Km127 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 It's now been about a week and a half since my ex and I broke up and I feel so insecure about my future. I thought my plan was to live at home until we moved to the city together and then figure things out from there. I was planning everything in my life around him and now it's shattered... I am now 22, living at home, working in the Chicago suburbs and so worried about my future. I have a really good paying engineering job and have saved a lot of money since I've graduated, but I would seriously give away all of it to be in a happy relationship right now. I feel like I've been crying all week not even really over him, but the fact that I now have no plan. I feel like the most important thing in my life is meeting someone. I feel like I'm sitting here waiting as one by one my friends, sorority sisters, and cousins get married. I'm considering making drastic changes in order to increase my chances of meeting someone like quitting my job and relocating to Chicago. I'm scared I may be alone there too though... I'm not worried about finding someone who is interested in me, I'm more concerned with the idea of never meeting someone who lives up to my standards or who is as great as my ex was. Even though he was unsupported of my career, jealous and controlling, I can't seem to get over the fact that he was maybe the best thing I'll ever find. People keep telling me "im so young" and to "live life" and "do things that make me happy/follow my dreams," but my dream is to be a wife and a mom. I'm faced with all these crucial life decisions and I'm scared I'm going to make the wrong choice. I have a great family and friends, I'm smart, I'm beautiful, I'm sweet, I'm all this stuff, but I'm so unhappy with my current situation that I am having panic attacks. I feel like I'm making myself physically ill with all my anxiety. Is it normal to be 22 and still live at home? Do people meet each other in the suburbs? Should I change my life to increase my chances of meeting someone? Is it normal to feel sick when you think about your future? Am I the only one who feels like this?
Throldur Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 It's now been about a week and a half since my ex and I broke up and I feel so insecure about my future. I thought my plan was to live at home until we moved to the city together and then figure things out from there. I was planning everything in my life around him and now it's shattered... I am now 22, living at home, working in the Chicago suburbs and so worried about my future. I have a really good paying engineering job and have saved a lot of money since I've graduated, but I would seriously give away all of it to be in a happy relationship right now. I feel like I've been crying all week not even really over him, but the fact that I now have no plan. I feel like the most important thing in my life is meeting someone. I feel like I'm sitting here waiting as one by one my friends, sorority sisters, and cousins get married. I'm considering making drastic changes in order to increase my chances of meeting someone like quitting my job and relocating to Chicago. I'm scared I may be alone there too though... I'm not worried about finding someone who is interested in me, I'm more concerned with the idea of never meeting someone who lives up to my standards or who is as great as my ex was. Even though he was unsupported of my career, jealous and controlling, I can't seem to get over the fact that he was maybe the best thing I'll ever find. People keep telling me "im so young" and to "live life" and "do things that make me happy/follow my dreams," but my dream is to be a wife and a mom. I'm faced with all these crucial life decisions and I'm scared I'm going to make the wrong choice. I have a great family and friends, I'm smart, I'm beautiful, I'm sweet, I'm all this stuff, but I'm so unhappy with my current situation that I am having panic attacks. I feel like I'm making myself physically ill with all my anxiety. Is it normal to be 22 and still live at home? Do people meet each other in the suburbs? Should I change my life to increase my chances of meeting someone? Is it normal to feel sick when you think about your future? Am I the only one who feels like this? I'm turning 26 and now that my relationship is over, I live at home. Well, I was during the relationship mostly but spent most of the time with the girlfriend.. and I had the same plans but they're all over now, she belongs to someone else and she moved away. All these feelings, panic attacks, uncertainty, feeling you lost the best you'll ever get, same feelings I have. Drastic measures to meet someone right now is not what you want to do, though. Never make a huge life decision when you are mired in the pain of something. That's why I know my ex's decision to move to Ontario with the other guy will backfire, since she made that decision without actually thinking it through and did it on this panic and crumbs of an illusion that isn't real. You have an advantage that I don't have, you're a female. I know that sounds really short-sighed but it's true. You will always have guys coming to you, whether or not they'll always be the quality you want, no, but you'll have options and you can wait until an option presents itself you want to explore.
