wantnotshould Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) My ex finally picked up her stuff. It had been 3 weeks of me asking her to come pick it up and 2 months since the break up. She tried on some of my shorts apparently as they were unbuckled and out of the closet. She must of gone through all my stuff. She probably took stuff that wasn't really hers, but at this point all I can think is: whatever, it's material ****. It still irks me inside though. Why I'm really annoyed/angry: She didn't drop of my stuff. It's personal stuff that I actually care about which makes me think she wants to keep stringing me along. I told her I wanted to cut all ties. She is aware of this, yet she came 3 weekends in a row and only took a little amount each time. Now she finally took it all but didn't give me my stuff. She also didn't leave the key as I had requested. So now I have an ex with my stuff and the key to my apartment. I leave this apartment mid-may. I don't think it's worth it to invest in changing the locks. Why I'm feeling anxiety/fear: I don't know. I guess my heart is still going through withdrawals? I don't want her back so these feelings really mess with my head every time they happen. Why do you guys think this is happening? Why am I still reacting emotionally to stuff like this? Why I'm feeling relief: I can finally go full NC. I don't have to interact with her anymore. This makes me think I'll be able to heal faster. I'm excited for that possibility. I plan on having a mutual friend bug her about my stuff and the keys, until she budges. I hope that'll work and it'll take me out of the equation of interacting with her. Anyways, mixed emotions: - Are they normal? - How long will this last? I feel so good most days. It really messes with me on the days where I get down. I learned to accept these emotions as part of the process, rather than trying to push them away as I was doing before. Yet they still frustrate me. - Out of a 4 year relationship, what is the average recovery time? Are there other ways other that NC that will help me heal? I know I shouldn't be focused on time. I should be focused on healing and learning from this experience. I should be internalizing it, yet I just want to get over it and move on. - I'm thinking of starting flirting, maybe possibly dating. Should I? Is this going to be another rollercoaster of emotions if I'm still having mixed emotions about the break up? - Pride is coming up. She is going to be there most likely. I still want to go. I have spoken to my friends and they said they'd veer me away from her. I just want to have fun and meet people. Any advice on that? Sorry for the length. I have so many questions. Your advice really centers me. It helps me put stuff into perspective. Thanks to all of you for your help! Edited April 2, 2015 by wantnotshould
privategal Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 You got two options....let your stuff go and take the personal meaning away from it by deciding you've been without it for 2 months and its material... or send her a text and say "Id like to move on and stop contacting eachother so I need my things in order to complete the breakup process and move on" or the funnier option "wheres my stuff b@tch" lol Seriously you are in withdrawal and its ok, all this exchanging belongings should have been completed in the beginning, maybe she wasn't ready or was immature and playing games and was stringing you along....at a certain point, you wont care anymore. You probably should change locks and your number and get rid of all social media and stop having anything to do with this girl. Even though you consider it finishing business and exchanging belongings its going on to long for you. Its not fair to yourself to prolong this anxiety, it hurts, it sucks, maybe you both made mistakes, you can analyze to death and make yourself crazy, but at a certain point, the show must go on. Breakups are horrible, but don't make it more horrible by continuing the finalizing of things, part with your stuff or go get it or have it brought to you TODAY. You gotta end this in order to recover.
