Ex girlfriend had her baby

[Brooks1994]

So my ex girlfriend that I had a 3 year relationship PMs me on Facebook to let me know she had her baby.

 

I had mixed feelings about it but I felt a sense of relief after 10 minutes. While it means I never have a chance of getting back with her I am still grateful that I don't have to worry about paying her child support because the kid is not mine. There's no chance it could be mine because number 1 we broke up 4 years ago and number 2 I never had sex with her.

 

So the new boyfriend has to worry about child support payments for a minimum of 20 years. My dream to NOT have kids has come true and I am free from that responsibility. I can go on living like a ghost. Ghosts don't have much responsibilities when they roam around in limbo.

 

How did you feel when you found out your ex had a baby? I guess for me I just learn to take the bad with the good like with most paths in life. Many paths can be a blessing in disguise in spite of the disadvantages.

[Gloria25]

Is it the girlfriend that is evoking this emotion/thought in you or the situation (her having a baby and not with you)...

 

But, just like the feeling you get when you see a couple holding hands and you are single, you can't help but ponder "why am I single?", "I wish I had someone", etc. I mean, we humans are often influenced by the "herd".

 

So, if you never wanted (and still don't want kids), then maybe you seeing her having kids is making you reconsider your decision. I don't know why/how you broke up with her, but maybe you feel bad that "you" and her didn't make it and now she's "making" it with someone else - to the point that they're having kids.

 

But then, you didn't say she's married - so I wonder why you feel all shaken up on some chick having a child out of wedlock. If that is the case, I'd consider her having this kid w/o you a "blessing in disguise" - cuz, who wants to be with a chick who makes such poor choices and brings children into this world without a father, a nest, and stability (i.e. being "married" to the father)?

 

P.S... a relative of mine are expecting their 2nd child. I'm happy for them - but concerned about the stress and bills this is adding to their situation. But, at the same time, they're doing waaay better than our parents did and when I see the kids being raised better than we were - it makes me smile. But, will that change my decision - approaching 40 - to have kids? Nah,

 

So, it's natural to feel emotion and ponder the meaning of this or that...but doesn't necessarily mean anything changes about you and who you are....and, the reality of how ridiculous some people's decisions are.

Edited April 1, 2015 by Gloria25

[elaine567]

I can go on living like a ghost. Ghosts don't have much responsibilities when they roam around in limbo.

Can you elaborate?

[Gloria25]

Look, if you feel like seeing your ex gf has a kid means you need one two...why not do things to see "if" you really wanna have kids.

 

You can go and volunteer in stuff that involves kids (i.e. Big Brother's) and/or tutoring kids one-on-one, special olympics, etc.

 

You can also do foster kids and/or student exchange kids.

 

Whenever I volunteer I don't do kiddy events where I'm one-on-one with a kid. Took me doing it a few times to realize that I just don't have it in me to spend time with kids.

 

Not everyone has the "parenting" desire...and, sad when people have kids for the wrong reasons. I mean, I know of gfs and relatives who had kids cuz they wanted to re-create their childhood better than they had it and/or to fill a "void" in their lives. Ever watch Maury when he brings on those goofy teenage chicks who just want kids cuz they think it's gonna make them a "mature adult"?

 

I think kids are a serious decision - one that I don't take lightly. After coming from an abusive home with two selfish/self-absorbed parents, I wish people would look at the decision to have kids more seriously.