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Although I went off to college when I graduated I lived at home for the next 3 years while I was in grad school. Your future will be just fine as soon as you realize it's YOUR future & you have to build it yourself independently of somebody else. You can do this. If you want to move to the city, do it. If you want to stay where you are, do that. But come up with a plan that makes you happy. If you don't want to live alone reach out to your sorority national; most have a relocation service that can help you find a roommate or at least get personal referrals. It's part of the beauty of sisterhood. Once you figure out who you are & who you want to be & how you want to live your life, then you can go find a new relationship & a partner who fits with you. To build a future around another person doesn't work as you are now discovering. He wasn't the best thing you will ever find. He was just a guy. It's only been a short time since your relationship ended. Give yourself time to grieve but know it will pass in time.
mightycpa Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 I thought my plan was to live at home until we moved to the city together and then figure things out from there.That's not much of a plan, is it? I am now 22, living at home, working in the Chicago suburbs and so worried about my future. I have a really good paying engineering job and have saved a lot of money since I've graduated, but I would seriously give away all of it to be in a happy relationship right now.Foolish girl! You're 22. You're likely to live until 90. That's a long damn time to be with one person. You have so many choices... is it a "good paying" job? Or a good job? Do you even like it? You don't say you do. I feel like I've been crying all week not even really over him, but the fact that I now have no plan. Again, you didn't have much of a plan to begin with. I feel like the most important thing in my life is meeting someone. I feel like I'm sitting here waiting as one by one my friends, sorority sisters, and cousins get married.They're probably too young in reality. What could they possibly know about what they really want? You're lucky, you just don't know it yet. I don't know why you'd act like you're some spinster at the tender age of 22. It's not like you come from a village where everybody gets married by the time they're 18. Is it? I'm considering making drastic changes in order to increase my chances of meeting someone like quitting my job and relocating to Chicago. I'm scared I may be alone there too though...You should do that. Now's the time! You'll make friends, just be thoughtful about your move. Look around, get to know the city first. Live near the hotspots. I'm not worried about finding someone who is interested in me, I'm more concerned with the idea of never meeting someone who lives up to my standards or who is as great as my ex was.This next part cracks me up.... wait for it Even though he was unsupported of my career,jealous andcontrolling, I can't seem to get over the fact that he was maybe the best thing I'll ever find.Read that out loud to yourself over and over again until the clear meaning of what you've written sinks in. People keep telling me "im so young" and to "live life" and "do things that make me happy/follow my dreams," but my dream is to be a wife and a mom.You are, you should, and one day, I'm sure you will be. I'm faced with all these crucial life decisions and I'm scared I'm going to make the wrong choice. I have a great family and friends, I'm smart, I'm beautiful, I'm sweet, I'm all this stuff, but I'm so unhappy with my current situation that I am having panic attacks. I feel like I'm making myself physically ill with all my anxiety. Calm the **** down. Who would want a mom or a wife like that? Is it normal to be 22 and still live at home? Do people meet each other in the suburbs? Should I change my life to increase my chances of meeting someone? Is it normal to feel sick when you think about your future? Am I the only one who feels like this?Fortune belongs to the bold, young lady. If you go out there with the goal of "meeting a man", I can almost guarantee that you'll pick the wrong one. Look around, and find something that gives you a purpose in your life, a passion (other than to spit kids out). Look farther than Chicago. A drive, a passion, the courage to do something with your life that matters is what will make you desirable to someone who is worthy of being with you for decades. If you go out looking for a relationship, you'll be on these boards over and over and over, wondering why it always seems to go wrong. 1
Author Km127 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Posted March 31, 2015 I honestly think being a woman in this situation is way harder. I feel like it's all about the men in relationships. They decide when it's time to settle down. I also feel like meeting a great guy is so much harder than meeting a great girl in their 20s. I'm hurt that my ex will have no problem meeting a great girl who wants to get married... I know it shouldn't bug me but it does... I don't think 22 is too young to fall in love. I also think the fact that I am finished with school plays a huge part in wanting to settle down.
Haylsie Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 That's not much of a plan, is it? Foolish girl! You're 22. You're likely to live until 90. That's a long damn time to be with one person. You have so many choices... is it a "good paying" job? Or a good job? Do you even like it? You don't say you do. Again, you didn't have much of a plan to begin with. They're probably too young in reality. What could they possibly know about what they really want? You're lucky, you just don't know it yet. I don't know why you'd act like you're some spinster at the tender age of 22. It's not like you come from a village where everybody gets married by the time they're 18. Is it? You should do that. Now's the time! You'll make friends, just be thoughtful about your move. Look around, get to know the city first. Live near the hotspots. This next part cracks me up.... wait for it Read that out loud to yourself over and over again until the clear meaning of what you've written sinks in. You are, you should, and one day, I'm sure you will be. Calm the **** down. Who would want a mom or a wife like that? Fortune belongs to the bold, young lady. If you go out there with the goal of "meeting a man", I can almost guarantee that you'll pick the wrong one. Look around, and find something that gives you a purpose in your life, a passion (other than to spit kids out). Look farther than Chicago. A drive, a passion, the courage to do something with your life that matters is what will make you desirable to someone who is worthy of being with you for decades. If you go out looking for a relationship, you'll be on these boards over and over and over, wondering why it always seems to go wrong. That was a very nasty reply, to be honest, there was no need for that kind of talk whatsoever. People post here to be re-assured, and comforted, not to be cussed out and spoken down to, the way you have done, like you're all high and mighty. I bet you go around on lots of other threads trying to put people down and make them feel a lot worse than they already do, and like it's their fault. You're no help to anybody with an attitude like that, and certainly shouldn't be on these forums.
