hollypolly Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I have a bachelorette party this weekend and the thoughts of it makes me feel sick. Im the only single one there and only the bride knows this. Im happily hibernating and nursing my newly broken heart. The closer this event gets the more anxious im getting. I dont feel fit to go but I organised it and ill never be forgiven if I dont go. The wedding is close too and I am bridesmaid. I feel so vulnerable right now and cant face all this. My friend deserves a great few days away and a drama free wedding and I refuse to be selfish and let her down. Life is just a bit tough right now. Its only two weeks since the break-up please advise me on how to keep it together.
Throldur Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I have a bachelorette party this weekend and the thoughts of it makes me feel sick. Im the only single one there and only the bride knows this. Im happily hibernating and nursing my newly broken heart. The closer this event gets the more anxious im getting. I dont feel fit to go but I organised it and ill never be forgiven if I dont go. The wedding is close too and I am bridesmaid. I feel so vulnerable right now and cant face all this. My friend deserves a great few days away and a drama free wedding and I refuse to be selfish and let her down. Life is just a bit tough right now. Its only two weeks since the break-up please advise me on how to keep it together. When I was single, I used to love finding bachelorette parties because the girls were out doing things for fun, were engaging strangers.. Just go out and have fun, who knows, you might actually find a guy throughout the process that makes you forget about your ex and shows you there are quality guys out there.
Author hollypolly Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 Thanks throldur. I am very anxious at the thoughts of leaving my little comfort zone right now. I go to work and i stay home on my days off. Even being on a night out let alone a whole weekend away is just so daunting. If a guy even comes near me I just know its going to upset me. I know that is pathetic but Im mentally just not ready for getting back out there again and im just about coping in hibernation.
Throldur Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Thanks throldur. I am very anxious at the thoughts of leaving my little comfort zone right now. I go to work and i stay home on my days off. Even being on a night out let alone a whole weekend away is just so daunting. If a guy even comes near me I just know its going to upset me. I know that is pathetic but Im mentally just not ready for getting back out there again and im just about coping in hibernation. I know what you mean. I couldn't go to my best friends house for awhile because it was where I was on New Year's Eve instead of with her, that was the last day we were really "together", the next day we broke up. I understand things will trigger.. But I got it over with and it doesn't bother me anymore. You're not going to be back out there and date any of these guys. But you'll get some attention. You'll see that there's hope out there for you when you are ready to try again.
Author hollypolly Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 I know what you mean. I couldn't go to my best friends house for awhile because it was where I was on New Year's Eve instead of with her, that was the last day we were really "together", the next day we broke up. I understand things will trigger.. But I got it over with and it doesn't bother me anymore. You're not going to be back out there and date any of these guys. But you'll get some attention. You'll see that there's hope out there for you when you are ready to try again. I dont plan on telling anyone as I dont want it to upset me and I dont really know these girls. Im just afraid they will ask about him and I dont know what to say. It just puts me off going anywhere. I will go for my friend and put on my happy face. I will get dressed up and do my best to make sure its a good weekend for her. I plan to go easy and not drink much at all. Just find the closer it gets, the less Im sleeping and the more anxious im feeling Thank you for your reply. I hope your doing better :-)
Throldur Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I dont plan on telling anyone as I dont want it to upset me and I dont really know these girls. Im just afraid they will ask about him and I dont know what to say. It just puts me off going anywhere. I will go for my friend and put on my happy face. I will get dressed up and do my best to make sure its a good weekend for her. I plan to go easy and not drink much at all. Just find the closer it gets, the less Im sleeping and the more anxious im feeling Thank you for your reply. I hope your doing better :-) If they ask you.. just be very simple with them.. "We broke up and I don't really want to talk about it right now, just want to create some happy memories with my friend." They'll drop it. It's a bachelorette party, I'm sure the last thing they wanna do is have a discussion, they wanna drink, party and let loose the stress of the days. You're just over-analyzing, focus on the events, have as much fun as you can and you'll find the next time you go to go out, it will be easier than the last.. Most of the time we are anxious because we make things more difficult in our heads than in reality, just know it won't be as bad as you fear it will be.. a distraction can be nice. Thank you, I am doing a little bit better. I've just accepted that life will either go: She is on her journey abroad to learn the lessons she needs to learn to be a healthier person in the long run, will come back here with realization that she was running from something real and we will repair it; I will never hear from her again and I will have either A) found someone else or B) be single for the rest of my days and grateful that I had a relationship I never thought I would have ever had..
Author hollypolly Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 If they ask you.. just be very simple with them.. "We broke up and I don't really want to talk about it right now, just want to create some happy memories with my friend." They'll drop it. It's a bachelorette party, I'm sure the last thing they wanna do is have a discussion, they wanna drink, party and let loose the stress of the days. You're just over-analyzing, focus on the events, have as much fun as you can and you'll find the next time you go to go out, it will be easier than the last.. Most of the time we are anxious because we make things more difficult in our heads than in reality, just know it won't be as bad as you fear it will be.. a distraction can be nice. Thank you, I am doing a little bit better. I've just accepted that life will either go: She is on her journey abroad to learn the lessons she needs to learn to be a healthier person in the long run, will come back here with realization that she was running from something real and we will repair it; I will never hear from her again and I will have either A) found someone else or B) be single for the rest of my days and grateful that I had a relationship I never thought I would have ever had.. Yeah your right. Im the queen of over-thinking things. I believe there is someone for everyone and please dont give up on Love. Im almost 30 and ive had my fair share of heartbreak but I still believe in Love and I remain optimistic that itll find me one day when the time is right. It will find you too if your open to it. I might be slated for that but I have to believe it.
