LLEmpire Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 My ex and I were in a LTR when she broke up with me a few months back. She started dating another guy a little while later but broke it off with him as she still had feelings for me and she realized he wasn't a good guy. She ended up talking to me more and we basically hung out every day and her intent was to get back together with me (or so she says), but she can't get herself to do it because she feels like the same spark should still be there between us. We had a long talk a few weeks ago and she said that I'm everything she's ever wanted and she knows she'd live a good life with me but she can't explain her feelings and she feels like she needs to make sure of things - even if she's making a mistake. She started seeing a new guy and is officially dating him now so I backed off. Yet this past week she reached out to me asking if I hated her or ever wanted to talk to her again, she's been checking my facebook every day, etc. and asked to hang out. We hung out for the first time in a long time and honestly it was just like old times when we were in a relationship - she was even a little flirty. I know she has issues and she admits them too.. She can't be without someone, she has low self-esteem and is insecure like that which is why she jumped into a relationship with this new guy. The fact is that I am trying to distract myself from her (taking care of myself, dating other girls) but I still love her, and she still loves me. I know they say what's meant to be will find it's way so that's what I'm believing in - but part of me isn't sure if I should just back off and be casual friends letting her miss me but still showing her the me she fell in love with once, or if I need to stop completely. It's also hard because her family loves me and keeps telling her that she should be with me, and they try to reach out to me often seeing how I am. What would you do?
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 My ex and I were in a LTR when she broke up with me a few months back. She started dating another guy a little while later but broke it off with him as she still had feelings for me and she realized he wasn't a good guy. She ended up talking to me more and we basically hung out every day and her intent was to get back together with me (or so she says), but she can't get herself to do it because she feels like the same spark should still be there between us. We had a long talk a few weeks ago and she said that I'm everything she's ever wanted and she knows she'd live a good life with me but she can't explain her feelings and she feels like she needs to make sure of things - even if she's making a mistake. She started seeing a new guy and is officially dating him now so I backed off. Yet this past week she reached out to me asking if I hated her or ever wanted to talk to her again, she's been checking my facebook every day, etc. and asked to hang out. We hung out for the first time in a long time and honestly it was just like old times when we were in a relationship - she was even a little flirty. I know she has issues and she admits them too.. She can't be without someone, she has low self-esteem and is insecure like that which is why she jumped into a relationship with this new guy. The fact is that I am trying to distract myself from her (taking care of myself, dating other girls) but I still love her, and she still loves me. I know they say what's meant to be will find it's way so that's what I'm believing in - but part of me isn't sure if I should just back off and be casual friends letting her miss me but still showing her the me she fell in love with once, or if I need to stop completely. It's also hard because her family loves me and keeps telling her that she should be with me, and they try to reach out to me often seeing how I am. What would you do? Bro, you need to go NC. RIGHT THIS MOMENT! She is using you as a back up! you are her safety net.... you need to stop that if you want ANY HOPE of getting back with her... She is not sure about her feelings for you, but it looks like that she is PRETTY sure that she does not want to be with you irrespective of her feelings or lack of feelings for that matter... You need to get out of her life.... If you are going to just keep letting her use you then she is going to keep losing respect for you. That will be end of you and her!
NC-Thomas Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) WOW. I would tell her to ****-off. She is using you like a pet dog. Push-pull, push-pull, push-pull, whenever she wants so attention or checking if you are sill on the hook. The word "BACKUP-OPTION" is just written on this thread. Get some self-respect and don't ever contact her again. Dump her sorry, manipulative ass. Edited March 30, 2015 by NC-Thomas 3
Chi townD Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Dude, she's chasing after the bad boys. It should have clued her in when she left you for the other dude. He probably had a rep for being a bad boy, played the part of a bad boy. So, logic should have dictated that sooner or later HE WAS GOING TO TREAT HER BADLY!!! And that's exactly what happened. You were free and clear and very single. But, she moved onto another possible bad boy. Why? Because you are safe and you are secure. She's going to go and have her fun because she knows Mr. Dependable is waiting on the sidelines. Dude, you're making plans on putting your life on hold for someone that doesn't want to be with you. How is that fair to you? Dude, there is a girl out there that will love to spend time with. To date you. But, you're never going to meet her if you're hung up on the one that doesn't want you! 2
Diezel Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Cut her off COMPLETELY. She's keeping you on the back-burner while she rides the carousel of roosters. Where's your self-respect and your dignity... operating the carousel? 2
MarkV Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 I know it's hard but why do you want to settle to be second best? Move away from her but when she gets back in touch (which she will) you need to gather all your inner strength and push her away. She doesn't deserve you,YOU deserve better! A needy man is not attractive to a woman,trust me Iv been that man before and learnt from it. Be an alpha male, stand tall and be a gold medal,nobody wants a silver,good luck 1
mightycpa Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 I think I'd ask myself why I'm in love with some low self-esteem, insecure chick who doesn't feel right about herself unless she's got the attention of the next "Swingin' Richard" that comes along. I mean, if I was going to describe the perfect girl for me, "insecure" and "low self-esteem" would not be part of that description. Plus all that stuff up above. That's what I'd do.
