Jonp219 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 I've already told my mind it's complete over, there's no chance in hell we'll get back together (ever). Yet my heart wants to hold on to hope, I hate this feeling. I'm kind of wishing she left me for someone else now. The shock might of been overwhelming, but atleast moving on would be an only option *sigh*. I still continue to have dreams/nightmares about her, i'm still feeling guilt. I know i'm suppose to focus on myself, but the fact that the memories we shared are just that, memories, kills me every single day of my life. I dread the day I see her with another man on a profile picture or out in the mall somewhere. It's like, "that guy is receiving the love I use to receive, he must be better than me". I hate the mornings so much! I know I sound like a broken record, but I need to put these thoughts somewhere. I'm just not coping too well. It's almost the 2 month mark since we broke up and I feel like a shell of my former self. I'm sorry Michelle, sorry I let you down...
irresolute Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 You'll be fine. Keep working on yourself. You'll feel less and less sadness until one day you'll remember her and feel nothing. It's scientifically proven: memories without reinforcement fade away. Slowly and definitively fade away.
Author Jonp219 Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 Yesterday was the first time I didn't have a dream about her or in my thoughts when I woke up in the morning. Now today I had one of the most vivid and realistic dreams I've ever had involving her. I thought I was right there, touching her and talking to her, it felt like old times. Every time I ask God to guide my dreams in the night the opposite ends up happening. Now I'm sitting on the edge of my bed in tears because I'm back to realizing that she doesn't give a damn about me anymore. The dreams were all lies in my head, almost like my mind is trying to get me to hate myself more. I don't get it, I went to the gym and had a productive day at school I thought I was going to be able to sleep well. I wish I didn't have to wake up. Now I have to deal with this pain once again today. But yeah, I guess this is completely OK and normal right? Smh I feel like I can't deal with this, like I wasn't built for this pain...
Toodaloo Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Jon In 10 years time you will not even remember this. Just keep yourself busy, get your buttocks into gear and learn as much as you can at school. Start preparing for the future. Get up and get on with it. Being the Emo is so yesterday. Come on chop chop. you have things to do, places to go and people to see! 4
SethDamien Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 The intensity of these emotions will wither down in time... We've been in the same boat JonP. We know what's the right thing to do, but we never have the strength to actually do them. People tell us to move on and do some serious stuff but we know its never that easy. Go through it. Cry, scream, dream of her, etc. eventually you'll be making progress. You're still young, you have every time in the world to meet and date other people. 1
Author Jonp219 Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 The intensity of these emotions will wither down in time... We've been in the same boat JonP. We know what's the right thing to do, but we never have the strength to actually do them. People tell us to move on and do some serious stuff but we know its never that easy. Go through it. Cry, scream, dream of her, etc. eventually you'll be making progress. You're still young, you have every time in the world to meet and date other people. I just want my next one to be my last. Marriage, kids, family same thing I wanted this one. 2
seminoles84 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Jon Get up and get on with it. Being the Emo is so yesterday. Come on chop chop. you have things to do, places to go and people to see! Some good advice here. You control your own happiness. 1
ApexTitanium Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I wake up like this every morning...for the past 3 months. Dreams after dreams....crying myself awake and crying for the rest of the night. it will never end.
Toodaloo Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I just want my next one to be my last. Marriage, kids, family same thing I wanted this one. Don't we all! Seriously stop stressing. There is no such things as "the One". Look at people who fall in love after their partners have died or go on to marry again after a terrible divorce etc. Stop being a drip, get up, wash your face and hands, get on with your work and plan a future for yourself with or with out a woman in it! Your still at school! Blimey I sooooo wish I were back there! The next one may be the one you stay with, I doubt it though so come along and get your botty in gear and DO something other than mope about like Adrian Mole. 2
Toodaloo Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I wake up like this every morning...for the past 3 months. Dreams after dreams....crying myself awake and crying for the rest of the night. it will never end. Balls. Your just being over dramatic. Go do something that makes a real change - like charity work. Volunteer your time that you are wasting being dripsey and see that there are FAR worse things than being a single teenager. 3
BlackbirdSong Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Balls. Your just being over dramatic. Go do something that makes a real change - like charity work. Volunteer your time that you are wasting being dripsey and see that there are FAR worse things than being a single teenager. Yeah, like being a single 37 year old. Lol 7
Author Jonp219 Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 Don't we all! Seriously stop stressing. There is no such things as "the One". Look at people who fall in love after their partners have died or go on to marry again after a terrible divorce etc. Stop being a drip, get up, wash your face and hands, get on with your work and plan a future for yourself with or with out a woman in it! Your still at school! Blimey I sooooo wish I were back there! The next one may be the one you stay with, I doubt it though so come along and get your botty in gear and DO something other than mope about like Adrian Mole. Easier said than done. I find absolutely no fulfillment in being where i'm at in my life at this moment, and no i'm not talking about the break-up. Moving along in life, doing it all alone, makes it feel like it's all for nothing. I'm not moping, I do enough to try to keep my mind busy. However, she's still in my mind and I feel like i'm going to love her forever. I'm trying to stay positive, but the tears keeping falling and my patience are wearing thin. Although there is no such thing as the one, nobody in this world is going to deal with my **** as much as she did. I'm a ****ing mess, I was a mess in the relationship, and I still am till this day.
