clay Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 My wife put it very simple the other day. She said: "If I am unhappy, I will cheat. I have cheated on my past husbands, and I will do it again. So you better make sure that I stay happy." So which would cause the divorce? Being unhappy or cheating? Damn..... I can't say I would continue with that relationship. No way would I live with that kind of a threat over my head. Sure hope you don't screw up or you will be posting in the infidelity section. Clay 4
Steen719 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 My wife put it very simple the other day. She said: "If I am unhappy, I will cheat. I have cheated on my past husbands, and I will do it again. So you better make sure that I stay happy." So which would cause the divorce? Being unhappy or cheating? What about the options of counseling or leaving? Sheesh...what a gal! 2
Sassy Girl Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 My wife put it very simple the other day. She said: "If I am unhappy, I will cheat. I have cheated on my past husbands, and I will do it again. So you better make sure that I stay happy." So which would cause the divorce? Being unhappy or cheating? Id be sayin back to her "right back at ya, babe"...if its good for the goose its good for the gander. Did she cheat with you on her last husband? She sounds like a spoiled entitled cow.
elaine567 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 My wife put it very simple the other day. She said: "If I am unhappy, I will cheat. I have cheated on my past husbands, and I will do it again. So you better make sure that I stay happy." So which would cause the divorce? Being unhappy or cheating? It was a horrible thing to say to you, but she may have totally meant it, so it is up to you to decide, if you want to accept the burden of your wife's "happiness", or else...
elaine567 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I guess men and women always cheated, but more are willing to admit to it, and the consequences for many are not enough to stop them. There has been a societal shift; people cheat and they are no longer ostracised or "run out of town"; they will not "burn in hell". They do it, they flaunt it, they romanticise it; they reconcile or they move on. Cheating is no longer a big deal for your average man or woman in the street. "If I want it, I just go and get it" is a common attitude, and for some, if that means cheating, then so be it. 1
beatcuff Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 My wife put it very simple the other day."If I am unhappy, I will cheat. I have cheated on my past husbands, and I will do it again. So you better make sure that I stay happy." if you 'get over' the answer and read the meaning: maybe if we were more open with our S there would be less disappointment. example: S always forgets your b-day. so instead of being disappointed once again, the day before you remind him/her of it. if they 'forget' then they really didn't.
minimariah Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 My wife put it very simple the other day. She said: "If I am unhappy, I will cheat. I have cheated on my past husbands, and I will do it again. So you better make sure that I stay happy." So which would cause the divorce? Being unhappy or cheating? cheating. if being unhappy was the cause of the divorce - she wouldn't bother with cheating; she would've simply divorced you. & same goes for you.
scatterd Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I think the world has changed a lot and for every cheater theirs someone willing to cheat with them. Very few value marriage which is so sad I liked having grandparents that stayed together and the comfort of going to their home. Kids should have that stability but people rather get laid then stay with the same person. You know the grass is greener on the other side for many.But what do I know I just got dumped after 22 years. I know I wont marry again the odds are to high of getting cheated on and getting a disease. 1
central Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 My wife put it very simple the other day. She said: "If I am unhappy, I will cheat. I have cheated on my past husbands, and I will do it again. So you better make sure that I stay happy." I'd have replied, "Your statement makes me unhappy, so I will be cheating on you at the first opportunity, unless I divorce you first." 2
davidromero43 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I was pissed off at first. But then I really thought about it. It is so simple. Give 110% to the relationship, or it will end. There will be no year long no sex, daily fighting, just to end in divorce. I have been cheated on before, and it still hurts. But what hurts more than that is the feeling of wasting all the time on a doomed marriage. All the waiting for it to get better. You have no control if someone cheats or not. You can only control yourself. So if you become complacent in your marriage, because your partner is not supposed to cheat, they signed a guarantee backed by the government. You are giving up control. You are the fool. The best way to keep someone from cheating is to always be in competition for their attention and affection. Think that you can go hang with the guys every Sunday. You can wear sweats and dirty tshirts every weekend. You can let yourself go and be comfortable. All because you think you are married and your partner can't cheat. And you will be on here looking for help to get the bad thoughts out of your head, because you got cheated on. Thats how I originally found this forum. I was going to post about my exwife cheating, as I was getting rid of some old photos. Then I noticed my big gut in the photos. I noticed my giant sweatshirt with the hole, that my ex hated. I wore it all the time, it was my favorite. She cheated, but I gave up. So which caused the divorce?
