giggs1 Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 My boyfriend proposed to me 1 year into our relationship, he did so while we were away in paris. He spoke to my sister about proposing 6 months before he did. He asked for my dads permission and took my sister and best friend ring shopping. We met each others family and friends and went on double dates etc. He spent all his time at mine as he preffered being with my family.his mum is lovely but his dad is really grumpy and puts my bf down alot. He called my mum 'mum' and said my sister was like his sister. We planned our whole life together, babies, houses, dogs etc. He spent every free time with me and when he didnt he text me all the time. We really wanted to move out but I wanted to wait to buy a house. We had a few disagreements but he eventually said it was a better idea. I sent him a few pictures of houses and he told me to stop til we could afford it. Then we kinda had a argument where he said he didnt want to buy full stop. Then the next day he phoned me in tears saying he loved me but couldnt commit, this was just after our 18 month anniversary. Before that we had spent the whole weekend together with no sign at all he didnt want to be with me anymore. He wrote lovely words in my valentines card and brought up a conversation on our future children. He even came out for 2 family meals. We kinda spoke on email the week after he left me but he kept making excuses not to meet up. He said it was nothing I did as I was perfect, its his issue. He said he needs to be alone to grow up (he is abit of a mummys boy) A few weeks after the break up he blocked me on fb, I asked why and he said it was his way to cope. I asked if he missed or loved me even a tiny bit and he said he has no feelings and hes seeing someone new nothing serious. I asked if he cheated and he swears he didnt which I do believe.* He does have a serious lack of confidence and always said I could do better. He avpids confrontation. And I never noticed but my friends and family said he seemed to be ok one minute and down the next. His dad nearly had a mental breakdown 10 years or so ago and they wonder whether he has depressive traits, maybe like his dad. Its been 6 weeks since we split and I have good and bad days. Was just wondering if anyone had any ideas on this. I dont understand how something so perfect has ended so out of the blue. All my friends and family are shocked and dont understand either as he always spoke so highly of me and worshipped me. He only has a a few good friends who are both with a girlfriend/fiance and hes not a going out drinking type, hes quiet and not a laddy type. Any opinions would be welcome. Going out of my mind replaying everything and wondering what happened. Thanks
Ruby65 Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 This was all about the new girlfriend. You guys sound pretty young still and were moving really quickly toward commitment -- marriage, house, kids, etc. It's great to want those things eventually, but even more important is to find the right person to have them with. 18 months together is a while, but it's not a lifetime. I get how much it hurts, but you've still got so much time ahead of you to recover, move on, experience being a young single adult on your own, and then find someone much, much better suited to you. Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Keep posting -- and good luck to you!
Author giggs1 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Posted March 29, 2015 Perhaps, but why break off an engagement for someone else? We are both 27 so I dont think we are that young but thanks for your comment anyway
RoseHeart Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 I asked if he missed or loved me even a tiny bit and he said he has no feelings and hes seeing someone new nothing serious. Wow. Reading this part actually broke my heart. This guy seems to have issues and I don't mean small ones but rather big ones. If he is willing to jump into something new so soon it tells me that there is something up. I really think he just space and lots and lots of it. He has no idea what he lost and that is only something he could realize in time. Sure rebounding may seem fun for him and it could provide a temporary distraction from what really happened but in time it will too cave in likely. He will realize his wrongs eventually but till then treat this like any break up. I'm sorry for your loss (I truly am) but there are tons of resources out there to help get you back on track. If possible consider therapy (it helps a lot) and right now the best thing you can do is to stick to a tight schedule filled with lots of activities and time for friends/family.
Author giggs1 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Posted March 29, 2015 Thankyou, it broke mine too. He told me hes keeping busy because it helps him cope. Why would he need to do that if he has no feelings at all?! I know some people dont believe in soulmates but ive always believed hes mine and vice versa. And im not some airy fairy type haha. Im a teacher and really grounded but theres just this feeling that something isnt right about the break up .... perhaps im just holding on to false hope. I dont have much self confidence either and he made me feel worth something. Thankyou for your post
BlackbirdSong Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 Wow, we have a lot in common (i.e. both teachers going through pretty much the same type story, except I'm a guy). I had a wonderful two year relationship with the girl of my dreams. Everything was fine up until the last two weeks when I kinda buckled under the stress of my life at the time. Out of nowhere she said that she couldn't handle my stress, it made her sad and unhappy, and she couldn't deal with watching me struggle. She vanished. That was a little over 6 weeks ago. We were not engaged (but I had a ring and was very close to proposing - she never knew about it), but we constantly talked about marriage, kids, house...everything. Now she's in a new relationship and I was left blindsided and stunned. Like you, I truly believe that she's my soulmate and I'm struggling to accept that she's the one that got away. I'm sorry for your loss and I pray that your ex comes to his senses and tries to return. 1
Author giggs1 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Posted March 29, 2015 Im sorry for your loss. It does seem we have the same story. Hopefully both ours end happily. Its horrible when its out of nowhere. I hope, like hopefully me ex, this new man of hers is a rebound and she realises her mistake. If you want to talk more message me (if there's a way to do that)
BlackbirdSong Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 Guys are stupid and impulsive. He'll be back. He's pulling a very immature stunt and he'll definitely realize his mistake. Then when he comes crawling, it'll be you in the power position where you can determine if he deserves a second chance. Girls are more calculating, so I really can't imagine her changing her mind, regardless how great our relationship was. I also will not settle to be her plan B.
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