Finally decided to do full NC, what about her birthday though?

April 13, 2005

So, my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago and she's already talking to some other guy when she wanted to be alone and independant. Yesterday was her only day off from work and she decided to spend it hanging out with him, she got home at 1 in the morning (i passed by her house and checked). What gets me mad is that she said I was always gooing to come first and that she still wanted to be friends and so far she hasn't made any time for me and it feels like she doesn't even care about anything. She tells me that she doesn't want me to leave her and that she wants to be my friend and that I have just as much of chance of getting back with her as any other guy. I know, I'm her back up plan.

Ok so heres the dillema. Her birthday is this sunday and she's spending it with that guy and she said she wanted to spend saturday night with me. I got stuck with the leftovers. I had already gotten her a present and was going to take her to dinner and I had bought tickets to a broadway play. BUT, about 2 nights ago we talked and I started asking a whole bunch of questions about this guy and thats when she told me that she was gonna spend her day off from work with him, and she said a lot of other cold things to me too. The next day she called and apologized for saying a lot of the things she had said, that i got her at a bad time. I haven't talked to her since then, I said I would call her on saturday (the day we were suppose to spend together for her B-DAY). But after last night, when she hung out with that guy and got home at one in the morning, I decided to go full no contact. She had said before that I'm making a big deal out of nothing, that this guy is just a friend and they're just gonna hang out but she had already told me that he likes her and that she finds him attractive so I doubt that the time they spent together last night was at all innocent.

Heres the questions I need help with: I'm not gonna spend saturday with her, i'm not gonna pick up her calls or even tell her why I'm not gonna spend it with her. The thing is that I can't return the broadway tickets, what should I do with them? Some friends are telling me to send them to her with a note basically saying that I don't want to be around anymore and a bunch of other stuff to make her feel bad. I have other friends that are telling me just to cut my losses and accept that I lost the money I invested in them and just lose contact with her for atleast three weeks, don't pick up her calls or answer her e-mails. The last question is, should I call her on her birthday and just say happy birthday or send her a text message saying happy birthday?? I don't want her to be mad cuz I didn't have the decency of calling her on that day, i don't want her to say "I never want to talk to him again, I can't believe he didn't call me for my birthday".

I see 3 possible scenarios once I do a full no cntact with her.

1. She'll go crazy thinking about what happened to me and whats going on, if i found a girl, if I forgot about her, ect. Especially since she's always told me that I would never leave her, that I would always be by her side and that I could never distance myself from her.

2.She'll be happy I forgot about her cuz now she can persue whatever she wants to persue with this guy without feeling remorse

3.she'll genuinely be happy that i was able to move on with my life and she'll just leave it at that and never contact me

What do you guys think? should I make any contact with her on her birthday? Will she go crazy because all of a sudden her back up plan is no longer there, we all know women want what they can't have. All my friends tell me to go through with it, that after three weeks she'll be cryin to have me back and that she'll realize what she had, what do you guys think??

April 13, 2005

Whaaaaaa???? Dude, don't give her the tix. Scalp them if you have to, take another chica, or ebay them. Stay away from her!!! Oh, and quit driving by her house to check on her. That's not cool.

April 13, 2005

Preserve your dignity, stop contacting her and driving by her house and treat a friend or relative to go to the play with you and have a bloody good time.

Get your life back, she's moving on, as hard as it is, so you need to do the same to get back your sanity.

April 13, 2005

you can't expect her to put you first after you've broken up.

even if she meant it at the time, that all goes out the window when someone else enters the picture. it just works that way.

no tickets for her. it's your way of keeping her close and putting yourself in front of her like "look at me, i'm still here, you can't forget about me." don't be that guy.

i agree with whoever said take another girl.

I see 3 possible scenarios once I do a full no cntact with her.

1. She'll go crazy thinking about what happened to me and whats going on, if i found a girl, if I forgot about her, ect. Especially since she's always told me that I would never leave her, that I would always be by her side and that I could never distance myself from her.

2.She'll be happy I forgot about her cuz now she can persue whatever she wants to persue with this guy without feeling remorse

3.she'll genuinely be happy that i was able to move on with my life and she'll just leave it at that and never contact me

try thinking of three scenarios that might happen that have to do with YOU. worry about your own life.

April 13, 2005

Don't have any contact with her. No meetings, phone calls, emails, im's, text, mail, courier, billboards--nothing!

Do what you want with the tickets just don't give them to her.

April 13, 2005

Originally posted by Craig
billboards

Telegrams?

April 13, 2005

Originally posted by tiki

Telegrams?

airplane pulled messages?

smoke signals?

April 13, 2005

Dude, she's not going to put you first. I'm sorry man, but she's ditching you to hang out with another dude, and that's pretty much your sign that you need to be doing something else with your time besides worrying about her.