OneBigIdgit Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 call what mightycpa wrote 'tough love'. All of us need a good straight forward answer and a shaking to wake us. Everything he wrote is true. It hurts for it to be pointed out but doesn't make it any less true. At 22, you are at the start of the very best time of your life. Don't try to lament like you are 43. If you were above 35 I'd say you have lived enough to possibly know what kinds of people you have attracted through the years and moan that the loss of this one guy might have been the best one ever. At 22, you are just starting out. Hopefully you will take it very slow in making major lifetime decisions. If you are willing to get into a 90 yr relationship with a guy you already know as patronizing, jealous and controlling then you are asking for a lifetime of pain. A person who already shows those tendencies will only get worse with time and especially after the papers are signed and they assume 'ownership'. Learn to manage the pain, grow from it and you will be a much better person in about 3 months with experience to be really picky about the next guy you give your heart to. Good Luck in everything you set out to accomplish 2
Hoosfoos Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 You're still young, and have nothing to worry about.
Riptide91 Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 I honestly think being a woman in this situation is way harder. I feel like it's all about the men in relationships. They decide when it's time to settle down. I also feel like meeting a great guy is so much harder than meeting a great girl in their 20s. I'm hurt that my ex will have no problem meeting a great girl who wants to get married... I know it shouldn't bug me but it does... I don't think 22 is too young to fall in love. I also think the fact that I am finished with school plays a huge part in wanting to settle down. Although I do agree with some of the things said by other posters, I agree with you about falling in love and settling down at our age. I'm 23 and my ex girlfriend left me about 5 months ago, at that time in my relationship I had NO plans of doing so but now I'm starting to think it was because of the person I was with. I am about to finish school within the next year and I don't see how it is ludicrous for someone our age to want to settle down. You just actually have to want that and not do it because all your friends are and you think it's your time. You sound like a very intelligent woman so I hope you don't let this break up pull down your self esteem. You have a good job, a college degree, money saved, so you're ahead of most. Don't rush things and let life fall into place. Even if you don't believe in fate, life still has a weird way of working itself out.
Throldur Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Although I do agree with some of the things said by other posters, I agree with you about falling in love and settling down at our age. I'm 23 and my ex girlfriend left me about 5 months ago, at that time in my relationship I had NO plans of doing so but now I'm starting to think it was because of the person I was with. I am about to finish school within the next year and I don't see how it is ludicrous for someone our age to want to settle down. You just actually have to want that and not do it because all your friends are and you think it's your time. You sound like a very intelligent woman so I hope you don't let this break up pull down your self esteem. You have a good job, a college degree, money saved, so you're ahead of most. Don't rush things and let life fall into place. Even if you don't believe in fate, life still has a weird way of working itself out. People say that.. life has a weird way of working itself out. I sure hope it does. For me though.. life worked itself out for me when my ex came into my life. It was pure perfection. The right timing, the right person.. now she's on a journey I'm not sure will ever lead back.. I can only hope it leads her back and it is what she needed to mature, understand, so that we can have a mature relationship that lasts.. If not, I don't know what to do. A friend of mine from a hockey league has been helping me out. He told me his story. Fell in love, she dumped him because he didn't have his life figured out, he got his life in gear, found a great girl who was helping him through the break-up, kinda saw each other during that time period, the ex gave him another shot.. it worked for a period of time, then it ended again.. and the girl who he was talking to during the first break-up actually took him back, he ended up marrying her and having two beautiful daughters. There are some encouraging stories out there.. Just hope they all become stories of our own that we can share.
Diezel Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 The best thing you could do is be single for a while. You feel like this now, but it worries me that you seem to hinge every fiber of your being on being in a relationship and for all of the wrong reasons. You're 22, you've barely lived an adult life. Try doing that first, on your own. Sometimes the best plans are the ones that weren't Plan A.
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