I saw my ex's true colors this weekend.

March 30, 2015

I don't want to get reamed out for his, I just need to vent as I have so much anger inside of me. A little background, my boyfriend of a year and a half and I broke up February 21st, we met up March 8th and had sex and spent the night together. It was hard and emotional for both of us that night. Last week I stupidly texted him asking him to go for a coffee to catch up, he agreed after 2 weeks of NC. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I know.

We met up Saturday he came to pick me up, went to a coffee shop we used to go to and he bought mine for me. We sat down and the conversation this time was a little awkward, not like the last time we met up. He said he didn't know if he wanted to meet up today, as he didn't think enough time had passed. He suggested we go for a drive and we did, then as he went to drop me off I gave him a hug and he kissed me. He said "all I want to do right now is go up to your room with you." He kept staring at me during the car ride and said "Ugh, all I can think about is having sex with you."

I again, stupidly, had him up in my apartment and we had sex. I immediately started crying afterwards and he held me. He told me he doesn't want a relationship right now and realized that he didn't the last couple of weeks we were together. His words were he didn't like "having to text someone everyday, sleeping in on the weekends and missing his time at the cafe or doing his own thing, being accountable to someone else and feeling the pressure to make someone else happy"I just said to him "It's because I'm not the one. You were in love with me before and it just suddenly stopped" he said "I was crazy in love with you. Who knows, maybe with a future girlfriend the same thing will probably happen."

He offered to take me out to dinner as "friends" to talk as "friends" and I said no. He said he was leaving, I asked him if he was okay and he said "Yes because I know I will talk to you again. In 6 months time or a year I want to be friends, I still like you very much and think you are an amazing person." LOL? How the F*CK would he just PRESUME I would want to be friends??? It made me so angry. Then he said he had to go and left. He screwed me, got his rocks off and left. Pathetic I am.

I deleted him off facebook plus blocked him, deleted his number, deleted his friends off my FB, deleted him off ALL social media.Deleted most of our pictures. I actually feel such hatred towards him. I MOVED across the country because he wanted me to so bad, he was crazy about me and I was him. He talked about a future with me, moving in together, getting a dog together, and now it's "I don't want a relationship I realized, sorry :)" HE WINS. and it makes me so angry!!!!!

He actually had the nerve to say "you will find a great guy to love you again. I would like you to keep my number in case you are ever in trouble you can call" Ummm...no. I do not NEED you. I can take care of myself.

Now I am in his city. The entire city reminds me of him since we have been everywhere together in a year and a half. My work is super close to his house as well. I have my own apartment, a couple good friends, and a job but I feel so lost and alone. I wasn't good enough for someone yet again and he gets to live happily going out with his friends and living the single life while I'm heartbroken. At least now I know it's totally over I guess....

March 30, 2015

Stick to NC and you'll see yourself making real progress.

Don't doubt it.

March 30, 2015

Stick to NC and you'll see yourself making real progress.

Don't doubt it.

Thanks, I am definitely sticking to NC this time. I made a complete fool of myself crying and telling him my feelings, and he left with a smile on his face. I actually hate him, how he could do that to me and leave without any emotion. He gets to live the life he wants while I am stuck in limbo, and now he knows it.

It felt good to block him because I don't want him knowing what I am up to at all. And I sure as hell do not want to see him and his friends going out every weekend getting drunk, having the time of his life now that he is not "tied down."

March 30, 2015

First, I'm a guy. Also, I'm not much of a phone person. I can really relate to what he says about not wanting to have a clock ticking on how many times I contact somebody.

I also like my own space, probably too much, but if my gf is in my house I try to do a lot of stuff with her instead of always going and doing my own thing.

I started off this past relationship texting away, making her laugh all of the time but she did mention that the calls and texts became rare by the time she decided to end it. I personally think that happens to every couple after you get out of the honeymoon stage.

I actually think that it's possible that he does have feelings for you but he's in a struggle deciding how much he is going to let you edge into 'his' time. I felt that with my ex. I cared about her a lot, and she asked me to let her move in but I blew it off(in a cold way, sadly) because I kind of enjoyed the days per week that I had some time alone.

She asked me if she could move in, I told her, "no, because I have found it is much easier to get them to move in than it is to get them to move out". Since she is gone, and I have reflected on all of the ways I did wrong, I can see how cold this statement would come across. What I said is true and I had to call 911 on one girl because I told her that she had to leave and she grabbed a steak knife and locked herself into a bathroom.

