mammasita Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Not physically violent. Yes emotionally abusive. Always. I think all this Johnny think was an intent to evade reality. My life is painful and difficult. johnny was the hope of a new life, an exciting one. I guess I pursued that fantasy, and never gave up because my life was insupportable. I needed Johnny. I still need him. He was my escape. I stalked him instead of taking action to end this situation with husband. I'm scared of everything. Johnny was predictable. Johnny was comfy. A broken guy scared of commitment who never showed interest. And me, trying to desperately grab him. Wanting him to save me. It was all a big mess. It still is. Honey this thread explains EVERYTHING. If a man came here posting about a woman he met who lived under the same roof as her "husband", add on "abusive husband" and children.....I'd tell him to RUN. VERY. FAR. I mean why are you even dating or pursuing other relationships right now? That's INSANE. Please use those links provided and get yourself and your kids safe and situated before you try to jump into another relationship with another man. Johnny is a fantasy who can't do anything for you or your kids. 4
Author irresolute Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 I really want to be happy again. I really want to find someone. Isn't enough I've spent the last 10 years of my life suffering? With a man who was careless... I really wanted to build something with Johnny. I still need him.
NopeNah Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 I hope,for your kids sake,you figure whatever this is out. I need a xanex now.
xxoo Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Reality check time: you are a grown woman, you are a mother, and you have responsibilities. It's not all fun and games anymore. Your life will not improve unless YOU improve it--for yourself and for your kids. Your kids lives will not improve unless you improve it. No man can do this for you. Instead of reaching for escape, work on creating a life you enjoy and can be proud of. Eliminate the need for escape. Is there any reason that you can not do that? 3
Diezel Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Are you really trying to convince yourself of reasons to text Johnny? This is the point you are coming to? I hate to say this, but all this time, I didn't realize you had kids. For some reason, I assumed you were just single and with terrible luck. Now a lot more things make sense, it seems, but at the same time, I am very scared for your children. It sounds like you have much more important things in life to worry about than your dating life. 5
Author irresolute Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 The kids are happy kids. Their routines hasn't been altered. I understand what you all said, though. I don't want to be selfish but I also want to be happy and I can't find an equilibrium. My options are stay in a marriage that is comfortable (because ex husband is still willing to take me back)but disfunctional, or think about me and start living a life without him and his issues. Kids will suffer with the latest option. Right now we are sharing the home because he still thinks we could talk about things and start something new. I just can't love him. I don't have passionate love for him, plus all this abusive situations have drained me. At this point I don't know what to do.
goldway90 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 I really want to be happy again. I really want to find someone. Isn't enough I've spent the last 10 years of my life suffering? With a man who was careless... I really wanted to build something with Johnny. I still need him. No you don't. Don't make him a savior because he's not, you can't build something strong with him because there's not foundation for it. The guy is emotionally unavailable how in god's name is he going to help? STOP your feelings for him or whatever you had we him are an illusion because you were trying to escape from an abusive relationship. You need to know that you are not ready for dating. you are traumatized. Use the links we gave you and stop thinking about Mr white knight because he's not going to do anything for you. I know it hurts right now but you have to heal, do it for yourself and your kids. Your husband doesn't deserve you, and the same goes for Johnny, both of them are not worth it.
goldway90 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 The kids are happy kids. Their routines hasn't been altered. I understand what you all said, though. I don't want to be selfish but I also want to be happy and I can't find an equilibrium. My options are stay in a marriage that is comfortable (because ex husband is still willing to take me back)but disfunctional, or think about me and start living a life without him and his issues. Kids will suffer with the latest option. Right now we are sharing the home because he still thinks we could talk about things and start something new. I just can't love him. I don't have passionate love for him, plus all this abusive situations have drained me. At this point I don't know what to do. What you need to do is GET AWAY FROM YOUR HUSBAND. You have to be selfish for your own sake, he doesn't seem to care about you when he starts abusing you! i'm sorry but BE SELFISH ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. 3
CarrieT Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 The kids will "suffer" but not irrevocably. They will survive, just as many kids from divorced homes survive. Trying to maintain a "happy home" for their sake will ultimately backfire as they will grow up witnessing the abuse of their mother they are currently not seeing. 4
Simon Phoenix Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 I really want to be happy again. I really want to find someone. Isn't enough I've spent the last 10 years of my life suffering? With a man who was careless... I really wanted to build something with Johnny. I still need him. How about being happy with your children? 3
TunaCat Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 The kids are happy kids. Their routines hasn't been altered. I understand what you all said, though. I don't want to be selfish but I also want to be happy and I can't find an equilibrium. My options are stay in a marriage that is comfortable (because ex husband is still willing to take me back)but disfunctional, or think about me and start living a life without him and his issues. Kids will suffer with the latest option. Right now we are sharing the home because he still thinks we could talk about things and start something new. I just can't love him. I don't have passionate love for him, plus all this abusive situations have drained me. At this point I don't know what to do. Please think about what we are all saying. You and your kids are not safe. As a mother, your obligation is to protect your kids at all costs. The kids will do much better when they are out of this situation. They shouldn't have to witness you being abused. You need to stand up for your safety and the safety of your kids. Johnny does not matter. Your kids matter. Please do right by them.
