alyxgr11 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 I'm back with someone I had dated for 3.5 years. The main reason we broke up in the first place was his close girl friend who was friends with him since high school (they weren't bff-type friends back then or even up until a few months before we broke up). The two developed feelings for one another and kept their strictly emotional affair to themselves, only until I discovered it on his computer. Soon after, we broke up. I partially attribute our then-LDR status to this as I was away at school and she was next door by comparison. Now, we're newly back together, but I'm questioning if anything has changed, which it doesn't seem so. They still text daily and know basically what each other are up to at most times and they hang out usually 1-2 times a week (that part I am not actually as bothered by). I ask what their conversations are like and if he's texting her when I see him on his phone, probably out of insecurity and to gauge what their relationship is like. He asks why I'm interrogating him. Do I have a right to ask these things? My friends and I think so, since she's chosen to still keep her around and is evidently a large part of his life. I'm always wondering if he is texting her more than me or if their conversations are better. I trust that he doesn't do anything sneaky with her, but I don't trust that their is something deeper about their relationship that will always exist whether or not he realizes it. I hold a lot of resentment toward her and feel she has little sense of boundaries, since (according to him) she is usually the one who initiates texting conversations the most. Is it normal for them to be this close and is it something I should try to accept or worry about? I find it unreasonable to ask him to cut her off completely, but is it unreasonable to tell him I'm not comfortable with their amount of contact? Should he have to do anything about it? I guess my fear is that he would, but unwillingly, causing him to resent me and just want her again. Am I being naive? I sometimes also think he has a responsibility to adhere to some boundaries, which evidently we don't agree with. Last thing to note, this isn't some many year long close friendship that started before I was around. For the approx. 5 years they've known each other they've only been as close as they are now for about a year. Also before the last few months of our relationship, they had a 1 year patch where they didn't talk because of some petty dispute.
Pinkdisney Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 I'm back with someone I had dated for 3.5 years. The main reason we broke up in the first place was his close girl friend who was friends with him since high school (they weren't bff-type friends back then or even up until a few months before we broke up). The two developed feelings for one another and kept their strictly emotional affair to themselves, only until I discovered it on his computer. Soon after, we broke up. I partially attribute our then-LDR status to this as I was away at school and she was next door by comparison. Now, we're newly back together, but I'm questioning if anything has changed, which it doesn't seem so. They still text daily and know basically what each other are up to at most times and they hang out usually 1-2 times a week (that part I am not actually as bothered by). I ask what their conversations are like and if he's texting her when I see him on his phone, probably out of insecurity and to gauge what their relationship is like. He asks why I'm interrogating him. Do I have a right to ask these things? My friends and I think so, since she's chosen to still keep her around and is evidently a large part of his life. I'm always wondering if he is texting her more than me or if their conversations are better. I trust that he doesn't do anything sneaky with her, but I don't trust that their is something deeper about their relationship that will always exist whether or not he realizes it. I hold a lot of resentment toward her and feel she has little sense of boundaries, since (according to him) she is usually the one who initiates texting conversations the most. Is it normal for them to be this close and is it something I should try to accept or worry about? I find it unreasonable to ask him to cut her off completely, but is it unreasonable to tell him I'm not comfortable with their amount of contact? Should he have to do anything about it? I guess my fear is that he would, but unwillingly, causing him to resent me and just want her again. Am I being naive? I sometimes also think he has a responsibility to adhere to some boundaries, which evidently we don't agree with. Last thing to note, this isn't some many year long close friendship that started before I was around. For the approx. 5 years they've known each other they've only been as close as they are now for about a year. Also before the last few months of our relationship, they had a 1 year patch where they didn't talk because of some petty dispute. It obviously bothers you and it's probably not something you will ever really get used to or feel comfortable with. If my BF was texting another woman multiple times a day and they hang out 2x a week, to be honest that sounds like a relationship, not a friendship. My BF of almost 3 years has an ex-W who floats in and out of his life like the wind, whenever she is lonely, needs money, has no one to talk with, you get the drill....her contact is now sporadic and occasional, however she texted him on NYE 5 minutes to midnight and we had a HUGE fight about it when I saw whose name popped up on the phone....it's been a constant source of frustration and honestly i'm never going to be ok about it. I've been told she'll go away, eventually get the hint, etc,. but it's the one thing about my relationship i'd change.
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