A cop came and removed her from my house(after he asked her if I had hit her)

Its obvious that you care a great deal for him and have sacrificed a lot to be with him. I hate that he is treating you this way, that he is using you for sex while he has the chance.. That's the way I see it, he is getting as much sex as he can without letting you into his life and his time

Go NC and move on. Good luck to you and I hope you recover quickly

March 30, 2015

First, I'm a guy. Also, I'm not much of a phone person. I can really relate to what he says about not wanting to have a clock ticking on how many times I contact somebody.

I also like my own space, probably too much, but if my gf is in my house I try to do a lot of stuff with her instead of always going and doing my own thing.

I started off this past relationship texting away, making her laugh all of the time but she did mention that the calls and texts became rare by the time she decided to end it. I personally think that happens to every couple after you get out of the honeymoon stage.

I actually think that it's possible that he does have feelings for you but he's in a struggle deciding how much he is going to let you edge into 'his' time. I felt that with my ex. I cared about her a lot, and she asked me to let her move in but I blew it off(in a cold way, sadly) because I kind of enjoyed the days per week that I had some time alone.
She asked me if she could move in, I told her, "no, because I have found it is much easier to get them to move in than it is to get them to move out". Since she is gone, and I have reflected on all of the ways I did wrong, I can see how cold this statement would come across. What I said is true and I had to call 911 on one girl because I told her that she had to leave and she grabbed a steak knife and locked herself into a bathroom.
A cop came and removed her from my house(after he asked her if I had hit her)

Its obvious that you care a great deal for him and have sacrificed a lot to be with him. I hate that he is treating you this way, that he is using you for sex while he has the chance.. That's the way I see it, he is getting as much sex as he can without letting you into his life and his time

Go NC and move on. Good luck to you and I hope you recover quickly

Thanks for the response. You sound very similar to him. He would go through waves, one month would be super loving and text me everyday wanting to see me. The next week or month he would go 3-4 days with minimal contact. Usually we would see each other 1-3 times a week. By the end of the relationship we went over a week without seeing each other and he went 5 days without texting me. He enjoyed my company but withdrew when we hung out whenever I wanted to and he preferred to do something else. He even said to me that he would sleep in and cuddle with me to be a good boyfriend, despite wanting to do something else..

He values his own time greatly, and values his friends. He likes doing his own thing on his own time. I did think he loved me and cared for me, as he doesn't "like" people often and despite breaking up still wants to be friends in the future. It just hurts that he used to talk about loving me so much and planning a future. But feelings change. I just never thought he would use me for sex, he was never ever that type of guy with me. He was always respectful of me.

It hurts to know what he will probably find a new girl in a few months, years and be totally committed to her and never go through this with her because she will be "the one" and by then he will be ready. I feel like I am not enough for anyone.

Edited March 30, 2015 by acapelo_dp

March 31, 2015

no, he is going to be he no matter what as the years roll by. If he doesn't change his lifestyle to be more compatible with you, he isn't going to change very much and suddenly be Mr. Perfect for someone.

I can be the life of the party but I'd much rather stay in the background watching others when in groups of people. I can make anyone laugh but it kinda feels like there is a quota. I'll burn up my energy being funny and entertaining and then I shut down to recharge my batteries. Your guy does sound similar to what I do. But that is mostly around people. I can sustain

the laughs, the lovin, and the talks with a gf almost totally but I do require some free time for myself also.

I think for your own health and well being, have the least amount of contact as possible with him. Enjoy life and wish him well but realize that he is going to choose his likes and dislikes often enough that he'll never give you what you need. He hasn't learned how much 'nice' a person you relax the protective shield and totally love, can bring to his life.

March 31, 2015

no, he is going to be he no matter what as the years roll by. If he doesn't change his lifestyle to be more compatible with you, he isn't going to change very much and suddenly be Mr. Perfect for someone.

I can be the life of the party but I'd much rather stay in the background watching others when in groups of people. I can make anyone laugh but it kinda feels like there is a quota. I'll burn up my energy being funny and entertaining and then I shut down to recharge my batteries. Your guy does sound similar to what I do. But that is mostly around people. I can sustain
the laughs, the lovin, and the talks with a gf almost totally but I do require some free time for myself also.

I think for your own health and well being, have the least amount of contact as possible with him. Enjoy life and wish him well but realize that he is going to choose his likes and dislikes often enough that he'll never give you what you need. He hasn't learned how much 'nice' a person you relax the protective shield and totally love, can bring to his life.

