Lost the one...

[Throldur]

I'm doing my May 1st update a little early because last night I decided that I need to just drag myself into moving on because waiting for it just simply won't happen for me. I can't erase her from my mind and she's too ingrained my thoughts/memories to be purged without someone else pushing her away or some goals to go by.

 

I've decided to change my hair-style. Going to try an undercut, I'll feel uncomfortable with it at first since I'm more a plain style flip guy, but I think it might work with my facial shape and good hair is a sign of good grooming, might get me some results with females when I put myself out there.

 

As mentioned before I am starting Human Resource Management training in September. When I get to school I am going to apply myself heavily so that I not only finish at the top of the class, I make impressions on my work terms, so I can secure a career shortly after graduation to get my own place for me and my beautiful kitten Nina. I was never open to moving before but now that I've won my hockey championship, I would consider moving if it meant I can have a good career. My own place, a career, a wife and kids. That's pretty much my goals in life.

 

I've started back at the gym. I'm researching heavily on it (I've always gone but I am unemployed so I can hit it hard) so I can get the right nutrition at the right time and see the best gains I can see as quickly as possible.

 

Since I have time off, I decided, what do I want to experience? I'm looking to go to a few concerts.. Osheaga in Montreal (Florence and the Machine, Of Monsters and Men) and to go to Boston to see Incubus and Deftones. I considered going to see Ed Sheeran by myself but I was going to do that out of spite with my ex (she plans on seeing him in Toronto where she lives now, saw that before I went N.C. and I wanted to see him first) but I realized.. if I do that, and she ever comes back, and she doesn't get to see him, she'll be jealous and I would miss that opportunity.. and chances are any new girl I see will probably like Ed Sheeran and I'd rob myself of that opportunity to see it with someone in an enlightened/caring environment rather than something out of spite.

 

I'm going to start Yoga, not only for peace, flexibility, but also because it's a good place to meet women with similar mind-sets to me, health, spirituality, fitness. Going to fix my diet by eating organic/whole foods and I can definitely meet some girls there as well. I'm going to take cooking classes with a buddy of mine. I'm going to start doing rock-climbing in those gyms (not outside, F that). I plan on taking a ball-room dancing class as well.

 

I talked to a buddy of mine who is going through a similar situation though he has some health problems. We are planning, when he gets healthy again, to start a post-rock band. He plays guitar and I play drums. We figure not only is it a good creative outlet and something to do, but we can play some shows and would have an automatic conversation starter with girls who like the same type of music as us. A win/win.

 

I've been writing a novel for a long time. It went on the back-burner for the two years I was dating my ex-girlfriend but since I will have some free-time. I will begin trying to finish that again. Then likely re-write a large portion of it.

 

I'm going to be really thorough with my appearance while trying to work on my confidence. I am going to change myself back to the man I was and not only that, the man I want to be. If I can go from 20 years old, unable to skate, never playing goalie in my life, to being 25 and winning a league championship. I certainly can find myself another girl that I care about. I did it once before, why can't I do it again? Especially if I apply myself and put myself out there. Sure, I'll fail more than I succeed. But all it takes is to get it right once and I can't get it right if I don't 1) Improve Myself 2) Take the Risk 3) Learn from mistakes and adjust.

 

If somewhere along the path she comes back, I will revisit it. If she doesn't. Not only is she missing out on the amazing present that she could have been a part of. Not only is she missing out on a future with an amazing guy who did and will love her more than anyone else will.. She is missing out on the man I will become. A successful, confident man who sees tasks in front of him and obliterates them.

[Riptide91]

I'm doing my May 1st update a little early because last night I decided that I need to just drag myself into moving on because waiting for it just simply won't happen for me. I can't erase her from my mind and she's too ingrained my thoughts/memories to be purged without someone else pushing her away or some goals to go by.

 

I've decided to change my hair-style. Going to try an undercut, I'll feel uncomfortable with it at first since I'm more a plain style flip guy, but I think it might work with my facial shape and good hair is a sign of good grooming, might get me some results with females when I put myself out there.

 

As mentioned before I am starting Human Resource Management training in September. When I get to school I am going to apply myself heavily so that I not only finish at the top of the class, I make impressions on my work terms, so I can secure a career shortly after graduation to get my own place for me and my beautiful kitten Nina. I was never open to moving before but now that I've won my hockey championship, I would consider moving if it meant I can have a good career. My own place, a career, a wife and kids. That's pretty much my goals in life.

