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Posted
I guess I should just put it this way, I basically, based on her complacency (and I don't say this lightly as I really was the big sustainer of the relationship) broke up with her because I didn't feel she cared. When I did it, I went through a lot of agony coming to the decision and hours before zero hour I remember a great emotoional upheavel. When I finally said the words, I was hoping, there at the end of all things us, that she would let me know that we were worth fighting for before the long walk because i had been the one trying so hard. Everyone told me that I couldn't be afraid to walk away and that if someone really cared, especially if they knew you loved them truly and were giving your all, they would fight for you.

 

I guess that wasn't the case and the old adage "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you they are yours; if they dont, they ever were." Was proven right in my case.

 

That's all I'm saying. She could have fought, I was still there just not in the same room. She wasn't and she didnt and all she left mee, left all that was us was "Wed still be together if you hadn't ended it" b.s.

 

And then, when I wanted her back, I was ignored. Now I'm on 60 days of NC and she's moved on. (She was on a dating website the next day.) Says it all.

 

See, I would take the fact that she didn't fight up to that point as indication of what she felt about the relationship. It sounds like you broke up, in part, to try to elicit a reaction, which isn't very cool to be honest. Though in your case it moved you out of a relationship that had gone sour, so it ended up working out in the end, even if the process was flawed.

 

Personally, if I was in your situation, at the time I pulled the plug, that would have been it. No amount of "fighting" would have done anything for me. The ex had months and months to "fight", any "fight" that would have been shown would have simply been to get you back to a comfortable place of being "there", allowing her not to be. So feel lucky that she didn't "fight".

Posted
When my ex dumped me I was in such a state of shock that I didn't know what to say. I wanted to fight so bad, but I was paralyzed. Only later, when the shock wore off I found the words that I had wished I had said. By then it was way too late, she was already long gone.

 

Later on, she texted me, "If you really wanted me to stay, you wouldn't have let me leave". Talk about a kick to the nuts. Haven't heard from her since (2 months ago). I wish I fought.

 

I got the same thing but reversed. "We'd still be together if you hadn't broke up with me." And when I was fighting to keep her only a week later!

Posted (edited)
See, I would take the fact that she didn't fight up to that point as indication of what she felt about the relationship. It sounds like you broke up, in part, to try to elicit a reaction, which isn't very cool to be honest. Though in your case it moved you out of a relationship that had gone sour, so it ended up working out in the end, even if the process was flawed.

 

Personally, if I was in your situation, at the time I pulled the plug, that would have been it. No amount of "fighting" would have done anything for me. The ex had months and months to "fight", any "fight" that would have been shown would have simply been to get you back to a comfortable place of being "there", allowing her not to be. So feel lucky that she didn't "fight".

 

I know it was a bad move and I know now, in the aftermath, that it was known as a protest behavior. She had, after minor arguments, threatened me with things like "This won't work!" and once evej tried to end it with me over aminor thing (learnd she's a love avoidant and was using detatachment strategies due to commitment issues) but I was always a rock, there making it work, never wavering, until the end.

 

So yeah, it was my last card to play and she cleaned the table. Sigh.

 

P.S. I tried to fight because, in the aftermath, she was communicating with me better then she did when she was IN the relationship. :( I thought there was hope. Guess not. Swallowing it now.

Edited by fireflywy
Posted
I know it was a bad move and I know now, in the aftermath, that it was known as a protest behavior. She had, after minor arguments, threatened me with things like "This won't work!" and once evej tried to end it with me over aminor thing (learnd she's a love avoidant and was using detatachment strategies due to commitment issues) but I was always a rock, there making it work, never wavering, until the end.

 

So yeah, it was my last card to play and she cleaned the table. Sigh.

 

P.S. I tried to fight because, in the aftermath, she was communicating with me better then she did when she was IN the relationship. :( I thought there was hope. Guess not. Swallowing it now.

 

All you "fighting" did was lower her respect for you more. Had you broke up and stuck with it, she might have thought "Hey, fireflywy don't f--k around", which, after a while, might have caused her to rethink her just letting you go. But since you cowered and begged her back after a short time, you basically neutered yourself. You clipped off your nuts and offered them to her and she wasn't having it. You weren't fighting, you were surrendering.

 

I guess the lesson here is to own your decisions. Ultimately this was the right move and will be good for you in time. Just sucks for you now.

Posted
All you "fighting" did was lower her respect for you more. Had you broke up and stuck with it, she might have thought "Hey, fireflywy don't f--k around", which, after a while, might have caused her to rethink her just letting you go. But since you cowered and begged her back after a short time, you basically neutered yourself. You clipped off your nuts and offered them to her and she wasn't having it. You weren't fighting, you were surrendering.

 

I guess the lesson here is to own your decisions. Ultimately this was the right move and will be good for you in time. Just sucks for you now.

 

Perhaps. But if she saw me as weak for wanting her back after a year and half together and lost "respect" for me because of that, then while I may have neutered myself, she clipped off her angels wings by proving to ME, that she isn't worth it. I'm no longer fighting for her. Her ex husband may have called her (time and time again while she was dating me and they had no ties) but I certainly won't. I know I treated her well. I hate saying the cliché, but it is her loss.

Posted
I hate saying the cliché, but it is her loss.

 

And that's what you need to build on. Not this antiquated cliche' "fight for your love" stuff, but realizing your worth, building on that worth, and in time finding someone who will realize it too without it being a "fight".

  • Like 1
Posted
And that's what you need to build on. Not this antiquated cliche' "fight for your love" stuff, but realizing your worth, building on that worth, and in time finding someone who will realize it too without it being a "fight".

 

Thanks. I'm trying. This week has been really bad for me and I'm just sore I guess. I second guessed myself about ending things and I guess, when I entered this conversation I was reacting to the stigma of it being over on the simple grounds of "We'd still be together if you hadn't ended it" even though she knew very well, and even admitted that her communications lack was the biggest problem for our relationship (while admitting that she will work on that aka but not with me). I had never invested so much before. I only wanted a little appreciation and validation that I was cared for in her eyes. When I finally walked away, I guess she proved to me that I never was.

 

it hurts is all. Very much.

 

But what can I do huh? I can only hope for a different future myself and hope she will at least remember me with some degree affection even though I know it not. That's all I ever asked from her.

 

Oh well. Tough week.

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