Here's an idea... don't call her. At all. If she calls you, answer, but say you're too busy to talk. If she wants to do something, tell her you can't because your too busy/have plans, etc. Why bother making plans with her if you have to wonder whether she's going to ditch you for somebody else anyway?

Definitely take another girl to that broadway show. Introduce yourself to the next girl that catches your eye. Go for somebody out of your league. Talk to her for a few, and tell her that you have an extra ticket to a broadway show, and you thought you'd give her a chance to go with no obligation. If she says no... just ask somebody else. Ask enough girls, make sure they're all girls you'd die to be seen with, and eventually you'll get a yes and find yourself on a date with somebody you thought was out of your league. If your ex calls you to hang out that night, tell her that you can't, because you're going to a broadway show with (girl's name here). Remember - if she doesn't want to date you, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with dating other people.

Trust me, if you have a good time with another girl, you'll be worried a whole lot less about not being able to spend time with your ex.

April 13, 2005

Ok, i'll try to go to the play with someone else and I won't send her the tickets. But should I just ignore her on her birthday or should I send a card that just says happy birthday. I don't want her to hate me for not even acknologing her on her day.

April 13, 2005

Originally posted by Aguardiente83
Ok, i'll try to go to the play with someone else and I won't send her the tickets. But should I just ignore her on her birthday or should I send a card that just says happy birthday. I don't want her to hate me for not even acknologing her on her day.

her birthday is not your responsibility anymore. GET OVER IT. you're using this birthday as a way to keep contact with her.

full no contact means NO contact. stop it. she doesn't need you fawning all over her for no reason. so what if she gets pissed and hates you for not acknowledging her birthday? she's not your 3-year-old child, and you don't owe her anything. in a few weeks, you will probably not talk to her again, anyway. sooner than that, if she has her way.

forget about her and move on like she did.

my boyfriend had an ex-girlfriend that would call for different random reasons after they broke up. "do you have my CD at your house?" "did i leave my tax papers there" and of course "didn't want you think i forgot your birthday!" he didn't want to hear from her, but tried to be civil the first time, even though he could see right through it. the next time, he was less than civil, very curt, but answered her question. and the next time said "look, i don't have anything of yours lying around, i threw it out or burned it. i'm not with you anymore and i don't care if you remember my birthday. that's my girlfriend's job."

don't let that happen to you. you sound like a sensitive guy, and being a bother-monster to this girl is going to start making her angry.

it's nice to say happy birthday, and if you happen to see her, or she calls you, by all means say it. but don't go out of your way to do this. after her birthday, you'll find other reasons to bug her. stop the cycle now.

April 13, 2005

I'm still in debate about this myself.

My ex's birthday is coming up on April 27th. I'm wrestling between giving her a quick happy birthday card/voicemail, not calling her at all, or calling her to remind her she needs to return my stuff and not wishing her happy birthday at all.

Actually, all I have to do is remember that she'll be hanging out with the guy she cheated on me with during her birthday, then I realize that I'm not gogin to wish her a happy birthday. I hope her birthday sucks.

I agree that you don't need to worry about her birthday. If she says anything to you about it, simply inform her that you go out of your way to make people feel special on their birthday who you don't think would be doing the same for you.

Forget about it man. I know you might think you want to be friends, but we both know you want more than friends. Don't settle for friends. If she wants to talk about dating you again, maybe you'll have time to listen. Other than that, leave her alone. GirldDown has got the right idea when it comes to not making excuses to talk.

April 13, 2005

Originally posted by BrotherAaron
GirldDown has got the right idea when it comes to not making excuses to talk.

why thank you kindly, brotheraaron.

April 14, 2005

Add me to the list of dumpees with upcoming birthday issues. My ex's bday isn't for another 3 weeks, but I'm already thinking about how to handle it. At least I hadn't bought anything yet - I had been thinking of booking a bed/breakfast deal but thankfully I waited.

I am seriously trying to do the whole no contact thing because talking to him really upsets me. So far I've gone two whole days...not a lot, but still. He told me he wants to help me through this and stay friends. To that end, I feel as though I should at least send him a birthday card. Obviously it wouldn't be a mushy/innuendo-laced card anymore, just something simple.

I agree you should try to find someone else to go see the show with...preferably a girl! If you do feel the need to acknowledge her birthday in some way, you should do it in the most casual, non-committal manner possible, ie. a brief phone conversation/voice mail or generic card.

April 14, 2005

Ok, so I have only done 2 days no contact and she already wrote me an e-mail. Itisn't what I wanted to hear, she's basically just repeating that she wants to be friends but I mean she's gona stick by to why she broke up with me in the first place. I mean i'm not gonna due just 2 days of nc and expect her to be like "i miss you, i made a mistake, I wanna go back out" if I keep on going with nc for about 2 or 3 weeks what do you guys think will happen.??????

Heres the letter she wrote me, what do you guys think?