 

I've started back at the gym. I'm researching heavily on it (I've always gone but I am unemployed so I can hit it hard) so I can get the right nutrition at the right time and see the best gains I can see as quickly as possible.

 

Since I have time off, I decided, what do I want to experience? I'm looking to go to a few concerts.. Osheaga in Montreal (Florence and the Machine, Of Monsters and Men) and to go to Boston to see Incubus and Deftones. I considered going to see Ed Sheeran by myself but I was going to do that out of spite with my ex (she plans on seeing him in Toronto where she lives now, saw that before I went N.C. and I wanted to see him first) but I realized.. if I do that, and she ever comes back, and she doesn't get to see him, she'll be jealous and I would miss that opportunity.. and chances are any new girl I see will probably like Ed Sheeran and I'd rob myself of that opportunity to see it with someone in an enlightened/caring environment rather than something out of spite.

 

I'm going to start Yoga, not only for peace, flexibility, but also because it's a good place to meet women with similar mind-sets to me, health, spirituality, fitness. Going to fix my diet by eating organic/whole foods and I can definitely meet some girls there as well. I'm going to take cooking classes with a buddy of mine. I'm going to start doing rock-climbing in those gyms (not outside, F that). I plan on taking a ball-room dancing class as well.

 

I talked to a buddy of mine who is going through a similar situation though he has some health problems. We are planning, when he gets healthy again, to start a post-rock band. He plays guitar and I play drums. We figure not only is it a good creative outlet and something to do, but we can play some shows and would have an automatic conversation starter with girls who like the same type of music as us. A win/win.

 

I've been writing a novel for a long time. It went on the back-burner for the two years I was dating my ex-girlfriend but since I will have some free-time. I will begin trying to finish that again. Then likely re-write a large portion of it.

 

I'm going to be really thorough with my appearance while trying to work on my confidence. I am going to change myself back to the man I was and not only that, the man I want to be. If I can go from 20 years old, unable to skate, never playing goalie in my life, to being 25 and winning a league championship. I certainly can find myself another girl that I care about. I did it once before, why can't I do it again? Especially if I apply myself and put myself out there. Sure, I'll fail more than I succeed. But all it takes is to get it right once and I can't get it right if I don't 1) Improve Myself 2) Take the Risk 3) Learn from mistakes and adjust.

 

If somewhere along the path she comes back, I will revisit it. If she doesn't. Not only is she missing out on the amazing present that she could have been a part of. Not only is she missing out on a future with an amazing guy who did and will love her more than anyone else will.. She is missing out on the man I will become. A successful, confident man who sees tasks in front of him and obliterates them.

 

This post is awesome! I'm currently doing the exact same things! You are taking the phrase "love yourself first" seriously and that warms my soul to see. Keep up the good fight. One day our ex's will see how good of men we were and regret letting us go.

Edited April 29, 2015 by Riptide91
Spelling

[Throldur]

This post is awesome! I'm currently doing the exact same things! You are taking the phrase "love yourself first" seriously and that warms my soul to see. Keep up the good fight. One day our ex's will see how good of men we were and regret letting us go.

 

Is your name a reference to the Vance Joy song, at all? Vance Joy is amazing.

 

I'm taking all the steps hoping it will work out for me.

 

I flirted with the waitress at our table last night. I didn't go for a number, I didn't get any indicators of interest, it was her first day and her family was around. But, I made an attempt to dust off the old flirting game, it felt awkward, I didn't feel good, I felt nervous but I made that first step.

 

Today I am going to take all the clothes that my ex bought me, I'm putting it in a box, writing a note to her, putting it in the box and I am going to put it in the back of my closet. Its time to completely lock her away.

[Simon Phoenix]

Writing a note to her? Why? I hope you aren't going to send that note.

[Riptide91]

Is your name a reference to the Vance Joy song, at all? Vance Joy is amazing.

 

I'm taking all the steps hoping it will work out for me.

 

I flirted with the waitress at our table last night. I didn't go for a number, I didn't get any indicators of interest, it was her first day and her family was around. But, I made an attempt to dust off the old flirting game, it felt awkward, I didn't feel good, I felt nervous but I made that first step.

