Gaeta Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 At what point MargaretSanchez will come out with the price of her ebook? OP don't listen to this collection of sh!.t 4
oldshirt Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 I guess what I am trying to ask is this: I know this is NOT good. But I am wondering what to do now. It's simple, you go back on the dating market and start dating other people and find one that is in the same place as you and can offer what you are looking for. You are making this complex because there are feelings involved but let's simplify it. Look at it this way if yyou were in the market for a four wheel drive SUV and you went to a dealership and they said the didn't have any 4wd SUVs but offered you a Toyota Corolla instead, what would you do? Hopefully you would say no thank you and move on to the next dealership to see if they had what you wanted. This is no different. There is no harm and no foul here. No-one has done anything wrong and everyone is acting in good faith. He simple doesn't have what you are in the market for. Move on to the next dealership. You don't have to hate or be bitter. You can still be friends and you can even still go out on a Fri night date if you want now and then. Just don't be tied down and be on the market with your out for what you want and don't be afraid to go for it what that comes along. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Because most women simply do not understand how to trigger his "commitment instinct" and make him desperate to commit! I agree that a man will commit to the right woman. However, since you brought up the above, exactly how does a woman go about triggering a man's so called "commitment instinct"? I have never heard of such a thing. I suspect every single woman here on LS is dying to know.
oldshirt Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 I'm not ready for a relationship = I'm not into you OR I only want commitment-free sex. We could move to that point = I want commitment-free sex for as long as possible before you realise that I will never offer you a relationship. Men don't stay out of guilt or obligation okay. They dump you the instant they're not into it, guilt-free. Trust me on this one. Relax and see how it goes = I have no intention of offering you what you want but I do want to see if I can get what I want out of it though. These statements and translations are exactly on the money. 2
kendahke Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 And a lot of the time it can feel like the guy you're dating (or the guys you used to date) are absolutely TERRIFIED to PLEDGE themselves to you, with 100% of their heart, body, and soul… But here's the shocking secret: Men actually HUNGER for a committed, loving, devoted relationship… With the RIGHT woman. He would gladly get down on one knee and pledge his life to the one woman who makes him feel a burning, irresistible, and overwhelming NEED to stay by her side forever, to be there for her always, to jealously guard her from all other men… So why aren't more men committing in relationships? Because most women simply do not understand how to trigger his "commitment instinct" and make him desperate to commit! Desperation is the most unattractive quality in a human being. I don't want a man who is desperate about anything. A desperate person is an unbalanced person and life is too short for that BS.
kendahke Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 At what point MargaretSanchez will come out with the price of her ebook? OP don't listen to this collection of sh!.t Co-sign. (ten characters)
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 I've answered this one a million times.... Not ready for a relationship right now - WITH YOU 2
kendahke Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Men actually HUNGER for a committed, loving, devoted relationship… With the RIGHT woman. And nothing in the world is going to make OP the "RIGHT" woman on either of their time tables right now--and telling someone to waste their youth playing manipulation games or waiting on something that may never pan out is the worst of all kinds of advice to give someone. 2
SummerDreams Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 These situations are kinda black and white for me. If I ONLY want a relationship, I don't see the point of wasting my time with someone who at least has the dignity to admit he is here to just have fun. I know it hurts but if you give him the OK sign to stay in this accepting you will never be in a relationship, the only thing you'll achieve will be to waste your time while in the meantime you could have found a guy who would be totally interested in a relationship and in the end you'll just start to resent him and feel insecure, wondering why he is not that into you. It's a situation that will only make you lose. I know you are wondering "what if?" but I will just tell you that many many women waste their youth and their time for that exact reason: to make a man who is not "ready for a relationship" become ready, which is suck an illusion... It's such a shame. What you should do is show that you are a strong woman who knows what she wants. You make it clear you want a relationship and if he is not willing to give this, then you are out. If, by any chance, he misses you and changes his minds, he knows where to find you. Just don't become the victim cause you are not gonna win. Be grateful he had some dignity and warned you about his intentions early on.
