bigfred Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Good Morning, Its been 24 days of NC and im really thinking that she is never going to call me again in one way im happy and the NC is working and i feel better but on the other hand i still feel hurt and a lil depresed just knowing that this time around its finnaly over. STILL NO CONTACT RIGHT!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OneBigIdgit Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 yes maintain no contact at all costs. She chose to leave. She was mentally prepared for it. If there was true love in her heart, it will start to work on her at least a little. I wouldn't expect any kind of contact from her until around 75 days, if she is going to contact at all. To start trying to get back together with you would show that she was foolish to dump the relationship. Even if she is dying inside, she will fight the urge to try to patch things up with you because it takes awhile for a person to realize that they were wrong in making a huge decision. There are many many factors involved here. Her heart might start telling her one thing but her brain, confidence in her decision making, ego/vanity, peer pressure are all going to be strong forces to keep her from showing the world that she might have made a wrong decision. I'm in such a position. My ex is 2 1/2 months away from me. She immediately bolted for a new person, 10 days after breakup she posts on Facebook how much she loves him, 20 days after break up she is engaged to him. I talked to her 4 days after the engagement and she told me that she was wiping tears, wearing some clothes that I gave her and songs on the radio remind her of me. Yet she is still living with him and going to get married if she hasn't already. All we can do is stay out of their new life and get on with ours. If the side effect of that is that they start to miss us, that's their problem until they choose to contact in a manner which states clearly that I effed up and want to get back together. I'm at day 16 of the 2nd round of NC. I made it to 26 days the 1st time after I started NC. I am past the point of wanting to contact her now. I miss her badly but am moving on and feel like I'll be ok and will be in much better physical shape. I'm taking out my anger and sorrow on myself in the form of exercise. Good luck to you. We have no choice in whether we hear from them again. At the end of the conversation where I broke no contact, even though she was missing me badly at that point, she told me well, maybe I'll see you in Heaven. That was a slap across the head for me because it showed me that although she cared about me, she is very willing to never see me again in this life. Those exes, lol, they some cold bitches. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Right Said Fred! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigfred Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Well, all i have to say is that, i really got tired of her hidding me from her kids and family dur to a bad fight that she iniated 4 months into our relationship and it got physical, beacouse she was drunk and druged up driving around with her 5 yeard boy in the her back seat and with two DUI's, when i saw her like this, i freaked out and grabed her phoen and she went balistic on me where i had no choice in calling the police on her. I broke up with her and initiated no contact, until she called me two weeks later and blamed me for the fight and told her parents that i was the one in blame, so then after we got together and she would hide me from the kids and her family for 14 months, we would argue about me getting back but she never wanted to bring me back in becouse of that day and didnt want be ashemed that she was with me again after all the crap she told them that wasnt tru. after a month went by i cought her drinking in front of her house in her car at 3.am and got pisesed and i took her purse and dumped it on the floor to see if i could see any drugs. i got in my car and left, another break up,. that morning she went to my car and vandalized it to the cost of 8500.00 she messed it up bad!!!! i went on no contact for three weeks and she contacted me again and she was crying and said she was sorry for what she did. and like an ahole that i am i took her back, buth the thing is that we were in the same position of the whole kid issue and her parents for another 9 months and i got sick of it and gave her the ultimation. we did not speak for another 3 weeks and i took her back again!!! wow its just unreal how much i have gone through with this girl. and now we are in NC again for the same crap all over again, i want her so bad, but i just dont learn. I need to sty in NC and forever with her, i know she will try to contact me again one day, but i have to say nooooooooooooo! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Good Morning, Its been 24 days of NC and im really thinking that she is never going to call me again in one way im happy and the NC is working and i feel better but on the other hand i still feel hurt and a lil depresed just knowing that this time around its finnaly over. STILL NO CONTACT RIGHT!!! Hit the gym! 3 week NC. 10 Lbs heavier.... I might as well try a few more break ups to get me to my 160 target. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xinaxxsdertf Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Well, all i have to say is that, i really got tired of her hidding me from her kids and family dur to a bad fight that she iniated 4 months into our relationship and it got physical, beacouse she was drunk and druged up driving around with her 5 yeard boy in the her back seat and with two DUI's, when i saw her like this, i freaked out and grabed her phoen and she went balistic on me where i had no choice in calling the police on her. I broke up with her and initiated no contact, until she called me two weeks later and blamed me for the fight and told her parents that i was the one in blame, so then after we got together and she would hide me from the kids and her family for 14 months, we would argue about me getting back but she never wanted to bring me back in becouse of that day and didnt want be ashemed that she was with me again after all the crap she told them that wasnt tru. after a month went by i cought her drinking in front of her house in her car at 3.am and got pisesed and i took her purse and dumped it on the floor to see if i could see any drugs. i got in my car and left, another break up,. that morning she went to my car and vandalized it to the cost of 8500.00 she messed it up bad!!!! i went on no contact for three weeks and she contacted me again and she was crying and said she was sorry for what she did. and like an ahole that i am i took her back, buth the thing is that we were in the same position of the whole kid issue and her parents for another 9 months and i got sick of it and gave her the ultimation. we did not speak for another 3 weeks and i took her back again!!! wow its just unreal how much i have gone through with this girl. and now we are in NC again for the same crap all over again, i want her so bad, but i just dont learn. I need to sty in NC and forever with her, i know she will try to contact me again one day, but i have to say nooooooooooooo! youve done everything right fred, especially with the fact that she drink drives all the time. its obvious you love this girl and who knows you might try again? but she definitely needs to work on herself. she needs to get help with her drinking and the ultimatum is right man. if she does contact you again and you feel the need to try again then give her that ultimatum again and tell her this needs to change. you cant go back to the same situation or you will fail. be different this time, finally make a change and get out of this cycle. If you think this relationship will always be doomed then get away from her. dont reply, dont answer calls etc who knows this might make her finally grow up and give her that kickstart she needs. but for now, no contact. 