You're right. I put up with a lot through the relationship, it wasn't always rainbows since we did have a strong spark and sexual chemistry together. We were both introverts. But I shouldn't have put up with him putting his friends and family before me (not just sometimes, but all the time), ignoring me while on a night out with the guys, not texting me for days at a time, and making me feel embarrassed to contact him first unless I felt he was being loving that week. Not to mention he did some psychedelic drugs I did not approve of despite telling him how I felt about it beforehand.

In retrospect it wasn't the best relationship, but we did laugh and had a good time together and were good friends. He's never really had a lasting relationship. He had some flings, and his last ex dumped him after 9 months for basically the reasons I put up with. He acted the same way towards her. But maybe some other girl will knock his socks off and he'll change his ways for her, who knows. I'm the most serious relationship hes ever had and I scared him away.

March 31, 2015

Thanks, I am definitely sticking to NC this time. I made a complete fool of myself crying and telling him my feelings, and he left with a smile on his face. I actually hate him, how he could do that to me and leave without any emotion. He gets to live the life he wants while I am stuck in limbo, and now he knows it.
It felt good to block him because I don't want him knowing what I am up to at all. And I sure as hell do not want to see him and his friends going out every weekend getting drunk, having the time of his life now that he is not "tied down."

I feel you dear. When I stupidly broke my NC and met up with the crapface..the meetup gave him closure. Assuaged his guilt and I can still recall his smug ugly face. He too..told me to keep in touch..and hopefully 'I will still be nice and friendly to him if I do find a new bf'..can you just imagine how I felt then..its like all the 7 years together ceased to exist for the crapface. Totally no feelings for me whatsoever.

Glad I have stuck to NC since. Never once relapsed. In fact NC gave me peace and I'm so proud of myself daily about that.

March 31, 2015

I feel you dear. When I stupidly broke my NC and met up with the crapface..the meetup gave him closure. Assuaged his guilt and I can still recall his smug ugly face. He too..told me to keep in touch..and hopefully 'I will still be nice and friendly to him if I do find a new bf'..can you just imagine how I felt then..its like all the 7 years together ceased to exist for the crapface. Totally no feelings for me whatsoever.

Glad I have stuck to NC since. Never once relapsed. In fact NC gave me peace and I'm so proud of myself daily about that.

Sorry, I had to laugh when you called him "crapface" thank you for the giggle I'm sorry you had to go through that. But at least now you have absolute closure and you can rid him from your life. NC is definitely the way to go so you are doing great.

I do feel better today, since I don't have to see his stupid Facebook or his friends posting up party pictures. He's gone and I'm glad. Plus I might be going hiking with a cute boy this weekend. So it can only get better from here.

In the end they lost us and that is on them. So hopefully we find happiness and clarity. I know we will if we stay strong.

March 31, 2015

OMG, go to "Baggage Reclaim", this great blog, and search for posts about emotionally unavailable men. It sounds like your ex is one, and the author there has such a great way of putting their actions into perspective. I know for a fact that she's written a post about being afraid that your ex will change and be better for the next girl. I myself was all worried about that too, and she broke it down and really helped me see that they don't change, and how these guys think. It helped me a lot to understand why they act the way they do, so I could stop blaming myself for his actions. I love that site.

I think you sound like you're doing really well though! Your ex actually did you a big favor, making it easier to completely cut him off without regrets.

April 3, 2015

OMG, go to "Baggage Reclaim", this great blog, and search for posts about emotionally unavailable men. It sounds like your ex is one, and the author there has such a great way of putting their actions into perspective. I know for a fact that she's written a post about being afraid that your ex will change and be better for the next girl. I myself was all worried about that too, and she broke it down and really helped me see that they don't change, and how these guys think. It helped me a lot to understand why they act the way they do, so I could stop blaming myself for his actions. I love that site.

I think you sound like you're doing really well though! Your ex actually did you a big favor, making it easier to completely cut him off without regrets.

Thank you for the suggestion! I read a bit of it and it was really helpful. I'm doing a lot better these past few days now that my ex is blocked on absolutely everything. I don't have to see anything, out of sight out of mind. Plus I am hanging out with a cute guy that is a good distraction (not dating or anything though - way too soon). I am excited to get out this summer and meet lots of new people.

I'm still angry at him but there is nothing I can do about it. He lost me and it was his choice, so I will move on.