Author scarlettohara Posted April 1, 2015 Author Posted April 1, 2015 Thank you all. I spent a good deal of the night crying my eyes out, pure wail. Im so beat down, so many disappointments in life. Things are really tough in my life now and he just dropped out of the sky. He was wonderful and seemed so interested, still does...except he doesnt want a relationship with me right now. Im trying to fathom leaving him, or going no contact, or whatever. He tried to text and call very late last night, uncharacteristic for him since he is usually asleep by then...the hopeful side says he has changed his mind but I know in my heart maybe he is just seeing if I am ok. I know this isnt good but hope to goodness I can do the right thing. I know I cant talk him into it, or hang in there and prove anything that he has to decide it on his own...and I am not confident that will happen. He acts like a BF is so many ways...its easy to get confused. I will keep you updated, will see if he calls today but not sure if I shoudl answer.
spiderowl Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Just a point here, he does NOT want to stop seeing me or dating, his words. He said he is not ready now. Also, not that it might be a point or not...but I pushed the conversation. I've been in a similar non-relationship recently (minus the sex), but I've opted out. He didn't want to drop it either but then he wasn't saying he wanted a relationship either and was being erratic. I don't think guys who are getting what they want for the time being will drop out - they will wait until someone else they fancy comes along and makes themselves available to them, then they will drop the bombshell. They have the comfort of knowing all along they warned you. I really wish I could say in your case it would be different but there is nothing in what you or he has said that points that way. Also, you deserve to be loved and adored and wanted. Why put up with someone who is always going to be offering less and may be using you to pass the time? Also, a guy can't miss what he already has. 3
Buddhist Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 At what point MargaretSanchez will come out with the price of her ebook? OP don't listen to this collection of sh!.t Yes this. Women want to believe that this is a simple trick, or set of tricks to instantly get any man to commit. It's the holy grail and like the holy grail, it doesn't exist. 2
MargaretSanchez72 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 A man that is crazy about you is not a man that's obsessed. A man that takes good care of you, loves you deeply and passionately, is there for you, makes the effort to make you happy, eventually buys a ring and proposes marriage to you because he is so in love with you is a great man to have. If that to you is desperate then perhaps you prefer to have men that will always be lukewarm towards you. A woman who knows her worth knows that she deserves nothing less than a man like that. I've had men ask me to marry them so many times. They were not desperate. They were just men unafraid to commit. Most men nowadays are emotionally unavailable because women like to take the lead and also because many women are ball-crushers, very unattractive traits. Who would want a woman who castrates you? This whole "I don't need you I can take care of myself" attitude will get you nowhere in the love department because it goes against our nature. It's all science. Testosterone is the aggressor. Likes to conquer, to win, to be powerful, is fast, strong, tough. Estrogen is passive, soft, gentle, nurturing, reserved, empowered, laid back. "If you think along the lines of nature then you are thinking right." ~Carl Jung It's elementary. Women are just either too easy nowadays or too tough. Why do you think lots of men are marrying Asian women? Google it. Not because Asian women are subjugated or don't know how to stand up for themselves because they do, but because their femininity is extremely attractive to the opposite sex. There is NOTHING more attractive to a man than a truly feminine woman. Strong inside but soft on the outside. It really is that simple. But most women think that being strong means having hard boundaries and taking charge of the relationship. You may get the man if you are attractive, but he won't marry you or stay unless he's Beta. 1
Buddhist Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 (edited) Oh. Margaret Sanchez is a man. Interesting choice of username and I really liked how many stereotypes you were able to squeeze into those three paragraphs. No need to buy the book ladies. All we need to do is become Asian women, Margaret has kindly informed us. Edited April 1, 2015 by Buddhist 2
lana-banana Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Oh. Margaret Sanchez is a man. Interesting choice of username and I really liked how many stereotypes you were able to squeeze into those three paragraphs. No need to buy the book ladies. All we need to do is become Asian women, Margaret has kindly informed us. What about a non-feminine (what does that even mean, anyway? Who's to decide what's feminine or isn't?) Asian women? Can they exist, or do they trigger some kind of singularity that precedes the collapse of the universe? Ugh, I feel ashamed just giving that post any time at all. OP, this guy is telling you he doesn't want to commit but he's not going to stop seeing you until something "better" comes along. You should officially end it now for your own sake. If you don't, you're going to have front-row seats to the moment Ms. Right waltzes into his life and he puts a ring on it in under a year. However bad you're feeling right now I guarantee you that scenario (which is a matter of when, not if) is a hundred times worse. You WILL be fine. You WILL find a man who's totally devoted to you. It's just not this one.