3 options -no contact forever, heal, move on. -temporary no contact, wait for her to initiate contact, then tell her what needs to happen if she wants you back -take her back straight away, will see you here in a few months re-posting 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigfred Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 youve done everything right fred, especially with the fact that she drink drives all the time. its obvious you love this girl and who knows you might try again? but she definitely needs to work on herself. she needs to get help with her drinking and the ultimatum is right man. if she does contact you again and you feel the need to try again then give her that ultimatum again and tell her this needs to change. you cant go back to the same situation or you will fail. be different this time, finally make a change and get out of this cycle. If you think this relationship will always be doomed then get away from her. dont reply, dont answer calls etc who knows this might make her finally grow up and give her that kickstart she needs. but for now, no contact. 3 options -no contact forever, heal, move on. -temporary no contact, wait for her to initiate contact, then tell her what needs to happen if she wants you back -take her back straight away, will see you here in a few months re-posting Dude like for real you are so right!! thank you so much i really needed a pick me up. I have tried everthing but this go around ill make sure i call the shots or its over!!!! lets see ill kepp you guys posted if she contacts me. Quick question should i contact her after the 30 days to see if she has changed her mind? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smellysocksuni Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Well done, 24 days is excellent! Keep going 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Right Said Fred! That video contains an ocean of vital information, and has totally changed my understanding of how the Universe works 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 24 days is a solid achievement. Well done Link to post Share on other sites
OneBigIdgit Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 bigfred, there are some sites that advise contact after 30 days. there are some that advise contact after 60. The smartest advise is don't contact at all........EVER!!!! If you are ever going to have a stable relationship with her, she is going to have to hit rock bottom. She has to get scared that she has lost you forever. That's the only way that she will make the changes necessary to not have a life full of drama. Let her contact you.......hopefully she will a few months down the road and there will be some changes made by her. Read what others here have experienced. She might contact you with everyday chit chat at first. If you respond to it, she then knows that she still has control over you and she will never make the changes. If you ignore her attempts, she will start to feel fear, paranoia and the reality that you might be gone for good. The only good contact that you should answer would be in the form of 'hey, I miss you baby. I want us together again'. 'I'll do anything'. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigfred Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 bigfred, there are some sites that advise contact after 30 days. there are some that advise contact after 60. The smartest advise is don't contact at all........EVER!!!! If you are ever going to have a stable relationship with her, she is going to have to hit rock bottom. She has to get scared that she has lost you forever. That's the only way that she will make the changes necessary to not have a life full of drama. Let her contact you.......hopefully she will a few months down the road and there will be some changes made by her. Read what others here have experienced. She might contact you with everyday chit chat at first. If you respond to it, she then knows that she still has control over you and she will never make the changes. If you ignore her attempts, she will start to feel fear, paranoia and the reality that you might be gone for good. The only good contact that you should answer would be in the form of 'hey, I miss you baby. I want us together again'. 'I'll do anything'. Thanks!!! going for it, nothng but a 180 or else, its going to be hard not to get pick up!! at the end of our argurement, she told me that, she was done with me, and to find some one else, at that time i told her that i did find someone and to have a nice life and to be happy and good bye. she kept on texting me after, in the likes of good bye and not to call her or text anymore, the thing is i really dont do that she is the one that will initiate contact, my question is that since i told her that i did find someone else will she try to contact me? Link to post Share on other sites
xinaxxsdertf Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 During a break up, people say things they dont mean and they also sometimes hurt too. So if you saying you already found someone, that might hurt her. But Realistically she knows you havent. Keep going as you are mate, she will contact you down the road when she has gotten out of all the emotions and bad headspace. Tbh i started no contact to get my ex back. Got up to 10+ days a few times and then kept breaking NC because i started panicing when she wasnt reaching out to me. This ruined my chances in the end but im now on day 8 NC and i feel like im finally letting her go. Have also been spending less and less time on this forum too. i think stay NC and eventually when you heart and mind arent so damaged, they will lead your way when you are ready. They tell you when its time to let go or if to pursue again. Remember you could always find a new relationship and wouldnt have to worry about any of this stuff In the future. Time will tell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OneBigIdgit Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 bigfred, if she believes you when you say you have found someone new, it will send her back your direction. At this time in both of your lives, that is not a good thing. Throughout your history, you have been her drama bitch. She keeps dumping bad things on you with continuous drama. There has been no time for her to make the changes so that the 2 of you could have a peaceful life together. Go total NC and give her a lot of time to muddle along at rock bottom for a couple of months. She has to sort out her problems before she is worthy of being back into your life. During this time you probably will meet someone else who will be much better suited for you. If not, perhaps the new and improved version of her will give you years of happy sharing. Good Luck Please find a healthier hobby than cleaning up her messes. Its a huge waste on your life and a tremendous wear on your emotions and nerves 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nolan 93 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I have 90 days no contact under my belt. I miss her dearly and of course want her back, but I know I can't wait for her to realize she lost a wonderful guy. I hope her ex is worth it. I was deeply in love with her and honestly I do forgive her because after all it is her life and I want her to be happy in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
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