 

Today I am going to take all the clothes that my ex bought me, I'm putting it in a box, writing a note to her, putting it in the box and I am going to put it in the back of my closet. Its time to completely lock her away.

 

Yes, it is a reference. I was listening to Vance Joy when I decided to post my breakup story. I'm glad you packed everything away, but as Simon said, I hope you're not planning to send or give it to her. Also, I think it's good you dusted off the old charm, as I've tried to do the same. It was a bit awkward but it seems to get better with every attempt. I hope you're doing well today, me, not so much. Hang in there, and keep on keeping on.

[Didn'tknow]

I always fine it humorous when people think they lost "the one".

 

I thought that after my first gf.

 

Then after my second gf, thought it again. Not as much, though.

 

Then the third, fourth, and fifth, I started to laugh at that concept.

 

Now, I realize the one is whatever one I am dating:cool: Girls aren't nearly as unique as you think. No one is, really.

 

Go find someone else, and find out what you like about them.

 

This isn't always the case, I've been in 4 long term relationships and it was on the forth relationship that I felt I lost "the one".

 

I also disagree with saying people aren't that unique. I for one anyway "click" with very few people.

[Throldur]

Yes, it is a reference. I was listening to Vance Joy when I decided to post my breakup story. I'm glad you packed everything away, but as Simon said, I hope you're not planning to send or give it to her. Also, I think it's good you dusted off the old charm, as I've tried to do the same. It was a bit awkward but it seems to get better with every attempt. I hope you're doing well today, me, not so much. Hang in there, and keep on keeping on.

 

No, I'm not sending the note to her. I don't know where she lives and I have no intention of contacting her. It's just a note to her to put in the top of the box full of old things. Just another letter that I will never send.

 

Vance Joy is incredible man. I am addicted to the song "Georgia" and during the break-up.. I think I hit repeat a million times on "Who am I?"

 

I dusted off the charm at this cute girl working at the gym. I was pretty sly, she was very chatty to me and my friend afterwards. Gonna interact with her a couple more times then try to get her number. See where things go.

 

Anyways, just came to check into this thread as I just finished doing it all. The stuff is packed away, stuffed unseen into the back of the closet, with a note written to her stuffed on top. Maybe one day her and I will read it together and be happy for reconciliation. Probably not though, I finally found my self-respect and I don't think I could ever be with someone who did what she did to me. We will see what happens with time. For now, it's onto self-improvement and bigger, better things.

[Throldur]

Well, here's my current update..

 

I've been seeing/hearing a lot of things that reference my girlfriend lately. It was a tough time for awhile because it was like everywhere I looked, there she was in some capacity. I was getting bummed out, in the dark, really depressed place and in order to alleviate some of that, someone close to me did the whole 'little birdy' thing and let me know what was going on in my ex's life.

 

She's been moved away for two months now. She's in the 'honeymoon' phase over there in Ontario but I guess it's not going the way she thought it would. A lot of references to her anxiety, "I keep going in circles at forever 21, I can't find what I need and its giving me anxiety" great metaphor for your own life, baby.

 

She isn't getting to see the one concert she wanted to see. She also tweeted about how there's all these concerts to see and no one to see them with. Told her that the guy said all of those promises to get her out there and that he wouldn't deliver once she went out there. She's anxious, she's down playing everything, no sign of her actually doing anything out there, not seeing concerts, not being with friends, and I guess no real signs that she loves or is involving herself much with this guy. It was a small victory for me, ok, a big victory for me, since things are unfolding out there for her the way I thought they would. I still have that nugget of hope that she will realize her mistake, abandon Ontario, seek me out and realize all she ever wanted she had with me. But, I'm not putting my life on hold for that.

 

I've gotten unemployment so I have steady income. I'm back at the gym, 4 days a week. Catching up on a lot of reading. I had my orientation for NSCC for Human Resources. Graduate employment is 90% from this course so that's positive. There was only 10 out of 30 classmates attending the orientation. Lots of empty seats, this cute girl walks in, I smile at her, she sat next to me. I talked to her a bit but the orientation started and I never got to reconnect with her before we left. I think she must have liked me a bit to sit next to me with all those empty seats. Possibility there (other cute girls in the program and tons on campus) in the future. So, my scarcity mindset is getting obliterated. I think I might be able to get this girl if she's single in September but....

