Guys, would you continue dating a woman who earned a higher salary than you do?

April 2, 2015

No problem here (and I've dated a few women who make more money than me (one for several years) - money was never the issue). In all honesty, the power imbalance that you described is a problem, but that's a function of maybe how you approached the situatio, or else how he perceived it and reacted to it - it's people specific. Basically, some guys can deal with it, others can't...but if you make serious $$$, just have fun, try to make it so that dating isn't a huge financial burden on the guy (i.e. you pay more frequently, or else find lower cost activities/dates), but still let him feel like the guy if he wants to...

April 2, 2015

How much more money are we talking? It is 2 or 3 times more than NO way and a woman would not give the time of day in the first place.

I will put it this way a woman can work at a fast food restraint and get dates but a guy working fast food will have a hard time getting dates.

I t is more social acceptable for a woman to work a dead end job . For men on the other hand no woman wants to date a janitor IMO.

Woman can work a job with no upward mobility and have guy lined up around the block willing to ask them out.

If your a man working a dead end job with no upward mobility he has to take what ever girl he can get.

April 2, 2015

Wtf?! Are women not allowed to make money or something lol?! If a girl I was with made more money than me, it wouldn't bother me one bit!

HA you say that until she throw it in your face in a fight. I know guy that there woman makes only a few dollars more an hour and throws in his face once they got into a fight.

April 2, 2015

Tricky subject... when I work (I am between jobs now) I earn more than most guys, around 6 figures, and to be honest I wouldn't date someone who makes less than me.

I live in one of the most expensive cities in the US, if not the most expensive, and I am older, so sorry - no, I can't at this point be struggling like a kid who just graduated from college. I need someone who makes at least what I make but preferably double or triple, and that's the kind of men I've been dating in the last years, both because I admire successful people who are doers, and because I might still want to have a family. When I was younger I didn't care about this and I thought things would just fall into place. They usually don't.

The last guy I dated made 3 times what I did and I didn't mind. It gave me emotional security to know that if we were to be together and have a kid, there would be no struggle with financial issues.

But income is not one of the first points I take into consideration when looking for someone to date. I need to first have amazing mental connection. If that's in place, I will look at his professional life / potential. If he has a career that's not very promising, I'll pass. I'm sorry but to be poor with someone (and prob fights from it as money is #1 cause of fight for couples) I prefer to be by myself.

That's prob the struggle of most of us professional women. The last guy I dated was a successful psychologist and he said my kind is the one that suffers most, as we can't respect a man who is not successful, so it's really hard to find someone :/ He said the majority of men don't care about it in a woman. So yeah, it sucks to be a professional woman who wants a successful guy. Our life is not easy.

I know I am not speaking for all women so no need to lash on me Just wanted to give a honest perspective.

Edited April 2, 2015 by edgygirl

April 2, 2015

This topic stirred up a few emotions.

1) My GF makes six figures and I could care less. But I'm also financially successful. So if I put myself in the pauper's shoes with the woman always paying, it might make me feel uneasy. Mainly because I was raised to be a gentleman. However, one thing I hate is entitlement. Especially in women that are college educated with good paying careers. Despite having financial resources, they have the attitude that a guy should always pay because he's the guy. Meanwhile they spend their money regularly on themselves while the guy picks up every tab like a sucker. So in a relationship, I think that a woman should be paying at least 25-30% of the time. What cracks me up is when guys will secretly complain that their GF never pays at all. Yet, they never say anything about it because they're worried about looking cheap. I have no problem saying "You can get the next one" in the beginning to set a trend that I'm not an ATM machine. So I applaud BOZG for actually contributing financially in her relationship. She's a rare woman with many good qualities. That just happens to be one of them.

2) Guys that settle for low paying jobs with no ambition bug me. They make excuses on how life is too hard, or they can't find work. I was being scouted as a pitcher throwing low 90's as a sophmore in high school. The day after a scout gave me his business card in a summer tournament, I threw out my arm. My dream of being a professional baseball player that I'd been working for since I was 5 went up in smoke. But did I cry about it? Nope. I started searching for other careers and eventually found personal training. Worked my way up from the bottom being in crappy gyms, learning the business, etc.. Now after six years, I make $70K a year on 20 hrs a week as an entrepreneur. My clients, my rates, my own hours, etc.. My life is one long vacation. However, I'm allowed to live that way because I busted my ass to get it. So when I read about guys like BOZG mentioned that lack financial security and don't have the ambition to change their situation, it gets under my skin.