ZiggyZoo Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 I really want to be happy again. I really want to find someone. Isn't enough I've spent the last 10 years of my life suffering? With a man who was careless... I really wanted to build something with Johnny. I still need him. The only person you have to blame for the last 10 years' worth of suffering is yourself, and you know it. If you put half the effort on getting yourself out of this situation that you do thinking and scheming of any excuse at all to call this Johnny, then you'd be fine. You don't need him at all. What you need is to take charge of your own life and stop just reacting to what others do to you. Make some positive decisions and actions, and quit saying that you can't. There are thousands and thousands of women who every day make the decision to stop taking crap and start living their lives. You absolutely could be one, but it's easier for you to hide in this fantasy world you've built with Johnny. Don't waste another 10 years. As for your kids, the only thing that I'm going to say is that I grew up in a home that sounds very similar to yours. My dad was emotionally abusive towards my mom, and she stayed "for the kids". As a result, I grew up thinking that behavior I saw was normal, and suffered through a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage of my own. I didn't know any different. Just think about that when you're deciding what to do. Those kids are looking to you to show them how to handle life, and need you to guide them. It isn't easy at all to break free and be on your own, but you really have no other choice. 4
erklat Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Irresolute, after my heartbreak somewhere down the road I realized that out of all crap that happened to my ex, she was beaten twice, she was sexually molested on her workplace, she lost all her friends... Out of all Women I knew. Then it struck me - she's to blame for that. She attracts crap to her life. This reminds me of that moment.
Haydn Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Irresolute, your face looks so familiar. Did you model? But as to the issues at hand. Please put the kiddies first. Sod Johnny. GL 6
Lovingme35 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 The kids are happy kids. Their routines hasn't been altered. I understand what you all said, though. I don't want to be selfish but I also want to be happy and I can't find an equilibrium. My options are stay in a marriage that is comfortable (because ex husband is still willing to take me back)but disfunctional, or think about me and start living a life without him and his issues. Kids will suffer with the latest option. Right now we are sharing the home because he still thinks we could talk about things and start something new. I just can't love him. I don't have passionate love for him, plus all this abusive situations have drained me. At this point I don't know what to do. Can you contact me? Our situations are so similar and I have so much advice to give. I'm sure you could give me some too.