 

I might have a date with this girl I've been talking to on OkCupid. She's a graphic designer. Tall, skinny blonde with bright blue eyes. We've had some good conversations. She's passionate about life and art. She has a good taste in music which is important to me. We'll see if we get the first date set up and if the chemistry is there in person. It'll be good to just go on a date again.

 

Right now there's OKC girl, potential Tinder girl, girls from my class in September and still the remote chance my ex-girlfriend comes back. I'm feeling a little brighter about my chances right now than I did a few months ago.

 

Although, I was at the Counting Crows concert last night and thought about my ex. That was the only night before my B-day (June 29th) that I could think of her breaking N.C. so I don't expect it any time soon. Just gonna focus on what's hot right now in my life.

[Throldur]

June 1st update:

 

I went to my sisters to get a hair-cut for my upcoming date with the girl from OKCupid. When I was at my sisters, I told her what I had found out about my ex. My sister, who enjoys it when people who hurt someone she loves, has a bad time. Couldn't help but look at my ex's twitter, I told her not to tell me anything that I don't want to hear. I could see her face lighting up and then she told me some of the tweets:

"It's 11:00 and Nya (the dog) wants to play. Ugh -exhausted smiley."

"My cat is fighting with the neighbourhood cats again :("

Multiple tweets to her best friend about missing her..

"Ugh, it's so humid. I want to jump in the Ocean.. Oh wait.."

The last tweet was a clear sign that she misses home. Since there's the Ocean here in Nova Scotia but not in Ontario. She's completely miserable out there, it's satisfaction to me that she's learning the grass is not greener. It still nurtures a bit of my hope, but I put it away and move on.

 

The next day I go for the date. I park in the parkling lot closest to the location. It's the parking lot of my ex's first apartment building.. I look around at all the memories and I can't help but cry. It overwhelms me. This is where I spent some of the most memorable, happy days of my life and it still hurts. I immediately lose focus, I feel sad, I'm crying, I feel sick, I just hate this. I want to be here again, with her, with the knowledge that I accrued.. I get that feeling like its possible again, but I shrug it off.

 

I start walking toward the venue of the date. A car pulls over and a girl I know from junior high gets out and I greet her. Her and her friend come over, we talk for a bit. I maintain solid eye contact with her (this girl is my first crush in life.. crazy to see her there) and when we're talking, she mentions to me to facebook her to grab a drink together. I say for sure, continue talking and she mentions it again before I leave to go on my date. So, I'm working on setting up a date with her this weekend.. trying to escalate it beyond "catching up" and more toward something romantic, since I always really liked this girl. Haven't seen her in years.

 

The girl I met was nice, we had a good conversation, I am thinking, I could make it work with this girl but I just don't feel -it- with her. So, at the end of the date, we hug and part ways. I haven't heard from her and I'm fine with that, I haven't reached out to her.

 

I've been talking to two girls on Tinder, we'll see if there's anything there. This other girl that I haven't seen in years messaged about seeing me when she flies to Halifax. We've got plans set up for that.. I'm excited since it's just low pressure, two adults having fun.. Feels good.

 

I still struggle.. I miss my ex. She is always gonna be that girl to me. I know she's unhappy. It doesn't make sense that the two of us are unhappy when we were happy together. It just makes perfect sense to me that she opens the dialogue with me and we reconcile this silliness.

 

At least dating prospects have picked up and I no longer feel like I missed my last shot at love. Though, only this girl from the past has the power of truly rousing -that- feeling in me again, I think. I just get discouraged, I don't wanna do this all over again. I want my eternal happiness with the girl I thought it was going to be with.

 

I can only deal with the reality that I have.. fingers crossed.

[hunk]

First of all congratulations on your seeming improvement. I would definitely take it slow with these women you're talking to, but do not pass on opportunities to put yourself in new dating scenarios. It's very helpful in terms of moving on, even if nothing eventuates. It's a confidence boost if nothing else.

 

I do need to point out that you assuming she is miserable and deriving pleasure/hope from this is very unhealthy, although I understand why you're doing it. She very may well be miserable. This doesn't mean anything in terms of her feelings for you. Being miserable with your current living situation has no bearing on your romantic feelings for another human being - please remember this. She probably just misses home. I had an ex who appeared absolutely miserable after we broke up, moved overseas with a new guy and I thought she was completely unhappy. Miserable statuses and I heard from her friends she was unhappy, and I genuinely think she was. I took this to mean she would definitely want to get back with me, and guess what, she still never came back to me, she just missed her friends and home town.

