sxbmb3388 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 does anyone else find they read a lot of similar situations, and offer your own advice, (in your head of course) -but you often find you are thinking things such as: -they don't deserve your love. -you will find someone just as amazing. -your ex sounds like an asscrack! -i hope your ex comes back once you have moved on just so you can give em the finger. -why would you want to be with someone like that?! -you're doing better than you think... and then you realise that you have given an outside perspective to your own situation. and suddenly all doesn't seem so bad? been on these forums a while now. not posted. 6 mo's post BU, but ive got to the point where i feel as if i could start dating again! yada yada yada... 5
Jonp219 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Or my favorite, "The pain is intense? That's good! That means your on your way"! 1
darkbloom Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 It always helps to look at it from an outside perspective. Especially when your heart does that whole achy/I miss them routine. You gotta let common sense take over because you are too good for them.
Satu Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 You know what? You have a right to be happy. Go for it.
Jonp219 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 I think some people in here just want to see you suffer like they are. Because some of the same people who give you this "encouragement" are the same ones picking breadcrumbs off the floor.
na49 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 It's much easier to give other people advice than to take that same advice and apply it myself. I can tell others what I think is best for them, but doing what's best for me is a different story. I like knowing that I'm not alone in everything I'm going through/feeling. The bad days that I have are similar to the bad days that everyone else has. I'm not the first or last person to get broken up with. (more than once by the same girl). The reason why they call your first love a "first love" is because there is inevitably another love at some point. When I tell myself that, it gives me a glimmer of hope that I will meet someone new. 5
SethDamien Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Everyone's always saying their ex was perfect, placing them on pedestals, etc... This is about finding love all over again, so... "If your ex is as good as a catch as you say, then you must be pretty good yourself!"
totenkopf Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I have come to face the fact that my ex girlfriend is nothing but a scum bag to be honest, when I look back to all of her words and false promises and the way she told me the song " Deserts Miss The Rain" was how she felt about me it makes me cringe to be honest.
SethDamien Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I have come to face the fact that my ex girlfriend is nothing but a scum bag to be honest, when I look back to all of her words and false promises and the way she told me the song " Deserts Miss The Rain" was how she felt about me it makes me cringe to be honest. Its easy to make promises when you're in love, and its perfectly natural to fall out of love too. Its unhealthy to say your ex was a scum bag for falling out just because your heart was broken. Deal with it.
totenkopf Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Its easy to make promises when you're in love, and its perfectly natural to fall out of love too. Its unhealthy to say your ex was a scum bag for falling out just because your heart was broken. Deal with it. No she is a scum bag for certain I have fallen out of love with people myself and I fully understand and accept that but there is no excuse for what my ex did I am afraid.
Jonp219 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 No she is a scum bag for certain I have fallen out of love with people myself and I fully understand and accept that but there is no excuse for what my ex did I am afraid. People who fall out of love are ****ing douchebags too. Period
SethDamien Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 People who fall out of love are ****ing douchebags too. Period I take you never fallen out of love have you? i've fallen out of love twice and staying in a relationship where you are not happy is just as painful for the dumper as it is for the dumpee. Its unfair for both parties. 1
Jonp219 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I take you never fallen out of love have you? i've fallen out of love twice and staying in a relationship where you are not happy is just as painful for the dumper as it is for the dumpee. Its unfair for both parties. You knows what? I did. And you know what else? I worked it out with my partner and found myself loving them again because I communicated my problems to her. I'm not a quitter everyone takes the easy was out these days. But honestly I don't care karma is a bitch.
SethDamien Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 You knows what? I did. And you know what else? I worked it out with my partner and found myself loving them again because I communicated my problems to her. I'm not a quitter everyone takes the easy was out these days. But honestly I don't care karma is a bitch. Yeah, there are many who try to 'communicate their problems' to work it out, but most never found the love they once had. Once the partner totally checks out, there's nothing anybody can do.
Jonp219 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Yeah, there are many who try to 'communicate their problems' to work it out, but most never found the love they once had. Once the partner totally checks out, there's nothing anybody can do. Yeah there are also people who NEVER communicate their problems and expect their partner to figure it all out. People like that shouldn't be in relationships to begin with, they're the epitome of stupid. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 What is love anyway. Can you define it?? Secondly, people / relationships cycle up and down constantly. If it was all 'love' all the time, relationships would be easy...
totenkopf Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Yeah there are also people who NEVER communicate their problems and expect their partner to figure it all out. People like that shouldn't be in relationships to begin with, they're the epitome of stupid. You are bang on there mate. My ex had me taking her kid out and to school with her right up until the last day and let me wrap all his birthday presents and sign a card with her for him and arrange a birthday party, I never got to go to that party or see him open those presents.