This is a good post because it shows how fair you are with regard to this topic and how you're not naive or gullible enough to pay for everything if a woman you're dating is expecting you to or if - God forbid - she has the audacity to actually tell you that you should. Women like that are gold diggers and are women who feel they're entitled to YOUR money without THEM contributing their fair share of THEIR own money.

Sorry about what happened to you with regard to your dream of being a pro ball player. That must've sucked BIG TIME when you realized you'd never be able to pursue that goal. But...I believe things ALWAYS happen for a REASON. You were meant to be doing what you're doing RIGHT NOW - and that's helping people by personally training them to be the BEST they can be. You realize that you're also INSPIRING those people at the same time that you're training them, right? This is what God wants you to do...and, you're doing it! And you probably do it very well too.

I also like how you placed yourself in another guy's shoes if he had a woman that always paid for dinners and such and how you admitted that this situation might make you feel uneasy. It takes a confident person to admit that.

Hey...do you have a single brother? j/k hehe...

.

April 2, 2015

And most of the times that he couldn't pay his own way and I paid for both of us, I felt his discomfort and uneasiness...emanating from him like heat.
It was a hard decision for me to make, but I ended things with him because of this uneven dynamic between us. Even though I didn't mind paying for mostly everything - because being with him truly made me happy and I had fun with him - I knew that it made HIM uneasy and uncomfortable, which marred most of our time together.

So, I'd like to hear opinions from the guys here (and I'd also like to hear from the gals) if you would date (or continue dating) a woman who you knew earned more than you did. And if you wouldn't, why not? If you would, why?

Ok... that was a bitch move! You "felt" he was uncomfortable or you talked it over and he told you he was uncomfortable?

I was married to a woman who made more money than me for years. I generally didn't care... but there were times when she was a prick about it. Then when we were getting divorced... she had the balls to claim it was ME who felt uncomfortable.

I personally don't care... and at this point, I rarely meet women that make more... so it's kind of moot.

April 3, 2015

Ok... that was a bitch move! You "felt" he was uncomfortable or you talked it over and he told you he was uncomfortable?

I was married to a woman who made more money than me for years. I generally didn't care... but there were times when she was a prick about it. Then when we were getting divorced... she had the balls to claim it was ME who felt uncomfortable.

I personally don't care... and at this point, I rarely meet women that make more... so it's kind of moot.

After I brought it up with him and we talked, he finally admitted that he felt extremely uncomfortable with the fact that he couldn't pay for both of us on the outings we went on, even when I asked him if he wanted to pay. I felt bad for him because I could tell he really wanted to, but he just couldn't.

I told him that I didn't care about that because I really had so much fun hanging out with him and being together. I guess it was just too awkward for him and, even though he didn't say it directly, he all but said he felt emasculated. I understood how he felt because I'd feel the same way. If I was dating a guy and I could NEVER pay for both of us for any meal or outing that we went on, I would feel extremely awkward and embarrassed too.

.

April 3, 2015

One of my exes, I think it did matter that I earn more. It certainly wasn't the deal breaker. But he seemed a little bit bothered by it. I think if our genders were opposite, he would still have been bothered. It wasn't that fact I was a woman, it's that I have relatively simple work compared to him.

April 3, 2015

As long as she doesn't make me feel bad that she makes more than me then I won't have a problem with it.

April 3, 2015

I remember when I once dated a guy who earned less than I did annually. And to be honest, I didn't really care that he was struggling financially in his chosen career path because, omg, he had nearly all of the traits (emotionally and physically) that I was looking for in a guy. However, dates and outings had started becoming awkward...and I felt bad for him because I could tell he really wanted to pay for both of us, but he just couldn't. And most of the times that he couldn't pay his own way and I paid for both of us, I felt his discomfort and uneasiness...emanating from him like heat.