 

I'm not projecting my own situations onto yours - I'm just trying to ground you and push you in the direction of letting go completely. You need to assume she's gone and stop worrying about her current emotional state - it is irrelevant. You haven't heard anything from her and until you hear "I want you back" (if you ever do), she isn't thinking about reconciliation and she doesn't want to be with you. She's living her own life. What you are doing here is projecting your feelings onto her, and assuming because you're miserable, she must be too. This is normal. Just try to understand that's what you're doing, and eventually you'll be able to let go and just assume she is happy and enjoying her life, without feeling anything. This is the point you want to be at. True indifference, when you can accept she is happy and feel nothing but indifference, or if you do feel any kind of emotion, you're happy for her. It's a long road but that is your ultimate goal, not having her contact you because she's miserable.

[mightycpa]

First of all congratulations on your seeming improvement. I would definitely take it slow with these women you're talking to, but do not pass on opportunities to put yourself in new dating scenarios. It's very helpful in terms of moving on, even if nothing eventuates. It's a confidence boost if nothing else.

 

I do need to point out that you assuming she is miserable and deriving pleasure/hope from this is very unhealthy, although I understand why you're doing it. She very may well be miserable. This doesn't mean anything in terms of her feelings for you. Being miserable with your current living situation has no bearing on your romantic feelings for another human being - please remember this. She probably just misses home. I had an ex who appeared absolutely miserable after we broke up, moved overseas with a new guy and I thought she was completely unhappy. Miserable statuses and I heard from her friends she was unhappy, and I genuinely think she was. I took this to mean she would definitely want to get back with me, and guess what, she still never came back to me, she just missed her friends and home town.

 

I'm not projecting my own situations onto yours - I'm just trying to ground you and push you in the direction of letting go completely. You need to assume she's gone and stop worrying about her current emotional state - it is irrelevant. You haven't heard anything from her and until you hear "I want you back" (if you ever do), she isn't thinking about reconciliation and she doesn't want to be with you. She's living her own life. What you are doing here is projecting your feelings onto her, and assuming because you're miserable, she must be too. This is normal. Just try to understand that's what you're doing, and eventually you'll be able to let go and just assume she is happy and enjoying her life, without feeling anything. This is the point you want to be at. True indifference, when you can accept she is happy and feel nothing but indifference, or if you do feel any kind of emotion, you're happy for her. It's a long road but that is your ultimate goal, not having her contact you because she's miserable.

Well said. You've clearly lived that.

[Ariess10]

Is your name a reference to the Vance Joy song, at all? Vance Joy is amazing.

 

I'm taking all the steps hoping it will work out for me.

 

I flirted with the waitress at our table last night. I didn't go for a number, I didn't get any indicators of interest, it was her first day and her family was around. But, I made an attempt to dust off the old flirting game, it felt awkward, I didn't feel good, I felt nervous but I made that first step.

 

Today I am going to take all the clothes that my ex bought me, I'm putting it in a box, writing a note to her, putting it in the box and I am going to put it in the back of my closet. Its time to completely lock her away.

I packed up all my stuff my ex gave me and went to the rescue mission with it.. I also packed up her snowmobile suit that I paid for half (very expensive ) someone there is gonna get a nice suit. Left good to finally let go of that stuff 2 months since break up and nc

[Throldur]

First of all congratulations on your seeming improvement. I would definitely take it slow with these women you're talking to, but do not pass on opportunities to put yourself in new dating scenarios. It's very helpful in terms of moving on, even if nothing eventuates. It's a confidence boost if nothing else.

 

I do need to point out that you assuming she is miserable and deriving pleasure/hope from this is very unhealthy, although I understand why you're doing it. She very may well be miserable. This doesn't mean anything in terms of her feelings for you. Being miserable with your current living situation has no bearing on your romantic feelings for another human being - please remember this. She probably just misses home. I had an ex who appeared absolutely miserable after we broke up, moved overseas with a new guy and I thought she was completely unhappy. Miserable statuses and I heard from her friends she was unhappy, and I genuinely think she was. I took this to mean she would definitely want to get back with me, and guess what, she still never came back to me, she just missed her friends and home town.

