guitarplayer Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 I have a question for you all.I was married for 14 years but it ended because she cheated on me.I blame myself because our sex life went south.I lost interest in her and here's why. When we first were married everything was great but over time I started to realize that she lost interest in our kids.She would not do anything for our kids.All she did was sleep sleep and more sleep.When she was awake she always ran off to her girlfriends house.The other thing she did later on in our marrage,she always worked 3pm to 11pm and would'nt work any other times.This is when the kids get home from school and need the most attention until bed time.She would'nt even pay attention to the kids when they brought home great test scores or when they where so happy and wanted to tell there mom about there day in school,she just ignored them at all cost.I made comments to her about this and then she was a good mom for a few days then she want back to her old self.This went on for 10 years.Well as things happen I ended up having heart problems where I had to have my heart shocked back to a normal rythem but before that happened I was lying in the hospital with atrial fib heart and was'nt sure if I was going to live.My wife was becide me just before I went into the CCU to have my heart shocked back,and I told her that I loved her but she never said "I love you" back to me,that made me think!!!I was always the one to say "I love you" first but she never said it to me first,ever!!!I always gave her hugs first but never the other way around.It was like this through out our marrage.She never did anything first to show that she loved me.Also when we split up she did'nt even contact her son for the first 2 years,no nothing and she blamed him for everything... Now I ask you all this question... Is it wrong that I lost interest with her?? My kids are all grown up (17 son and 19 daughter,live with me) and they turned out great. I cought her cheating on me through the internet chat where I logged on under a different name and she told me everything she hated in her life.She told me she did'nt want kids and she was'nt in love with her husband(me)anymore and that she was seeing a guy she met at her work place and wanted something different.So I got out my handy dandy video camera hid in the bushes and filmed them together comming out from work all kissy pooing,that was enough for me,I confronted her about our relationship and she said she wanted a devorse.I never told her about the video but when I left,I left the screen name I used online sitting on the table.One more thing,3 months before all this happened,we just bought our first house but if she did'nt sign me off the house and land deed I was going to use that video tape against her,but she did without a problem.I just prolonged the devorse process just to be a a**h***. Well today she married that guy and to much regret she has a new daughter but I wont be around this time and she's on her own.... ONCE a CHEAT,always a CHEAT,I feel sorry for the new kid,she's kinda cute I've had it with woman....I'm getting a dog....just kidding but today I'm very careful about getting involved with just any woman.I want a woman who loves me the same way I would love her,ya know the kind of girl who would bring me a cold glass of ice tea when I'm done busting my butt in the yard..The Sara Evans kinda girl with family values instead of the MTv generated freek.. ..thanks for dealing with all my typo's.........................
mixwell Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 Wow I can't beleive that she could act like that for 10 years!!! I mean if she really didn't want all that why wouldn't she have just gotten out of it a long time ago ? Weird ! Wow thats actually scary knowing that someone would do that for soo long.. Sorry to hear about that ! At least you got 2 great kids out of her if you think of it that way !! Screw her man ! I feel sorry for this new guy she married ! If he only knew the truth aobut her !! Take care !
Author guitarplayer Posted April 14, 2005 Author Posted April 14, 2005 thanks alot,ya its kinda scary someone can be like that,but when your blinded by love,there's alot you wont see until you have a wake up call,as I did.I could have gotten out of the marrage but I stayed in it for the kids sake and because of that,my kids turned out great.If I left,who knows how they would have turned out but showing that a father and mother(as she was) was better then nothing.Just look at all the friged up kids today where Mom lives over there,Dad lives down there,step dad lives in another state,half brothers that never seen each other,moms cheating on dad,dads sleeping with another woman,perverts running wild and messin with our kids everywhere,schools teaching our kids that sex is something you'll be doing anyways.Everything is so messed up and what I did I feel I was right and moral.Yes Some people might say I wasted 14 years of my life but I'd do it all again,for the kids sake because someone has to care,and now that same value is passed onto my kids............take care
BrotherAaron Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 That's quite the story. Have you thought about writing a book?
GirlDown Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron That's quite the story. Have you thought about writing a book? seriously...it would be interesting to see this side of the story as opposed to all the lifetime movie man-tragedies.
Author guitarplayer Posted April 15, 2005 Author Posted April 15, 2005 I should write a book because it really shows just how some women can be so cold and heartless.The funny thing is when I met my wife(ex) at age 17 I knew I was going to marry her and 6 years later I did.The signs where on the wall,after a week went by we went out with some friends for a few beers and me and my friend went outside to smoke a doobe and when we came back in my new wife was dancing with some guy.I thought I was seeing things and I asked her what the hell she was doing and she said "I felt sorry for him so I asked him to dance" she did'nt even know this guy,now that freeked me out and for some odd reason I was'nt pissed off at the guy I was more pissed off at her.Now I think about our relationship,man she was a screwed up kinda wife.No wonder I had to go to extreems to make myself happy,lmaooooooooo.Maybe thats why I got into politics because she was so borring(but I do have some twisted views about politics though).The other odd part of our marriage was that she never opened up to me no matter how hard I tried,for years but she kept it all inside and now that our marriage is over I know why she kept it all inside.Remember that guy she married?Well he's black and thats why she could'nt open herself up to me.(just add salt to the wound).Its tough not thinking about all this and I trying to forget everything is impossible at times but its getting easier with every passing day.Maybe if I met a nice girl that might help but I've become very locked up since all this happened. Would you all be interested in another part of my life that has to do with my first love?More than 20 years ago I met my first love.Its a romance right out of a book.Picture being in love the first time and where everything was picture perfect,thats what I had(until I screwed it up).Here's a small part...... Years went by and then we seen each other in the dallor store,we stared at each other,very close, without a word spokin as tears ran down each others face,then we giggled to ourselfs and went different direction wiping the tears out of my eyes and my son (at age 7) said "dad who was that" and I said "I'll tell you someday son".... its a story of love beyond anything you could imagine,filled with laughter,puppy love,romance,danger, a never ending love that I hope I find in heaven if not here again......