BlackbirdSong Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Yeah there are also people who NEVER communicate their problems and expect their partner to figure it all out. People like that shouldn't be in relationships to begin with, they're the epitome of stupid. This is my ex. She must of thought that I was a ****ing mind reader or something.
Throldur Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 This is my ex. She must of thought that I was a ****ing mind reader or something. A lot of relationships have this issue. That was what I was trying to say to my ex.. I didn't know you felt this way, if I did, I would have made these changes.. then offered to make the changes but it was "too late". Although, I'm starting to realize that my Ex had G.I.G.S which at least gives me the glimmer of hope, knowing that I was infinitely better than any boyfriend she's ever had and will have, that once she realizes the grass isn't greener, I might get my opportunity. Definitely seems plausible considering how angry she would get when I challenged her world view that she would find this perfect scenario without issue. Like how could I possibly besmirch the notion that moving away would net her a glorious job without being qualified, she'd find the perfect man, they'd never fight, he would move in, propose and have kids with her at the exact moment she wanted it..
Jonp219 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 This is my ex. She must of thought that I was a ****ing mind reader or something. Honestly, I don't know if my ex had this issue she made it known that things weren't going too well. But she waited till the very end to tell me EXACTLY what was wrong. I overlooked alot of stuff, but instead of addressing it she started distancing herself from me and it made me feel some type of way. At the end, maybe me and her just weren't compatible or too immature.
Author sxbmb3388 Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 i had G.I.G.S. i never left. i knew it was my youth and inexperience. i 'left' to find greener pastures, but i think that was emotionally, i 'came back' to the relationship emotionally, so it does happen. i believe my ex had G.I.G.S. he changed everything. i wish nothing but happiness for him, and i'm taking this time to explore other options that when i was in that phase so it could be a blessing in disguise! now i'm at the point i'm not scared if he doesn't come back, he's a good person, but theres a million other guys out there suitable for me! stay strong guys x
BlackbirdSong Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Like how could I possibly besmirch the notion that moving away would net her a glorious job without being qualified, she'd find the perfect man, they'd never fight, he would move in, propose and have kids with her at the exact moment she wanted it.. My ex wanted to get married, buy a house, and have kids like right now. I'm not stable enough in my career at this time to make it happen (I will be in about a year and a half), but she couldn't wait. So she decided to take off. I'm thinking to myself, she seriously thinks that she's going to find the perfect guy, get married, buy a house, and have kids within 18 months. It absolutely could (and may) happen, but c'mon now. I'm hoping she just had an emotional reaction and made a kneejerk decision (because we really had a great relationship up until the end) and will eventually see that I'm worth the wait. If not, I'm sure I'll be fine. 2
Throldur Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 My ex wanted to get married, buy a house, and have kids like right now. I'm not stable enough in my career at this time to make it happen (I will be in about a year and a half), but she couldn't wait. So she decided to take off. I'm thinking to myself, she seriously thinks that she's going to find the perfect guy, get married, buy a house, and have kids within 18 months. It absolutely could (and may) happen, but c'mon now. I'm hoping she just had an emotional reaction and made a kneejerk decision (because we really had a great relationship up until the end) and will eventually see that I'm worth the wait. If not, I'm sure I'll be fine. I don't understand that with people.. they need to have everything right now and can't see that there's other factors at play. My ex just wouldn't listen half the time. I don't know how many times I explained to her, I paid the security deposit on the apartment in LIEU of rent money because if I didn't pay it, she wouldn't have been able to get the apartment. Then she breaks up with me and I'm like, "I am literally 2 weeks away from probation ending and moving in, now you're saying it is too late?" but it was all about the GIGS and how she had been told by so many sources that moving away was this amazing thing and was being offered a free place to stay abroad by some guy from her work, who was also making anything I did seem super horrible and doing the typical guy thing saying how much better he would treat her.. Yeah, I know that game, I've played it, you can't possibly deliver on all your false promises.. you can try, but you'll burn out and when someone relocates for promises.. it doesn't take long for them to resent you, "you promised this.. you said this.. and you're doing the opposite, I can't believe what I left behind for this.." Guys take longer to commit than girls on average. I guess if you have fear of abandonment, they take it as a sign and run for the hills ASAP.
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