April 5, 2015

I just got a text from my ex boyfriend last night at 2:20pm saying "Hey (my name) just wanted to say..... Stay away fr Ryan"

Ryan is a guy who I have been talking to and hanging out with the past week who I know through my ex boyfriends friends, they have a lot of mutual friend.

What the actual hell? Someone please explain this. I'm so mad.

April 5, 2015

His ass is just chapped that you're not sitting around crying and missing him. You've bruised his poor ego. I'd delete it and block his number so he can't send you any more little messages.

April 5, 2015

His ass is just chapped that you're not sitting around crying and missing him. You've bruised his poor ego. I'd delete it and block his number so he can't send you any more little messages.

Yeah I deleted his number but didn't block it but I just did. I just woke up and was like "wth?" so I responded "What?" and he said "Hey, ___, sorry about that. I was in a weird place lastnight, I shouldn't have texted you." and I didn't respond then blocked his number..

He is the one who used me a week ago and just left and told me to find a nice guy. So I dunno what his deal is. But it made me smile inside that he texted me that. Now the tables have turned....as mean as that sounds.

April 5, 2015

I am feeling so angry right now. All I want to do is call him and ask him what the hell he was thinking, since his text was threatening me. He is the one who let me go, so why the hell can he pick and choose who I choose to date or hang out with now?

I am fighting the urge.

April 6, 2015

Fight that urge! The worst thing for guys like him is to be ignored. Not that you're ignoring him to have any effect on him of course, but it IS a nice bonus side effect. And you're absolutely right, he has NO say in who you date or hang out with. I didn't necessarily see it as threatening more as a snotty "he's no good for you" sort of thing. Which is.again none of his business...

April 6, 2015

Fight that urge! The worst thing for guys like him is to be ignored. Not that you're ignoring him to have any effect on him of course, but it IS a nice bonus side effect. And you're absolutely right, he has NO say in who you date or hang out with. I didn't necessarily see it as threatening more as a snotty "he's no good for you" sort of thing. Which is.again none of his business...

I was in the middle of writing him a text and I stopped myself. Silence is way better. Thanks

Why would he care even if this guy is no good for me? I just don't get it. He told me one week ago he hopes I find a nice guy to love me eventually. Even though I'm not dating this new guy, we are hanging out and he shows interest in me and texts me daily. That's way more than my ex did our entire relationship.

And I have been in a "weird place" ever since he dumped me and I finally block him and show signs of being content and he thinks he can tell me what to do. I just need to vent here so that I don't end up texting him. If he is so unhappy with the idea of me being with a guy who is "no good" he should have stayed in a relationship with me. Grr

April 6, 2015

I was in the middle of writing him a text and I stopped myself. Silence is way better. Thanks

Why would he care even if this guy is no good for me? I just don't get it. He told me one week ago he hopes I find a nice guy to love me eventually. Even though I'm not dating this new guy, we are hanging out and he shows interest in me and texts me daily. That's way more than my ex did our entire relationship.

And I have been in a "weird place" ever since he dumped me and I finally block him and show signs of being content and he thinks he can tell me what to do. I just need to vent here so that I don't end up texting him. If he is so unhappy with the idea of me being with a guy who is "no good" he should have stayed in a relationship with me. Grr

If I were you I would lay of the guys for a while and regain inner strength. also keep ignoring the ex. He doesn't deserve your attention.

PS: Hope the new guy knows you friendzoned him ;-) Would be sad if he gets his hopes up!

April 6, 2015

If I were you I would lay of the guys for a while and regain inner strength. also keep ignoring the ex. He doesn't deserve your attention.

PS: Hope the new guy knows you friendzoned him ;-) Would be sad if he gets his hopes up!

Thank you, I do want to remain single for awhile. I don't want a boyfriend right now, and am definitely not ready for one.

As for the new guy I haven't really friend zoned this guy, as we have done some physical stuff together (it just happened, wasn't planned after a night of drinking).

He knows the situation about my ex since they are acquaintances, it's hard for him not to. He's been understanding and very nice about it actually. But it's nice to have someone to spend time with and get to know a bit while I do things I enjoy, like getting back to the gym and going out with my girlfriends. I wouldn't want to hurt someone and give them false hope like my ex did with me, it's the worst.

