Riptide91 Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Thank you for responding. I contacted him the three times and it wasn't him.. so it was my mistake . The first time he stayed and cuddled me all night, said it was hard to leave in the morning and was still cute and lovey and we went out for some food to catch up. The last two times it was literally "this doesn't mean anything more.." and did the deed, cuddled for a bit and he left and told me I would find a nice guy someday and that if I was ever in trouble to call him. Coming from a guy I was with for a year and a freaking half. Ultimately it was my fault and I let him use me. But the thing is he admits he is being a douche but I never thought he would EVER be like that, or to any girl for that matter. He was kind and loving and now he is capable of using me. I doubt he will ever contact me again and I sure won't be contacting him. He probably thinks that I have zero self esteem.. I'm so sorry you're hurting, and I do understand somewhat how you feel. After my ex gf left me I would get really drunk and text her. Some days she wouldn't respond, some she'd ridicule and ignore me, and others she would come get me so she had someone to be with when she was lonely. I was basically some sad dude that would do anything just to hangout with her for 30 minutes. Take this lesson and please don't contact this guy anymore, if he can sleep with you and literally tell you he hopes you find a good guy right after he has no intentions of being with you and you're just a lay. I'm sorry, it's blunt, but bluntness helped me to realize I was being a huge loser letting my ex walk all over me. As for what he thinks of you... Let me put it like this, who gives a flying ****? He's a terrible person and he should be more concerned with what people think of him. Keep him out of your life and find a man who will treat you right, because like sutsie said, there are some out there who would make you forget this douchebag quicker than you would think.
Author acapelo_dp Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 Oh trust me, He'll be back sniffing around. All dogs like that do. Thing is that when he does, whether that's tomorrow, next month, or next year. You'll be strong enough to not even respond. I recommend blocking his number so you'll never even know he tried contacting you. And trust me when i say this, the next guy will respect you more if you stick to a "sex for love" mentality. That's all i'm looking for in the next girl. The fact you've admitted to your mistakes already shows you've made the first step and you should be proud of that. Get hot as hell, find a goal and pursue it, and then your true love will come around when you're not even thinking about it. Go ahead and make up a nickname for him when he's brought up so you can get some humor out of it. My ex's name is "oompa loompa". Haha! the "oompa Loompa" comment made me laugh out loud. Yeah I am not looking for another relationship until I am totally healed, but I don't want it to start from sex. I want to do it right the next time for sure. Thanks for the kind words : )
Author acapelo_dp Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 I'm so sorry you're hurting, and I do understand somewhat how you feel. After my ex gf left me I would get really drunk and text her. Some days she wouldn't respond, some she'd ridicule and ignore me, and others she would come get me so she had someone to be with when she was lonely. I was basically some sad dude that would do anything just to hangout with her for 30 minutes. Take this lesson and please don't contact this guy anymore, if he can sleep with you and literally tell you he hopes you find a good guy right after he has no intentions of being with you and you're just a lay. I'm sorry, it's blunt, but bluntness helped me to realize I was being a huge loser letting my ex walk all over me. As for what he thinks of you... Let me put it like this, who gives a flying ****? He's a terrible person and he should be more concerned with what people think of him. Keep him out of your life and find a man who will treat you right, because like sutsie said, there are some out there who would make you forget this douchebag quicker than you would think. Thank you, I am sorry you had to go through that as well - it is hard on the heart. I was like that as well, would not think of the consequence and would see him just to spend one night or a couple hours with him. I felt pathetic. It's just sad to think someone who was supposedly in love with me for a year a half and planning a future with me can suddenly just see me as a piece of meat and nothing more. He is perfectly fine doing whatever he wants now and hanging out with his other like-minded friends while I am sitting here still in love. Also doesn't help that I was used by a guy right after him.. But ultimately I know there are nice guys out there. I just want to be over him completely and never see him or talk to him again. I want to be over the pain and loneliness living in a big city doesn't help either. But I'm trying to keep busy 1
SLee Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I completely understand. I live with my ex still (recent break up. We're not renewing our lease.) and post break up we were intimate a lot, but I felt so awful afterwards because it was so empty and meaningless. I'm not shaming meaningless sex, it's just not my thing. He's also a big cuddler and doesn't separate touch from emotion so when I was super delusional I thought it would help me get him back. It just made me feel worse. You're doing all the right stuff. You've got your head in the right place. Keep that up. You're gonna be okay.
Riptide91 Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Yes it's tough comparing your situation to theirs. My ex and I were together for about 6 years. One day she told me she just didn't want to do it anymore. I have never fallen so far into depression and hurt, but NC does work like everyone says. She is happy now with a new guy and I'm working on myself, I still love her just like you probably still love him, but I now feel in my heart I'm headed in the right direction and I think of her less and less. Some days suck, others are fine. Keep busy and do things you want to do. Love yourself first, once you do that you'll find someone to compliment it.
