bob20 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) So the simple question here is, should I give her a call? The story(sorry if it's long sometimes it sucks being a guy cause no one to talk to about this) : *I am old fashioned and I have had relationships in the past, two of them were well over 5 years each but things did not work out due to things out of both our hands, So its safe to say I know how to deal with a girl and at least close to understand them in things. So when I say I never believed in love at first sight, I mean it until I met this girl.. well about a year ago this girl and I started speaking. I knew her when I was *living in a different state many years ago and I am close to her brother. We talked for a good few months through fb and such, but I was dating someone at the time so I never tried to talk to her anymore than as friends at the time. She got with a guy a few while after, it was serious and so we stopped talking completely. Three weeks ago she wrote me asking how is things and such. We started talking again , through out the conversation it seemed like she was trying to hint that things did not work out. So i asked her flat out and she told me ya they broke it off about 8 weeks ago and now shes trying to do what her heart desires (Which is traveling and poetry ). She asked if I was seeing anyone, I told her I wasnt and that it broke off a few months ago because the family wasn't being reasonable. This was all in chat and I noticed after I would write back and such it would take her a long time to get back to me, sometimes even a day later. She later told me she is horrible with online chatting and FB, and told me to give her *a call. Later on the next day I gave her a call but she canceled and then texted that she was with her father and will call me later. Through out that time she would sent me texts on what I was up to, how I should pick a leaf for her (sometime into our conversation we found out we had a similiar habit of collecting leaves and such). I mean she was showing all the signs she was really interested. she called back we talked for awhile, next day she text me saying to call her so I did and we talked for close to 2 hours. after that we texted often. All this was about 4 days ago. The last real text I got from her was 4 days ago that she was busy all day but that we should have "another one of our phone dates again" the next day. The next day I tried calling but she didnt answer. I wrote her a text with a picture of one of my trips to Istanbul she wanted see during one of our phone calls. She replied saying "we are going to work on your camera skills together, it sucks". i replied with a joke and then told her I tried to call her for the phone date but she never answered. She saw the text but hasnt replied, this was 3 days ago. Shes been posting on facebook and twitter and such but yet has not even called or wrote back. *Friday shes leaving for an event in Turkey and then Malaysia and Im sure I wont hear from her for awhile until shes back. We talked about her trip a lot and even shared places she has to visit when she gets there (cause I already been there before and was giving her tips). I feel like everything was great but suddenly she seems to be either too busy to reply back or ignoring me. I sense its the latter because cmon no matter how busy someone is they would at least get back to them after awhile. So not sure what I should do. Should I try giving her a call again one last time before she leaves? I made her this beautiful calligraphy design with her signature "spirit animal" that she loves and was going to give it to her before she goes as a fareaway present, but I dont want to be creepy (she knows I was working on it before and she,in her words, cant wait to have her breath taken away). shes old fashioned as well, doesnt date unless its serious, and unless her family knows, etc. Do you, girls I mean, feel that sometimes you are too busy and forget to get back to someone you like? How should I handle this? Much love to all! (p.s. It sucks being a good guy sometimes and actually caring for someone) Edited April 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Paragraphs... Please.. Anyways going to respond to your thread title, girls can lose interest for any number of reasons, just like guys.
Diana.dellala Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 From what you write here it looks like she lost her interest and she's being nice. If a girl is interested, even if she's busy, she'd rather see you than sleep. And she would definitely find time to text or call a guy if she is attracted to him. Maybe because you said something that made her think you two are too different. You know, something like: Him: I'm not dating anybody at the moment. I hate people who cheat or aren't honest. Her: Yeah... But in the meanwhile she's still seeing another guy. It's not that she isn't honest, it's just that she is confused. Him: I have lots of interests! I like walking, watching movies, traveling, meeting new people Her: yeah, me too. That's nice! But maybe she doesn't care about all these things at the moment, maybe what she really wants is a successful carrier and she is looking for a relationship with a guy who is a successful businessman or a guy with similar interests, you know And so on. Or maybe you omitted something else in your description that you didn't consider important, but that would make helping you out much easier. From what you said, I would suggest you to focus on triggering her interest again. The basic thing is that she didn't let you "into her head". If she did, she would be answering you or you would know her enough already to guess why she is not. There are a lot of different ways to get her attention back. Send me a message if you want to find out more. The basic thing is trying to get into her head and getting an emotional response: Get to see her. Ask her if there's something you did that offended her or why she's not answering and invite her for a coffee or any other quick meeting, near her house or work. Tell her you have something special you wanted to give her before she leaves. When you see her, ask her emotional questions: what do you like? How do you see yourself in five years? What were your dreams when you were a child? If you had to choose between drinking and eating what would you choose? And between working and partying what do you like more? Do you like children? Would you like to have a marriage similar to your parents'? Why? What inspires you? What turns you off? What is your favorite word? What's your least favorite word? What do you expect in a relationship? And so on. Emotional questions, something that will give you an idea of what she likes and dislike in general, what are her expectations and what's going on in her mind when she's silent.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Why do women become distant after showing interest? In the beginning a man is indifferent. This causes her attraction level to go up. But as they start to spend more and more time together, his interest level goes up and he starts over pursuing. This makes her feel smothered and she starts to back away. Then to make matters worse, he chases after her even harder feeling the need to do something about her interest level going down. My brother is making this same mistake with his new GF. Started out seeing her once a week. Then somewhat recently, it increased to 2x a week which is fine. But the second they became exclusive, they started spending almost every day together. When people try to rush the process and latch on, burn out and distance ensues. That's why you have to let things evolve naturally and not force yourself onto someone else.