truncated Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Just from looking around a bit on line and in real life, it seems to me that a lot of the problems in society in general come from a sense of entitlement. People feel they deserve to be happy, without realizing that it takes work to be that way. They end up forever looking for "happiness" without even realizing what that means. Like a tiger chasing its own tail that it will never be able to catch. This really applies to cheating as well. Some ( not all, but an awful lot) of people cheat because they want to be "happy", without having an idea of what that really means. it's just some sort of ethereal concept, and when they get what they think will make them that way, they still experience ennui, and keep on running. 1
Clay Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I was pissed off at first. But then I really thought about it. It is so simple. Give 110% to the relationship, or it will end. There will be no year long no sex, daily fighting, just to end in divorce. I have been cheated on before, and it still hurts. But what hurts more than that is the feeling of wasting all the time on a doomed marriage. All the waiting for it to get better. You have no control if someone cheats or not. You can only control yourself. So if you become complacent in your marriage, because your partner is not supposed to cheat, they signed a guarantee backed by the government. You are giving up control. You are the fool. The best way to keep someone from cheating is to always be in competition for their attention and affection. Think that you can go hang with the guys every Sunday. You can wear sweats and dirty tshirts every weekend. You can let yourself go and be comfortable. All because you think you are married and your partner can't cheat. And you will be on here looking for help to get the bad thoughts out of your head, because you got cheated on. Thats how I originally found this forum. I was going to post about my exwife cheating, as I was getting rid of some old photos. Then I noticed my big gut in the photos. I noticed my giant sweatshirt with the hole, that my ex hated. I wore it all the time, it was my favorite. She cheated, but I gave up. So which caused the divorce? So you picked another cheater ? Man you have to work on that picker. Good luck is all I can say. Clay 1
KBarletta Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Give 110% to the relationship, or it will end. The trouble with this is that people can give 110 percent, but that doesn't guarantee a happy partner. Happiness doesn't come automatically just because your partner is trying their best. 5
elaine567 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 The trouble with this is that people can give 110 percent, but that doesn't guarantee a happy partner. Happiness doesn't come automatically just because your partner is trying their best. That is so true.
cocorico Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 The trouble with this is that people can give 110 percent, but that doesn't guarantee a happy partner. Happiness doesn't come automatically just because your partner is trying their best. Yep. M H's xW has had two Hs giving their all and then some, but still found fault and has never known a moment's happiness in her life. The first M ended when she was unfaithful and her 1st X threw her out; her second M ended with her 2nd X being unfaithful and leaving her.
davidromero43 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 The trouble with this is that people can give 110 percent, but that doesn't guarantee a happy partner. Happiness doesn't come automatically just because your partner is trying their best. Give 50% to the relationship and see how that works. 1
Woggle Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 My wife put it very simple the other day. She said: "If I am unhappy, I will cheat. I have cheated on my past husbands, and I will do it again. So you better make sure that I stay happy." So which would cause the divorce? Being unhappy or cheating? Is it too late for you to get out at this point?
SearchingForMyself Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Davidrome, your wife's an entitled b*tch But if she is openly saying this, either she's a ballsy dummy, or she's smart enough to know how to fleece you if you try to divorce her. Trust me when I say this though, as a guy who has dealt with being homeless, I'd rather be on the streets than marry your sorry excuse for a wife who has no clue what marriage vows are. 1
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