April 21, 2015

I have failed NC three times in two months since he broke up with me (He has twice but nothing significant). Each of those three times has led to my ex boyfriend and I having sex and spending the night together, only for him to say that it hasn't changed anything and he doesn't want a relationship with anyone. He openly admitted he used me purely for sex the past three times we met up and just left afterwards. The last time I stupidly called him drunk at 4 in the morning and he came over. I wasn't as sad as the last times because I knew what it was. But it still hurts me. How can someone who told me he was in love with me and would never let me go just 2 and a half months ago, use me to get his rocks off and be completely okay with everything?

I feel like a stupid, worthless piece of crap. I hate myself because I thought I was strong with NC but I'm not. I'm still in love with him despite him treating me this way but I know I will never contact him again. The person I thought was "the one" is a monster. I'm embarrassed for myself.

I'm doing everything I can. I focus on work, I am starting an 8 week work out plan to get in great shape and to challenge myself, I am spending time with friends and have even planned an overnight girls trip to the mountains in 2 weeks. I am trying to stay busy but the thought of me not being good enough crosses my mind daily.

To top it all off, the new guy I was hanging out with/hooking up with suddenly stopped talking to me because he got back together with an ex girlfriend who I didn't know existed. I didn't hear this from him but from his friends I saw this past weekend since he was just ignoring me. He texted me on the weekend and I told him I don't want to be friends with people who are not honest with me. I was not only used by one guy but by two.

Can someone please give some kind words that things will get better or share some stories of breaking NC and it getting better?

April 21, 2015

Even if you could find the rare story of broken NC getting better that doesn't mean it's going to happen to you and from what you wrote here it's clear your exboyfriend isn't interested.

April 21, 2015

Even if you could find the rare story of broken NC getting better that doesn't mean it's going to happen to you and from what you wrote here it's clear your exboyfriend isn't interested.

I just mean how they recovered from it - the embarrassment and sadness of breaking NC...nothing to do with the ex.

I'm embarrassed and feel like a fool. I know that he is clearly not interested in anything with me

April 21, 2015

Don't be embarrassed. Now next time he hits you up for sex and you don't even respond he'll be like, "wtf just happened?" and it'll rattle him. Everyone makes mistakes and I'm sure you're not the first to feel this way. I'm a guy and I can honestly say I'd never do what he did. I still want my ex back and if she came over right now at this moment and said all the things I wanted to hear, i'd turn her away for sex just cause we're not in love and in a relationship. Good guys are out there, I don't claim to be one of them, but i will say I would never do what he's doing. Look for a good guy, this guy is a douche.

April 21, 2015

Don't be embarrassed. Now next time he hits you up for sex and you don't even respond he'll be like, "wtf just happened?" and it'll rattle him. Everyone makes mistakes and I'm sure you're not the first to feel this way. I'm a guy and I can honestly say I'd never do what he did. I still want my ex back and if she came over right now at this moment and said all the things I wanted to hear, i'd turn her away for sex just cause we're not in love and in a relationship. Good guys are out there, I don't claim to be one of them, but i will say I would never do what he's doing. Look for a good guy, this guy is a douche.

Thank you for responding.

I contacted him the three times and it wasn't him.. so it was my mistake .

The first time he stayed and cuddled me all night, said it was hard to leave in the morning and was still cute and lovey and we went out for some food to catch up. The last two times it was literally "this doesn't mean anything more.." and did the deed, cuddled for a bit and he left and told me I would find a nice guy someday and that if I was ever in trouble to call him. Coming from a guy I was with for a year and a freaking half.

Ultimately it was my fault and I let him use me. But the thing is he admits he is being a douche but I never thought he would EVER be like that, or to any girl for that matter. He was kind and loving and now he is capable of using me. I doubt he will ever contact me again and I sure won't be contacting him.

He probably thinks that I have zero self esteem..

Edited April 21, 2015 by acapelo_dp

April 21, 2015

Oh trust me, He'll be back sniffing around. All dogs like that do. Thing is that when he does, whether that's tomorrow, next month, or next year. You'll be strong enough to not even respond. I recommend blocking his number so you'll never even know he tried contacting you. And trust me when i say this, the next guy will respect you more if you stick to a "sex for love" mentality. That's all i'm looking for in the next girl. The fact you've admitted to your mistakes already shows you've made the first step and you should be proud of that. Get hot as hell, find a goal and pursue it, and then your true love will come around when you're not even thinking about it. Go ahead and make up a nickname for him when he's brought up so you can get some humor out of it. My ex's name is "oompa loompa".

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