kayla73 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 After reading, it's seems as though she doesn't want to get too involved due to her traveling that is coming up. I would still give her the gift, since she already knows about it. Go ahead and make that last call as well. To answer your main question, the only time I've personally become distant after showing interest is if the guy is coming on too strong or I've simply lost interest. If I'm very busy, I would still find ways to communicate. Being in her situation though, it may be be a different reasoning. You can't exactly start dating someone if you're going off traveling.
smackie9 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 You were friend zoned a long time ago. Sure she enjoyed chatting with you when you were with your last GF....that's because you were safe and unavailable. Now that she is single again, she feels it is appropriate to talk to you again.....as friends. She hinted that she was single only to be subtle about as to not to make you think she is available to you. Her future plans to travel were firmly planted in the conversation to let you know she is unavailable to you....this was purposely done. She never lost interest because she didn't have romantic interest in you to begin with. Girls can be emotionally attached, without feeling of romantic interest...but with guys it is interpreted as romantic interest. IMO she is only interested in friendship, so a gift is not appropriate. You save gifts for when you are in a relationship, not to show you like them.....it would be an awkward moment for her and you would probably not hear much from her again.
Gary S Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Well I don't think she would call their phone conversation a phone date if she was not interested. Be careful though, she could be on the rebound, they are flaky. I would relax on the messages and texts until she gets back from vacation, then have another phone date. At the end of that call, ask her out on a date.
Author bob20 Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 Thank you all for the insights, it has helped. Well I haven't texted her or called her unless she wrote me back. The last thing she said was how we, together, are gonna work on my skills at taking pictures, and she laughed cause how bad I was at it lol. I replied back said ya I know I'm horrible, etc. Then I asked "Oh btw I know you said to call you Sunday but I got busy. Phone date today?". She saw it and hasn't replied or called since then. I do think maybe it's the traveling, she's focusing on that and the work she has to do when she travels and maybe doesn't want to get into anything. I don't think I was friendzoned because she's the one that came onto me strongly and seemed to want something. I also don't think I said anything wrong because after our 2 hour long phone call she sent me a text saying she heard it rained in my area and "hope it was a beautiful weather and wish she was there with me, taking a walk and talking to me". I thought it might be something I said but I doubt so. I'll try giving her a call later today, before she leaves tomorrow. Wish me luck and I'll update you guys. Appreciate all the support
Author bob20 Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 So tried to give her a call after work, and I let it ring for awhile but I had to start driving. Once I closed the call, she answered lol. My luck. I did text her tho seeing how she is and such. She hasn't replied at all nor gave a call back. She did post something on Facebook with a picture I gave her as her background and signed it with a hashtag of my initials, so I'm confused as fk with what is going on. I guess I'll just stop trying and wait it out, see if she even tries to reach out. I think I did my part, right?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 So tried to give her a call after work, and I let it ring for awhile but I had to start driving. Once I closed the call, she answered lol. My luck. I did text her tho seeing how she is and such. She hasn't replied at all nor gave a call back. She did post something on Facebook with a picture I gave her as her background and signed it with a hashtag of my initials, so I'm confused as fk with what is going on. I guess I'll just stop trying and wait it out, see if she even tries to reach out. I think I did my part, right? Dude back off, you're getting stalkerish. You should have let it go to voicemail before you hungup anyway... Lesson learned.
smackie9 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Yes you are friend zoned......just because a girl talks to you and shares things in common does NOT mean it's romantic. She caught the feeling she may have led you on, so now she cancels, doesn't call back or responds to messages. This is typical passive behavior, to try and hint that she isn't into you. The excuses "I'm terrible at FB", or "I got busy with my dad", " I'll call you later" etc are what uninterested girls use. She is making herself unavailable to you for a reason. I put money on it, a month from now she will find herself with another guy. 1
Author bob20 Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 Lol no need to be overly aggressive. I called once and texted once since she last wrote. I don't see how that is stalking. I don't know why people get defensive regardless, I asked for your advise, not your criticism. And if it was a constructive criticism then I would understand it. And I do get it, she might have taken the wrong hint from me or I said something wrong. But in other terms I was looking outside the boxs.thank you anyway
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