h0000 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 hooo, I am very appreciative for your advice and read it all, and am well aware of the nature of this situation. Some of the things I have read in other threads show well meaning people pouncing on others, and shaming them for venting in a saf e and comfortable forum. Im sorry I didnt run out and break up with this guy, you have to remember...when you are in the middle of something it's a lot different...and harder. And we come to places like this to sounds it out... So please do not think your advice was not appreciated or listened to. it is hard to break it but people still do it because it is right. and we come here to support each other during the process till they move on. but you didn't break it. did not even try. at least you should try? but you turned 180 and want to get back with him now. we are not here to tell you what do to over and over again while you keep your ears shut. at the end of the day, we don't get hurt. you do. 1
BluEyeL Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 She wants to ride this ride until the wheels fall off. 2
katiegrl Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 it is hard to break it but people still do it because it is right. and we come here to support each other during the process till they move on. but you didn't break it. did not even try. at least you should try? but you turned 180 and want to get back with him now. we are not here to tell you what do to over and over again while you keep your ears shut. at the end of the day, we don't get hurt. you do. ^^Agree with h0000... Scarlet... weakness is not an attractive quality...nor is it a quality to be respected, by the man you are dating or anyone. Good luck...
lana-banana Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Why is this so confusing to you when it seems perfectly clear to everyone else in this thread? He is perfectly content to hang out with you as a FWB until the woman of his dreams comes along. As he sees it, you two are not in a relationship, so he doesn't have to do (or not do) anything. He was clear about what he wanted and your response was "that isn't what I want at all, but I'll go along with it in a desperate attempt to change your mind", so why are you surprised that he's still contacting you? You are responsible for protecting your heart.
katiegrl Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 (edited) Why is this so confusing to you when it seems perfectly clear to everyone else in this thread? He is perfectly content to hang out with you as a FWB until the woman of his dreams comes along. As he sees it, you two are not in a relationship, so he doesn't have to do (or not do) anything. He was clear about what he wanted and your response was "that isn't what I want at all, but I'll go along with it in a desperate attempt to change your mind", so why are you surprised that he's still contacting you? You are responsible for protecting your heart. lana, I know it boggles the mind. If this were me, and it *finally* hit me that I was nothing more than his " good for now" girl....it would give me great pleasure to tell him I am walking away! It's very empowering to take control of your life like that. It shows strength, security and high self-esteem. Qualities one should feel proud of and embrace! Not shy away from with excuses like "I'm not ready to end it yet," or "hoping things will change," blah blah... arghh! All that does is lower one's self esteem, diminishes self-respect...not to mention results in the man you are *hoping* will change to lose respect for you as well! I don't get it quite frankly.... but it's sad. Edited April 3, 2015 by katiegrl
hotpotato Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 He hasnt found another branch to swing to yet. When he does, he will be gone. Leave this foo' already!
hotpotato Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 UPDATE: He has been in daily contact since our talk this past weekend, calls daily and text. He told me he is going to be busy this weekend, so i wont get to see him for Easter. It is a legit excuse, as he has family commitments; also he says he has a lot of paperwork to do, which he has been talking about pre "the talk". I have backed off some and trying to recenter. But I am fearful this will be the beginning of the slow fade. He IS coming to see me where I work tonight for dinner, and mentioned lunch next week. But I usually spend a night or two at his place on days off...after this conversation I am still so worried. Why is he showing so much attention knowing I want a commitment? it is uber confusing. In the past, usually men have ran when it came to this stage, and in a harsh and final way. This does give me a glimmer of hope but not sure of anything. I am hurt, and in great need of clarification, but know I can not bring this up for a while now as it will surely put him off being under pressure to commit. I will post an update when I can. I am NOt trying to blame myself for all of this, but have realize I have been a little clingy, insecure and jealous the past couple of months, which he mentioned was a red flag. So I am trying to give him his space in hopes it will reset the course on a positive wave. Love is so very, very hard. So now hes too busy on easter weekend and too busy in general. Thats a serious red flag. He does bare min of calling and texting, but dont be surprised if that tapers off. After how long? Six months? If he wanted commitment, it would have happened by now. Right now you are filling the void for him. He may like you, but most likely not crazy about you.
Gaeta Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 If it's the first time OP comes face to face with this situation it's normal she will let this unfold till the end and wait for him to clearly and brutally reject her. Next time she comes across another man with the same MO I bet you she will be faster to take control and end it. We've all been in OP's shoes and we all reacted like she is. I know for me dropping an unfit man or unfit relationship is like a second nature but it was not always like this. It took me 1 year to break up with the first commitmentphobe I dated. 2
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