I think my boyfriend has feelings for someone else, what do I do?

[Kkristine]

A while back, my boyfriend used to talk about this specific coworker (he's her manager) in a very positive manner. He never talks about his work relationships, so I was curious about who she was.

 

The first time he mentioned her he was saying how he met her sister because she was his waitress. He got "brownie points" because the sister thought he was super nice.

 

I found myself feeling insecure about it to the point that I would get on his iPad and snoop around. They've communicated both publicly and privately on Facebook, all of which was in a teasing manner, but harmless.

 

A few days ago, he tells me that this girl is vindictive and lazy (came from another manager that I actually know). Keep in mind, it's been a few months since he's spoken about her to me. He has a terrible memory, so he probably forgot that he's talked about her before. I was thinking to myself... "Why do I care to know this?"

 

The following day, he says, "Remember that girl I was talking about.. I was also told she has feelings for me."

 

I ended up bringing it up in bed that same night, and he said, "That's why I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd react like this."

 

I asked him if it bothered him that she likes him, and he said, "A little."

 

What bothers me right now is that he is still communicating outside of work with her online. None of it is "crossing the line" even though it's a little flirty. All while he's well aware this girl has feelings for him.

 

If someone had feelings for me, I would cut all outside communication. Heck, I would've never talked with them outside of work anyways.

 

I'm wondering if he just likes the attention because she is an attractive girl? I do feel like he would never cheat on me. I just don't like the idea that he might like her, what does that say about our relationship?

 

At what point do I need to talk to him about it?

 

At what point is it crossing the line? Is it even my business if it's a harmless crush?

[Davey L]

He may be trying to test your reaction, or maybe trying to let you know he's attractive to other women in order to "keep you on your toes" knowing he had other options, or something like that. I don't think its a very nice thing to do.

 

Try not to react to it but keep a discreet eye on him. And next time he brings it up just tell him that when guys come on to you that you brush them off and avoid unnecessary contact with them. That makes a point that you a perhaps better behaved than him but also lets him know that it works both ways.

[Gloria25]

Well, we don't know "if" they actually crossed the line yet, but hopefully when you snooped you saw enough to make that assessment.

 

Problem is, that if he hasn't crossed the line and/or may not have intentions to do so, what he's doing (chatting with her outside of work and spending time with her w/o you present) will probably end up in something happening - even if it is a one time mistake.

 

I think he needs to end this amount of time he's spending with her...but what worries me is how he got upset at you and sees no harm in having this going on w/o you knowing. If it is ball innocent and stuff, you would also be within this 'circle' of a friendship he has with her.

[StanMusial]

I've been in similar situations. I would never try to contact or respond to any contact from those girls because I don't like them that way and I don't want to "be their friend". Can your bf say the same?