Hey...whats up.... how have you been...???.. Im wondering if we're still

gonna go out on sat...I feel like the way things are going ..the things

you've forced me to say ... its like all those horrible things i've said

...you shouldnt take me out anywhere...like you dont deserve to waste your

time on me...I feel really awful...do you believe in Destiny??... i think i

heard you say u didnt..b/c you dont like the fact that you dont make your

own decisions...well i dont know about destiny but i do believe you learn a

valuable lesson out of every experience in this life...well you were my

first love...even though you dont believe me... remember all those times i

said ...we were just too different....i feel like that s all so very

true...its like i always knew it and so did you but somehow i just ignored

it..and you bended to my "ideal boyfriend"..and i try to do that too...but

some things as much as you want them to be...just arent meant to be... I

love you so much ...because you made me who i am today...maybe i would have

still been that ghetto girl you met 3 years ago...but im glad you changed

those aspects of me...i think tho that i just want to see the world... you

know its like ..gather information about life...i really dont know what i

have to do or say to you to show you how much you mean to me...i know that

the way i act and the things im saying arent really matching up...but when i

talk to you.. i dont get to talk to my best friend i talk to my jealous x

boyfriend and i hate that guy...that sthe guy im trying to avoid and run

away from but he keeps popping up....i wish i had my cool friend back..i

know thats hard for you to thik about but its like i said before its this or

nothin g..so the choice is yours...i told you what i want...and for a little

bit you were okay with it...i dont know...what r u thinking right now???

April 14, 2005

Originally posted by Aguardiente83

Hey...whats up.... how have you been...???.. Im wondering if we're still
gonna go out on sat...I feel like the way things are going ..the things
you've forced me to say ... its like all those horrible things i've said
...you shouldnt take me out anywhere...like you dont deserve to waste your
time on me...I feel really awful...do you believe in Destiny??... i think i
heard you say u didnt..b/c you dont like the fact that you dont make your
own decisions...well i dont know about destiny but i do believe you learn a
valuable lesson out of every experience in this life...well you were my
first love...even though you dont believe me... remember all those times i
said ...we were just too different....i feel like that s all so very
true...its like i always knew it and so did you but somehow i just ignored
it..and you bended to my "ideal boyfriend"..and i try to do that too...but
some things as much as you want them to be...just arent meant to be... I
love you so much ...because you made me who i am today...maybe i would have
still been that ghetto girl you met 3 years ago...but im glad you changed
those aspects of me...i think tho that i just want to see the world... you
know its like ..gather information about life...i really dont know what i
have to do or say to you to show you how much you mean to me...i know that
the way i act and the things im saying arent really matching up...but when i
talk to you.. i dont get to talk to my best friend i talk to my jealous x
boyfriend and i hate that guy...that sthe guy im trying to avoid and run
away from but he keeps popping up....i wish i had my cool friend back..i
know thats hard for you to thik about but its like i said before its this or
nothin g..so the choice is yours...i told you what i want...and for a little
bit you were okay with it...i dont know...what r u thinking right now???

she doesn't like the way you are acting, and she wants to be left alone. this was the nicest way of saying it. she is letting you know that she did care, but she doesn't anymore.

she is asking what you think because she is a girl and wants to hear all the nice things you are going to say. she wants to feel wanted by you, but doesn't want you. it's a sad double-standard, but it happens. everyone likes to feel desired, even if they aren't planning on reciprocating. and she has made it clear that she doesn't share your feelings.

stop it.

it's over. don't even answer that email.

April 14, 2005

its over. my ex started hangin out with this guy friend all the time 2 weeks after we broke up and now she is going out with him.. keep in mind though that when she broke up, i had moved out of state and that was supposedly why she broke up with me.. hmm well after 7 years with her she suddenly takes all this interest in this guy 2 weeks later? c'mon.. your ex is just keeping you hanging and you need to stop !! i used to do all that crap of driving by her house (once I moved back about 2 months after the breakup) and its not worth it.. your ex is going to do what she wants.. you should ignore her starting now !! i dont think NC is effective after a long period of time. .I am just speaking from my own experience.. i mean i dont contact me ex anymore and she used to call like once a week but now its been like 2 weeks since i talked to her ( i had sent her pictures of my apartment which is why she called anyways) so far this month we haven't talked.. my bday is the 30th of this month so i am thinking she might call but i doubt ill answer it.. but it seems like your ex is doing the same thing as mine only mine didnt saying anything about how she loves me and this and that.. I am guessing she was pretty hurt by me moving away but after the breakup she never expressed any feelings towards me except during like the 1st week.. after that no feelings were expressed on how she cared or love me.. so i could just give it up.. dont waste your time and energy on this right now.. if she wants to be with you, she knows where to find you !! let her put in the effort since she broke up with you..

take care,

peace

April 14, 2005

Girldown gave you the correct advise for you . Follow it and move on.....

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Finally decided to do full NC, what about her birthday though?

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