Throldur Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Easier said than done. I find absolutely no fulfillment in being where i'm at in my life at this moment, and no i'm not talking about the break-up. Moving along in life, doing it all alone, makes it feel like it's all for nothing. I'm not moping, I do enough to try to keep my mind busy. However, she's still in my mind and I feel like i'm going to love her forever. I'm trying to stay positive, but the tears keeping falling and my patience are wearing thin. Although there is no such thing as the one, nobody in this world is going to deal with my **** as much as she did. I'm a ****ing mess, I was a mess in the relationship, and I still am till this day. Then fix yourself, man. You can't rely on someone else to make you better. That's why I wish to the Universe every day that my ex-girlfriend is out there in Ontario that she is learning the lessons she needs to learn to love herself, be true to herself, and find a way to love herself instead of chasing fantasies and quick cures for things she hasn't fixed in herself. What is your ****? Why are you a mess? If you don't know how to fix these issues. Let us know what they are. If they are too personal. See a counsellor. You've got to love yourself before someone will ever truly love you. I'm in a different boat. I love who I am. I recognize that I actually have a boatload of talents. I know I'm a helpful person. I'll do things for people. I didn't know how to function in a relationship but I learned now what I need to do better. That's why if my ex ever comes back, I know our relationship will be stronger because I took the lessons I needed to learn from that relationship. My issue is that I'm not what girls typically find that attractive and no matter how many great qualities I have, they don't see past that I'm just an average looking dude. My fear of not finding someone else is simply because it's hard to rely on other people to not be completely shallow. Identify your strengths and weaknesses. Play to your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. 5
Author Jonp219 Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) Then fix yourself, man. You can't rely on someone else to make you better. That's why I wish to the Universe every day that my ex-girlfriend is out there in Ontario that she is learning the lessons she needs to learn to love herself, be true to herself, and find a way to love herself instead of chasing fantasies and quick cures for things she hasn't fixed in herself. What is your ****? Why are you a mess? If you don't know how to fix these issues. Let us know what they are. If they are too personal. See a counsellor. You've got to love yourself before someone will ever truly love you. I'm in a different boat. I love who I am. I recognize that I actually have a boatload of talents. I know I'm a helpful person. I'll do things for people. I didn't know how to function in a relationship but I learned now what I need to do better. That's why if my ex ever comes back, I know our relationship will be stronger because I took the lessons I needed to learn from that relationship. My issue is that I'm not what girls typically find that attractive and no matter how many great qualities I have, they don't see past that I'm just an average looking dude. My fear of not finding someone else is simply because it's hard to rely on other people to not be completely shallow. Identify your strengths and weaknesses. Play to your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. I had anger and insecurity issues in my previous relationship. I was overbearing and I kept her from having fun with her co-workers because I was jealous. I'm controlling, I don't love myself, and I put too much pressure on myself. All that so I would avoid a break up in the future, funny how life works lol. I've been seeing a therapist since February, but I've been thinking more of her than actually fixing myself (can't help it). And now that she's gone and hasn't even bothered to look back, I hate myself even more now. I dread the day I see her with another man, just thinking about it makes me feel like i'm not worthy of love whatsoever. I feel like no one is ever going to be able to tolerate me ever again after her. I feel like a terminally ill dog who is just waiting to be put to sleep. The guilt has alot to do with my self pity too. The fact that I was a **** boyfriend when I know I could of been better makes me cringe inside, makes me cringe when I look at myself in the mirror. Although I'm a grown man and I should take responsibility for my own actions, my father use to blame me for everything when I was younger, and he loved my younger brother more than me. Somehow I relate this break up to my relationship with my father. I wasn't worthy of his love, just i'm not worthy of my exes love (I how I feel). A previous intimate relationship followed me into another one. Edited April 2, 2015 by Jonp219
Throldur Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I had anger and insecurity issues in my previous relationship. I was overbearing and I kept her from having fun with her co-workers because I was jealous. I'm controlling, I don't love myself, and I put too much pressure on myself. All that so I would avoid a break up in the future, funny how life works lol. I've been seeing a therapist since February, but I've been thinking more of her than actually fixing myself (can't help it). And now that she's gone and hasn't even bothered to look back, I hate myself even more now. I dread the day I see her with another man, just thinking about it makes me feel like i'm not worthy of love whatsoever. I feel like no one is ever going to be able to tolerate me ever again after her. I feel like a terminally ill dog who is just waiting to be put to sleep. The guilt has alot to do with my self pity too. The fact that I was a **** boyfriend when I know I could of been better makes me cringe inside, makes me cringe when I look at myself in the mirror. Although I'm a grown man and I should take responsibility for my own actions, my father use to blame me for everything when I was younger, and he loved my younger brother more than me. Somehow I relate this break up to my relationship with my father. I wasn't worthy of his love, just i'm not worthy of my exes love (I how I feel). A previous intimate relationship followed me into another one. Keep seeing a counsellor. Sounds to me, like you already know, you have unresolved issues with your Father and you are projecting those feelings into a relationship. You have to understand that who your Father is and what he decided to do, how he acted, and where he