Fufu Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) I have failed NC three times in two months since he broke up with me (He has twice but nothing significant). Each of those three times has led to my ex boyfriend and I having sex and spending the night together, only for him to say that it hasn't changed anything and he doesn't want a relationship with anyone. He openly admitted he used me purely for sex the past three times we met up and just left afterwards. The last time I stupidly called him drunk at 4 in the morning and he came over. I wasn't as sad as the last times because I knew what it was. But it still hurts me. How can someone who told me he was in love with me and would never let me go just 2 and a half months ago, use me to get his rocks off and be completely okay with everything? I feel like a stupid, worthless piece of crap. I hate myself because I thought I was strong with NC but I'm not. I'm still in love with him despite him treating me this way but I know I will never contact him again. The person I thought was "the one" is a monster. I'm embarrassed for myself. I'm doing everything I can. I focus on work, I am starting an 8 week work out plan to get in great shape and to challenge myself, I am spending time with friends and have even planned an overnight girls trip to the mountains in 2 weeks. I am trying to stay busy but the thought of me not being good enough crosses my mind daily. To top it all off, the new guy I was hanging out with/hooking up with suddenly stopped talking to me because he got back together with an ex girlfriend who I didn't know existed. I didn't hear this from him but from his friends I saw this past weekend since he was just ignoring me. He texted me on the weekend and I told him I don't want to be friends with people who are not honest with me. I was not only used by one guy but by two. Can someone please give some kind words that things will get better or share some stories of breaking NC and it getting better? My dear, I broke NC a couple of times too. I have moved on, and my past relationship ended was 5 years ago. I'm now in a relationship going 2nd year anniversary in June The first thing you need to do is to get yourself back on track. 1. Accept this break up reality 2. Get away from your ex and that means ceasing contacts. Delete/block numbers and social media. The more you see or know his news, the more you feel harder to let go. 3. Love yourself more. That means doing things that is on focusing on yourself. Think about your own well-being. Do things that make you happy. It's ok to be single, do not quickly jump into a new relationship. 4. If you feel like contacting your ex, come to this forum to post. Read others' break up stories, give some encouragement. Giving encouragement to others is also a good method of assuring oneself to move on. Edited April 21, 2015 by Fufu
Author acapelo_dp Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 My dear, I broke NC a couple of times too. I have moved on, and my past relationship ended was 5 years ago. I'm now in a relationship going 2nd year anniversary in June The first thing you need to do is to get yourself back on track. 1. Accept this break up reality 2. Get away from your ex and that means ceasing contacts. Delete/block numbers and social media. The more you see or know his news, the more you feel harder to let go. 3. Love yourself more. That means doing things that is on focusing on yourself. Think about your own well-being. Do things that make you happy. It's ok to be single, do not quickly jump into a new relationship. 4. If you feel like contacting your ex, come to this forum to post. Read others' break up stories, give some encouragement. Giving encouragement to others is also a good method of assuring oneself to move on. Thank you so much for the advice That is so great that you found someone to have love with! I have him blocked on all social media and deleted most mutual friends (except for the ones I have a good friendship with). I deleted his number from my phone but unfortunately I had it memorized and that is how I texted him this past weekend when I was drinking, stupid I know. I am feeling much better today though that I went to work and was busy. I'm hoping the heart ache subsided soon. I'm mad that I was finally happy being single before he came along for the first time in my life (I was always in relationships). Now I want to be in that place again
Riptide91 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I'm hoping the heart ache subsided soon. I'm mad that I was finally happy being single before he came along for the first time in my life (I was always in relationships). Now I want to be in that place again The heart ache is the worst part and it sounds like you've done it before which I applaud you for. This is my actual first time being heartbroken as this girl meant a lot more than any others. I think getting to the point of being happy single is all about owning who you are and understanding you don't need someone to be happy, but someone to share your happiness with. You'll get back to it! Stay strong!
Author acapelo_dp Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 The heart ache is the worst part and it sounds like you've done it before which I applaud you for. This is my actual first time being heartbroken as this girl meant a lot more than any others. I think getting to the point of being happy single is all about owning who you are and understanding you don't need someone to be happy, but someone to share your happiness with. You'll get back to it! Stay strong! Thank you Realistically I know I will get over him, I've been through worse heart break before where I was a complete wreck and couldn't do anything. I don't want to ever feel this again though...being in love gets you so high but can make you feel like you are literally dying inside. It's so messed up. But you will get through this too, trust me. It's hard now but we are all meant to find someone who we can be happy with, or find happiness within ourselves. The worst part is just the feeling of "I wasn't good enough for him to want to stay."
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