Nomad Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 Question for you internet daters out there. How long do you wait to ask somebody to actually meet you in person after contacting them online? Do you send emails back & forth? Chat on AIM for a while? Should you talk to them for a couple of weeks or what? Some girls respond to my messages, then follow that up with their AIM screen name or email address or something. But few have given me their numbers or anything like that.
curiousnycgirl Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 Well when you first start out meeting folks through the internet, you are nervous and reluctant to give out any data that will let a person find you - we are a neurotic society! So in the beginning most folks do quite a bit of online chat and email. However I found that not everyone is honest and/or there is simply no chemistry - so a lengthy chat/email exchange was pretty much a waste of time. At the very least I would build people up in my mind, and be quite disappointed when we met. Typically I only chose to even respond in the affirmative with those who demonstrated certain characteristics that were important to me. Generally we then emailed or im'd once or twice and then set a date. This is how I met my b/f of 10 months - so I guess it worked for me. Hope this helps.
RecordProducer Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 It's better to meet them right away, which is within a few days. You can IM or talk on the phone or do webcam in the meanwhile. If they live far away then the sooner the better in any case. Why are you bothered that girls give you their phone numbers? Sometimes people differ a lot from what you see on the webcam and hear in voice conversations. And I don't mean only looks. You can discover a completely different person after months of spending long hours every day with someone. Been there, done that. But sometimes, you can discover an even better person than you expected. Been there, done that too!
teck21 Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 I agree with RecordProducer. Do it quick. I met mf GF after emailing for about 2 weeks and one night of Messenger (which I promptly uninstalled after meeting her because I can't stand chatting online). The longer you go without meeting the person, the more the misconceptions build up, and this frequently doen't even have anything to do with the other person deliberately misrepresenting himself or herself. Anyone who catches your interest, don't wait too long before suggesting you're interested in meeting them. And if they're interested, you will know soon enough whether you should do a formal 'asking them out' thing. Just don't be overly subtle or sleazy!
moimeme Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 But sometimes, you can discover an even better person than you expected. Been there, done that too! Yup. Nothing's certain.
prisoner Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 you know when you know. too long and it gets creepy. too soon and there is a hint of desperation. sooner rather than later. oh and do not forget to ask which one is a recent picture. you'll be standing around looking for a blast from the past for hours.
alphamale Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 it depends on the girl. some will want to correspond for months before meeting and some will meet you right away.
Mary3 Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 I totally agree with all the previous posters on this message. I can give you my advice which is similar to everyone here. Dont waste months emailing and instant messaging if what you want is to really meet that person. If you just like the internet venue and like sitting for hours making internet friends then go for it. But if you seriously want to meet ppl , then make the email thing short, the phone call should be the next step and then after talking a few times , if you are ready to meet , then by all means , do just that
alphamale Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 Originally posted by Mary3 But if you seriously want to meet ppl , then make the email thing short, the phone call should be the next step and then after talking a few times , if you are ready to meet , then by all means , do just that I have a better suggestion MARY3. If one is serious about meeting new people for whatever reason they should get their asses off the chair and walk out the door and go and meet people in real life. You know....like at parties and wine tastings, the bar, sports leagues, etc.... forget meeting ppl over the internet to date. it is mostly a total waste of time.
Mary3 Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 I agree Alpha.....the best way to meet ppl is right outside your door, by going places and finding people who share common interests, ie: hobbies,sports ect.
Author Nomad Posted April 14, 2005 Author Posted April 14, 2005 Ideally, that'd be the way to do it, yes, but clearly that's not working for me, so I'm trying the internet to at least meet some people.
miggsbucks Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 well i met somebody 17 hours after first ever contact online, and was having sex another 5 hours after that, and its now almost 2 weeks since that event, and i'm still bemused by it all! (theres a thread bout it to the initial poster.. i had sex on first date, is it doomed never to progress) but yeah i know what you mean though, it just differs from the person youre communicating with to the other person. nobody is the same, there are no rules, it all depends on how the communication is going. you have to bear in mind that sitting at your pc, i.m.ing each other is very cold, and you cannot truly know each other once you meet, so the longer you leave it, the less you will want to meet, they will just forever be an online buddy, it all depends on what both of you want, and one may be less sure than the other as to what they want, so try and weigh that up and figure out whether you should be the one to suggest the in person meet-up
Author Nomad Posted April 15, 2005 Author Posted April 15, 2005 Yes, it is rather cold, & I sort of feel desperate/dorky doing internet "dating". But I'm quite lonely, & if I can meet somebody doing this, so be it.
Vicereine Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 I think the shortest I knew someone before meeting was about 4 days, longest was like 3 years! I agree with not waiting too long, somehow it just seems harder to do, I don't know why. The average for me is about 2 months or so. I hate email, just can't keep on top of it, I prefer to talk to them on messenger..besides that way you are having an actual conversation, not writing letters. Just don't have your expectations too high, that person I knew for 4 days, we hit it off tremendously during that time but after meeting we only talk once in a blue moon now.
miggsbucks Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Originally posted by Vicereine Just don't have your expectations too high very good advice, the number one rule in dating!
Jtizzle Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 it all dpends on the person. i met my bf in sept. 4th we became friends got to know one another, and some unfortunate event put us together oct.29, and we said i love u's due to another unfortunate event around the 19th of nov, and we had our FIRST meeting on Christmas day. we sent pictures on the email, mailed each other a few letters and physical pictures, we talked everyday online, on the phone. and on our first meeting, it was so natural. we kissed, held hands, hugged, tol each other we loved one another. and the look in his eyes when he said that was so sincere and that made the waiting to meet him even more worthwhile...but it all dpends on the persons though. if you truly get to know a person and send pictures so they kno what u look like, everything will be good.
Author Nomad Posted April 17, 2005 Author Posted April 17, 2005 I"m not sure I understand that last post. You said "I love you" the first time you MET?
Jtizzle Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Yes on our first meeting we were saying i love u to each other...but thats because we were dating for almost two months and had been saying i love u for about a month before we actually MET.
Mary3 Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 I have to stress again that your LOVE will come in Real Time spent together....yes we have all fallen in love at fast rates of speed but for it to really last....you have to get past the lust ...past the images of what we hope for and get down to the real person. And for good measure I need to add that I personally have done the picture stage and the meeting stage and there have been great results but sometimes you meet someone and it just fizzles into something that you never expected. Because we live in a fantasy based dream of when we finally meet that person...only to find they have issues never surfaced before... So to the poster who wrote the original letter....take it real SLOW ! Because the last thing you want is to be disillusioned and get HURT.
bluetuesday Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 i met a man, not on a dating site, on an interpersonal relationship forum last year. because he lives very far away in a different hemisphere we won't actually get to touch each other until he comes to england for christmas. so that's another 243 days away. oh man, i'm crazy about this guy. yes, i know. i know.
Mary3 Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 If its true that you are going to meet this man 200 + days from now...are you going to date others in the meanwhile ?| ( I hope so )
SadAndLonely Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Get to know them online, but then try to meet as quickly as possible. If I had done this more often during my internet dating stint, I would have saved some time on some real bozos. Make sure to meet in safe, public place.
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