 

I'm not projecting my own situations onto yours - I'm just trying to ground you and push you in the direction of letting go completely. You need to assume she's gone and stop worrying about her current emotional state - it is irrelevant. You haven't heard anything from her and until you hear "I want you back" (if you ever do), she isn't thinking about reconciliation and she doesn't want to be with you. She's living her own life. What you are doing here is projecting your feelings onto her, and assuming because you're miserable, she must be too. This is normal. Just try to understand that's what you're doing, and eventually you'll be able to let go and just assume she is happy and enjoying her life, without feeling anything. This is the point you want to be at. True indifference, when you can accept she is happy and feel nothing but indifference, or if you do feel any kind of emotion, you're happy for her. It's a long road but that is your ultimate goal, not having her contact you because she's miserable.

 

Well, it is the only hope that I had.. to be honest. That she would see that moving away and running from this wasn't the solution to the real problem. I don't think she ever stopped loving me, well, she pretty much told me that she still loved me before she left.. though obviously, it wasn't enough for her to stick around. I did derive some happiness from knowing things weren't going to be as perfect for her as she thought, and was told, it would be when she got out there.

 

I know it means nothing in regard to me. She may move back home and still never message me. That part scares me the most. I want to get to the point where I don't think, care, or desire her back anymore.. Some days I get there, some days I don't..

 

I've really hit a back-slide.. I mean, this is the time of the year where she would think about me the most, if she does at all.. if my birthday passes and I hear nothing, I know I'm gonna have a breakdown. Though, I know it will be my final breakdown, because it will be my acceptance that there's no more hope, there's no more holding on.. the strongest emotional attachment she could have, if it passes, and she doesn't break, she'll never break.

 

I want to get back out there.. but, to be honest, my social circle is gone, and the thought of approaching women just kills me inside. I don't think I have what it takes to attract a girl as good as or better than my ex. Though, I've been dedicating a lot of time into research.. I'm just gonna have to let myself get rejected constantly. Hoping that one girl hits.

[BC1980]

Well, it is the only hope that I had.. to be honest. That she would see that moving away and running from this wasn't the solution to the real problem. I don't think she ever stopped loving me, well, she pretty much told me that she still loved me before she left.. though obviously, it wasn't enough for her to stick around. I did derive some happiness from knowing things weren't going to be as perfect for her as she thought, and was told, it would be when she got out there.

 

I know it means nothing in regard to me. She may move back home and still never message me. That part scares me the most. I want to get to the point where I don't think, care, or desire her back anymore.. Some days I get there, some days I don't.

 

I think all of these thoughts are normal. At some point, most people wish misery on their exes, and many would take some comfort in their exes having some bad luck. I mean, you're only human, so I think what you are feeling is pretty normal. But I don't think anyone needs to strive to wish ill on anyone else because, when it comes down to it, you are only hurting yourself. Your ex has no idea how you feel about her and likely doesn't care as much as you do. She's probably close to indifferent and doesn't put much stock in your views of her. So these thoughts are only living inside of your head.

 

I think it's a good idea to realize that it's normal and okay to feel this way, but also take your feelings for what they are. You aren't indifferent, so she has the power to affect you. You feeling this way is the natural reaction of a bruised ego and wanting a sense of "justice." So when it comes down to it, you should strive for indifference because, only then, will you be free of these thoughts or of any thoughts about your ex. I used to be so disgusted with my ex for what he put me through that I'm sure I would have been glad if misery had come knocking on his door. But the only reason I even cared enough to feel that way is because I wasn't indifferent. He was still able to affect me. Now, I can't even imagine that I cared enough to wonder if he was miserable. The idea wouldn't cross my mind.

 

I know it's really difficult and awful right now, but you will reach indifference at some point. And I also know that it's scary to think about being indifferent because, on some level, you don't want to be indifferent. I remember feeling that way at one point. I was really scared to even try to forget about him because I didn't want to invalidate what had happened. Change is always scary, but the only way to get through this is to jump right in and start the process.

[Throldur]

Well, we're a bit into July right now..

 

I haven't heard or seen anything about my ex in a month. I couldn't bare to look still even though there's been times when I've wanted to. I'd rather leave things off where I saw them last. I don't know if I could handle it to know if they've improved for her.