darkbloom Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 A man that is crazy about you is not a man that's obsessed. A man that takes good care of you, loves you deeply and passionately, is there for you, makes the effort to make you happy, eventually buys a ring and proposes marriage to you because he is so in love with you is a great man to have. If that to you is desperate then perhaps you prefer to have men that will always be lukewarm towards you. A woman who knows her worth knows that she deserves nothing less than a man like that. I've had men ask me to marry them so many times. They were not desperate. They were just men unafraid to commit. Most men nowadays are emotionally unavailable because women like to take the lead and also because many women are ball-crushers, very unattractive traits. Who would want a woman who castrates you? This whole "I don't need you I can take care of myself" attitude will get you nowhere in the love department because it goes against our nature. It's all science. Testosterone is the aggressor. Likes to conquer, to win, to be powerful, is fast, strong, tough. Estrogen is passive, soft, gentle, nurturing, reserved, empowered, laid back. "If you think along the lines of nature then you are thinking right." ~Carl Jung It's elementary. Women are just either too easy nowadays or too tough. Why do you think lots of men are marrying Asian women? Google it. Not because Asian women are subjugated or don't know how to stand up for themselves because they do, but because their femininity is extremely attractive to the opposite sex. There is NOTHING more attractive to a man than a truly feminine woman. Strong inside but soft on the outside. It really is that simple. But most women think that being strong means having hard boundaries and taking charge of the relationship. You may get the man if you are attractive, but he won't marry you or stay unless he's Beta. So to get a man, we should take women's rights back 100 years? Or become asian? What in the actual f-ck? 2
Hopeful714 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 If I were you I'd dry your eyes, dust yourself off and vanish on this guy. All the other posters hit on the main points but I have one thing to add.... Since you were dating him for 6 months and having what seemed like regular communication with him I would think that a discussion of what you both were looking for and long term goals would have...or should have ..come up. I know women don't want to appear pushy but I'd say that at least by 3 months this topic should've been discussed therefore saving you...or him...wasted time and feelings.
h0000 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 If I were you I'd dry your eyes, dust yourself off and vanish on this guy.. Pull the disappearing act on the man now. Excellent , he deserves it . :laugh:
hunk Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 OP I am this guy. You need to end it now. As in right now. Call him up and tell him it's over. Or, in one year, when nothing has changed, you will be hating yourself, emotionally exhausted and feeling like garbage because this guy won't commit to you or give you what you need. I promise he will not change, unless you end things and he wakes up to what he really wants (even then, neither he himself nor you will even really know what he wants). Please end it. I strung my ex along in exactly the same way. I enjoyed her company, found her attractive enough to have sex with, and just genuinely enjoyed spending time with her and the affection but I was not in love with her and avoided every conversation she would try to have about commitment and the future, falsely reassuring her I cared about her and she was "overthinking" everything. This guy just likes the companionship and human interaction. He might not even be in it for sex. Basically you are better than being alone for him, but he has no intention of making this serious. At least he has had the decency to TELL you he's not looking for a relationship. I couldn't even do that for my ex and ended up destroying her. He's waiting out for something better, and he won't end it with you until he finds something better. Basically he's keeping you around while he waits. Hell, if he's enough of a scumbag he'll keep you around even when he's found something he thinks is better. End it now and recognize this behavior as being indicative of a man's interest in you for the future. You deserve better than this 2
SummerDreams Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 In another thread men were saying that the way to keep a man happy is to provide him with frequent sex and most people agreed. Now, a woman puts all these stereotypes together and says that to keep a man a woman should be feminine and everyone disagrees. I frankly find no difference on the way of thinking in these two suggestions, though only one becomes accepted.