Riptide91 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 You're single going to a wedding? That sounds like a great place to meet new people and socialize. I understand you're still heartbroken and such but take it as an opportunity to get yourself out there and busy your mind with other things.
Author hollypolly Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 You're single going to a wedding? That sounds like a great place to meet new people and socialize. I understand you're still heartbroken and such but take it as an opportunity to get yourself out there and busy your mind with other things. Its my best friend and im bridesmaid so I cant be selfish and back out. I really dont feel like being around people and a wedding is the ultimate nightmare right now but thats life and the "show must go on" as they say.
TunaCat Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 First of all, hugs! I am right behind you in this process. 1 1/2 weeks NC and I cannot even imagine having to do a bachelorette party & a wedding right now. You can do it though. I know it's gonna be hard, but you'll be glad you were there for your friend during this time. If people ask you about him, just say a simple "we're no longer together, but I don't want to talk about it. I just want to focus on our friend." Don't look at these events (bachelorette & wedding) as a place to meet new people. You probably aren't quite ready for that mindset yet. Look at it as making sure your friend has a wonderful bachelorette & wedding. It's not going to be easy, but I think you'll be happier if you attempt to shift your focus to your friend and "try" to keep the breakup off your mind. It may not happen that way, but it may.
Throldur Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Yeah your right. Im the queen of over-thinking things. I believe there is someone for everyone and please dont give up on Love. Im almost 30 and ive had my fair share of heartbreak but I still believe in Love and I remain optimistic that itll find me one day when the time is right. It will find you too if your open to it. I might be slated for that but I have to believe it. I'm open to it. My fear is simply that I had the one but it just wasn't the right time since it's clear she's on a journey she has to take for herself. That's what I've been told, that's what a pretty good psychic has told me as well.. That this journey is her own and she has to take it by herself.. Will it bring her back to me? Who knows, my hope is that it does because I can't imagine finding someone that is more perfect for me than she is.. but if she is out there, I would love for that person to come into my life rather than hope for this What-If journey to work out in my favor. 1
Author hollypolly Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 First of all, hugs! I am right behind you in this process. 1 1/2 weeks NC and I cannot even imagine having to do a bachelorette party & a wedding right now. You can do it though. I know it's gonna be hard, but you'll be glad you were there for your friend during this time. If people ask you about him, just say a simple "we're no longer together, but I don't want to talk about it. I just want to focus on our friend." Don't look at these events (bachelorette & wedding) as a place to meet new people. You probably aren't quite ready for that mindset yet. Look at it as making sure your friend has a wonderful bachelorette & wedding. It's not going to be easy, but I think you'll be happier if you attempt to shift your focus to your friend and "try" to keep the breakup off your mind. It may not happen that way, but it may. Thanks for your reply. I hope I have it worked up in my head and the reality will be much nicer. I always try to put my best foot forward and I like to make the effort and look good and keep fit. It just feels like such a huge effort right now and its the last thing I want to do. Where I live, guys think they have the god given right to come up and grab your ass or try to kiss you and the idea of even being in that scene makes me want to vomit. Ill keep you posted on how it goes. Hoping for the best
Author hollypolly Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 I'm open to it. My fear is simply that I had the one but it just wasn't the right time since it's clear she's on a journey she has to take for herself. That's what I've been told, that's what a pretty good psychic has told me as well.. That this journey is her own and she has to take it by herself.. Will it bring her back to me? Who knows, my hope is that it does because I can't imagine finding someone that is more perfect for me than she is.. but if she is out there, I would love for that person to come into my life rather than hope for this What-If journey to work out in my favor. I hope the psychic is right. Im a sucker for a happy ending. My happy ending is not with my confused ex but I hope itll come when the time is right. 1
Throldur Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I hope the psychic is right. Im a sucker for a happy ending. My happy ending is not with my confused ex but I hope itll come when the time is right. That's what they tell me.. it all comes around when things are sorted out. Which is partly why I believed my ex was my soul-mate. I had waited for years for a girl like her, I had gone to honors student in University, fulfilled my dream of playing ice hockey in a competitive league, going to the gym 3-5 days a week, playing drums, getting my poetry published.. and then I met her in one of my classes after I stopped looking, there she was, everything I could have ever dreamed of and she wanted me, pursued me. Two great years together but you can't fix someone, they can only fix themselves.. she might not be fixing herself the right way but the psychic said her problems are in her head, she has to take this journey, hit her rock bottom, to fix herself.. Guess we will see. Time will reveal all. Same in your case, find out your purpose, find a goal that you've always wanted to pursue but couldn't because time was taken away in a relationship.. and while your on that path, you'll likely find the right person for you.
ZiggyZoo Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I'm with Throldur and TunaCat. I'd say if anyone asks that you're recently broken up, and it's really painful. EVERYBODY has been there, and you're going to have a lot of sympathetic ladies around. Plus, you'll likely get caught up in having fun and forget yourself for a little bit. Fake it 'till you make it... 2
Author hollypolly Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 Thanks everybody. Its awful how vulnerable you feel when you lose someone and realise your back on the market but its the last place you want to be. At almost 30 I cant help but wonder if ill ever find someone decent.
BlackbirdSong Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Thanks everybody. Its awful how vulnerable you feel when you lose someone and realise your back on the market but its the last place you want to be. At almost 30 I cant help but wonder if ill ever find someone decent. I'm 37, lost the love of my life who I've been planning my world around for 2 years....and now i'm alone. I feel the same way as you.
Author hollypolly Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 I'm 37, lost the love of my life who I've been planning my world around for 2 years....and now i'm alone. I feel the same way as you. Im so sorry to hear that. I know its tough. Im in the exact same place as you although mine was eight months. I fell hard and we were very serious but he made it very clear he didnt want to settle down yet. Its a kick in the teeth but some day I hope itll all work out.
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