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 I think I'd ask myself why I'm in love with some low self-esteem, insecure chick who doesn't feel right about herself unless she's got the attention of the next "Swingin' Richard" that comes along. I mean, if I was going to describe the perfect girl for me, "insecure" and "low self-esteem" would not be part of that description. Plus all that stuff up above. That's what I'd do. But low self esteem girls are the toughest to trust... They will spend their days and nights trying to please you.... Plus, the moment they see a bad boy, their whole attention will shift to that person because now they want to please him. They are unstable man! 1
seminoles84 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 I think I'd ask myself why I'm in love with some low self-esteem, insecure chick who doesn't feel right about herself unless she's got the attention of the next "Swingin' Richard" that comes along. I mean, if I was going to describe the perfect girl for me, "insecure" and "low self-esteem" would not be part of that description. Plus all that stuff up above. That's what I'd do. True and I agree but I think a lot of guys fall for this type because they want to be the hero and being the "hero" wears off really quickly with these type of girls. The first few months the girls spends convincing them that they are the happiest they've ever been and that they haven't ever dated someone so great then boom one day they flip a switch. 2
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 True and I agree but I think a lot of guys fall for this type because they want to be the hero and being the "hero" wears off really quickly with these type of girls. The first few months the girls spends convincing them that they are the happiest they've ever been and that they haven't ever dated someone so great then boom one day they flip a switch. damn fuc king right!!! learned the hard way
seminoles84 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 damn fuc king right!!! learned the hard way Haha it happens to us all.
gnick Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Please for the love of god don't be the needy guy like I was and chase her 2
Author LLEmpire Posted March 31, 2015 Author Posted March 31, 2015 Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm not going to chase her but it is tough when I'm constantly reminded of her without even trying. I'm the type of guy who will try everything before giving up and even though I have been dating here and there, it just doesn't feel the same. I know at this point that I probably care about her more than she cares about my feelings anyway. It's not that I want to be the backup option but I do want to show her that I'll be there for her, and I guess that's hard to do if I were to cut her off completely. I can admit that I might be delusional in still thinking that we had a greater connection than either of us will ever find. I just have a hard time sitting back and seeing if it's "meant to be." So I probably am scared that if I stop talking to her she'll forget about me completely and then there really will be no chance for us once she's matured and figured out what she wants. I'm just curious why she's reaching out more now too since she has a guy and i feel like she only thinks of us as friends.
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm not going to chase her but it is tough when I'm constantly reminded of her without even trying. I'm the type of guy who will try everything before giving up and even though I have been dating here and there, it just doesn't feel the same. I know at this point that I probably care about her more than she cares about my feelings anyway. It's not that I want to be the backup option but I do want to show her that I'll be there for her, and I guess that's hard to do if I were to cut her off completely. I can admit that I might be delusional in still thinking that we had a greater connection than either of us will ever find. I just have a hard time sitting back and seeing if it's "meant to be." So I probably am scared that if I stop talking to her she'll forget about me completely and then there really will be no chance for us once she's matured and figured out what she wants. I'm just curious why she's reaching out more now too since she has a guy and i feel like she only thinks of us as friends. It's not that I want to be the backup option but I do want to show her that I'll be there for her NO! Don't do this. Look, she made a choice and that choice was to have you out of her life. Unfortunately, she put a higher value on guys that will treat her like dirt than you. Therefore, you need to give her exactly what she's asked for. You to be gone. She needs to see what life is going to be like without you in it. That she tossed you away, therefore, her shoulder to cry on, her rock to lean on and someone that will listen to her is gone...by her own choice. I'm just curious why she's reaching out more now too since she has a guy and i feel like she only thinks of us as friends She's pulling on the leash to make sure the dog is still there. If she pulls and see's the dog got away, she goes looking for the dog to get him back on the leash.
spiderowl Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Def distance yourself. What she's doing isn't fair. She's trying to hold on to you while trying out other relationships. She might love you and she might be very mixed up but you don't have to participate in her mixed-up world, that is her problem. Can't you tell her you love her but that you are not going to hang around watching her date other guys? Make it clear you want to seek a relationship of your own. If she can't handle that, then you'd need to decide whether to be more forceful and go no contact or not. She can't seriously expect you to be around waiting in the wings while she plays with other guys. 1
No Limit Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Nononono. Don't "try to show her to be there for her", DON'T. EVER. DO THAT. Nice guys like you will always be taken advantage of, just like your ex does right now. You go full NC, yesterday. You do not respond to any of her messages, ever. You do not fall for crocodile tears, and you never take her back, never. When the breakup emotional stuff has subsided, look for a new GF.
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