It was a hard decision for me to make, but I ended things with him because of this uneven dynamic between us. Even though I didn't mind paying for mostly everything - because being with him truly made me happy and I had fun with him - I knew that it made HIM uneasy and uncomfortable, which marred most of our time together.

So, I'd like to hear opinions from the guys here (and I'd also like to hear from the gals) if you would date (or continue dating) a woman who you knew earned more than you did. And if you wouldn't, why not? If you would, why?

.

The only way I would date a woman that made more than me is if i have a career . I cant see a guy at a dead end job with no upward mobility just collecting a check.

I am working towards having a career just got sick of dead end jobs and being stuck.

Once I get a career it will not matter because I be making OK money but it something i want to do on top of that. It is the kind of career if you don't like what your doing you will not last or enjoy life.

The funny thing is the field is 90% woman and guys make the same hourly wage but make more money like 5k more a year.

April 3, 2015

After I brought it up with him and we talked, he finally admitted that he felt extremely uncomfortable with the fact that he couldn't pay for both of us on the outings we went on, even when I asked him if he wanted to pay. I felt bad for him because I could tell he really wanted to, but he just couldn't.
I told him that I didn't care about that because I really had so much fun hanging out with him and being together. I guess it was just too awkward for him and, even though he didn't say it directly, he all but said he felt emasculated. I understood how he felt because I'd feel the same way. If I was dating a guy and I could NEVER pay for both of us for any meal or outing that we went on, I would feel extremely awkward and embarrassed too..

When I was in college I would do fun stuff that was inexpensive. When my wife and I are saving we still do this. She will get out of her fellowship soon and then could potentially make double what I do. It won't bother me.

April 3, 2015

Actually related, a tangent from a few of the posts by guys here, and along similar lines.

There are also advantages to being with a guy who isn't upwardly mobile. That laid back cruiser who doesn't lust after either power nor money. These are extremely low pressure people and I often find their influence in my life to be calming and relaxing. I'm ambitious by nature and after being with another ambitious person it just wasn't a good relationship dynamic at all.

The guy who's happy in his current job/career and isn't looking for promotions and payrises can often be a breath of fresh air. But the caveat there...is that he's there by conscious choice and is happy with that choice. Some guy with no upward mobility who bitches and moans about a lack of success incessantly or that he just can't do it, even though you know it's what he desires? No thanks. The difference is finding someone who is happy in life, regardless of what their financial position is.

I don't find upward mobility to be a requirement in a man. But making conscious choices and understanding and accepting the consequences of those choices are a requirement. If he's truly happy being a mechanic, barista or cleaner fine. I just don't want to hear moaning about the unfairness of life, and how he hasn't got this or that, while simulataneously witnessing his lack of drive to achieve it.

April 3, 2015

Actually related, a tangent from a few of the posts by guys here, and along similar lines.

There are also advantages to being with a guy who isn't upwardly mobile. That laid back cruiser who doesn't lust after either power nor money. These are extremely low pressure people and I often find their influence in my life to be calming and relaxing. I'm ambitious by nature and after being with another ambitious person it just wasn't a good relationship dynamic at all.

The guy who's happy in his current job/career and isn't looking for promotions and payrises can often be a breath of fresh air. But the caveat there...is that he's there by conscious choice and is happy with that choice. Some guy with no upward mobility who bitches and moans about a lack of success incessantly or that he just can't do it, even though you know it's what he desires? No thanks. The difference is finding someone who is happy in life, regardless of what their financial position is.

I don't find upward mobility to be a requirement in a man. But making conscious choices and understanding and accepting the consequences of those choices are a requirement. If he's truly happy being a mechanic, barista or cleaner fine. I just don't want to hear moaning about the unfairness of life, and how he hasn't got this or that, while simulataneously witnessing his lack of drive to achieve it.

well said ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

For me I hate retail for a long list of reasons. The pay sucks sure $19.50 an hour might seem like a lot of money on paper but it is not. It seems like riding coat tail , brown nosing or laying on your back can get you promoted faster than hard work. It is not mentally simulating at all I just turn of my brain and can still out work anyone.

Also it will not feed a family if you want to be single your whole life it fine.

