96Maxwell Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 I was in a controlling marriage for 10 years. Couldn't go out with friends or buy anything although I made more than him. He would tell what road to drive on call me a million times throughout the day to check up on me, wasn't ok with me going to the grocery store alone, would go and then criticize each item I put in the card and often times would take it out and put it back on the shelf. Every little thing was a fight until I gave up and became a shell of a person going thru the motions of life. He would leave all responsibilities to me including 100% care for the kids, all household responsibilities including garbage, lawn care, cleaning etc. when a light went out on my car I was told to punch it. He didn't sleep with me much. He just used me to do and handle everything so he could live a life of ease without a care for me. I finally decided to end it. He wasn't accepting it and was acting out in obbsessive ways. Following me and installing tracking devices on my car and phone. Referenced conversations I had with a friend. Showed up at family events uninvited bc he tracked me. He would show up at the mall if I was going shopping and harass me about not leaving him. We finally would up in a physical altercation bc he was following me around our house and not letting me leave my room. He was fighting with me and ended up striking my arm. I wound up getting a final restraining order. Since that has happened I am feeling better and trying to put the pieces of myself back together. We hv 2 young children. So it is very difficult. He is trying to find ways to control and harass me outside of the restraining order. He signed my son up for a sport and won't give me the schedule or the coaches name but texts my mother telling me where to on my parenting time and is saying he's coaching. I know he isn't coaching and is merely helping the coach. He is setting this up so I am around him. I want to support my son but this is awful. I cannot be around this man. If I don't take my son I will look like a bad mom. If I do go I am breaking a very necessary restraining order and will be opening the floodgates to further harassment. If he was a decent person he wouldn't attend on my parenting time. His whole purpose is to control me and make me uncomfortable. Which is what I dealt with our entire marriage. How do I handle this?
preraph Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Okay, well, for the practical matter, just ask your son who he's playing for and where and then you call the place and get the schedule or find it on line through google. I know from looking at court cases on custody that the judge will fault you for complaining about not knowing an activity when it is possible to just ask the kid yourself and then find the place yourself. And may I say I am so sorry you are in this situation, but I am so proud of you for being brave and getting out! It takes a lot of determination and as you see, it's not quite over. Anytime he breaks the restraining order, you call the police. If you suspect you are being tracked, ask the police if they know how to find out about that or who does. You might have to hire an expert to look your car over and your home and then obviously you need to get rid of your old phone and get a new one because that's the easiest tracking device, your cell phone. Keep logs of harassment but do not put anything like this coaching thing that you can find out about yourself or it reduces your credibility. But any harassment. I hope you know that you can have the court appoint a mediary for the child exchanges, and i hope you are already doing it. If not, definitely do that! Just try to stop all contact with him except about your child, and keep that to emails so that you can keep those emails preferably in case you need to show them to someone. I guess texts are okay, but they're not quite as tangible as email. Don't talk to him on the phone where he can say anything and get away with it! You can even get the court to insist phone contact be for child medical emergencies only. You can go back to the court at any time and petition for changes if he keeps it up. Please be careful. I'm encouraged that he is trying to obey the order to some extent, but a lot of them just think it's a piece of paper and it can be dangerous. Be certain you have very good locks and a security system so he can't just come in your home. Be sure he doesn't get a key from your child. Best of luck to you. It can only get better! And your child is much better off because now you have set a great example that no one should put up with the bad treatment your spouse put on you. This is a good lesson for your child. 2
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Go back to court and show them what he's doing. How he's setting this up on purpose with the guise to coach his son yet he is sneaky and only doing it to get close to you. Let your lawyer know what is going on, the cops should be aware of what he is up to. 1
spiderowl Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 If there is a restraining order, then you could probably seek a further one that forces him to avoid certain places where you are likely to be. I know someone in the UK who got a similar order extended because she was being stalked at a particular venue they both went to. He was definitely stalking and harassing her and her new partner there. You could try discussing this with a legal expert. If he still has access to your son, then that makes it complicated, but worth investigating. 1
Recommended Posts