greengrape20 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Hi, I'm new here and don't really have anyone in my life I can talk to about this so please bear with me. I cheated on my boyfriend with a married former professor of mine. No sex, just a lot of emotional "games" and kissing (it was a one time thing). It took me a while to cut myself off from him but I haven't spoken to him in about 8 months now. I don't plan on ever contacting him again. I obviously regret cheating on my boyfriend, whom I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. But the past few weeks, I can't stop thinking about what I did. It is in the back of my mind at all times and I wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety.. I think it would hurt my boyfriend too much to ever tell him what happened. He's already told me hypothetically that he would break up with me (after dating 7 years!) if he ever found out something like this. I don't blame him. But I do want to minimize harm. I don't think he will ever find out. I just want to get over this and it doesn't seem like it will ever happen. Does anyone have any tips on trying to forget? Is it weird that this whole cheating thing has made me love my boyfriend even more and work harder at our relationship because I realize how lucky I am?
purplesorrow Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Have you tried therapy to see why you cheated? Perhaps you should start there. You seem surprised that he would break up if he found out. It is just a dealbreaker for some. I am divorcing my husband of 10+ years because he cheated. People often find value in someone once they realize they could lose them. Good luck, I hope you find your peace.
jen1447 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Hi, I'm new here and don't really have anyone in my life I can talk to about this so please bear with me. I cheated on my boyfriend with a married former professor of mine. No sex, just a lot of emotional "games" and kissing (it was a one time thing). It took me a while to cut myself off from him but I haven't spoken to him in about 8 months now. I don't plan on ever contacting him again. I obviously regret cheating on my boyfriend, whom I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. But the past few weeks, I can't stop thinking about what I did. It is in the back of my mind at all times and I wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety.. I think it would hurt my boyfriend too much to ever tell him what happened. He's already told me hypothetically that he would break up with me (after dating 7 years!) if he ever found out something like this. I don't blame him. But I do want to minimize harm. I don't think he will ever find out. I just want to get over this and it doesn't seem like it will ever happen. Does anyone have any tips on trying to forget? Is it weird that this whole cheating thing has made me love my boyfriend even more and work harder at our relationship because I realize how lucky I am? I think the issue is that you need resolution, but you're never going to get it - ever - if you choose to deceive him for the rest of your life. So get used to that feeling if you're determined to "minimize harm" / lie to him. You're doing that for you, not him. If he's the sort of guy who'd want to know, and most people are, you owe it to him to tell him and deal with the consequences like an adult. Letting him go around in a happy fog of lies isn't really doing him any favors.
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Ah OP, I really don't know what advice to give. Having cheated myself and never being found out, I feel this is the cheaters 'karma.' You punish and torment yourself with guilt, remorse, perhaps even insecurity or fear that he will do the same and not tell you. There's 2 options really: 1) Either you can't take the torment and you can confess 2) You make peace with what you did, vow to yourself never to do it again and let it go 3
No Limit Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 Do everyone the favor of confessing before marriage or even kids are brought into this drama. And no, you won't forget this anytime soon and there's also no magical cure to make you forget. Either live with it or confess and face possible consequences.
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