Author alsudduth Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 It's mind-boggling to me that he's been married to the same woman since high-school, has children by her, but doesn't trust women?! That sounds like some lame excuse he came up with for not dealing with his emotions. Rather, he doesn't trust himself. He doesn't feel competent in his feelings. They control him, so he suppresses them to not have to deal with their power. I'm ALWAYS suspicious of people who blame their SO for lousy sex. In my opinion, lousy sex = 0 vulnerability. Charge sex with vulnerability and openness and it becomes meaningful, satisfying sex. Very wise and Insightful. Thank you!
jen1447 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I don't know what I'm supposed to do, or how to act. Maybe this is TMI, but I have a hard time coming to orgasm and I feel that without some guidance from me to help, we will never connect in the bedroom. The problem is that I don't even know what feels great to me. Even when I take care of myself it takes a lot to orgasm, and one day might be different than the next in terms of what works. Any ideas on how I can be better at this??? Ok, whether for him or your marriage or just for you, you need to get in touch with what makes you tick sexually. To that end, can I ask what 'parts' you play with during masturbation?
Author alsudduth Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 I think I should change the title of this post to "Should I stay or should I go?" After re reading everyone's comments including my own, I almost have to wonder why I keep trying...It's quite clear that there is not much more I can do if he is isn't willing to meet me halfway.... One thing I haven't been completely honest with you guys, and now I need some advise on this. I mentioned that we both have had an emotional affair. When I made this post I had all intentions of cutting off contact with the EA guy- I had already tried to limit my conversations with him, but it's really hard when you have 0 emotional connection with your partner and 1000% emotional connection with someone else... Anyway - I was ready to stick it out in my marriage if nothing else for the kids....then the EA guy - texted me the other day (I should mention he lives in another state) and told me that he has cancer. That he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want me to worry, but that he was preparing to go in for surgery and wanted me to know in case something bad happened. I can honestly say that I think I love this guy. I want to be there for him, and obviously if I am staying with my husband, it wouldn't be wise of me to do so - but I feel like he needs me, and my husband ignores me - What do I do?!
GorillaTheater Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I think ending a marriage is serious business, maybe the most serious piece of business you'll ever conduct. For that reason, I think you owe it to your kids, your husband, your marriage, and most importantly to yourself to approach it as clear-minded as possible. You can't do that in an affair, emotional or otherwise. Those tricky brain chemicals can have a way of distorting reality. I'm not arguing for you to save your marriage. You could well be right, that it's done and it's time to stick a fork in it. But I am arguing that you can't rationally reach that decision unless you break it off with the OM and give it a few months for him to work his way out of your system. 2
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