AIJ Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Being the dumpee, the only thing that's still holding me back is the thought of her being intimate with someone else. I don't miss her, I don't care about her, I just don't like the thought of someone else touching her. Would any other guys agree with me on this? And can any girl(s) tell me if it's the same on their end? I'd imagine it's not, as I'm guessing it's more a primal male instinct sort of thing when it comes to intimacy!
Strength in Healing Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Just ego. Ego is shared by both sexes. May have a stronger role in males due to cultural beliefs and indoctrinations. 1
ZiggyZoo Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 No, I don't think it's a male/female thing at all. I'm over my ex, except for that too. That's always been my marker, being able to picture them with someone else. I think a broken heart is a broken heart.
HBK3317 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 It's hard. It's very very hard. God knows what's going to happen, I for one feel like everything is lost ... That I failed life itself.
TunaCat Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 I've been the dumper several times and I gotta say it is so much easier being the dumper than the dumpee. This is the first time I've been dumped and it's hard because it was out of my control. I am very type A and I think that's part of the reason why I'm struggling.
Author AIJ Posted April 1, 2015 Author Posted April 1, 2015 No, I don't think it's a male/female thing at all. I'm over my ex, except for that too. That's always been my marker, being able to picture them with someone else. I think a broken heart is a broken heart. I'm slightly relieved to hear that. It's the one thing that keeps getting me angry, I try and push those images to the back of my mind but sometimes they just fester and it pisses me off! It's even worse when I know she jumped straight in to a new relationship, and she decided to throw up pictures of her with her new boyfriend cuddled up in bed weeks after dumping me. Nice touch, bitch. 2
ZiggyZoo Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Not to mention classy. I never got people being proud of starting new relationships right away. I always look at them and think "Well, there goes someone who's running from their feelings, in a doomed relationship". My ex got his new anniversary tattooed on his hand, and she ended up leaving him for his brother. He was really, really proud of that relationship too, posted pictures of them all over the place *eyeroll* 1
Author AIJ Posted April 1, 2015 Author Posted April 1, 2015 Not to mention classy. I never got people being proud of starting new relationships right away. I always look at them and think "Well, there goes someone who's running from their feelings, in a doomed relationship". My ex got his new anniversary tattooed on his hand, and she ended up leaving him for his brother. He was really, really proud of that relationship too, posted pictures of them all over the place *eyeroll* Couldn't help but laugh at the lengths she went to just to ensure I KNEW they were together. I'd blocked her number and her whatsapp, hadn't looked at her Twitter for god knows how long. She followed me and immediately changed her Twitter header picture to a picture of them two in bed. So when I went to block her, that's the picture I was greeted with. Wonderful stuff! Throughout our entire relationship, she never ONCE had a picture of us on her Twitter. Funny stuff!
ZiggyZoo Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Couldn't help but laugh at the lengths she went to just to ensure I KNEW they were together. I'd blocked her number and her whatsapp, hadn't looked at her Twitter for god knows how long. She followed me and immediately changed her Twitter header picture to a picture of them two in bed. So when I went to block her, that's the picture I was greeted with. Wonderful stuff! Throughout our entire relationship, she never ONCE had a picture of us on her Twitter. Funny stuff! Yeah, nice to know they're still thinking about us, huh? Nothing screams "I still care" like posts and pictures of the happy new couple. Sh*t like that cracks me up. Or changing your FB status to anything other than "single" or nothing at all. I guess my most recent ex made his "It's Complicated" about two months after the fact. I got a call from a mutual nosy friend wondering what was up. It made me laugh, and admittedly think about it too much for a few days. I prefer to keep to myself mainly, and keep my private stuff private, you know? 1
jen1447 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Being the dumpee, the only thing that's still holding me back is the thought of her being intimate with someone else. I don't miss her, I don't care about her, I just don't like the thought of someone else touching her. Would any other guys agree with me on this? And can any girl(s) tell me if it's the same on their end? I'd imagine it's not, as I'm guessing it's more a primal male instinct sort of thing when it comes to intimacy! I don't think the heartache reaction is very much gender specific. If you have a vulnerable psychology, male or female, it'll hurt. However I think there's a social component that can make it vary. The order imo would be: 1. secure women - easiest 2. secure men - second easiest 3. insecure men - second hardest 4. insecure women - hardest This of course ignores the entire middle ground and a variety of other variables that could affect it, but I think if you just had generic versions of these basic types, that's how it would play out. Secure women seem to understand their societal value the best and thus don't feel entirely isolated by rejection, while insecure women's self esteem can ride almost entirely on the acceptance of a lover. Guys tend to go to lesser extremes. In general. IMO. This is coming from someone who's dumped and been dumped by both sexes.
na49 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 The idea of her having sex with someone who isn't me is what kills me. She's already had sex with the guy she left me for, and the fact that she will now go on to have sex with another guy after him just kills me.
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Other than one of my EXs potentially hooking up with a mutual friend of ours who I had a giant fight with before he & I broke up, I never gave any EXs new romance a 2nd thought. I was a little misty / forlorn when I saw one EX's wedding ring for the 1st time years later. I used to day dream about what his finger would look like wearing "my" ring. Ironically his actual wedding band looked very similar to the one I had always envisioned. I was more upset about the jewelry than the fact he had a wife; she didn't enter into my thoughts at all. Go figure. I think men can be a bit more possessive about their EXs having sex, at least if what I read on LS is any indication.
