Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Well this guy is either extremely pathetic and has a crush on you, or he just wants to be your friend. I'm thinking the latter. If he's really as childish as you say, if your Boyfriend has any self-confidence, he won't view him as a threat. Just talk to your boyfriend and see how he feels. 1
SmartDude Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 From about a month or so I am dating a wonderful guy. We are trying to accommodate our lives to each other including our friend circles. I used to go out ~2 x a month to have dinner with a guy that I met before via OLD; however, after the third time we agreed just to be friends since I was not interested in anything more (but we like each other as people). Do you think it is ok to keep seeing this friend occasionally 101 (he is too shy and prefers that vs being in a group of people)? I don't know how to introduce this situation to my new boyfriend since we're still in the beginning and he may misinterpret it... (the friend guy is aware that I am seeing someone else and doesn't seem to be bothered, so I guess it is ok with him). Sounds like you want your ego stroked. Do you also want to introduce the two men to each other? Ya, you should all hang out together and watch it blow up in your face. Women are kinda dumb about male possessiveness and jealousy...
katiegrl Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Yes, he's your friend. You say "I'm going out to dinner with my friend John on Wednesday. I've known him for X and we try to get together a couple of times a month to catch up. You'll have to meet him sometime." End of story. Just be honest. There's nothing to hide or feel ashamed of here since you two are strictly platonic, but if you act like it needs to be a secret or like you are doing something wrong, your new guy may get suspicious. There is nothing wrong with having male friends. This is no big deal. Heck, I had lunch with a male friend of mine yesterday. ^^^This^^^^!!!!
Author No_Go Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Yeah, I indeed I want to talk to my BF about it first (my main issue is we're still in the beginning, so I didn't want to create a nonexistent problem with such a conversation.. it will be different in a few weeks). But still I find it a bit creeping that he initiates conversations/meets after I explicitly asked for some time. People normally give the time/space to their friends and acquiantances too, right? Well this guy is either extremely pathetic and has a crush on you, or he just wants to be your friend. I'm thinking the latter. If he's really as childish as you say, if your Boyfriend has any self-confidence, he won't view him as a threat. Just talk to your boyfriend and see how he feels.
Author No_Go Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Ohhh I'm 180 degrees from this intention... I had sooo much drama with my previous freaking relationship that I think I had enough for my lifetime. Sounds like you want your ego stroked. Do you also want to introduce the two men to each other? Ya, you should all hang out together and watch it blow up in your face. Women are kinda dumb about male possessiveness and jealousy...
katiegrl Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 His first reaction when we agreed on platonic friendship was that he felt sad. But afterwards he confirmed that he is totally fine with just friendship. Still reading all the opinions (and going through my own thoughts), the only way to keep this friendship without being disrespectful to my new BF will be to move our meets from 1 to 1 to a group setting and from dinner to day times. Which is btw also logistically hard since I try to keep the day times (weekends) free for my new BF and old/established friends... I was just going to suggest that. Daytime get togethers. Go for ice cream, or coffee or a quick lunch....catch up that way.
katiegrl Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Guess I arrived a little late to this party... OP, so much drama! And for what? Because you are too weak to say no? You need to get over that. You have a boyfriend, and you need to respect that...and him. If you insist on remaining *friends* with this other guy, tell your boyfriend about him, just as you would if he were a girlfriend, and keep your interactions simple! No need to get into specifics that you met him with the intention of dating. He is your friend, period. Same as your girlfriends are your friends. Meet him occasionally for coffee or ice cream during the day. No group dates with his friends, no one-on-one "romantic* dinners, come on now. This isn't rocket science. And put on your big girl panties and learn to say no for heaven's sake. Good grief, you are an adult, are you not?
Author No_Go Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Katie, ok, I agree I turned into a drama queen here, but take it as ranting (what it is). My bf has not been put in a position of disrespect since I never accepted this guy friend offers for meets AFTER I started dating my bf. The issue with the guy friend is saying 'no' to what? All that I have is a suspect that he is not 100% ok with friendship, but when I asked, he said is not true. Now he came up with this group outing idea, which made me a bit confused.. Is it sign that he really takes it to friend level? I'd never know; I opted out from going. Guess I arrived a little late to this party... OP, so much drama! And for what? Because you are too weak to say no? You need to get over that. You have a boyfriend, and you need to respect that...and him. If you insist on remaining *friends* with this other guy, tell your boyfriend about him, just as you would if he were a girlfriend, and keep your interactions simple! No need to get into specifics that you met him with the intention of dating. He is your friend, period. Same as your girlfriends are your friends. Meet him occasionally for coffee or ice cream during the day. No group dates with his friends, no one-on-one "romantic* dinners, come on now. This isn't rocket science. And put on your big girl panties and learn to say no for heaven's sake. Good grief, you are an adult, are you not?
BluEyeL Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I would just ask the boyfriend if this makes him uncomfortable and if it did, personally, I would end the one on ones with the friend. It's not like this is an old childhood friend that supported you through illness and depression. If the boyfriend is fine with you meeting one on one,carry on. If he says no I would personally only meet the friend in a group or when the BF is included too.
Gary S Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 May I offer an alternative? Why don't you do what other people do and just go on group dates and invite him to parties and get togethers with friends and family. There is no excuse for you going on sympathy dates with this guy, and that's what it amounts to. Like I said, relationships take work and sacrifice. 1
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