universalangel Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 So i been dating this guy for almost a year now..we havent talked about being exclusive or anything..he had just told me lets go with the flow and see wht comes of this..he wasnt ready for any commitment..as time went on, we split up and got back together about 2 or 3 times, as he is pretty moody. He can get stressed easy and i feel neglected. I know how he feels about me, i just dont know what he wants at this time. He is caring and affectionate and i knw i am the only girl he is seeing. We talk everyday, and we have gotten closer. He calls me friend, but acts as though we are together. Last month, i was went online and met another guy. He is sweet and caring and seems to want a relationship. I do like him, but i feel so guilty for not being honest with guy 1. I want to be with guy 1, but i dont have the guts to ask him straight out where we are heading. I dont know what to do. Please help!
SmartDude Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 If you start seeing the 2nd guy and it seems really exciting and you feel like you want to be around him more, Then you must let the 1st one go. It has been a year? That is usually enough time to know. Does guy #1 want a girlfriend? Was there any kind of talk like "hey we should be together, or we should let each other go?" Does it matter? Do you care? Only you know how you feel. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 If a year has gone by and you're not exclusive with him, you never will be. Since you like guy #2, and he seems to have the same goals as you, you should give it a shot. The first guy is jerking you around. Ironically though, it is that same aloof questionable behavior that's making you so attracted to him. 4
Arieswoman Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 OP, I can't see any harm in dating any number of guys at the same time provided; 1. They all know about each other (or at least know you are dating others) 2. You aren't exclusive with any of them 3. You aren't having sex with any of them. The first guy doesn't seem to want anything serious with you, otherwise it would have happened by now. Maybe it's time to let him go? Good luck. 5
PegNosePete Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 i dont have the guts to ask him straight out where we are heading. I dont know what to do. Simple. Get guts. 5
Redhead14 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 So i been dating this guy for almost a year now..we havent talked about being exclusive or anything..he had just told me lets go with the flow and see wht comes of this..he wasnt ready for any commitment..as time went on, we split up and got back together about 2 or 3 times, as he is pretty moody. He can get stressed easy and i feel neglected. I know how he feels about me, i just dont know what he wants at this time. He is caring and affectionate and i knw i am the only girl he is seeing. We talk everyday, and we have gotten closer. He calls me friend, but acts as though we are together. Last month, i was went online and met another guy. He is sweet and caring and seems to want a relationship. I do like him, but i feel so guilty for not being honest with guy 1. I want to be with guy 1, but i dont have the guts to ask him straight out where we are heading. I dont know what to do. Please help! You don't ask him where you are heading . . . you simply make a decision for yourself right now that if he doesn't want what you want, you will walk away. It's not an ultimatum. Then you have a casual open discussion and tell him what you want for yourself and let him tell you what he wants. If he still says he doesn't want a committed relationship with anyone, and specifically with you, you tell him you've enjoyed the time you two have spent but you are moving on. Plain and simple. "we split up and got back together about 2 or 3 times, as he is pretty moody". This is the hallmark behavior of an emotionally unavailable man who simply wants and needs the company of a woman to accommodate his basic human needs but as soon as emotions become involved, they pull away to create distance to manage the emotions of the woman who is becoming attached. He can get stressed easy and i feel neglected. I know how he feels about me. It's not about what he feels about you, it's about how he makes YOU feel. seems to want a relationship. Seems to want and showing you that he wants that with you are two different things. Go out with guy 2 and leave this one behind or you will be doing the back and forth dance forever. 1
edgygirl Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 My therapist once said: keep dating others until you have commitment from someone. I regret not following her advice in my last semi-relationship. Until there's exclusivity, theoretically you have nothing and are not bounded to anything. Honestly you don't even have to tell guy #1 about #2 if you don't feel like it. It's his problem he's not bringing anything to the table for you to not want to date others. 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 If a year has gone by and you're not exclusive with him, you never will be. Since you like guy #2, and he seems to have the same goals as you, you should give it a shot. The first guy is jerking you around. Ironically though, it is that same aloof questionable behavior that's making you so attracted to him. Bang on 1
Mrin Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 The others have given sound advice as to which guy is worth your time. But I wanted to ask - why are you wrapped around the axel with guy 1? Is it want what you can't have-itis? Is it the sunk cost fallacy - where you feel like you put in a year of effort and want to see it pay off? Is it something about guy 1? Is he great in the sack? I'd focus there a bit and see what surfaces for you. 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 If you aren't exclusive, don't hold back. Especially since this guy seems to have commitment issues. 1
Satu Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Nothing much will change with guy 1. If you want more, guy 2 is the one to be with.
Buddhist Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 (edited) It's been a year, not a few weeks. If he can't call himself in a relationship after a year then he doesn't want one. My advice is take the offer of guy #2 with both hands and decline your next date with #1 who cannot even figure out if he's ready for a relationship or not or if he has figured this out can't be honest with you about it. Edited March 31, 2015 by Buddhist
central Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Your relationship with Guy 1 isn't going anywhere good. Break up with him and focus on Guy 2 and see where that goes. Do NOT get back together with Guy 1 even if Guy 2 does not work out - find someone new.
carhill Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 This milieu is pretty normal in my demographic. My takeaway was all was fair until the lady accepted a wedding proposal, on both sides, this coming from lessons from men who either secured the yes or stole the lady away from a guy who thought he had a done deal. That said, OP, only accept such a proposal from someone you sincerely are attracted to and love. If the person whom you show that attraction and love to doesn't grow it and make an effort to secure it long-term, and that's what you want, then accept that. Some guys try to play smart and give the woman just enough to keep her in the game. Generally, the high-value males can make that work to an extent. What remains is whether #1 here is a high value male in demand by many females, or not and, along with that, what the mating customs are in your culture. In my culture, men take the lead and are proactive. Men ask women on dates and ask women to marry them. YMMV.
kendahke Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Cut your losses with guy 1 and go explore things with guy 2. Guy 1 will get over it, if he even was exercised to get his blood pressure up about it to begin with.
beach Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Since you don't have a commitment with guy #1 you can do what is best for you. Date both. But do so knowing guy #1 has nothing he's offering you long term. See if guy #2 seems better long term.
Author universalangel Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 Well i asked guy 1 if he was ready to commit..he said no..so i ended it..he didnt take it well. Said he wanted to continue to go with the flow. I told him i didnt want to do that. We didnt talk for a few days. Then we started talkin again. He has been tellin me he misses me alot and hes been thinkin about me non stop. I guess i dont know wht to think anynmore, but im not really entertaining it. Guy 2..well i broke it off with him. I started to feel like i wasnt going to feel more for him than i did. I dont want to lead him on, and i want him to find someone that can make him happy. He wont stop messaging tho. Anyways thats the update! I will let you know what happens. For now, im focusing on me!
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