I need goals and things to work on all the time . I want more than a paycheck .

That is why I been going back to college.

One last thing it is hard to tell woman what I do for a living with out getting embarrassed having to go back to the same dead end job you had in high school.

April 3, 2015

This is a good post because it shows how fair you are with regard to this topic and how you're not naive or gullible enough to pay for everything if a woman you're dating is expecting you to or if - God forbid - she has the audacity to actually tell you that you should. Women like that are gold diggers and are women who feel they're entitled to YOUR money without THEM contributing their fair share of THEIR own money.

Sorry about what happened to you with regard to your dream of being a pro ball player. That must've sucked BIG TIME when you realized you'd never be able to pursue that goal. But...I believe things ALWAYS happen for a REASON. You were meant to be doing what you're doing RIGHT NOW - and that's helping people by personally training them to be the BEST they can be. You realize that you're also INSPIRING those people at the same time that you're training them, right? This is what God wants you to do...and, you're doing it! And you probably do it very well too.

I also like how you placed yourself in another guy's shoes if he had a woman that always paid for dinners and such and how you admitted that this situation might make you feel uneasy. It takes a confident person to admit that.

Hey...do you have a single brother? j/k hehe...

.

Haha, yet another example of BOZG's forum crush on me. Yet she'll playfully deny yet again when I call her on it. But I had a feeling you'd see it my way on what I posted. We tend to think alike in most ways, except for editing software and certain relationship dynamics. Haha Yeah, it was a kick in the nuts when it happened. I mean for the first 16 years of my life, it's what I truly believed I was born to do. I mean how many 16 year olds have a 93mph fastball? If my arm had been able to mature another few years, who knows. But that's life. I agree that confidence also entails being able to see other sides, compromise, and admit flaws/weaknesses. That's why I'm always willing to put myself in someone else's shoes and try to see multiple POV's. I'm also man enough to admit when I'm wrong, although it's fun to be right most of the time.

It's funny though because my brother has rarely ever dated his entire life. But he finally did online dating and has a new GF in his life. But he's making the mistake of latching onto her way too tight. He actually did a good job at keeping it at once a week in the beginning and 2x a week when it got a bit more serious. But when they became exclusive recently, he's seen her the last 5/6 nights. Unfortunately a lot of people don't know how to let things develop naturally. Just because a woman becomes you GF, doesn't mean that you instantly start seeing her 24-7. My GF has told me multiple times how much she loves that I'm not needy and that we are letting things develop naturally.

Edited April 3, 2015 by fitnessfan365

April 3, 2015

OP and any other woman who wants to come to Hawaii and procreate with a 7/10 + dimples.

I would love to be a house husband.

April 3, 2015

OP and any other woman who wants to come to Hawaii and procreate with a 7/10 + dimples.

I would love to be a house husband.

Lol....not the first time I've heard that.

April 3, 2015

If she doesn't care than I don't. Money is simply a resource to have the things I need and want. Other than that I don't let it rule me.

April 3, 2015

I remember when I once dated a guy who earned less than I did annually. And to be honest, I didn't really care that he was struggling financially in his chosen career path because, omg, he had nearly all of the traits (emotionally and physically) that I was looking for in a guy. However, dates and outings had started becoming awkward...and I felt bad for him because I could tell he really wanted to pay for both of us, but he just couldn't. And most of the times that he couldn't pay his own way and I paid for both of us, I felt his discomfort and uneasiness...emanating from him like heat.

It was a hard decision for me to make, but I ended things with him because of this uneven dynamic between us. Even though I didn't mind paying for mostly everything - because being with him truly made me happy and I had fun with him - I knew that it made HIM uneasy and uncomfortable, which marred most of our time together.

So, I'd like to hear opinions from the guys here (and I'd also like to hear from the gals) if you would date (or continue dating) a woman who you knew earned more than you did. And if you wouldn't, why not? If you would, why?

.

Why go on dates he could not afford?

April 3, 2015

After seeing to many marriages go down in flames where the WW was making the 6 figure salary dumps her low 5 figure BH for her 6 figure co-worker.

I use to not have an opinion either way.

Now?

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Guys, would you continue dating a woman who earned a higher salary than you do?

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