OneBigIdgit Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 I'm making a very uneducated guess here but I'd think that men have it much tougher because they aren't used to handling emotions at all. In a breakup, it isn't one emotion at a time hitting you. Some days it feels like waves of emotions battering you. Women are hit with the same emotions but I think nature has prepared them much more to handle the emotions due to the fact that in most circumstances they will be hit with waves of emotions in the form of child birth and rearing 1
Price2Play Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) Being the dumpee, the only thing that's still holding me back is the thought of her being intimate with someone else. I don't miss her, I don't care about her, I just don't like the thought of someone else touching her. Would any other guys agree with me on this? And can any girl(s) tell me if it's the same on their end? I'd imagine it's not, as I'm guessing it's more a primal male instinct sort of thing when it comes to intimacy! I don't now how long removed you are from you ex but you need to stop thinking about crap bro. But yes it does take I time I understand. To be honest I feel bad for the next guy cause he has some big shoes to fill! I KNOW I rocked my ex's world. But it's over and done with we had our time together, time to move on. What are the odds that the next guy is going to automatically rock her world sexually. HA! If your going to think about your ex think about sh*t that bothered you and alll the red flags that you ignored! The social media stunt was just a straight up attempt to make you jealous. Delete all forms of contact bro. Strength is right it's all ego driven in your head. You have the mind power to erase these thoughts and move forward with you life. It's in the past stop tourturing yourself with these negative thoughts! Move on brother and good luck! Edited April 2, 2015 by Price2Play
NC-Thomas Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) Im going to disagree with a lot of people over here, because I generally think woman have it somewhat easier then men when it comes to dealing with a break-up. I think so because: 1. In the current state of society it is more acceptable for women to mourn and seek emotional support for a loss or break-up. Men are still seen as stronger beings, I really feel I have less emotional support within friends and family then an average girl. I can't count the times people have said: "get over it". Girls are generally more supportive to girls then guys are to guys. It's tougher being a guy, because we are generally expected to BE STRONG. A guy seeking for help is perceived as weak and a failure (especially to other men), which is loss of respect, men are expected to be successful. Which woman is attracted to a guy failing in life or relationships? There is your answer. For a girl is it naturally more accepted to be sad. This is undeniable. 2. It is generally easier for a girl to regain confidence and esteem then for a guy. We all know guys have a harder time in the dating scene then girls. I'm not talking about finding a suitable partner here, but generally getting attention from the other gender overall. In essence it is WAY easier for girl to find a rebound if they wish, then for a guy. And we all know rebounds have a positive influence about "being valuable". Getting over a break-up and reinstating that inner confidence are closely related. Getting attention from men and success in dating after a break-up helps greatly here. 3. I've been around Loveshack for just a year, but it seems there are like 70% guys here and 30% girls. I am not implying anything, but as a guy, there is less emotional support, thus we might seek for the Internet for venting and aid. What does this say? 4. Woman have more options. In a biological sense girls are often the selector and guys the selectee. That's how we are wired genetically. It is a woman's task to seek out the strongest men. She has many to choose from. As a guy in 2015, we are happy to end up with a general good looking and loving partner. I think guys have lower standards then (most) girls. What I am saying here: it is a woman's task to keep seeking out that best male. Anyway this comes down to GIGS. Basically I am saying woman have more options then men. This matters in dealing with a breakup. We all know a medium looking girl could get a lot of men and a medium looking guy has to try LIKE HELL to even get 1 girl. Conclusion: rebounds are generally easier for a girl, then for a guy. I don't want any women here to get butt-hurt, I think woman are also affected by break-ups, in ways I might never have imagined, because I'm a man, not a woman. But I think the _facts_ about social-emotional supportive structures and girls having it easier in getting a new guy matter in healing. Just my 2 cents. Edited April 2, 2015 by NC-Thomas 3
ghsteo Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I'm definitely going to have to say it's easier for women. The thing about men is we aren't as tuned into our emotions as women are. So when we're in a long term relationship our emotions are often the highest they will ever get and it makes us feel good. We have someone to come home to and someone to open up with where normally a single guy would keep a lot of this bottled up. Now what happens when a break up happens is guys feel shattered, their world torn apart since they have all these emotions they normally tune out hit them full force. It's a huge ego hit as a guy as well, your pride is just destroyed, especially if you're cheated on. It's a lot harder to reach out and talk with people without feeling weak. Not to mention the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, which women have it a lot easier to make that happen then us guys.
NC-Thomas Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 5. I generally think woman are more in touch with their feminine side (duh) and thus are more capable of identifying and dealing with emotions then men. Because men are logical creatures and woman generally more emotional creatures. In effect men are less in touch with emotions. This makes it harder for a guy to accept these feelings and deal with them properly. However, all the points I mentioned are depending on so many interpersonal and external factors making it very difficult to generalize between men and woman, individual traits and the events that occurred. What I want to say is that, there are indeed some pro's and con's for being a guy or girl. But in the end it doesn't matter, what matters is how we deal with it and of we grow as a person, as an individual, men or woman. Because in the end, that's what defines us apart from our gender.
NC-Thomas Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Now what happens when a break up happens is guys feel shattered, their world torn apart since they have all these emotions they normally tune out hit them full force. It's a huge ego hit as a guy as well, your pride is just destroyed, especially if you're cheated on. It's a lot harder to reach out and talk with people without feeling weak. A man feels he has failed, that's what I see on Loveshack, and that's how I feel after being dumped multiple times. This feeling of not being in success, of being a failure, is what strikes a man to his very core. As you say it, the destruction of pride. For a woman however, I think she will more think about not being attractive or being a loving and caring partner. I think this type of hurting is more common for a woman being dumped. I am sure the feeling, for both men and woman is equally hurting, but based on different biological principles defined per gender. 1
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