FringeZone Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Ok - I've been dating a girl for ~2 months, and for the past few weeks we have been seeing each other a lot and have been spending maybe 5 nights/week together. That said, the dates are always fun, but usually just involve several hours of chatting, drinks, maybe food, lots of making out, sex, cuddling, and sleeping together - we even stopped watching TV. I'm not complaining, as I sincerely enjoy all of those things - so that's pretty awesome, but we rarely, if ever, do anything else (over the 2 months, we have hit up several restaurants and bars, 2 beer/wine festivals, and if we go way back, a zoo on our second date - but I can't really think of any thing else) - is that normal dating behavior at the 2 month mark of the dating cycle? I'll be honest, I'm asking as it seems like I'm missing out on something, and I'm a bit concerned with what things will look like once the infatuation stage is over (which will likely strike in the next 1-2 months). Moreover, would it be weird to talk to her about this? Obviously, I can simply be more proactive about scheduling other types of things, but during the week we both work, so a more laid back/mellow evening is nice, and on the weekends I think we tend to want to give each other a bit of space, so we see each other in the mornings and evenings, and live our own lives during the afternoon, which is when we'd typically do other types of activities. So I guess there's a couple of questions in there: 1. Is that type of dating behavior typical at the 2 month mark? 2. Should I talk to her about this, or would that be strange? I'm thinking it may be a good idea - as there's a chance we both want to do more, but are just playing nice and providing some weekend space. I'd actually rather spend more of the weekend together in exchange for some week-day time.
badpenny Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Dating doesn't mean having to do something all the time... I think it depends on a lot of different things. Finances, for a start, work schedules, personal preferences, hobbies, likes/dislikes.... The purpose of dating is to get to know one another and seek areas of compatibility, and determine whether there are any major deal-breakers (having children? Religions? If work takes one partner away, would the other follow? Familial loyalties?) Dating doesn't mean you always have to be doing stuff. Believe me, a marriage also puts paid to that - particularly if people have children! Simply because outside activities die down, doesn't mean the relationship will get boring. But then, this is where being like-minded and on a similar intellectual level is so important. I know for a definite fact one of the things which tolled the death-knell for me and my ex-H was utter boredom with one another. My present H (no, I don't plan on having any more! ) and I stimulate each other intellectually, and there's rarely a dull moment between us, we discuss so many different topics....We may be many things but we are never bored. Look for the stimulation, intellectually. That counts for an awful lot. My parents were married for 57 years, and they never stopped fascinating one another intellectually. He's very interesting, and he thinks the same of me.
Author FringeZone Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 Conversation is always good - that doesn't seem to be an issue (at least right now). I realize that conversation is a foundational component to any kind of relationship - so at least that's getting built. I'm not super concerned about how things are progressing - I just wonder if it's worth pushing for a slightly different trajectory on the weekends as opposed to the aforementioned (which can still take place, but just be supplemented with a variety of other things). Maybe to that end, at the 2-3 month mark, do people generally spend the entire weekend together, or do they take a breather, and only spend part of the weekend together, assuming that they've seen each other a few times during the week?
fitnessfan365 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) 1) Five nights a week sounds like a bit much after two months. Then again I'm very independent and like my space. So even when I've been seeing a woman for awhile, I like to keep it @ 4x a week max. 2) Some women that are more progressive and independent will probably disagree with me here. But you're the guy. It's up to you to gently lead where you want the relationship to go. If you want to have some active fun dates from time to time, it's up to you to plan them. Don't just sit back and let the woman you're seeing take you on a ride. 3) Communication is VITAL. I get that you want advice. But in the end, the only way you'll know where you stand is if you talk with her and not strangers on a forum. Just saying.. Edited March 30, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
Vintage79 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 5 nights a week maybe a little high at that point, but 3-4 I think is about right if things are going well - so 5 isn't crazy, just on the higher side. Truthfully, if the romance and passion is there to the point where you can literally just chat, make-out, and have sex - more power to you. That said, just make sure that you're doing enough stuff to keep you (and her) interested, while providing enough of am opportunity to get to know her. People do change there behavior a bit in public versus a house and they'll change their tone as the day goes on. Just leaving yourself the evening, then sleeping, and a bit of time in the morning, doesn't really provide you good context for how the person changes and evolves over the course of the day - do they get super perky at 2 p.m.? Need an afternoon nap? What's their style at the grocery store? Or whatever - all things that are nice to know that you're potentially missing because it doesn't sound like you have really experienced that part of her life. A big thing for me is understanding their energy level and how it changes over the day. Moreover, once you get past the 5-6 hour mark of spending time together, you can start to tell if you really have stuff to talk about, or if you're just good at filling a few hours and then migrating to the bedroom when the conversation slows. I'd try to get her out a bit more on the weekends (at least a few times, so that you can see how she changes/evolves - which may be substantial, or nothing big). Given the status of your relationship, she'll likely be fine with it - I'd just propose it to her - come up with something interest - unless she's busy, she'll probably be all in. Moreover, directly chatting about it, while maybe a bit weird/awkward, shouldn't be an issue - just voice some of your concerns with her - it doesn't sound like you're super worried about it, but just wanting to make sure that you know her better when the chemical high slows. You're probably in a good place, but I'd just talk with her, or alternatively, just take the lead, and get her to go with you on something a bit more interesting.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) Of course, you need to play it by ear week to week. But on average, an ideal week for me with my girl would be : 1-2 quiet week nights in (2-3 hrs). Both of us are winding down after work and have to be up early. We sleep in our own beds. Fri night dinner/desert out with something fun after like a movie, bowling, mini golf, comedy show, etc. She spends the night Sat is fun and active during the day. Workouts, hikes, being pool side, indoor rock climbing, etc Plus, I don't mind a lazy stay in bed sex all day Sun once in awhile either. Edited March 30, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Recommended Posts