RecordProducer Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Normally I would say "hm, I'd like to hear the other side tell her story too", but when I read that she rejected her children from the first moment, I felt like puking. I find it unbelievable that a woman can be so sensitive and demanding in terms of happiness for herself, but not about her own children. It's not your fault so don't blame yourself. You've been a good father and your kids who love you are the proof of that statement. You really made a bad choice and she is the extreme case. But don't get disappointed in ALL women because of one particular woman. The majority of women are not like her. When the right one shows up, don't reject her because you had one bad experience. It's funny how this outrageous behavior is tolerated for men though. My ex-husband left me with two babies (the first time they were only two weeks old - twins). He kept leaving and I kept bringing him back until I couldn't anymore. The kids were 2 years old when we finally split up. My ex told me he left ME and not the children. Indeed he was seeing the kids every day, but he had a period of 4.5 months when he didn't see them or call at all and didn't even call for their birthday. He didn't even know if they were okay as we didn't have any mutual friends who might inform him that the kids were doing fine. He blamed my mom for him not seeing them. She told him that he could see the kids on Sunday and he was busy on Sunday so it was an excuse for him to not see them for 4.5 months although they were going to kindergarten (he could have come there to see them, he lives only 2 miles from us). He filed a complaint to the social worker that we didn't allow him to see the children (which was a total lie) and they believed him. He started seeing them every day again after that, but recently wanted to stick to the schedule made by the social worker, which is every other weekend (he wanted it to be every weekend though) and every Wednesday. The kids met my new boyfriend a few months ago and fell in love with him (now the boys are 6 y.o.) Since then they lost interest in their father and finally they told me they didn't want to visit him at all. And before, their father was their idol. Obviously they realized that there was something better in this world than him. My ex-husband has a daughter from his first marriage and we basically divorced because of her. He chose to live with his daughter and not with us (before we were living all together) and my sons probably felt that they were never in the first place for him as they were for me and my mom (whom we live with). So why is it okay for a man to leave his children because he didn't want to live with their mother? I didn't cheat on him or lied to him or beat him or his daughter or yelled at him or anything... I loved him with all my heart and he just abandoned us. Thank god! Because I was so unhappy in that marriage and 4 years after we split I met the love of my life. I always say 'the divorce was the second best thing that ever happened to me!'
Author guitarplayer Posted April 16, 2005 Author Posted April 16, 2005 recordproducer Your story sounds alot like mine and I dont understand why parents just up and leave there kids and blame it on something or someone else.I really believe true to my heart that its in the upbringing of the kids as in our life's I bet we both had some morals of what it takes to raise kids before we ever had any kids.I'm sure you had many ideas about raising kids when you were in your teens and that came from someone close to you,maybe not showing you how to raise kids but more like"live by example".I know thats kinda deep,lolol but I do feel if you lead by example,kids will follow.Thats true of good people and bad people so it must be true.You have 2 boys?that must be pretty cool,lol,I wish I had 2 sons but I'm pushing 38 and and and,well,who knows,lol.Your right about many things and I must not turn into a hermit.Its funny you said that because someone just said to me yesterday that I need to start living again and start going out again.I do have a life outside of work,lol,and I have many interests and hobbies(my screen name) but no social life to speak of.Maybe its time I take some advice and try like hell to get some friends.I was wishing Miss Right was going to knock on my door,I wonder why that has'nt happened,lmaoooooooooo.You are also right about hearing both sides of the story because I'm sure she has her own thoughts but I just told the story like I lived every day of my life for 12 of 14 years.Yes I am a good father where moral values come before anything in my life,personal or not!!!.Its funny I was sitting at Pizza Hut tonight with my son eating dinner and sitting next to us was these 2 little boys around the age of 5 and there parents must have been in there mid 40's.One of the kids burped really loud and the mom told her son "thats not nice" so me being who I am,I just had to look at the boy and I started laughing because he had this funny grin on his face.When the boy seen me laughing,he started to laugh.Next thing I know everyone was laughing and having a good time.It was really cool and then I wished I had 2 little boys like those 2 kids,man they cracked me up and here its been 5 hours later and I'm still laughing.lolol..Well its amazing I started out talking about one thing that bothered me and ended up having a few laughs over something else,pretty cool I'd say The song is really true "You aint much fun since I quit drinkin" lmaooooooo,although I did'nt drink much but boy I ""did""like my weed but ever since I had that problem with my heart, I have'nt touched weed or beer in 8 years and it feels pretty dam good and I'm going to the animal shelter this comming monday and get myself a little dog to tag around with me.......till next time.........
Recommended Posts