Scorched Soul Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Hi all, I will try to keep my opening post as succinct as possible - please feel free to ask for more info/clarification if needed. I have just recently had my first date. Ever. It probably went as well as I could realistically hope for. I actually like this girl and know she likes me. She has already agreed to a second date this weekend and I am actually pretty sure she would agree to see me sooner if i asked. She is a beautiful, smart and genuinely nice girl (i use the term "girl" colloquially, she is around my age). Now, some of you may be thinking "hang on, something seems a bit odd, this dude is having his first ever date at age 30 and apparently he has managed to charm this beautiful woman". Well, there are a few circumstances that have worked in my favour: 1) She has just moved to the country recently and knows very few people from what i can tell. 3) She wants to be someone from her ethnic and religious background, who is also intelligent, attractive and a nice guy. This is actually harder than you may think. 4) I think she has had some bad experiences with men in the past, and so is attracted to me as I am genuinely a pretty decent guy (imo of course!) 5) While I am very awkward romantically/sexually, I have pretty good social skills and can talk/flirt with women (it's the next steps that I am inept at). 6) Without sounding like a complete tool, I am a good looking guy. Not everyone's taste of course, but I know that a lot of women find me attractive, especially those from my ethnic background. I know she feels this. I feel the same for her. 7) We messaged for a while before meeting, by which point I think we had developed a strong rapport and so we weren't meeting "cold". 8) I think she may not be a million miles from me in terms of lack of sexual/romantic experiences. I really want this to grow and I think she does too and will be responsive to any "moves" i make. My question is how during a date do i move us from the friendly chat stage to something more intimate. I am pretty sure she is just waiting for me to make a move. When I'm with her, I feel super uncomfortable to make a move because all my social anxieties and fear of intimacy come back. I'm really bad at showing affection, probably stemming from a fear of rejection. I really need to overcome this before I lose this girl. Any tips for me? I would love to be able to call her and say "I can't wait until this weekend to see you, lets meet up during the week" and then take her out and make the move. We are ready to be more intimate with each other but I need to make it happen. She is also quite nervous, which makes things easier and harder at the same time. I think if i was able to successfully show her I am interested in her that way that it would help her also show more affection. Any tips would be great! 1
Vintage79 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 If it's genuinely your first date, what you describe in terms of being uncomfortable making any sort of romantic "move" is pretty common. Yeah - not super common for a 30 year old, but that's just because they've likely been out more than once. There's nothing secret to it, and you likely know the answer - you're just going to have to deal with the uncomfortable situation and try something. To make things easier - have 1-2 drinks - enough to get you maybe a bit looser, and try to have her at either your place, or hers, so there's not an audience. Note that I don't necessarily encourage getting a bit drunk to make romantic gestures, but if you've never made the romantic "moves" it definitely helps a bit. Good luck and sorry this isn't likely more helpful - but seriously, it will be awkward for you, and you just have to deal with it, given that you don't have a ton of time to figure it out before she friendzones you.
Satu Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Bear in mind that you don't have to initiate everything. She will also express her feelings as things progress. Stay in the moment and enjoy yourself.
morrowrd Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Go with the flow....at HER pace. Pay attention to her boundaries and respect them. Do safe things, talk to her, ask questions and learn about her. At the same time you will be sending the message that you are interested in her. Don't worry about making it all intimate, it will happen on its own.
Strength in Healing Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 First of all congratulations and best wishes my friend. What has worked for me many, many times in the past is building up physical contact. Start by gently touching her tricep area while you two laugh, or put your hand over hers. Let it build throughout the night, and in the end it can turn into a kiss. Or you could take it into full gear and do what I have done many a time: Tell her you want to show her a magic trick. Ask her to see her hand. Then hold her hand and stare at it. Don't say anything for like 10 seconds. Then look at her, smile, and say "I totally don't know any magic tricks, just wanted to hold your hand."
jen1447 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Hi all, I will try to keep my opening post as succinct as possible - please feel free to ask for more info/clarification if needed. I have just recently had my first date. Ever. It probably went as well as I could realistically hope for. I actually like this girl and know she likes me. She has already agreed to a second date this weekend and I am actually pretty sure she would agree to see me sooner if i asked. She is a beautiful, smart and genuinely nice girl (i use the term "girl" colloquially, she is around my age). Now, some of you may be thinking "hang on, something seems a bit odd, this dude is having his first ever date at age 30 and apparently he has managed to charm this beautiful woman". Well, there are a few circumstances that have worked in my favour: 1) She has just moved to the country recently and knows very few people from what i can tell. 3) She wants to be someone from her ethnic and religious background, who is also intelligent, attractive and a nice guy. This is actually harder than you may think. 4) I think she has had some bad experiences with men in the past, and so is attracted to me as I am genuinely a pretty decent guy (imo of course!) 5) While I am very awkward romantically/sexually, I have pretty good social skills and can talk/flirt with women (it's the next steps that I am inept at). 6) Without sounding like a complete tool, I am a good looking guy. Not everyone's taste of course, but I know that a lot of women find me attractive, especially those from my ethnic background. I know she feels this. I feel the same for her. 7) We messaged for a while before meeting, by which point I think we had developed a strong rapport and so we weren't meeting "cold". 8) I think she may not be a million miles from me in terms of lack of sexual/romantic experiences. I really want this to grow and I think she does too and will be responsive to any "moves" i make. My question is how during a date do i move us from the friendly chat stage to something more intimate. I am pretty sure she is just waiting for me to make a move. When I'm with her, I feel super uncomfortable to make a move because all my social anxieties and fear of intimacy come back. I'm really bad at showing affection, probably stemming from a fear of rejection. I really need to overcome this before I lose this girl. Any tips for me? I would love to be able to call her and say "I can't wait until this weekend to see you, lets meet up during the week" and then take her out and make the move. We are ready to be more intimate with each other but I need to make it happen. She is also quite nervous, which makes things easier and harder at the same time. I think if i was able to successfully show her I am interested in her that way that it would help her also show more affection. Any tips would be great! Just let the sexual tension naturally escalate, and eventually biology will take over. More important than that is how you represent yourself, so don't be over-eager and don't suffocate her, and don't appear needy. She may be into you now, but that can change quickly if she starts getting a vibe you're doing any of those things. Just take a deep breath, relax, and let it happen.
Gary S Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Good for you on getting a first date! Just keep being yourself, obviously that's what she likes, it's working. A few tips though - if you have a solid date set for next weekend, don't try to change it - don't complicate matters. Plus, it's better to go slow and aim for one date a week in the beginning anyway. One of the biggest problems today is guys moving too fast. Playing hard to get (waiting a week) doubles interest level. Make sure you kiss her within the first three dates. If you wait too long, her interest can wane. It's one of the biggest moves you'll ever make in a relationship, but you just have to man up and do it. Other than that, just keep asking for a date a week. Everything else will fall in line.
devilish innocent Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Stay in the moment and enjoy yourself. I'll second this. Men tend to be most attractive when they're relaxing and enjoying themselves. It's when they feel they have to do x,y, and z to keep a girl's interest, that the awkwardness tends to show. If you're comfortable with talking and flirting like you say, then that will help build up the romantic tension. Don't feel like you have to go all out right away if that's going to make you uncomfortable. You can start by just giving her a quick peck on the lips on the next date. You don't have to worry about what comes after that.
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