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Irresolute, I am super confused! Have you actually been living in a "family" life with your husband and kids while spending all this time on adult friend finder and getting obsessed with some character named "johnny"? I don't think you ever mentioned your family before, you certainly did tell all of us that you were divorced though .. what is the real truth? And who are the pictures you are using in your profile?!?!? 3
lana-banana Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 I have followed your stories for a while (used to use another screenname) and never once did I hear you mention your children or husband. Of course it's your prerogative to share what you like, but I'm shocked your family hasn't played a larger role in your dating decisions. Ypu have children to care for; why are you so wrapped up in crazy dramatic online dating episodes? Why are you even worried about Johnny right now? I want to believe what you're saying but it sounds like you significantly exaggerated a crisis at home in the hopes it would gain our (and Johnny's) sympathy. I don't know what to suggest or even what to say. 5
MidwestUSA Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Irresolute, your face looks so familiar. Did you model? But as to the issues at hand. Please put the kiddies first. Sod Johnny. GL Some people use pics other than their own. Doppelgänger for Cecelia Bonelli, I agree. I look like Cindy Crawford, for the record. 2
Author irresolute Posted March 31, 2015 Author Posted March 31, 2015 Dear all, Ex and I we'll be talking about the divorce and all the paperwork this Friday. Things at home improved as we agreed not to be aggressive with each other and be civil. My job is to keep things low key so he won't feel despised by me. He agreed this situation cannot be sustained anymore. Things are calmer now. Kids are doing good. School and extra activities as always. Their routine is the same. Nothing changed. They love their father. As for Johnny, I blocked him. He told me this: I don't want to hurt you but i don't know whether to be honest with you or string you along more. Clear enough and nothing more to say. I hope things improve from now on. I thing getting the divorce will also help me to move on from johnny. 5
seekingpeaceinlove Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 I'm pretty shocked as well that she's married with kids. All the posts I've seen from OP have made it sound like she was a single girl with random dating issues. Take the advice from other posters, Irresolute, and quit dating for a while. Focus on getting yourself together..mentally, financially...get yourself together for your kids. Honestly, even if you were single with no children, you still don't seem quite ready to date. From reading your older posts, you seem to have issues with your esteem and anxiety. I mean you're not even divorced yet...wth
Author irresolute Posted March 31, 2015 Author Posted March 31, 2015 The only person you have to blame for the last 10 years' worth of suffering is yourself, and you know it. If you put half the effort on getting yourself out of this situation that you do thinking and scheming of any excuse at all to call this Johnny, then you'd be fine. You don't need him at all. What you need is to take charge of your own life and stop just reacting to what others do to you. Make some positive decisions and actions, and quit saying that you can't. There are thousands and thousands of women who every day make the decision to stop taking crap and start living their lives. You absolutely could be one, but it's easier for you to hide in this fantasy world you've built with Johnny. Don't waste another 10 years. As for your kids, the only thing that I'm going to say is that I grew up in a home that sounds very similar to yours. My dad was emotionally abusive towards my mom, and she stayed "for the kids". As a result, I grew up thinking that behavior I saw was normal, and suffered through a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage of my own. I didn't know any different. Just think about that when you're deciding what to do. Those kids are looking to you to show them how to handle life, and need you to guide them. It isn't easy at all to break free and be on your own, but you really have no other choice. Thank you. Very painful to read.
Author irresolute Posted March 31, 2015 Author Posted March 31, 2015 I have followed your stories for a while (used to use another screenname) and never once did I hear you mention your children or husband. Of course it's your prerogative to share what you like, but I'm shocked your family hasn't played a larger role in your dating decisions. Ypu have children to care for; why are you so wrapped up in crazy dramatic online dating episodes? Why are you even worried about Johnny right now? I want to believe what you're saying but it sounds like you significantly exaggerated a crisis at home in the hopes it would gain our (and Johnny's) sympathy. I don't know what to suggest or even what to say. You don't have to say or suggest anything. Thank you for your honest input.
Author irresolute Posted March 31, 2015 Author Posted March 31, 2015 And I'm sorry to all of you who helped me (or tried to helped me) through all this. I only gave you part of the information. Now, you know it all. You've been my company and my help, and I'll be forever grateful for all the effort you've put and all the words, either compassionate, either angry. You'll all been counselors to me.
Author irresolute Posted April 1, 2015 Author Posted April 1, 2015 (edited) edited edited edited Edited April 1, 2015 by irresolute
Author irresolute Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 Dear all, I had to delete my last post here as something very serious happened last week. I was busy trying to overcome the Shock stage. My husband reported me to the police. I won't tell much about this, because the cause is still pending. He asked me for forgiveness and it's terrible ashamed of what he's done. He said he acted out of impulse and that he had no real intentions. So, I'm dealing with that, now he's in a depression and he's not going to work. I need all this to finish so I can move on with my life. I want the divorce as soon as possible. Kids are alright, because I'm strong for them. On the other side, I miss Johnny and the stupid relationship we had. I understand, though, it may be over. I've blocked him last Monday when he encouraged me, again, to date others. He also told me: "should I be honest with you or should I string you along more?" Yes, he said that. Still, I can't get over this. I do think it's an escape from my horrible situation. I need him. Very sad days. Very difficult days ahead as well.
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