clarasacco Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 It started in 2013 with the first guy (I'll call him old guy). He chased me pretty hard until I finally gave in after getting my life into order. We had so much in common and the chemistry was boom, spot on. We dated for a year and a half. We both started having trust issues with each other because we have very flirty but harmless personalities. My only true gripe was that I have a child from my first marriage who I have full time and this guy never has stable work as he is on construction. The bank is trying to take away his car because of late payments and when he does get paid he doesn't save a penny. So yeah, there is love and chemistry and the kind of passion and affection I'm looking for in a guy, but the stability factor is just not there. We broke up. Enter new guy last summer. He's super smart, funny but not goofy (I love goofy), and has his life together! I mean down to every detail to the point where it's OCD. I'm not as attracted to him, the only thing we have in common is the love of good food and values, and he can get quite preachy or control crazy sometimes. We've been together and things have been fine. I'm not had over heals for him, but I guess that doesn't always have to happen. Right? Old guy comes back into my life promising me things and stability but I haven't seen a change. He's got these ideas of grandeur and sure he can afford his bills now because he's loving at his parents at 31 again rent free. They're both great with my child although new guy definitely shows the right values and stability she needs, but is a Debbie Downer when it comes to me and my kids being goofy sometimes which is what we do. Old guy is just as goofy as us and she still requests to visit him and his family all the time. I'm not sure what to do here. I'm living with new guy (something old guy never wanted to do until now) and my friendship with old guy is turning weird because he wants to try again. It's a sticky situation. I feel like I have commitment issues. There's nothing really wrong with new guy. I just don't have the kind of connection and not nearly the same passion as old guy. I even tried to kiss him in the car recently and he pushed me off saying "were not going to make out in a parking lot like teenagers". He's younger than me and were both in our twenties!! He's a stick in the mud pretty much. What would you do? Am I just a commitment phobe and should I just stick with new guy? Take a risk and return to old guy? Or just tell both of them deuces and be on my own. I'm starting to feel like I'm emotionally cheating just by considering the ideas. I don't like this.
preraph Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Neither guy is right for you. The first guy would be okay if you didn't have a child to think about. Moving back in with his parents is actually going backwards for him, so ---- no. The other guy, you're not feeling it for and he's controlling and probably too structured for you. Sometimes that's the case with organized people who have become successful, but it's not for everyone. You need to free yourself up from both of them so you're available when the right combination comes along. You just need a guy who genuinely wants to work and has a steady job and no other obligations and who you can love and have fun with and is good with your kid. 1
stillafool Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Yes, why do you have to chose between either of them? Neither one sounds like a winner to me. You should remain single until you find a guy who has most of the qualities you are looking for in a partner. 1
Author clarasacco Posted March 31, 2015 Author Posted March 31, 2015 You're probably right. It's really hard to let go of new guy because he's been so stinking supportive and great with helping me out with my kids routine and such. There really isn't anything wrong with him. My mother thinks I just have commitment issues, but I find myself getting agitated with him a lot because of our different personalities. I'm weird and silly and he loves that about me. A lot of his friends are like that. But he's composed and not as out going. Buhhh... How do I do this?!
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