 

I was able to have a friends with benefits experience with a girl who I knew for awhile and works on an airline. She had a stop over in my city, we got together and hooked up. It was just pure fun. Although, the part of it that was the most fulfilling for me was the two of us just cuddling, kissing lightly and talking.. like couples do. It made me miss what I had but it also made me feel good that I could have a moment of clarity like that again.

 

I went out to my buddy's bands little show. Met a cool girl there. We hit it off really well. I got her number and she came back around to see me again later in the night. She was very receptive. We scheduled a date and we went on the date. Just a walk down the waterfront. She's a really cool girl, a writer like me, positive, sees the good in things, is very cute. I thought we hit it off rather well on the date as well.. asked at the end of the night if she would be interested in a second date, seemed she would be. Gave her a hug to end the night (It's been awhile and I just didn't feel I got her in the place for a goodnight kiss, which is all good).

 

I messaged her.. took her awhile to respond.. then responded.. took awhile for her to respond again.. so I just said, **** it, this is impossible, I'll ask for the date. Haven't heard anything since yesterday morning so I'm assuming she's kinda blowing me off. She did start a new waitressing gig and said she had to work the weekend.. but still, I think if she was legitimately interested she would find time at the end of the night to respond with enthusiasm about setting up a second date. Not sure where I went wrong but it kind of sucks.. actually, it really sucks.. because this girl seemed interested and a lot of our commonalities were strong..

 

In a way, I'm ok with it.. I can't expect the connection I had with my ex so soon with someone else.. but I also still have those feelings that I'll never love or be loved like that again. So, as of right now, this experience of going on a date with a girl that I was legitimately interested in.. has kind of set me back. I just feel, again, like I had the woman of my dreams and after ****ing it up royally, and the situation being so ****ed up, that the only hope lies in us reconnecting which I doubt will happen.. and even if it did, the trust is so ****ed up, so I don't even know if that outcome would be as rosey as I picture it in my head to be.

 

I'm just perplexed at this point. Enough time has passed. But finding that connection again.. I don't think it's gonna happen. I hate the idea that eventually I'll have to accept being alone or settling for someone who will never have that same connection with me that I had with her.. and that hurts, it also sucks my will power from me.

[Throldur]

September is almost here. I can't believe I made it. It seemed like it would never arrive. School will start, one year program, will meet some new people and hopefully expand my social circle. I'm going to take advantage of this. I've also discovered I enjoy going to clubs dancing, I've found a DJ who puts on events once a month, sometimes more, and my first event is next Saturday which is a Neon Tight n Bright party. Bought my outfit for it, will get a few trinkets that will have excuses to start conversations. I'm thinking frequenting these events may get me to expand my social circle as well as meet girls who are more 'my type'.

 

Dating since the break-up has happened. Just hasn't gone anywhere. T was one date but I didn't feel the connection. MJ was a potential date that didn't happen. M was a good date but 'wasn't the right time for her to be dating'. T was the same. N was another date that never surfaced.

 

I did manage to hook up with a gorgeous girl and on the way back to her place discovered she'd probably be rather perfect. Though, after further conversations revealed she was 3 weeks into something with a guy and I think she chose to give that a chance since after a few initial text messages she didn't respond when I got close to asking her out. She did accept my add on snapchat recently but I haven't brought myself to courage to try to message her again, it's been a month since we met, I think the moment has passed.

 

I really wish that at this point I was involved with someone new, it hasn't happened, but some positives have, so that is a blessing I'll count. As far as my ex is concerned. I have not heard from her. I thought that I really would have at this point. Thought she would have moved back by now, I don't think she has. I am very certain she has been snooping my tweets as once my mother got on twitter and favorited some tweets of mine, I guess magically she went to protect her own tweets so no one can access them. I haven't looked since the end of May and I won't. Although, clearly, if she's snooping me and protecting her own tweets, I think things are much the same for her, not as she wanted, because if things were truly great for her, she'd want me to know that they were and that I was wrong to tell her that moving away wouldn't solve anything.

 

Let's see what the next few months bring but I'm feeling a lot better. I still have moments and dreams. I don't know why, but they are there. If she did message me, I'm 90% sure that I wouldn't even dignify it with a reply. That's progress in itself.

 

Hopefully the next time I write here I will be telling you about how I'm with a new great girl. Maybe I'll run into Th again and find out if there's a chance there. I really wish I was able to get her out onto another date and there wasn't another guy in the picture at the time. She could have been a good one.

 

All the best, everyone.