cottom Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 I met a girl on Tinder, we started talking and pretty much clicked. Shes a private school girl and I have a pretty high flying job that she seemed fascinated by. We texted a load, then i got her on snapchat. At first i thought she seems a little reluctant to show her face in pictures, just snap things around her to write her convo over the top. She started sending half face pictures eventually though. This girl is stunning though, like, my type of girl exactly and we have a creepily similar life. 3 holidays this year, both going same places, like exactly the same films, go exactly the same clubs only, done the same clubs and youth groups as kids. I asked her to meet up 2 weeks ago, it was a club night, she told me she was going and i said my mates were thinking of going, she decided last second to not go she was "too tired". I was going on holiday a couple days later so i said while away we should meet up when im back go for a day out, she says yeah. I then said the day im back to link me up and go for a drink, she said yeah okay. I get back and she says shes working every night that week at the supermarket. So i see she isnt working that night and the conversation went like: "want to come for a drink or cinema or something?" "yeah im looking after my sister while parents are out though" "okay how about when theyre back?" "yeah okay, but you look brown though" (referencing my holiday tan) "lol yeah you may look a little too white next to me" ... she never replied at all. So ive pretty much locked it off today and not bothered. She spent a lot of the conversation saying she wants to be a princess etc, and we had a bit of deep convo that im looking for a girl that wants a guy cause she likes him not what he buys her. She was saying she will treat a guy too etc. Ive gone through her facebook pictures to get an understanding of what she was like, shes from a rich family in the rich end of town, she was a quite ugly teenager with big white girl afro hair and big teeth. She gets quite a few likes but the only comments are from family members. She doesnt have any exes in her pictures (everyone has one in tagged pics even if they do try get rid of them). The guys she has in photos that she is mates with are the nerdy type stereotypical computer geek guys. What is wrong with this girl? She told me she does like me, then she told me she is playing hard to get cause she doesnt want to seem to eager, i told her that its hard to tell when a girl plays hard to get cause its the same as im not interrested. I dont get whats going on?
Buddhist Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 You're an adult male hooking up with a school girl via Tinder? Hmmm.... 1
kendahke Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Catfish. Even if she isn't, this is too much trouble. All you want is to see her dang face. If she's that hung up on her looks, then she's got issues you don't even have the time to deal with. Cut your losses and move on. She's not worth all of this anxiety. 1
pteromom Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 I don't get what's going on either. There are a few possibilities. - She already has a bf and is just using you to talk to or for an ego boost - She is very scared/insecure about meeting up...could be she thinks she's ugly or unworthy. Could be she's afraid of everything. Could be something about you. - She's terrified of dating in general, or what it may lead to - There's something about you she is unsure about - She really is very busy and doesn't know how to fit dating into her life Only she knows why. Give her one more chance. Ask her out for a specific date and time. If she cancels again, tell her the ball is in her court and if she wants to meet, she is going to have to be the one to set it up. Then let it go. 1
Author cottom Posted April 1, 2015 Author Posted April 1, 2015 It isnt a catfish, ive seen her face in snaps after a while of her taking them. Plus i saw her in her supermarket where shes a cashier earlier when i popped in for some shopping, she was busy though so couldnt stop and wait and look creepy 1
Author cottom Posted April 1, 2015 Author Posted April 1, 2015 I don't get what's going on either. There are a few possibilities. - She already has a bf and is just using you to talk to or for an ego boost - She is very scared/insecure about meeting up...could be she thinks she's ugly or unworthy. Could be she's afraid of everything. Could be something about you. - She's terrified of dating in general, or what it may lead to - There's something about you she is unsure about - She really is very busy and doesn't know how to fit dating into her life Only she knows why. Give her one more chance. Ask her out for a specific date and time. If she cancels again, tell her the ball is in her court and if she wants to meet, she is going to have to be the one to set it up. Then let it go. Exactly this, i cant tell, is it me, is it her, is she unexperienced at this, does she not know what she wants so is holding back, is she scared or does she have someone already, is it leading me on for attention? I was going to say to her, name a day and time she is free and make a plan and then tell her its up to her to keep the arrangement. If not she can leave me to meet someone for me. I have a lot of girls that are begging for me but not really my type that i can show more interest in and have easily but i dont want them! 1