put his love has nothing to do with who you are with. Trust is hard to have, especially in today's society.. I had two girls cheat on me and I know that when I get into my next relationship (or get back with my ex), that I have to give them a cart blanche of trust and go from there. If someone can cheat on you, it doesn't matter if you are controlling or not, they are going to find a way to do it and that only reflects on their character, not yours, you don't want to be with someone who can hurt you that way.. You are worthy of love, man. That girl you were with stayed with you for awhile even though you admit you weren't a good boyfriend, were angry and controlling. So obviously there was something about you that kept her around longer than probably a normal person would put up with it. You need to get yourself to a point where you can trust someone, let them hang out with their friends and realize that if they are who you are meant to be with, they won't ever cheat on you, they won't leave you, you'll have fights, arguments, but everyone does, just love her without conditions. Don't bring anger or resentment from other relationships into the next one. As for your father. I understand what this can do to someone. My ex girlfriend had no self-love, abandonment issues and constantly sought approval/worried about how people perceived her because her Mother didn't love her. She loved the middle child and just criticized my ex for everything. She wanted my ex to stay with an abusive ex-boyfriend simply because his family had money. The thing about parents is.. they are supposed to love all their children without conditions. Your father having a preference for your brother has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with him. You are his son and he is supposed to love you. You are worthy of love. Your father isn't worthy of yours. Just because he sired you doesn't mean he can treat you in a lesser manner.. he has a role to play in your life and it's clear, if you feel this way, he didn't do a good enough job with that role. 1
Satu Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 *she doesn't give a damn about me anymore. *Once you've learned to 'give a damn' about yourself, all this will have been healed, and the pain will be nothing more than a fading memory. When you've learned to 'give a damn' about yourself. 1
Satu Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I wake up like this every morning...for the past 3 months. Dreams after dreams....crying myself awake and crying for the rest of the night. it will never end. If you believe it never will, it never will. You need to be careful about what you say to yourself.
Author Jonp219 Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 *Once you've learned to 'give a damn' about yourself, all this will have been healed, and the pain will be nothing more than a fading memory. When you've learned to 'give a damn' about yourself. A very difficult feat to accomplish given the life I've lived. Come to think of it, since I was 11 or 12 I haven't given a damn about myself.
elaine567 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 A very difficult feat to accomplish given the life I've lived. Come to think of it, since I was 11 or 12 I haven't given a damn about myself. Time to start now. 3
Author Jonp219 Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 Time to start now. The road to abundance is too long for me. Its going to take me years to actually give a damn about myself. I'm noticing I'm starting to push friends and family away with my attitude lately. This pain is just pushing me further into the abyss, it doesn't make me grow whatsoever.
Author Jonp219 Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 I'm hyperventilating right now :'( I feel like every woman I'll ever meet is going to leave me. I suck at talking to people, maybe I'll never meet anyone nice. I miss my exes company so much right now, but it's gone forever. I feel like never be able to trust a girl for as long as I live. :'(
BlackbirdSong Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 You'll make it dude. If I can do it, then you can. I had a panic attack out of freakin' nowhere this afternoon. I recovered and I'm alright...for now. Just breathe. 1
Author Jonp219 Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 You'll make it dude. If I can do it, then you can. I had a panic attack out of freakin' nowhere this afternoon. I recovered and I'm alright...for now. Just breathe. My mind is racing 100 miles per hour right now. I read your story BlackbirdSong I don't know how you do it bro. I didn't even live with this girl and I feel like my life will never be the same.
BlackbirdSong Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 My mind is racing 100 miles per hour right now. I read your story BlackbirdSong I don't know how you do it bro. I didn't even live with this girl and I feel like my life will never be the same. I literally take it one minute at a time. I've gone through this **** before, a decade ago. I know what this feels like. Rest assured that it WILL get better...eventually. Yet a day does not go by when I hope and pray that some day we'll get back together and get married like we always talked about. Denial can help you get through the days as well. Like everything else, that denial will fade.....
Author Jonp219 Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 I literally take it one minute at a time. I've gone through this **** before, a decade ago. I know what this feels like. Rest assured that it WILL get better...eventually. Yet a day does not go by when I hope and pray that some day we'll get back together and get married like we always talked about. Denial can help you get through the days as well. Like everything else, that denial will fade..... I cried a few minutes ago and I feel a little bit better, not looking forward to going to sleep nor waking up in the morning though. I'm scared of what future love will feel like in a few years (months). I've been in a relationship before, but that was a LDR and it wasn't that serious. I would consider my most recent break up my first legit heartbreak. People always tell me, " you'll never forget this one", "this is the purest love you'll ever have", " afterwards it's not the same". You know, crap like that, and it just makes me not look forward to anything. The love me and her had felt like everything, I would like to experience something like that or better with either her or someone else in the future. Just seems so out of sight at this moment, even in a more logical state of mind I still can't see it.
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