Chibaby Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 I need help. I'm moving to Hawaii or San Francisco for Graduate School next January. The problem is with my boyfriend/(future fiance). He says he'll follow me wherever I go, and that makes me happy, but I have a feeling that he's really not to decided (or thrilled) about that, even though he insists he will. I don't necessarily expect him to go, but then again I don't want to stay here and give up my goals. I feel guilty because he has a really good job that he loves, but the state I live in doesn't offer my graduate program. I feel like we are still young enough that we dont' need to put down roots, but also, his Mom is making him feel VERY guilty by crying/refusing to talk to him because of his choice to move. I really love him and I want us both to be happy and stay together. Should I give up grad school and settle down for the sake of our relationship and his relationship with his mother, or should I follow my dreams (however foolish they may be) and hope for the best? Am I being selfish?
analyzetheworld Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 I don't want to stay here and give up my goals. I really love him and I want us both to be happy and stay together. Should I give up grad school and settle down for the sake of our relationship and his relationship with his mother, or should I follow my dreams (however foolish they may be) and hope for the best? In my opinion, your dreams/goals is part of who you are. If you don't follow your goals, and instead settle for settling down, I would predict that sooner or later, you will regret it, and possibly become bitter at those who you feel held you back from accomplishing your goals. If your boyfriend/fiancee really loves you, he will want you to do what makes you happy. I think you guys need to have a serious talk, and ask him point blank if he wants to go or not - and if not, remember the saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" - I would say that if you guys really love each other, any time you spend apart will not be a hindrance, but will be used to draw you guys closer together. If he does want to go, and is just concerned because of his mom's actions, as I state below, it seems like she is trying to manipulate the situation (see below next quote). To answer your question of whether or not you are being selfish, I don't think so; I think the mother is being selfish in this situation - this is your guy's life together, and she is not a central part of it (moving away from the home and all that jazz). his Mom is making him feel VERY guilty by crying/refusing to talk to him because of his choice to move. This is plainly manipulation on her part, in order to guilt her son into doing what she would have him do. If you guys play into her hand, she will most likely keep doing it whenever she wants something her way - do you really want to reinforce the idea that this kind of behavior will result in giving her what she wants? Hope this helps provide an outsider's point of view.
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