privategal Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 My ex finally picked up her stuff. It had been 3 weeks of me asking her to come pick it up and 2 months since the break up. She tried on some of my shorts apparently as they were unbuckled and out of the closet. She must of gone through all my stuff. She probably took stuff that wasn't really hers, but at this point all I can think is: whatever, it's material ****. It still irks me inside though. Why I'm really annoyed/angry: She didn't drop of my stuff. It's personal stuff that I actually care about which makes me think she wants to keep stringing me along. I told her I wanted to cut all ties. She is aware of this, yet she came 3 weekends in a row and only took a little amount each time. Now she finally took it all but didn't give me my stuff. She also didn't leave the key as I had requested. So now I have an ex with my stuff and the key to my apartment. I leave this apartment mid-may. I don't think it's worth it to invest in changing the locks. Why I'm feeling anxiety/fear: I don't know. I guess my heart is still going through withdrawals? I don't want her back so these feelings really mess with my head every time they happen. Why do you guys think this is happening? Why am I still reacting emotionally to stuff like this? Why I'm feeling relief: I can finally go full NC. I don't have to interact with her anymore. This makes me think I'll be able to heal faster. I'm excited for that possibility. I plan on having a mutual friend bug her about my stuff and the keys, until she budges. I hope that'll work and it'll take me out of the equation of interacting with her. Anyways, mixed emotions: - Are they normal? - How long will this last? I feel so good most days. It really messes with me on the days where I get down. I learned to accept these emotions as part of the process, rather than trying to push them away as I was doing before. Yet they still frustrate me. - Out of a 4 year relationship, what is the average recovery time? Are there other ways other that NC that will help me heal? I know I shouldn't be focused on time. I should be focused on healing and learning from this experience. I should be internalizing it, yet I just want to get over it and move on. - I'm thinking of starting flirting, maybe possibly dating. Should I? Is this going to be another rollercoaster of emotions if I'm still having mixed emotions about the break up? - Pride is coming up. She is going to be there most likely. I still want to go. I have spoken to my friends and they said they'd veer me away from her. I just want to have fun and meet people. Any advice on that? Sorry for the length. I have so many questions. Your advice really centers me. It helps me put stuff into perspective. Thanks to all of you for your help! Ps. the mixed emotions, pain, withdrawal, anger, anxiety, missing her, hating her, constant thoughts of her.... ALL NORMAL. At times some people feel they may die, honestly, but all around its a twisted roller coaster of emotions that will go on as long as you let it. You do have to feel your feelings and don't try and push them away or pretend they aren't there or go around them. You gotta greive and recover. But you can still enjoy life. If she will be at pride...don't go to pride. Go to something different, bigger even, like maybe pride in a different city. Don't go anywhere where she will see you, your heart will struggle and it will prolong healing. You need new everything. Hanging around the old, looking back, making excuses to run into the ex, it isn't healthy and wont let you go forward. Give yourself some time to hurt but IMO summertime is a great time to experience breakup because the weather is good, the sun is healing, its the best time to travel, meet new friends and just get out when your ready. You can do this. You need to do this without any contact of any kind. Start today and just move forward through the pain until its better. Block her. Move, change jobs, anything. Just keep going period. Its done now.
Author wantnotshould Posted April 2, 2015 Author Posted April 2, 2015 The thing I really want back is my hard drive. It has pictures back from high school. The rest would be cool if I get back but I can let them go. I'm past the crazy crazy emotional state. That was rough. I'm at a point where I think healing will be coming. More than dealing with the breakup, I've been focusing on things in my life that are making me unhappy. I'm dissatisfied with work. I have some deeply engrained negative self-perception. That is what I'm looking to resolve. I definitely don't want to run into her. In fact, I've been missing out on a lot of events due to that. But I don't want to miss pride. I was told by a lot of people that I shouldn't let one person dictate my life like that. My friends will do their best to avoid any interaction. If I do see her. I will just walk the opposite way and try to continue enjoying myself. There is a small lesbian culture here. Bumping into her is going to happen eventually. I hope she won't go, but I don't really know and I'm not willing to give up a day out surrounded by beautiful people.
AprilTears Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 The thing I really want back is my hard drive. It has pictures back from high school. The rest would be cool if I get back but I can let them go. I'm past the crazy crazy emotional state. That was rough. I'm at a point where I think healing will be coming. More than dealing with the breakup, I've been focusing on things in my life that are making me unhappy. I'm dissatisfied with work. I have some deeply engrained negative self-perception. That is what I'm looking to resolve. I definitely don't want to run into her. In fact, I've been missing out on a lot of events due to that. But I don't want to miss pride. I was told by a lot of people that I shouldn't let one person dictate my life like that. My friends will do their best to avoid any interaction. If I do see her. I will just walk the opposite way and try to continue enjoying myself. There is a small lesbian culture here. Bumping into her is going to happen eventually. I hope she won't go, but I don't really know and I'm not willing to give up a day out surrounded by beautiful people. Could you give her a list of what you want and ask her to box up and have a friend retrieve for you?
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