bluealone Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 Hi, I am an 28 years old girl that just came out from 6 years relationship. Or rather, he dumped me after 6 years. During our 6 years, we were in underground relationship because he didn't really want me to talk to his friends and he also didn't want to talk to my friends. He disliked me spending time with my friends more than him. So, I kept them away. He was never excited about our dates and never planned anything for the dates. At first, he really seem like very understanding bf who readily agreed what I wanted to do for us. But as time goes by, it just seemed like he has no interest in us. Whenever I told him about the issue, he just wanted to break up again and again. I always ended up apologizing and begging him to stay. All I wanted is for him to show a little interest. He told me that I am greedy. But seriously, is it so much to ask for? A week ago, he broke up with me over same issue again and I didn't stop him anymore. I feel so tired that I always have to be the one keeping this relationship. I feel worthless. After 6 years with him, I left no friends with me too. I am really alone now. Alone, tired and feel worthless. Once he told me that all guys are like that in long term relationship and it's not guy job to decide what to eat, what to do and where to go for dates. Is it true? If it is true, I don't wanna go into another relationship again. I want to forget about him. I want to live again. I want to make friends again. Can I start from here?
badpenny Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 Of course. What you need to learn is that a relationship is one to the power of two. Two into one, will go. It's a joint effort. It's never a good idea to distinguish and separate stereotypical duties, but instead, it helps to haul together. It takes work - on both sides. It takes Commitment - on both sides. It takes discussion, agreement, compromise and union. It's never one person's job ONLY to make certain decisions. But it's never a person's obligation to always abide by those decisions, either. You're not worthless. You've just been conditioned to believe that this is the way it is. Or isn't. I think it is an admirable idea to 'find yourself' because it's only by doing that, that you'll find the right significant other. Know who YOU are first, before exploring the inner workings of another guy. Oh and, well done for finally locking this one out and turning your back on it. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 29, 2015 Posted March 29, 2015 Getting out of that mess is one of the best things that could ever happen to you. Good men plan dates & they show off their GFs. They are proud that she chose them. You are not greedy. He was selfish & lazy. After 6 years you take some time for yourself. You find things that make you happy. Gat a haircut. Rearrange your living space. Get some new clothes. Start exercising. Surround yourself with positive supportive friends and family. When you rebuild your self esteem you go back out there & fine a good guy who will treat you well & who you can love. 3
Author bluealone Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 Holiday is like hell to me while he is totally unaffected with breakup, having fun with friends and surrounded with girls...Is 6 years nothing to him? Why am I the only one with tears? Why is it so hard for me to restart my life?
Throldur Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I'm going to be completely blunt here. That guy was a complete *******. He's not a man. He was not a good boyfriend. How you managed 6 years in that hell is beyond me. You should not feel bad about a thing, in fact, you should actually be relieved that your relationship with him is over and you should go full NC and NEVER contact him again. He was a controlling, manipulative person who took everything from you. He isolated you from having friendships. He basically turned you into a slave with no free will and whenever you questioned him, he turned it around on you as if there was an issue with you. There wasn't. He's a giant piece of **** and I hope nobody ever puts up with his crap again. Sadly, this is likely the relationship my ex is getting into with the guy who offered her a free place to stay abroad. No contact with family, friends, no support, no job, nowhere to go, just completely isolated. Be thankful you didn't waste a 7th year. Once you heal and go on a date with a proper man. You will see the forest for the trees.
Author bluealone Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 Maybe, you are right. But it's so hard to move on. I don't have anyone while he has everyone. I wish someone just took me out for a date but it's just wishful thinking since I hardly know anyone single.
Throldur Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Maybe, you are right. But it's so hard to move on. I don't have anyone while he has everyone. I wish someone just took me out for a date but it's just wishful thinking since I hardly know anyone single. He has himself. That is no prize. You are far better off than him by the simple fact that you aren't him, don't think or act like him. 1
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