Buddhist Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 In another thread men were saying that the way to keep a man happy is to provide him with frequent sex and most people agreed. Now, a woman puts all these stereotypes together and says that to keep a man a woman should be feminine and everyone disagrees. I frankly find no difference on the way of thinking in these two suggestions, though only one becomes accepted. It was the idea that you can acquire a bag of tricks and instantly make a committed husband out of any guy if you know 'the tricks', that most people were objecting to with MS post. That and the fact it sounded like a spruik for an internet product to.....instantly make any man want you. Cue...a long scroll through some anecdote with a small paypal purchase button at the end. Also the idea that there is a prescribed mode of being for women to adhere to in order to be successful with men is a bit laughable and old fashioned. A woman can have her own personality, interests and way of expression and give a man sex at the same time and yes, even have a husband/boyfriend/committed partner too. MS's post to me sounded like a lot of posts made by MRA & red pill guys who typically lace their 'advice' to women with a tonne of innuendo that her worth lies in her youth and beauty and ability to be pleasing to a man. It's a tired trope and one I have little time for. Women have lived the 'play perfect wife' pidgeon hole for long enough. There comes a time in which we are okay being who we are, one hopes 2015 is it. 3
Author scarlettohara Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 UPDATE: He has been in daily contact since our talk this past weekend, calls daily and text. He told me he is going to be busy this weekend, so i wont get to see him for Easter. It is a legit excuse, as he has family commitments; also he says he has a lot of paperwork to do, which he has been talking about pre "the talk". I have backed off some and trying to recenter. But I am fearful this will be the beginning of the slow fade. He IS coming to see me where I work tonight for dinner, and mentioned lunch next week. But I usually spend a night or two at his place on days off...after this conversation I am still so worried. Why is he showing so much attention knowing I want a commitment? it is uber confusing. In the past, usually men have ran when it came to this stage, and in a harsh and final way. This does give me a glimmer of hope but not sure of anything. I am hurt, and in great need of clarification, but know I can not bring this up for a while now as it will surely put him off being under pressure to commit. I will post an update when I can. I am NOt trying to blame myself for all of this, but have realize I have been a little clingy, insecure and jealous the past couple of months, which he mentioned was a red flag. So I am trying to give him his space in hopes it will reset the course on a positive wave. Love is so very, very hard.
h0000 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 (edited) How great. OP is now trying to not be clingy and get the guy eventually commit to her . Can't believe after all we told her, she still "afraid he is going to slowly fade" and still "utterly confusing why he is showing attention". Have we been talking to a wall? Edited April 3, 2015 by h0000
Author scarlettohara Posted April 3, 2015 Author Posted April 3, 2015 hooo, I am very appreciative for your advice and read it all, and am well aware of the nature of this situation. Some of the things I have read in other threads show well meaning people pouncing on others, and shaming them for venting in a saf e and comfortable forum. Im sorry I didnt run out and break up with this guy, you have to remember...when you are in the middle of something it's a lot different...and harder. And we come to places like this to sounds it out... So please do not think your advice was not appreciated or listened to.
BluEyeL Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I'm sorry about the situation. You know, it will not end well. I know you can't run to break up, but in my opinion, there is no hope. I know however that you need to get to that firm realization yourself and that takes time. I've been there and I've felt the same, couldn't let go immediately. The sooner you manage to though, the sooner you'll recover and give yourself another good chance at finding love. 3
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