georgeclive Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Hey guys, i'm need of help, lots of help. (My girlfriend and i were together for a year and 3 months) (Sorry for the very long, but brief scenario) It all started about 3 weeks ago, my girlfriend (at the time) and myself went on a break. The reasoning behind the break was because i have depression and wasn't communicating with her when i have it or how i feel, i just kept to myself and it was seeping out in other negative ways. The break was to allow to me regain control and manage my depression without it affecting our relationship. Before the break though our relationship was pretty good, we went on holiday, we consistently said i loved you a lot, we had inside jokes, we knew everything about each, we had that bond that brought two people together, despite the arguments that we had. About 2 weeks into the break we met up to discuss the relationship and where it was going, it was super emotional. At the end of the conversation, i walked her home and she said lets get back together, but i guess you could say i sort've convinced her, but i told her to sleep on it... she came to mine two days later, with the decision to break up with me, we both cried, and talked about the amazing things between us, guess you could say it was a 'good' break up. But this is where it get complicated, about 30 minutes in she changed her mind and got back together, another 30 minutes went by and she said she couldn't do it, then left. I was devastated, i just played on my bed, crying and told my parents to come and pick me up (i'm a university student). After the phone call, my girlfriend called me and said she made the wrong decision, therefore we got back together. I still went home that night, and we continued to talk throughout the day, she said she missed me and wants me to come back soon, so we can start over, but also wants me to take my time at home? She also went out later that night and sent me a drunk text saying the same thing. I was supposed to come back 5 days later, but i came back the later just to see her. She told me to come and see her on monday after uni, i was so excited, but she never got back to me until 8pm and said 'sorry, had a rough day at uni, meet tomorrow'. I said okay, we met the next day and had coffee and agreed to meet the next day for drinks at 8pm. It was about 7pm and she messaged me saying she didnt feel like going out and asked if i wanted to come over. Now, she always kicked me out on a school night, so i asked 'are you going to kick me out at silly time?', her reply was 'probably'. I told her i didnt want to come because of that, she was upset, and said 'fine, tomorrow'? i replied with 'just like you i have university commitments, all day thursday and friday. the assignment is due midnight friday, so i'm sorry we can't meet up, maybe saturday?' she said maybe and hung up. She called up a few minutes later telling me she wanted to break up with, i told her lets not to do this over the phone, and much to my regret i went over, and she broke up with me. i cried an awful lot, but managed to talk about the good things that happened in the relationship rather than the bad things. She messaged me later, saying she loved me, everything was good (humour, sex, conversation, everything), but the timing was wrong, but who knows what will happen in future, we may have a coffee or meet up in the street and decide to start again, and that'll she love me forever. Since then, i mistakenly called her once, which went alright, but i promise myself not to talk to her again for a while. she messaged me the next day say 'hope you're feeling alright'. this bummed me out, i didnt know what to do, she was sending me mixed messages. Why mixed messages? Because i went out with friends, sneaked off (whilst drunk) and attempted to call her. She didnt pick up, just texted me back saying 'lets give each other space, i'm not ignoring you, just busy, i've gone back home after all that has happened, talk to you soon, if not have a good easter.' Now, she didnt go home, she lied, because her house mate texted me saying she can hear her crying at midnight, is she okay? Obviously, she hasn't told her housemate that we've broken up yet. I havent texted her or messaged her since, what i have done though is write her a letter and send it to her parents home, where she will be for the next three weeks of easter break. The letter pretty much said, i know this letter can't fix whats broken, but i'm sorry for how things have ended and how i've upset you, talked about how she hurt me during the break up and constant changing of minds, how i'm going to manage the depression, i think it would be great if we could have a coffee of easter and still remain in contact, i love her still, contact me when you're ready'. Sorry for a really brief scenario, but i dont know whose right or wrong, was she overreacting with the break up? does she still miss and love me? was the letter a mistake? Will she ever contact me? And do we ever have a chance of getting back together, because ultimately our relationship was special. I'd really appreciate the help guys.
Smokeshow Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Please tell me that you haven't mailed that letter yet. PLEASE!
Satu Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 In this situation nobody is wrong. She really doesn't know what she wants, and you suffer from depression, neither of which is 'bad' behaviour. Her constantly changing her mind is difficult for you, as it's inevitably going to leave you confused. I don't know what impact your depression has on her, but it will have some impact. Have you been diagnosed with depression, or is that just your assessment of yourself?
Author georgeclive Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 Yeah, i have been diagnosed by a counsellor and my local GP. And yeah... I have sent the letter. 1
lumberjac Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 How old are you guys? You are both at uni so I guess early twentys? Seems like its very ususal for this kind of breakups to happen to the early twentys group when they are learning, changing and finding out what they want in life. Sad to say the same happened to me.
Strength in Healing Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Lol oh lord. Sounds like a dead horse being beaten. Then revived then beaten to death again. Your depression alone didn't cause this. She sounds above and beyond bipolar. Outright crazy even. I suspect she's had a difficult life..... You can't get her back by sending her weird letters and drunk calls. There's no magic words. But take some solace in knowing there's not really anything to get back. Its dead. It isn't going to come back to life. Period. Listen to me or challenge me, I assure you either way you'll end up at the exact same destination. Embrace the pain now.
d0nnivain Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 This is why breaks cause more problems then they solve. While apart she learned she could survive without you; that it was easier not being sucked into your depression. She is young & cares about you. She does not want to be the source of your pain so she went back & forth about what to do, break up or continue. Especially if she wanted the break in the 1st place, there is nothing you can do to fix this. The relationship has run its course. Do not try to be friends with her when you want more. You will only end up hurting yourself.
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