pteromom Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Exactly this, i cant tell, is it me, is it her, is she unexperienced at this, does she not know what she wants so is holding back, is she scared or does she have someone already, is it leading me on for attention? Yep, no way to know. So it is up to you whether she is worth pushing, just in case it is because she is scared. I was going to say to her, name a day and time she is free and make a plan and then tell her its up to her to keep the arrangement. Yes, you can do that. You can also flat out ask her - is something going on that you don't want to meet me, because at this point, it is looking like you just aren't interested. If that's the case, just tell me so I can move on. I have a lot of girls that are begging for me but not really my type that i can show more interest in and have easily but i dont want them! The good news for you is that your options aren't this girl or those girls. There are also OTHER girls out there to meet. So if this one doesn't work out, you'll be ok. 1
Satu Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Stop looking for girls in cyberspace and come back to the real world. It's nice here. 1
Author cottom Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 Yep, no way to know. So it is up to you whether she is worth pushing, just in case it is because she is scared. Yes, you can do that. You can also flat out ask her - is something going on that you don't want to meet me, because at this point, it is looking like you just aren't interested. If that's the case, just tell me so I can move on. The good news for you is that your options aren't this girl or those girls. There are also OTHER girls out there to meet. So if this one doesn't work out, you'll be ok. I flat out asked her what was going on, she told me "aha, you wanna know the truth. I get really bad anxiety and nervous about meeting people" I ask her when shes free, she goes i dont know, next thursday? a week away. What do i do, just wait or forget it and walk away now?
fitnessfan365 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 (edited) OP, you made a TON of mistakes. It's definitely YOUR FAULT. 1) She didn't want to meet up the first time because your friends were going to be there. So when you brought up just the two of you getting together after your trip, she said "Yeah". Her wanting to be alone with you means that she was VERY interested at first. However, you dropped the ball. When a woman agrees to a date suggestion, you respond with "When are you free to get together?" Then you both agree on a day/time that works and you see her then. You NEVER leave it up in the air and you especially don't contact her day of. The fact that you lacked the confidence to make actual plans, and that you showed a complete lack of respect for her time, is why she blew you off. 2) The first time a woman gives you an excuse on why she can't get together, you act completely indifferent to it. You say "No worries. We'll do it some other time. Look over your schedule and get back to me." Then you give her the space to do that. If and when she reaches out to touch base, you cut to the chase and make a definite date for sometime in the near future. If you don't hear from her ever again, you simply walk away and meet other women. What you don't do, is keep hounding her and asking her out repeatedly. Then to make matters worse, you essentially started begging her to go out with you. "Grab a drink, cinema, or something". In other words, "I'll do anything to get you to spend time with me". Now my intent with this is not to belittle you, or diminish you. It's simply to give you some real honest advice. The average woman will want to be polite and spare your feelings. So instead of being honest with you and telling you the mistakes that you made, they're going to keep creating these imaginary excuses on what's wrong with the girl. When the reality is that your own bad behavior is what ruined your chances. The best thing you can do at this point, is to walk away and leave the girl alone. Now there may be a small chance that your indifference will re-spark her attraction. If she eventually reaches out, then you cut to the chase and make definite plans. Otherwise, learn from your mistakes. Don't be needy, don't act desperate, and be more assertive making definite plans. As a fellow guy, I wish you luck in landing a woman that you want. But Tinder probably isn't the best place. Just saying.. Edited April 3, 2015 by fitnessfan365
angel.eyes Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I flat out asked her what was going on, she told me "aha, you wanna know the truth. I get really bad anxiety and nervous about meeting people" I ask her when shes free, she goes i dont know, next thursday? a week away. What do i do, just wait or forget it and walk away now? Tell her to get back to you with a concrete date and time, and then disengage until she does. Honestly, multiple last-minute cancels = this date isn't going to happen. "Maybe next Thursday" is just stringing you along so that you continue texting. My advice is to cut your losses and search for someone who actually wants to meet...and actually shows up for the date. If your goal is a date and/or relationship from OLD, focus on people who are eager to date. Playing therapist and coach in an attempt to coax people into dating you is distraction and typically just results in frustration, failure, and remaining single.
angel.eyes Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 By the way, you should watch the movie and TV series, Catfish. I'm curious. Did the cashier in the store give any indication that she recognized you? Any change in facial expression?
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